How to turn your dreams into goals - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Baraka_Guru · 06-26-2009, 07:13 AM

In business school, nearly 10 years ago, I picked up a bit of wisdom that has only recently resurfaced as something fundamental yet widely overlooked in life: If you don't write down your goals, they are merely dreams.

I'm trying to change gears in my life, as I'm not satisfied with my current situation, stemming mainly out of my current career path (well, quagmire, actually). As I've been working along trying to evaluate myself and grow, I've been reading some good books, I've been taking some business courses, and I'm starting to keep an eye out in the wider world of work.

One of the biggest foundational influences on me right now is the idea of goal-setting. Goals are those things that successful people achieve. But not all of us have them. I would be willing to bet that the majority of people who have no goals aren't nearly as successful as they'd like to be. I know I'm not.

I'm currently working through a book entitled Goals! by Brian Tracy. I highly recommend it to anyone who reads this post and realizes, "Holy shit; I don't have any goals!" If you're thinking this, don't fret. There are people who go through their entire lives without goals. It's never too late to start.

In my recent experience with goal-setting, I've already had eye-opening realizations. With goals, you become motivated, you think more clearly, you have more energy, you are less confused, dissatisfied, and disoriented. With goals, you have direction.

I challenge you to face reality. Share with me here your experiences with and thoughts about goals—about setting them, achieving them, and even your struggles with them.

Probably the most important lesson in life is to understand that you are ultimately responsible for everything that happens in it. It doesn't matter if the cause of events or circumstances are external: you are still responsible for yourself. You cannot expect anyone to take this job; it is yours.

I will take responsibility for myself. Success will not come knocking on my door out of the blue, I must go and knock down its door and walk through it. I must make it happen.

Some of you may already know I am highly critical of the Law of Attraction as espoused in the book The Secret. I think it's a dangerous idea, and it encourages people to take the path of wishful thinking when instead they should be taking responsibility. No, the Law of Attraction is not a tool for success; the Law of Causality is the tool we must use.

Herein lies the difference:

SMART criteria for achieving goals
Goals must be....
S- Specific
M- Measurable
A- Attainable
R- Relevant
T- Time-bound

Attainable is the most important difference between causality and attraction. Attainable implies working to achieve something. Goals require work, and often a lot of it.

If you want success, you must first determine what it is you want that you would call successful. You must then be willing to pay the price of achieving it. It will not come free. It will not be given to you by the universe. You must pay the price or you leave it completely to chance, and leaving it to chance is not a strategy one should take for a life worth living.

Share with me your thoughts, ideas, experiences.

jewels · 06-26-2009, 09:39 AM

I'm sure I've mentioned here many times -- I finally realized the value of goalsetting about 10 years ago and am absolutely certain that it's a sure way to accomplish anything.

I was able to lose 100 pounds in a year, leave an unsatisfying marriage with confidence and no guilt, obtain a job that will get me towards my larger goal, found a man who was both supportive and loving ... the list goes on. One of these days I may blog the whole story, but meanwhile ...

My experiences find that this methodology is simple and works.

1. Determine what it is that you want.
2. Define the steps that it will take to get there.
3. Cross off each step as you achieve it.
4. Set new goals.

I do believe that rather than having one large goal that will take years to get to, you must have short-term goals that lead to your long-term goal(s) OR set mini-goals that lead to the long-term goal. The ability to cross things off as you pass those steps is a constant pat-on-the-back and keeps you feeling accomplished in the short-term so that you don't back out or quit because you don't feel like you'll get to the goal.

This works for any goals you may have in life, but allow me to use something with which I'm very familiar. Example, I want to lose 50 lbs. That's my big goal. As BG says, give yourself a realistic timeframe. Don't be a total wimp, but give yourself more than enough time. So let's say my timeframe on the 50 lbs is one year. I'd consider that a long-term goal, so I'm going to break that into mini-goals. So I'd do it something like this:

by July 31st - down 1 jean size
by Sep 30th - down 2 jean sizes

You get the idea. Now, I can break it down to what it is I need to do to accomplish this. Eat right and work out, what else?

