How to approach women

[neoinoakleys]

Ok, help me out...I got a single friend that is very intimidated by women at the club. This guy is pretty good looking. Not great but definitely not a toad. He is just shy, but once the conversation gets going he hold his own. I just need to give him some good approaches. He gets tongue-tied just goes blank when he initially meets a girl.

Anyone have any good openers or approaches that have worked for you in the past?

Give me some details and outcomes...

I am not looking for "pick-up lines" Those rarely work.....

I definitely want to hear from the TFP women....what would get you intrigued?

[i8one2]

Karaoke bar, and have someone close by(girls) help you guys pick out a song.

[neoinoakleys]

That's a good one, i8one2....My buddy actually frequents the Karaoke joints...:-)

[davidc209]

First of all, don't limit yourself to just bars. Use everything you have at your disposal: women who work near you, women at the park, women from your neighborhood, network through friends, and hell, even get your online macking in order.

Since your question was specifically about bars, let me tell you that this is about the easiest place to meet people of the opposite sex. It is sooo much easier with a wingman! It's truly a numbers game since not even Tom Cruise could get 100% of the girls he approached. Don't be boring.. the women don't care that it was nice outside or that your name is Joe or whatever. Run with the moment, be entertaining and make her laugh. She'll know in the first 5 seconds that you start running your game whether she wants to get to know you better.

Actual example... last week I was bullshitting with one of my buds at a local bar/hangout. A group of girls nearby finally came over and told me that I look familiar. Immediately, my friend says.. "of course he does! He plays for the Marlins!" I eventually admitted that I don't, but it's this kind of silliness, boldness, and humor that girls eat up. I did get a date for going motorcycling and to see a movie with one of those girls for the next evening!

Pickup lines suck, you're right. Be yourself. Just be the entertainer. Amuse the whole group of people you're with and you're IN!

[opentocomments]

"your friend" RIGHT!

[Mango]

Approach them from behind so they don't see you until it is too late.

[neoinoakleys]

Originally posted by opentocomments
"your friend" RIGHT!

Hey, I know how it must sound, but it REALLY IS my friend...I am happily married...

DavidC...thanks for the good advice...

[Johnny Rotten]

He's just gonna have to dive in and screw up a few times before he gets the hang of things. Whatever advice I give is only as useful as how well he reacts to vibe and body language, which is something you just have to learn. There's no magic, universal ticket, in other words, just practice.

[ForgottenKnight]

Thanks Davidc209. That was great advice.

I'd put in my two cents, but I spent them...

[Spidey]

just being a bit nosey, how old is this guy? different age groups react differently.

[muttt]

be good looking. then a lot of things work.

[neoinoakleys]

Originally posted by Spidey
just being a bit nosey, how old is this guy? different age groups react differently.

He is about 29....

Anyone have any good stories, about what worked for you. Give me some details....

Describe the situation, how you spoke, how the person reacted, etc...

Thanks for all the great help...I definitely already have some great ideas I am going to tell my buddy about.

I just want this guy to have a little fun, and I think if I can give him some good approaches he will be a little more confident and less restricted...

[Grimlok]

I have a story but I wouldn't advise it...

My friend George and I used to go out about 8 in the evening to the bar... He would scout girls out for a few hours and then he would just walk up to them acting drunker than he really was and ask.. "hey, wanna go back to my place and have sex?"

He's never went more than 8 or 9 girls without getting a yes. He wasn't super goodlooking... but like your friend... he's not a toad. And it worked. I just used to laugh at him.

As far as pick up lines go... he would pick the worst feature out about a girl... and compliment it. The best line was this Chick sitting at the next table with a Big Nose... and I do mean BIG! Big as in long. Anyway.... he gives me the nod and leans over, interrupting the conversation with her friends and says "wow. You have the most profound nose. You're absolutely striking."

Cheesy right?

Slept with her the same night.

