what to do with younger teenage girls - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

InTransition951 · 06-14-2009, 12:50 AM

it seems that i havent been on this forum for awhile. but i just couldnt find the answer to this question anywhere else. so i might as well ask it here.

so heres a backstory. i joined a church youth group earlier this year and i got to know a lot of people. most of the people are around the age group of 18-26 but some also include some high schoolers and some middle aged but young minded adults.

so anyways, i befriended and got to know mostly everyone in the group in a short amount of time. but one thing that bothers me is, there is this one girl in my group that has a crush on me.

the problem about that is, is that she is going to be a sophomore in high school at the age of 15 and i am 20 going to college. on top of that, i do not really have any feelings for her but i see her more as a little sister type of person. i mean, her immediate family are all friends of mine too with her parents being mentors to me, her older sister also being a good friend, along with her 3 yr old sister.

at first when i joined the church youth group tho, i kinda suspected that she did kinda like me then. because of me being isolated with her answering to my remarks in a group conversation, me catching her staring at me and quickly looking away practically every time i see her, joining herself into my conversations, and when she talks to me, she sounds so fast and nervous and everything.

so i thought this was nothing at first. and i just ignored this thinking that she'll just forget about this feeling after a couple of months. but now, i still see it when i go over to her house (we hold youth gatherings there), to church, to events, to hang out with the group, especially after today.

and as i was driving home after that, i was just concerned how i am going to handle this. i dont really know what to do with a developing teenage girl's feelings as i have never encountered it before. and it would suck to see her sad too while playing bass up on stage. but yeah, i do love her in the sense that she is like a little sister to me (i am an only child) and i look out for her and others in the group. but i dont like her in that sense though. and i do know how chaotic a teenage mind can be just from my Ex girlfriend in high school and going through some stuff myself back then.

i know what rejection can do to you when you experience it the first time too because, i been through that too before. so my question is,

but how can i let her know that i am not interested and that i still like her in a family sort of way?

just to add to this, she was home schooled for just about all of her school life where shes only been through her freshman year of public high school.

squeeeb · 06-14-2009, 06:49 AM

bullshit, you don't care about hurting her feelings, you are flattered that some 15 year old likes you, and you know it's wrong, so you rationalize it by thinking turning her down will somehow hurt her developing teen mind.

so here is what you do...you say "thanks, i'm flattered, but i don't date girls who are not of legal age, i don't feel like going to prison for statutory rape. i'm allegedly an adult who is going to college, and in about 3 weeks, your crush on me will be over, so let's not waste our time."

if that dosn't work, have her give you a blowjob.

Jinn · 06-14-2009, 07:10 AM

Interesting response. I'm going to go the route of not assuming you're full of shit.

If that's the case, there's really no easy way to let someone down, regardless of their age. No matter what you said, the way they internalize it will be the same. The only thing we can do is be honest and let them do what they will with it. It'll make them a better person in the long run, because we all need a bit of rejection to keep ourselves humble.

dlish · 06-14-2009, 07:24 AM

take out squeebs first paragraph and last paragraph, and you have the perfect answer.

i dont think he's full of shit. this is quite plausible. i teach many young adolescent girls during my swimming classes. the probablity that one has a fantasy crush on me is quite high, in fact i suspect it, so i make sure i cover my basis by being as professional as possible with all my swimmers whilst working within the guidlines.

as a responsible adult and as a person in a position of trust i have a duty to ensure that the saftey of my swimmers comes first. for me, that includes a no touching basis for boys or girls, except on the head.

i would say that your best bet would be to be as clinical as possible to tell her that its illegal and that things can never eventuate...even in 3 years time

fast1 · 06-14-2009, 07:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jinn

Interesting response. I'm going to go the route of not assuming you're full of shit.

If that's the case, there's really no easy way to let someone down, regardless of their age. No matter what you said, the way they internalize it will be the same. The only thing we can do is be honest and let them do what they will with it. It'll make them a better person in the long run, because we all need a bit of rejection to keep ourselves humble.

totally agree with what you said.

Shell · 06-14-2009, 07:53 AM

...do nothing and say nothing. She's never approached you and she's never asked you anything. You're only assuming that she has a crush on you...she probably does but if she does, so what? You are in a position of "playing bass up on the stage". Lots of young girls find that attractive. Look at all the hollywood rock stars...young teens idolize the ground they walk on...swarm them...grab for them...but do you see the entertainers going to each one privately to say, "i just don't have those kinds of feelings for you"? hahaha

...let her have her teen crush. Enjoy the flattery...just like hollywood entertainers do. But leave it at that...of course. Did it ever occur to you that she enjoys her crush on her entertainer "star" but has no desire for anything else? Girls are like that. They like to flirt with the thought of it but nothing more.