So here's the list

1. Purchase lean proteins and quality carbs and frozen veggies, steel-cut oatmeal, barley, etc.

2. Grill a London Broil and 5 chicken breasts and 5 sweet potatoes on Sunday morning. Freeze proper portion of protein with sweet potato so I can grab one or two before I head out for work each day.

2. Eat 5 - 6x daily and aim for 1 gallon water daily.

3. Set alarm for 4 a.m. six days, write up weight workouts for Mon, Wed and Fri. HIIT cardio Tues, Thurs and Sat.

4. Post my progress (accountability) and menus, coach others.

So now I have a plan to accomplish the first goal of going down one size in jeans. I do these things every day and can cross them off each day as I accomplish them. After 30 days when my jeans are falling off, I may find that I'm down two sizes

But at that point I cross off the first mini-goal and feel a major sense of accomplishment.

MUY IMPORTANTE: If you miss a step within your timeframe, or miss something on your to-do list, you just continue moving forward. The killer of dreams and goals is waiting for you to self-bash for eating that pie or not reading that book one night. Just pick up and continue to progress. What you did or didn't do is punishment enough, thank you.

Continue this pattern/routine until you reach the final goal. The trick is, as you know you're nearing the final goal, you MUST - and I stress that for a most urgent reason -- find a new goal. It doesn't necessarily have to be in the same realm. But when you accomplish what's always seemed an insurmountable goal, there this "now what?" sense which can bring you crashing down quickly. School, career, family, volunteering -- find something else to drive you.

It works. Period. I've just motivated myself because I remember how good it felt. I've been off the train in every way possible for about 5 years now; it's time for me find my helmet.

Thanks, BG. You have no idea.

Baraka_Guru · 06-27-2009, 07:34 AM

Jewels, I'm happy to help you bring these things to the fore once again.

I like your methodology. It's simple and, as you have proven, it works. The first step is a key that everyone should take a moment to consider, and it is very important when realizing your goals: What is it you want out of life?

It sounds simple...too simple, even. But what's the inverse? The things you have that you don't want. It's also simple, but these two forces are quite powerful. The first is a positive force, while the latter is a negative one. If our thoughts are consumed by thinking of the things we have or the situations we're in that we don't want, that we're unsatisfied with, we use up the energy we need to think about the things we do want and the steps we need to take to get there.

We should avoid getting caught up in negative thinking...ruminating over our current unsatisfactory states. We should think about what we want, where we want to be, and how to get there. Thinking about our current situation is limiting. Thinking about what we want motives us to do something about it.

Without this shift, we will have a difficult time realizing our goals.

Cynthetiq · 06-27-2009, 08:01 AM

Goals are an important method for achieving.

"If you don't know where you want to go, any road will take you there."

People tend to think that goals are by and large, difficult, overarching, and overbearing. They don't have to be.

A goal can be as simple as "I'd like to be in Times Square to meet a friend at 3:00pm." Breaking that down, you know where you want to be and what time. The next thing is to figure out the means of how to accomplish such a goal. Sometimes it's a matter of resources, that being time or money. Others it's a matter of expertise.

I stopped making goals in my late 20s because I accomplished my goals I wanted to accomplish at 30 early. I decided to try my hand at not making far reaching goals, but to live a little more on the edge of spontaneity. I accomplished even more but did not have a cohesive and comprehensive end result.

My addition to these idea of goals is make small ones and make large ones. Make attainable ones and unattainable ones.

Practice with the small and attainable, and work at the large and unattainable.

One of the problems many have with goals is they don't really know or want the goal that they picked. They wanted something that was really along the way. A tool to help you figure that part out is a smll sheet of paper, (remember you should have written down the goal first as suggested by BG) is the Criteria For Success. Sometimes we don't know what the goal really truly is. It's not as cut and dry as a map destination. When that is the case, the CFS helps define what the goal really is. It helps make you the goal setter know and understand when you've hit the mark, or completed the goal.