See... that's bad stories... kinda... As you can tell he was the extrovert between the two of us.

The only pick up line I've ever used was... "I'm sorry."

I walked up to a girl that woulda been my wife.. and said... "I'm sorry. I see you on a daily basis and I've never taken the time to introduce myself." It was all gravy from there.

The I'm sorry line works all the time...

Also... the whole Wingman Thing David was talking about... WORKS LIKE A CHARM! Back the guy up. Initiate the conversation and excuse yourself. Married guys have more balls... We're not afraid of not stinking women...

The ones that smell good though... ***shiver***

[neoinoakleys]

Thanks Grimlok...you have just inspired me...

I think I am going to take this buddy out drinking this weekend and I am going to make an ass of myself (not too wild that women are afraid, but just enough to make for some interesting conversation) and then excuse myself and see if he can keep the momentum going....:-)

[synkron]

Hey, that perfume you're wearing smells fabuluous... is it Armani?

[h.s.skip]

He needs to be himself. Maybe a few drinks will loosen him up? I find that helps. Who knows, maybe he'll turn into a player once the nectar hits him.. lord knows i do. If not, just have him be around women more and more often and he'll learn to be comfortable with them and how to talk to them. Practice makes perfect.

[Antagony]

If he wants to pick up "club girls" I'm sure you could just go get him a hooker. Same difference, except hookers tend to carry fewer STD's.

Seriously though, maybe he should just try and wait for the ladies to come to him. Then after he's approached, he should bust out a single compliment. And "Hey, nice boobs" should be avoided.

[zfleebin]

Simple idea make eye contact and say hello. Do it quickly but hopefully outside the club or somewhere where there isnt confusion(so she remembers you). Then next time you see her (dont do this at the same club). do the same thing as the first time but make eye contact SMILE( give her what you got and make it look like you just woke up next to her and you are ecstatic). The next time you see her it is safe to a approach her you can do it any number of ways but keep it simple and short so that your not falling all over her. Say something like "Ive seen you around and I was wondering if I could get your name" If you get a smile when she sees you your already set but if you get her name introduce yourself and make it smooth. If you have a group of friends that are not too drunk and have at least one or two girls with them invite over to your table. If you get denied take it lightly and be polite say "it was nice meeting you" and keep chasing other girls whatever you do dont go straight back to your friends. If you really like this girl take it real suttle but let her see you every now and then especially if your with other women. If she was even remotely interested she will take notice of how you treat those women and later on youll have a chance. Confidence is key when approaching women and manners and class show a woman you respect her. Put those together and you are worth a chance even if your no fabio. Good luck to your friend

[neoinoakleys]

Originally posted by zfleebin
Simple idea make eye contact and say hello. Do it quickly but hopefully outside the club or somewhere where there isnt confusion(so she remembers you). Then next time you see her (dont do this at the same club). do the same thing as the first time but make eye contact SMILE( give her what you got and make it look like you just woke up next to her and you are ecstatic). The next time you see her it is safe to a approach her you can do it any number of ways but keep it simple and short so that your not falling all over her. Say something like "Ive seen you around and I was wondering if I could get your name" If you get a smile when she sees you your already set but if you get her name introduce yourself and make it smooth. If you have a group of friends that are not too drunk and have at least one or two girls with them invite over to your table. If you get denied take it lightly and be polite say "it was nice meeting you" and keep chasing other girls whatever you do dont go straight back to your friends. If you really like this girl take it real suttle but let her see you every now and then especially if your with other women. If she was even remotely interested she will take notice of how you treat those women and later on youll have a chance. Confidence is key when approaching women and manners and class show a woman you respect her. Put those together and you are worth a chance even if your no fabio. Good luck to your friend

Good advice, man....thanks...

[HotAlphaFemale]

Women are really attracted to men who are unapologetic about who they are and how they behave. That are confident and in control of the situation at all times and who have a good sense of humour.