...i've got crushes on hollywood men...but no way does it mean anything serious...some are even married. I just enjoy the crush part...no strings attached...just silly fantasy.

Halanna · 06-14-2009, 08:10 AM

You could try talking to her as if she were your little sister. Maybe call her "sis" or "it's my little sister", refer to yourself as her big brother, if this is the type of relationship you have.

But Shell gave you the best advice. No nothing and say nothing about this perceived crush. She is not acting upon it. You have no concrete evidence she does have a crush. Maybe she sees you as a big brother, but is too shy to say anything.

I'd carry about as if nothing had changed, that you two are just friends. Everytime you are around her you can't be thinking, "she has a crush on me, she has a crush on me". That won't help.

ASU2003 · 06-14-2009, 08:20 AM

Find out what the laws are and wait a few years?

squeeeb · 06-14-2009, 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by InTransition951

....... and it would suck to see her sad too while playing bass up on stage. but yeah, i do love her in the sense that she is like a little sister to me (i am an only child) and i look out for her and others in the group. but i dont like her in that sense though. and i do know how chaotic a teenage mind can be just from my Ex girlfriend in high school and going through some stuff myself back then.

i know what rejection can do to you when you experience it the first time too because, i been through that too before. ........

.......just to add to this, she was home schooled for just about all of her school life where shes only been through her freshman year of public high school.

it's this kind of logic and reasoning that leads you to end up on Dateline NBC being interviewed in a kitchen by Chris Hansen.

wooÐs · 06-14-2009, 09:10 AM

Well speaking from personal experience, if you ignore her and act like she doesn't exist, that should work. Sure, it may make her hate herself and you in the long run but I don't think I'm incorrect to state that rejection happens to men and women of all ages. Call me harsh but I feel it's just the facts of life. If you tell her you like her as a sister or what not, and she's indeed that infatuated with you, there's a good possibility she'll think she still has a chance.

What do I know.

thespian86 · 06-14-2009, 09:58 AM

Calm yourself Squeeb; he's twenty and would still be in tons of situations, especially if he's involved with community stuff, where he would be around girls this age. I worked at a camp, and I'm in community theatre when I go home for the holidays/summer. I have lots of little chorus girls that I care about in a friendly way - they are pretty, sweet, talented girls who in a few years'll be knock outs probably - chasing me around, giggling whenever I make a joke, being huggy, etc.

Here's how I deal with it: I don't. What's the point? Like squeeb said it'll be over in three weeks. I'm not going to touch them, and they are 16 year old girls so they aren't going to force themselves on me. I can deal with being giggled over. If it became serious, where someone was acting inappropriately, I would sit them down and have a straight to the point, stern talk about where the line is. Other then that, don't fix what's not broken. Unless of course, and this is what I suspect, you find this girl attractive which is a different story. Don't listen to anyone who says "you're a douchebag for thinking a 16 year old is cute". When I was 20, I was still in that "trying to get out of high school mindset" phase. So think away. At 23 I've grown out of loving getting any girls attention, and seeking the attention of a few women.

It sounds like you won't cross the line, so leave it be. It'll disappear quickly.

InTransition951 · 06-14-2009, 01:26 PM

hmmmm, funny how some things are just jumped to a conclusion. something id expect to see on myspace. this is a blog for people with a mature mind right?

honestly speaking tho, i dont really like her in that sense of attraction but rather just the sense of looking out for her. for those who have siblings in a family that you care about, you know that feeling i am talking about. and no, i am not attracted to her

call me a pedo or whatever from the lack of evidence given. i really dont care, its all just wordy judgment thats not worth getting into. i was taught never to judge or put down others either but rather love those who cast wrath against you. but yeah... im just preaching again... but i guess its just a sense of maturity that im getting to get to know now.

but yeah, thanks everyone for the info. i knew i could get some honest and mature feedback here. i shall keep those words in mind

Punk.of.Ages · 06-14-2009, 01:36 PM

I agree that you should just ignore it. She's young and chances are she's not going to make any moves on you.

If she does, just let her know how you feel. Rejection sucks, but it's an unavoidable part of life.

genuinegirly · 06-14-2009, 01:40 PM

The good comes with the bad around here.

I am of the same mind as Shell.

Xerxys · 06-14-2009, 02:02 PM

If it ain't broke . . .