Flinx · 06-28-2009, 08:43 AM

This thread reminds me of Randy Pausch's Last Lecture.

I'd post the youtube link but I don't seem to have it handy but I imagine that if you did a search you'd find it fast enough. WARNING this is a long video, roughly 1hr an 15 minutes but well worth watching imho.

Baraka_Guru · 07-06-2009, 11:55 AM

Great advice, Cyn.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cynthetiq

People tend to think that goals are by and large, difficult, overarching, and overbearing. They don't have to be.

This is something worth examining. It's true. Goals don't have to be overbearing...actually, they really shouldn't be. As mentioned above, they should be achievable. Start small, and work your way up to larger more ambitious goals.

Yet, many of us don't set goals. Ever. I've known about the importance of goals since the end of the '90s, and yet I've yet to *ever* set comprehensive goals and seriously work on them, paying the necessary price to achieve them. I've been floundering around not knowing what I want to be or want to get out of life, and here I am...currently unsatisfied both financially and vocationally, even personally.

Why is it most of us don't set goals?

In my case, I think it's a fear of failure. I struggled for a while to determine whether it was a fear of success. Maybe it's a bit of that too, which makes my case particularly difficult. I've programmed myself for self-sabotage. I'd sooner shut down, mentally and physically, than break out of my comfort zone and go for what's good for me in terms of success. I've been that way my whole life. I'm a master at settling for well below my capabilities. It's so difficult reprogramming something so deeply rooted, but here I am. Again.

Cynthetiq · 07-06-2009, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baraka_Guru

Yet, many of us don't set goals. Ever. I've known about the importance of goals since the end of the '90s, and yet I've yet to *ever* set comprehensive goals and seriously work on them, paying the necessary price to achieve them. I've been floundering around not knowing what I want to be or want to get out of life, and here I am...currently unsatisfied both financially and vocationally, even personally.

Why is it most of us don't set goals?

In my case, I think it's a fear of failure. I struggled for a while to determine whether it was a fear of success. Maybe it's a bit of that too, which makes my case particularly difficult. I've programmed myself for self-sabotage. I'd sooner shut down, mentally and physically, than break out of my comfort zone and go for what's good for me in terms of success. I've been that way my whole life. I'm a master at settling for well below my capabilities. It's so difficult reprogramming something so deeply rooted, but here I am. Again.

The grass is always greener.

I have tried setting goals, and not setting goals. I'm still not satisfied.

The self sabatoge and discussion of fear of failure/success is always a good one.

Baraka_Guru · 07-06-2009, 12:18 PM

But the grass on my side of the fence is turning brown.

Whether I water and fertilize it or go onto another pasture will take a change, no matter what.