If you can communicate this sense of control and this high sense of self confidence you could literally walk up to any woman and ask her anything, say anything and get her interested in you!

I'm glad you brought this up because I talk about this subject with my readers all the time.

[Hyacinthe]

If he wants to pick up "club girls" I'm sure you could just go get him a hooker. Same difference, except hookers tend to carry fewer STD's.

Agreed - atleast with Pro's you know they get tested regularly ( well here anyways)

I find the best thing to do is to simply be completely honest

"Hi I'm X anychance I could buy you a drink?"

OR if you're trying to be more subtle - get one of your friends to act like a jerk to her and one of her friends ( could backfire horribly if the girl is a bit feisty) and then you can be the hero of the day apologise for his behaviour and do something to make up for it.

If you have female friends or maybe even your wife I have found a trick that works well in clubs.

Get in and select a group of girls, guys go outside - smoke em if you've got em etc - girl stays in. Get her to approach the group of girls and just say "Look I'm really sorry but this guy has been bothering me and my friends have disappeared, do you mind if I just hang with your girls until they get back?" I have NEVER had a group of girls say no to this. Guys re-enter the scene and offer to buy the group of girls that have been 'taking care' of their friend a round of drinks in gratitude.

[Seaver]

It depends on the situation.

If there are girl/guy groups, just make eye contact with her and smile. 9/10 times she'll look smile and look away for a second or two then look back. I usually hold the gaze until the look-back, give her a wink with the smile and go back to talking to my friends. If she's interested she'll find a way to break away from the group, at which point you can ask if she wants a drink. I like this approach because in the 50% chance she's dating one of the guys you're not insulting him by asking her infront of the group. If she's not, then you know she's likely somewhat interested at least.

If she's with a group of girls I am much more forward. I just walk up and introduce myself. I'm lucky and have friends that'll give me enough time, at which point they join in on the conversations.

All in all, people watching has taught me a great deal about hitting on women. You see the stances of guys who get shot down are hunched-back, speak much too closely to the women, and often break the touch-barrier before she does (I never touch her in conversation until she touches me in some way, telling me she likes me). Guys that generally get the numbers stand erect, speak into her ear as opposed to her face, and are always good with the jokes.

[Acetylene]

Originally Posted by davidc209

First of all, don't limit yourself to just bars. Use everything you have at your disposal: women who work near you, women at the park, women from your neighborhood, network through friends, and hell, even get your online macking in order.

Quoted for truth.

When you meet someone at a bar, the only thing you have in common is.. you're both in a bar.

He should join a club or go to some sort of convention. SCA, LARP, book club, church, BDSM convention, dog show, riding club, whatever floats his boat. If he doesn't have a hobby, he should FIND one - a man with no special interests outside of work and TV is incredibly boring and will be at serious disadvantage with the ladies.

The old adage about having a dog making it easier to meet people is 100% true, especially if it's a reasonably cute dog like a golden retriever or sheltie or even a cute mutt. If he doesn't have or doesn't want a dog, he can walk his neighbors' dogs; this works just as well, if not better (makes you look compassionate and helpful to others).

If he just plain hates dogs, find something else - like babysitting a cute niece. I'm perfectly serious, it WORKS. I am painfully shy but when I have my dog, people (including hot young people) stop me in the street or the park and strike up a conversation about the dog. Bingo! All the hard work is now done, just chat about the dog or child a little and then introduce yourself and ask if she wants to grab a cup of coffee or a sandwich.

He can also try playing chess or frisbee or another game by himself in public, and someone may ask to join. He can also read a book in a coffeeshop, and someone might ask what he's reading. All of these are better than trying to pick someone up in a bar, not only because they will likely attract a better class of lady but also because it is much, much easier on his psyche, and if he is feeling less anxious, he is more likely to succeed in entertaining his new acquaintance.

[bagmirror]

Originally Posted by Mango

Approach them from behind so they don't see you until it is too late.

win.