SabrinaFair · 06-14-2009, 04:08 PM

Once upon a time, I was one of those giggly teenaged girls with an inappropriate crush on an older guy. I never ever would have acted on it, I had no idea how bad I was at hiding it, and like all things, I got over it. Likely, your little friend will do the same.

Lasereth · 06-14-2009, 04:44 PM

What's the point of this thread? She hasn't asked you out and you haven't ask her out. Is a girl liking you really that big of a deal? When she finally says something to you about a relationship, say no, done.

Redjake · 06-14-2009, 05:40 PM

Tear. That. Ass. Up.

Shauk · 06-14-2009, 05:55 PM

keep her as a friend, wait a year or 3 (depending on where you live)
you're obviously physically attracted to her or you wouldn't have bothered making the thread.

enjoy.

InTransition951 · 06-14-2009, 08:30 PM

*sigh

if i have to explain myself fine:

on a other subject for awhile now, there is this one girl that ive had an interest in who is one of the singers on the worship team and she is a year older than i am. ive been talking to her for a bit but being the shy person i am (yeah, i know its weak), im going slower than usual. it sucks. so yeah, <sarcasm> "haha" /sarcasm

im just there to look out for the other members in the community. i look after the other girls around my age, her little sister, and the older girls who are about 5 or so years older than iam. but yeah, im not here to hurt anyone. thats why i asked this question.

btw, is there any way to delete a thread? i already got the answer that i needed.

thespian86 · 06-14-2009, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by InTransition951

*sigh

if i have to explain myself fine:

on a other subject for awhile now, there is this one girl that ive had an interest in who is one of the singers on the worship team and she is a year older than i am. ive been talking to her for a bit but being the shy person i am (yeah, i know its weak), im going slower than usual. it sucks. so yeah, <sarcasm> "haha" /sarcasm

im just there to look out for the other members in the community. i look after the other girls around my age, her little sister, and the older girls who are about 5 or so years older than iam. but yeah, im not here to hurt anyone. thats why i asked this question.

btw, is there any way to delete a thread? i already got the answer that i needed.

Okay, I wasn't going to say anything but I'm young and, as such, am stupid.

Dude. Friend. It is okay to be a gentleman. I am, if anything, a romantic. But there is something incredibly unhealthy about this twist on chivalry you've got going on here.

06-14-2009, 12:50 AM	#1 (permalink)
InTransition951 Upright Location: Northern CA	what to do with younger teenage girls it seems that i havent been on this forum for awhile. but i just couldnt find the answer to this question anywhere else. so i might as well ask it here. so heres a backstory. i joined a church youth group earlier this year and i got to know a lot of people. most of the people are around the age group of 18-26 but some also include some high schoolers and some middle aged but young minded adults. so anyways, i befriended and got to know mostly everyone in the group in a short amount of time. but one thing that bothers me is, there is this one girl in my group that has a crush on me. the problem about that is, is that she is going to be a sophomore in high school at the age of 15 and i am 20 going to college. on top of that, i do not really have any feelings for her but i see her more as a little sister type of person. i mean, her immediate family are all friends of mine too with her parents being mentors to me, her older sister also being a good friend, along with her 3 yr old sister. at first when i joined the church youth group tho, i kinda suspected that she did kinda like me then. because of me being isolated with her answering to my remarks in a group conversation, me catching her staring at me and quickly looking away practically every time i see her, joining herself into my conversations, and when she talks to me, she sounds so fast and nervous and everything. so i thought this was nothing at first. and i just ignored this thinking that she'll just forget about this feeling after a couple of months. but now, i still see it when i go over to her house (we hold youth gatherings there), to church, to events, to hang out with the group, especially after today. and as i was driving home after that, i was just concerned how i am going to handle this. i dont really know what to do with a developing teenage girl's feelings as i have never encountered it before. and it would suck to see her sad too while playing bass up on stage. but yeah, i do love her in the sense that she is like a little sister to me (i am an only child) and i look out for her and others in the group. but i dont like her in that sense though. and i do know how chaotic a teenage mind can be just from my Ex girlfriend in high school and going through some stuff myself back then. i know what rejection can do to you when you experience it the first time too because, i been through that too before. so my question is, but how can i let her know that i am not interested and that i still like her in a family sort of way? just to add to this, she was home schooled for just about all of her school life where shes only been through her freshman year of public high school. __________________ looking young can be fun at times in some situations. but many older people do not take you so seriously.