06-26-2009, 07:13 AM	#1 (permalink)
Baraka_Guru warrior bodhisattva Super Moderator Location: East-central Canada	How to turn your dreams into goals In business school, nearly 10 years ago, I picked up a bit of wisdom that has only recently resurfaced as something fundamental yet widely overlooked in life: If you don't write down your goals, they are merely dreams. I'm trying to change gears in my life, as I'm not satisfied with my current situation, stemming mainly out of my current career path (well, quagmire, actually). As I've been working along trying to evaluate myself and grow, I've been reading some good books, I've been taking some business courses, and I'm starting to keep an eye out in the wider world of work. One of the biggest foundational influences on me right now is the idea of goal-setting. Goals are those things that successful people achieve. But not all of us have them. I would be willing to bet that the majority of people who have no goals aren't nearly as successful as they'd like to be. I know I'm not. I'm currently working through a book entitled Goals! by Brian Tracy. I highly recommend it to anyone who reads this post and realizes, "Holy shit; I don't have any goals!" If you're thinking this, don't fret. There are people who go through their entire lives without goals. It's never too late to start. In my recent experience with goal-setting, I've already had eye-opening realizations. With goals, you become motivated, you think more clearly, you have more energy, you are less confused, dissatisfied, and disoriented. With goals, you have direction. I challenge you to face reality. Share with me here your experiences with and thoughts about goals—about setting them, achieving them, and even your struggles with them. Probably the most important lesson in life is to understand that you are ultimately responsible for everything that happens in it. It doesn't matter if the cause of events or circumstances are external: you are still responsible for yourself. You cannot expect anyone to take this job; it is yours. I will take responsibility for myself. Success will not come knocking on my door out of the blue, I must go and knock down its door and walk through it. I must make it happen. Some of you may already know I am highly critical of the Law of Attraction as espoused in the book The Secret. I think it's a dangerous idea, and it encourages people to take the path of wishful thinking when instead they should be taking responsibility. No, the Law of Attraction is not a tool for success; the Law of Causality is the tool we must use. Herein lies the difference: SMART criteria for achieving goals Goals must be.... S- Specific M- Measurable A- Attainable R- Relevant T- Time-bound Attainable is the most important difference between causality and attraction. Attainable implies working to achieve something. Goals require work, and often a lot of it. If you want success, you must first determine what it is you want that you would call successful. You must then be willing to pay the price of achieving it. It will not come free. It will not be given to you by the universe. You must pay the price or you leave it completely to chance, and leaving it to chance is not a strategy one should take for a life worth living. Share with me your thoughts, ideas, experiences. __________________ Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing? —Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön Humankind cannot bear very much reality. —From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot Last edited by Baraka_Guru; 06-27-2009 at 01:25 PM..

06-26-2009, 09:39 AM	#2 (permalink)
jewels Eponymous Location: Central Central Florida	I'm sure I've mentioned here many times -- I finally realized the value of goalsetting about 10 years ago and am absolutely certain that it's a sure way to accomplish anything. I was able to lose 100 pounds in a year, leave an unsatisfying marriage with confidence and no guilt, obtain a job that will get me towards my larger goal, found a man who was both supportive and loving ... the list goes on. One of these days I may blog the whole story, but meanwhile ... My experiences find that this methodology is simple and works. 1. Determine what it is that you want. 2. Define the steps that it will take to get there. 3. Cross off each step as you achieve it. 4. Set new goals. I do believe that rather than having one large goal that will take years to get to, you must have short-term goals that lead to your long-term goal(s) OR set mini-goals that lead to the long-term goal. The ability to cross things off as you pass those steps is a constant pat-on-the-back and keeps you feeling accomplished in the short-term so that you don't back out or quit because you don't feel like you'll get to the goal. This works for any goals you may have in life, but allow me to use something with which I'm very familiar. Example, I want to lose 50 lbs. That's my big goal. As BG says, give yourself a realistic timeframe. Don't be a total wimp, but give yourself more than enough time. So let's say my timeframe on the 50 lbs is one year. I'd consider that a long-term goal, so I'm going to break that into mini-goals. So I'd do it something like this: by July 31st - down 1 jean size by Sep 30th - down 2 jean sizes You get the idea. Now, I can break it down to what it is I need to do to accomplish this. Eat right and work out, what else? So here's the list 1. Purchase lean proteins and quality carbs and frozen veggies, steel-cut oatmeal, barley, etc. 2. Grill a London Broil and 5 chicken breasts and 5 sweet potatoes on Sunday morning. Freeze proper portion of protein with sweet potato so I can grab one or two before I head out for work each day. 2. Eat 5 - 6x daily and aim for 1 gallon water daily. 3. Set alarm for 4 a.m. six days, write up weight workouts for Mon, Wed and Fri. HIIT cardio Tues, Thurs and Sat. 4. Post my progress (accountability) and menus, coach others. So now I have a plan to accomplish the first goal of going down one size in jeans. I do these things every day and can cross them off each day as I accomplish them. After 30 days when my jeans are falling off, I may find that I'm down two sizes But at that point I cross off the first mini-goal and feel a major sense of accomplishment. MUY IMPORTANTE: If you miss a step within your timeframe, or miss something on your to-do list, you just continue moving forward. The killer of dreams and goals is waiting for you to self-bash for eating that pie or not reading that book one night. Just pick up and continue to progress. What you did or didn't do is punishment enough, thank you. Continue this pattern/routine until you reach the final goal. The trick is, as you know you're nearing the final goal, you MUST - and I stress that for a most urgent reason -- find a new goal. It doesn't necessarily have to be in the same realm. But when you accomplish what's always seemed an insurmountable goal, there this "now what?" sense which can bring you crashing down quickly. School, career, family, volunteering -- find something else to drive you. It works. Period. I've just motivated myself because I remember how good it felt. I've been off the train in every way possible for about 5 years now; it's time for me find my helmet. Thanks, BG. You have no idea. __________________ We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess. Mark Twain Last edited by jewels; 06-26-2009 at 09:44 AM..