[Jackebear]

Originally Posted by synkron

Hey, that perfume you're wearing smells fabuluous... is it Armani?

Careful with that one. Women are pretty particular about their perfumes. If you say Armani, AND it's not....oh well. Also, there are like 10 different Armani, 20 or so Chanel, and too many Calvin Klein's to remember. You have to be specific, which is so difficult because it smells a little different on everyone and totally different than what is on that blotter they give you in a store.

However...........This was 1987, second year university (damn, long time ago) and for some strange reason, I knew the aroma of a certain perfume. It was unbelievable and to this day, I can still picture this co-ed. It just worked on her and made her so gorgeous. I don't know why but it did something to me that has never happened before AND since...never. Totally turned me on. Anyways, I walked up to her and said something like "Oh my god, that Coco smells unbelievable on you. It's just amazing on you." Surprised the hell out of her. We had a one night fling (she had a steady guy) and actually were friends for the next couple years. I met a lot of women through her. Lost contact but I still remember what she looked and smelled like, so long ago. Sigh.

[new man]

This thread was started in 2003. Hopefully by this point neoinoakleys "friend" has found a date by now.

[Yellow Tulip]

Hell, yes. Or it really will be time to get a hooker.

[Milnoc]

Here's a suggestion.

Amazon.com: How to Talk to Girls: Alec Greven, Kei Acedera: Books

Amazon.com: How to Talk to Girls: Alec Greven, Kei Acedera: Books

The author is only nine years old! We're pathetic!

[soma]

I've used this four times and it has worked each time.

I saw this show about picking up chicks, and there was this dude that had a seemingly horrible pickup line: "This is so embarrassing, but I almost wore that same outfit tonight". One night I tried it myself and it actually worked. It's not like it gives you an instant lay, but it certainly helps break the ice.

1) The first time I used it I ended up getting a number which later lead to a lay. score!
2) Some friends of mine had a friend that wanted to be introduced to me. I struggled to talk with her on the dance floor and things were going no where, but then I used the pickup line. Got a laugh, we joked around some more, and things were way different. I unfortunately didn't get her number that night.
3) My friend and I were at a club bored as hell and decided to try talking to girls. I had no other strategies, so I used the line again on a girl, started joking/teasing her, then her friends got involved too. Some decently pretty girls were all paying attention to me. It was a neat feeling. Got a number, but that didn't really go anywhere.
4) Used the same line on a girl at a club again. Used it on the friend of a girl I was trying to get with. It just helps lighten things up. got the other girls number, but that didn't go anywhere.

So yeah, I guess the pickup line has helped break the ice, but it doesn't help do much else. You really have to be able to handle your shit after approaching a girl or else things won't go well like for me. Heh heh. Good luck.

[Suave]

"Hi" works a fair number of times. From there he can inquire as to the status of the female target's emotional reading of the day, verbalise an observation about the female target/the female target's associates/others in the bar/life in general, or state a piece of interesting factual information.

If he wants to be a goofball and go for girls with a sense of humour, then there's always the "act like a cheeseball idiot" approach, and of course the Shakira approach (el danceo magnifico).

[dworkin31]

Why is your friend trying to hit on girls at a bar? That's just seems so pathetic and lonely. I know I am going to get flamed for suggesting this but there are those matching services all over. From what I know first hand, they work. It did for me. I saw my future wife's picture at that office and I knew there was an immediate attraction. On our very first date, which I thought was going to be a just a quicky dinner and then dump her, the date lasted for over 6 hours. We both fell in love that first night. We both knew it from that first date that we would marry. We've been married now 20+ years with a 14 yr old boy and 20 yr old boy/man? damm, that takes a lot to get used to And we still love each other. We want to kill each other sometimes but hey, that's marriage.

And after 23 years together, I still think she's pretty and cute.

Tell your friend to at least to think about it. I have no idea what those services are like now but i know of a number of success stories like ours.