06-14-2009, 06:49 AM	#2 (permalink)
squeeeb part of the problem Location: hic et ubique	bullshit, you don't care about hurting her feelings, you are flattered that some 15 year old likes you, and you know it's wrong, so you rationalize it by thinking turning her down will somehow hurt her developing teen mind. so here is what you do...you say "thanks, i'm flattered, but i don't date girls who are not of legal age, i don't feel like going to prison for statutory rape. i'm allegedly an adult who is going to college, and in about 3 weeks, your crush on me will be over, so let's not waste our time." if that dosn't work, have her give you a blowjob. __________________ onward to mayhem! Last edited by squeeeb; 06-14-2009 at 06:51 AM..

06-14-2009, 07:10 AM	#3 (permalink)
Jinn Lover - Protector - Teacher Location: Seattle, WA	Interesting response. I'm going to go the route of not assuming you're full of shit. If that's the case, there's really no easy way to let someone down, regardless of their age. No matter what you said, the way they internalize it will be the same. The only thing we can do is be honest and let them do what they will with it. It'll make them a better person in the long run, because we all need a bit of rejection to keep ourselves humble. __________________ "I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

06-14-2009, 07:24 AM	#4 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	take out squeebs first paragraph and last paragraph, and you have the perfect answer. i dont think he's full of shit. this is quite plausible. i teach many young adolescent girls during my swimming classes. the probablity that one has a fantasy crush on me is quite high, in fact i suspect it, so i make sure i cover my basis by being as professional as possible with all my swimmers whilst working within the guidlines. as a responsible adult and as a person in a position of trust i have a duty to ensure that the saftey of my swimmers comes first. for me, that includes a no touching basis for boys or girls, except on the head. i would say that your best bet would be to be as clinical as possible to tell her that its illegal and that things can never eventuate...even in 3 years time __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

06-14-2009, 07:53 AM	#6 (permalink)
Shell Cheers Location: Eastcoast USA	...do nothing and say nothing. She's never approached you and she's never asked you anything. You're only assuming that she has a crush on you...she probably does but if she does, so what? You are in a position of "playing bass up on the stage". Lots of young girls find that attractive. Look at all the hollywood rock stars...young teens idolize the ground they walk on...swarm them...grab for them...but do you see the entertainers going to each one privately to say, "i just don't have those kinds of feelings for you"? hahaha ...let her have her teen crush. Enjoy the flattery...just like hollywood entertainers do. But leave it at that...of course. Did it ever occur to you that she enjoys her crush on her entertainer "star" but has no desire for anything else? Girls are like that. They like to flirt with the thought of it but nothing more. ...i've got crushes on hollywood men...but no way does it mean anything serious...some are even married. I just enjoy the crush part...no strings attached...just silly fantasy. __________________ ..."Say what you think. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" ~ Dr. Seuss

06-14-2009, 08:10 AM	#7 (permalink)
Halanna Insane Location: Over the rainbow . .	You could try talking to her as if she were your little sister. Maybe call her "sis" or "it's my little sister", refer to yourself as her big brother, if this is the type of relationship you have. But Shell gave you the best advice. No nothing and say nothing about this perceived crush. She is not acting upon it. You have no concrete evidence she does have a crush. Maybe she sees you as a big brother, but is too shy to say anything. I'd carry about as if nothing had changed, that you two are just friends. Everytime you are around her you can't be thinking, "she has a crush on me, she has a crush on me". That won't help.

06-14-2009, 08:20 AM	#8 (permalink)
ASU2003 immoral minority Location: Back in Ohio	Find out what the laws are and wait a few years?

06-14-2009, 09:10 AM	#10 (permalink)
wooÐs Sitting in a tree Location: Atlanta	Well speaking from personal experience, if you ignore her and act like she doesn't exist, that should work. Sure, it may make her hate herself and you in the long run but I don't think I'm incorrect to state that rejection happens to men and women of all ages. Call me harsh but I feel it's just the facts of life. If you tell her you like her as a sister or what not, and she's indeed that infatuated with you, there's a good possibility she'll think she still has a chance. What do I know.