06-27-2009, 07:34 AM	#3 (permalink)
Baraka_Guru warrior bodhisattva Super Moderator Location: East-central Canada	Jewels, I'm happy to help you bring these things to the fore once again. I like your methodology. It's simple and, as you have proven, it works. The first step is a key that everyone should take a moment to consider, and it is very important when realizing your goals: What is it you want out of life? It sounds simple...too simple, even. But what's the inverse? The things you have that you don't want. It's also simple, but these two forces are quite powerful. The first is a positive force, while the latter is a negative one. If our thoughts are consumed by thinking of the things we have or the situations we're in that we don't want, that we're unsatisfied with, we use up the energy we need to think about the things we do want and the steps we need to take to get there. We should avoid getting caught up in negative thinking...ruminating over our current unsatisfactory states. We should think about what we want, where we want to be, and how to get there. Thinking about our current situation is limiting. Thinking about what we want motives us to do something about it. Without this shift, we will have a difficult time realizing our goals. __________________ Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing? —Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön Humankind cannot bear very much reality. —From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

06-27-2009, 08:01 AM	#4 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	Goals are an important method for achieving. "If you don't know where you want to go, any road will take you there." People tend to think that goals are by and large, difficult, overarching, and overbearing. They don't have to be. A goal can be as simple as "I'd like to be in Times Square to meet a friend at 3:00pm." Breaking that down, you know where you want to be and what time. The next thing is to figure out the means of how to accomplish such a goal. Sometimes it's a matter of resources, that being time or money. Others it's a matter of expertise. I stopped making goals in my late 20s because I accomplished my goals I wanted to accomplish at 30 early. I decided to try my hand at not making far reaching goals, but to live a little more on the edge of spontaneity. I accomplished even more but did not have a cohesive and comprehensive end result. My addition to these idea of goals is make small ones and make large ones. Make attainable ones and unattainable ones. Practice with the small and attainable, and work at the large and unattainable. One of the problems many have with goals is they don't really know or want the goal that they picked. They wanted something that was really along the way. A tool to help you figure that part out is a smll sheet of paper, (remember you should have written down the goal first as suggested by BG) is the Criteria For Success. Sometimes we don't know what the goal really truly is. It's not as cut and dry as a map destination. When that is the case, the CFS helps define what the goal really is. It helps make you the goal setter know and understand when you've hit the mark, or completed the goal. __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

07-06-2009, 12:18 PM	#8 (permalink)
Baraka_Guru warrior bodhisattva Super Moderator Location: East-central Canada	But the grass on my side of the fence is turning brown. Whether I water and fertilize it or go onto another pasture will take a change, no matter what. __________________ Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing? —Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön Humankind cannot bear very much reality. —From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

06-28-2009, 08:43 AM	#5 (permalink)
Flinx Tilted Location: Canada	This thread reminds me of Randy Pausch's Last Lecture. I'd post the youtube link but I don't seem to have it handy but I imagine that if you did a search you'd find it fast enough. WARNING this is a long video, roughly 1hr an 15 minutes but well worth watching imho.