Strange Famous

I dont know how normal, or how abnormal, this is.

On Monday night there was a company funded "night out" at work. I there, had three pints in about 40 minutes... and just was standing on my own. And people kept bothering me by coming and talking to me asking if I was ok cos I looked pissed off, and Id just say I was tired and not feeling well, but in the end when they brought out the buffet and the CEO made some stupid phoney speech I just walked out. Didnt say good bye to anyone, turned off my phone, and went home.

The next day my girl obviously wanted to know where I went - and I had to say I was really tired, I looked for but couldnt find her, my phone battery was dead, etc. Obviously she isnt an idiot so I dont know how believable she finds it but how can I tell her the truth that the simple fact was I literally could be bothered to open my mouth or spend one more second listening to someone saying shit to me, including her?

I would guess at least once a month I feel like I need to be completely alone for 1 or 2 or so days - I wont leave the house, wont answer the door if anyone calls, wont answer the phone, wont answer IM's, etc

Afterwards I feel ok, right now I still feel pissed off and like Id like to get into a fight with someone, but if my phone rang Id answer it.

I think Ive felt like this ever since Ive been an adult, and I dont feel like its getting any better. It causes a real problem with relationships. One girl dumped me she tried to climb the back gate to my flat and fell down cos I kept not answering the phone or the front door... I cant explain to anyone I am with that sometimes for a whole weekend I cant bare to see them, speak to them, have to deal with them in my face - how can you say that to someone youre supposed to care about? Or maybe the real question is how to I change, but I dont see it. I really dont see it.

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"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

CinnamonGirl

I get like this about once a month... I don't want to deal with anyone. There are one or two people that I at least answer the phone for, but only because I feel "obligated" or whatever.

Maybe you could explain it to new girls a little more softly... not "I don't want to deal with you," but, "I get cranky if I don't have alone time."

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"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

inBOIL

What you're talking about seems like a normal part of being introverted. I agree with CinnamonGirl; as long as you explain this gently your girl should understand, unless she's a raging extravert.

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And you believe Bush and the liberals and divorced parents and gays and blacks and the Christian right and fossil fuels and Xbox are all to blame, meanwhile you yourselves create an ad where your kid hits you in the head with a baseball and you don't understand the message that the problem is you.

ColonelSpecial

I don't know if you are religious/spiritual at all but that is the reason I use. Once a month or so, I have a day of silence. I meditate/pray for some of it but the rest of it is just being with myself and not talking with anyone. I usually keep my phone on vibrate so I check once or twice to see if anything is going one but don't answer it as it rings.

As for explaining to your girl, I would just say you are taking a personal day to collect your thoughts/sanity. I think if you told her a day or so ahead, she could anticipate it and know not to bother you.

This isn't something you should change. Being with oneself for a spell is healthy.

__________________
"Mommy, the presidents are squishing me!"

"Using the pull out method of contraceptive is like saying I won't use a seat belt, I'll just jump out of the car before it hits that tree."

Sara

SabrinaFair

I don't think you are abnormal at all--I get on "people overload" sometimes and "go quiet" for a day or so. To avoid hurt feelings and excessive worrying (and injury, in the case of your ex), its usually best to give some advanced warning. People tend to assume the worst when they have no information--"He's avoiding me specifically" or "He's been hurt". Let them know it's not a personal thing--just your need to be alone for some time.

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"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
-Desiderata

ratbastid

On the Introvert-Extrovert spectrum, you probably fall slightly on the Introvert side. It's hard for Introverts in this world--we're socialized to think that being outgoing and sociable and all that stuff is "right", and getting energy from being on our own is "wrong". So people who fall where you fall on the spectrum are able to be up for what the world expects of them a lot of the time, but sometimes just need to get away and take a breath. Nothing wrong.

lurkette's the same way. I'm basically the opposite; if there's a party, I want to go. And not just like shrug my shoulders and show up--I'd actually really prefer to be there. And I've learned, over the years, that the proper care and feeding of an Introvert means sometimes you pass stuff up so she can take care of herself. Not a problem--a good thing to know, actually.

Zeraph

Oh ya, I get that way too. Couple times a month maybe. And doesn't it just get even more irratating when they try to "help"? I've tried to explain this to my family but they just don't understand.

Plan9

Just don't turn into Travis Bickle, ya hear?

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Iliftrocks

I'm with ya. Don't get the luxury of much real alone time, but I really need to have some time to myself. I think that the general noise of day to day conversations, and opinions just gets a bit much and you need some time to digest and/or regurgitate data that you have not had time to deal with. I sometimes feel like my head is literally "full" and I can't take any more of it in.

Possibly related?

link:

How the city hurts your brain - Boston.com

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bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."

Baraka_Guru

I agree with what other people said about introverts. I am one.

If I spend a long time around people, I need alone time to recharge or I'll start to lose it. It's the introverted way.

Extroverts take heed: Caring for Your Introvert - The Atlantic (March 2003)

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Daniel_

Sounds like life in my head sometimes. You're normal.

Or I'm insane.

One or the other.

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╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

Jinn

This IS the defining characteristic of an introvert, if you ask me. Everyone has an energy meter; some people's are recharged by being around lots of people, and some people's are drained.

Even extroverts get sick of people every once and a while. I use my morning shower as a chance to be TOTALLY ALONE, with NO ONE who can bother me (not even my cell phone). It's enough for me, but I'm mostly an extrovert.

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"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

MSD

Based on what I've seen you post before on TFP, this could be simply being an introvert. On the other hand, I've seen you exhibit serious signs of clinical depression in the past, and depression could also manifest itself like this.