06-14-2009, 09:58 AM	#11 (permalink)
thespian86 change is hard. Location: the green room.	Calm yourself Squeeb; he's twenty and would still be in tons of situations, especially if he's involved with community stuff, where he would be around girls this age. I worked at a camp, and I'm in community theatre when I go home for the holidays/summer. I have lots of little chorus girls that I care about in a friendly way - they are pretty, sweet, talented girls who in a few years'll be knock outs probably - chasing me around, giggling whenever I make a joke, being huggy, etc. Here's how I deal with it: I don't. What's the point? Like squeeb said it'll be over in three weeks. I'm not going to touch them, and they are 16 year old girls so they aren't going to force themselves on me. I can deal with being giggled over. If it became serious, where someone was acting inappropriately, I would sit them down and have a straight to the point, stern talk about where the line is. Other then that, don't fix what's not broken. Unless of course, and this is what I suspect, you find this girl attractive which is a different story. Don't listen to anyone who says "you're a douchebag for thinking a 16 year old is cute". When I was 20, I was still in that "trying to get out of high school mindset" phase. So think away. At 23 I've grown out of loving getting any girls attention, and seeking the attention of a few women. It sounds like you won't cross the line, so leave it be. It'll disappear quickly. __________________ EX: Whats new? ME: I officially love coffee more then you now. EX: uh... ME: So, not much.

06-14-2009, 01:26 PM	#12 (permalink)
InTransition951 Upright Location: Northern CA	hmmmm, funny how some things are just jumped to a conclusion. something id expect to see on myspace. this is a blog for people with a mature mind right? honestly speaking tho, i dont really like her in that sense of attraction but rather just the sense of looking out for her. for those who have siblings in a family that you care about, you know that feeling i am talking about. and no, i am not attracted to her call me a pedo or whatever from the lack of evidence given. i really dont care, its all just wordy judgment thats not worth getting into. i was taught never to judge or put down others either but rather love those who cast wrath against you. but yeah... im just preaching again... but i guess its just a sense of maturity that im getting to get to know now. but yeah, thanks everyone for the info. i knew i could get some honest and mature feedback here. i shall keep those words in mind __________________ looking young can be fun at times in some situations. but many older people do not take you so seriously. Last edited by InTransition951; 06-14-2009 at 01:33 PM..

06-14-2009, 01:36 PM	#13 (permalink)
Punk.of.Ages Forming Location: ....a state of pure inebriation.	I agree that you should just ignore it. She's young and chances are she's not going to make any moves on you. If she does, just let her know how you feel. Rejection sucks, but it's an unavoidable part of life. __________________ "The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager "Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

06-14-2009, 01:40 PM	#14 (permalink)
genuinegirly Eat your vegetables Super Moderator Location: Arabidopsis-ville	The good comes with the bad around here. I am of the same mind as Shell. __________________ "Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq "violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

06-14-2009, 02:02 PM	#15 (permalink)
Xerxys Junkie Location: My head.	If it ain't broke . . .

06-14-2009, 04:08 PM	#16 (permalink)
SabrinaFair Junkie Location: Louisville, KY	Once upon a time, I was one of those giggly teenaged girls with an inappropriate crush on an older guy. I never ever would have acted on it, I had no idea how bad I was at hiding it, and like all things, I got over it. Likely, your little friend will do the same. __________________ "With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy." -Desiderata

06-14-2009, 04:44 PM	#17 (permalink)
Lasereth Knight of the Old Republic Location: Winston-Salem, NC	What's the point of this thread? She hasn't asked you out and you haven't ask her out. Is a girl liking you really that big of a deal? When she finally says something to you about a relationship, say no, done. __________________ "A Darwinian attacks his theory, seeking to find flaws. An ID believer defends his theory, seeking to conceal flaws." -Roger Ebert

06-14-2009, 05:40 PM	#18 (permalink)
Redjake I'm a family man - I run a family business. Location: Wilson, NC	Tear. That. Ass. Up. __________________ Off the record, on the q.t., and very hush-hush.

06-14-2009, 05:55 PM	#19 (permalink)
Shauk Confused Adult Location: Spokane, WA	keep her as a friend, wait a year or 3 (depending on where you live) you're obviously physically attracted to her or you wouldn't have bothered making the thread. enjoy.

06-14-2009, 08:30 PM	#20 (permalink)
InTransition951 Upright Location: Northern CA	*sigh if i have to explain myself fine: on a other subject for awhile now, there is this one girl that ive had an interest in who is one of the singers on the worship team and she is a year older than i am. ive been talking to her for a bit but being the shy person i am (yeah, i know its weak), im going slower than usual. it sucks. so yeah, <sarcasm> "haha" /sarcasm im just there to look out for the other members in the community. i look after the other girls around my age, her little sister, and the older girls who are about 5 or so years older than iam. but yeah, im not here to hurt anyone. thats why i asked this question. btw, is there any way to delete a thread? i already got the answer that i needed. __________________ looking young can be fun at times in some situations. but many older people do not take you so seriously.