girldetective

I did it. I walked right in and snatched my power back and in doing so I saw right through him. The snap, the map of light, the whole pic illuminated. It happened right then and I will never go back. If he had been watching he would have seen it coming. The way it went down was a surprise, in some way I think thrilling for each of us. It had to happen. It had to be done. It was a skip in the record, I had to move along.

Stay away from me.
Lose my email.
Lose my phone number.
If you see me on the street walk the other way.
If youre at an event where I am, dont acknowledge me.
Forget you ever knew me.

Today I feel exhilarated. I feel more myself, and better able to cope already. I feel certain. I think I have learned and I believe i have grown up more, become more of an adult again. I like it. It feels good. I recognize it.

*

Have you done any growing lately? Its a question that I think bares repeating, as just a taking-stock sort of thing. It feels good to recognize it and seems to go with the season. The turning of colors and the crispness in the air. A coming clean.

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As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata

macmanmike6100

A heavy post; thanks for sharing. Acknowledging the changes within you is half the enlightenment; keep doing what you're doing and stay empowered, adaptable, and smart.

dlish

wow..looks like good news for you finally

stay strong GD

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

girldetective

Heres another new owning, if you will. It has occurred to me anew that I can choose any person that I want to be with in any context at any time, and that any moment I remain in a situation I am choosing to stay. This includes work, romance, friendship, standing in a grocery line, talking on the phone. Just another power stock-taking thing.

What can I say?! Im slow on the uptake. Of course its a thought Ive had many times and have even studied, its just that Im going still deeper.

*

Again, any of you folks doing any growing lately? Any successes?

__________________
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata

snowy

I'm keeping my house tidy. This may not seem big to some people, but it's big for me. I've always been a get-to-it-later sort of person, but I've come to recognize that that is part of the problem--I say that but never get to it later, so I'd best get to it now. It's 7:39am here, and I've already made my bed and cleaned my kitchen before I have to leave for work. I've been doing this all week. Today is the big test though, because I work all day. Tomorrow is another test, as it will be time for the week's big clean (vacuuming, mopping, and the like). I've learned this last week that by tidying as I go, and working on it a bit every day (only half an hour to get my house looking spotless, really) I worry less and enjoy life more--I feel like my space is a space for living instead of just existing.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

murp0434

This is the philosophy of my life. I have to reiterate your post to help show the importance of this concept. You are in control of your life. Period. If you are in a bad or negative situation you always have the power to change it in some way. You are in control of your situations - they do not control you. Bad things happen to good people, bad things happen to bad people, it's how you react to them that defines who you are and how you lead your life. Taking responsibility for the experiences you have and the changes you want to see in your own life is the most empowering thing a person can do. Excellent post girl.

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These are the good old days.


How did I become upright?

mixedsubstance

I started college. Earlier than I thought. Since I've had my son (been 8 years now) I've put it off and done the 9-5 desk thing...and for the past couple of years I've staggered on and on..."I can't afford to go to school yet but I HATE what I'm doing!" But just recently I started talking to the college of my choice, and had a set goal to start the beginning of '09. Well, I got laid off- again. The jobs I've had in the past 3 years, something didn't work out- whether it was my choice or they didn't have enough work for me. I was sick of it. This time was the last straw- and final sign. So I said- "What the hell- I'm going for it NOW." And I'm so glad I did. Because in a year I'll be doing something I love, with many doors of opportunity, and making great money. So what's a year? I'm proud of myself. And it's such an exhilerating feeling, it's hard not to get giddy.

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Well, isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?!?

*Without energy, there would be nothing.*

roachboy

o i'll either say too much here or so little that it won't make sense...i left chicago, i left a relationship and a way of life last winter and since then have been trying to fashion a different way of being in the world, for now, in a tiny town by the ocean in massachusetts. for the most part, i've been aware of being disoriented and feeling at times as if i was in freefall. but lately, i've been figuring out that this was a good necessary and healthy move at more levels that i was aware of and that, despite still feeling dislocated and not at all sure that i want to stay in my in-between zone for very long, i actually feel strangely free. the only reason that's the case is that i think i'm figuring out, bit by bit, what to do with this freedom, which means in a sense that it's narrowing as it's opening up.

at this point, i either explain things or i don't.
i think for the moment, i'll leave it here--maybe come back later and decide.
it's a matter of whether i actually talk about my private life or not.
i keep things kinda separate, so it's a decision.

__________________
a gramophone its corrugated trumpet silver handle
spinning dog. such faithfulness it hear

it make you sick.

-kamau brathwaite

Lindy

A long time ago, when I was still with my practicing alcoholic husband, my Alanon sponsor showed this to me. I'm working from memory, but I think I have it mostly right. She said that it was hard for me to tell the difference between real change, and what just looked like change. Like having an alcoholic boyfriend instead of an alcoholic husband was probably only a Chapter Two or Three change. She kept telling me that I still had a ways to go to get to Chapter Five. Maybe you just got there.
Lindy

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

I.
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost...I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.


II.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place,
but it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.


III.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in...it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.


IV.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.


V.
I walk down a different street.

Catdaddy33

I work to live, not live to work...

I don't want to go out with people saying he was a "hard worker". I use to work long hours to get to the "next level", when I actually started watching people who were at the next level, I decided that wasn't for me. The company I work for is shrinking and good people that worked hard got the boot cause they were in the wrong department. I decided it wasn't worth it. I make a good salary and for the most part my job can be done in 40 hours a week. I am satisfied, but I'm also committed to spending every available minute I can outside of work with my family/friends. I don't socialize at work because I don't want to talk about work when I'm not at work, which is the way most work friendships have turned out for me. There are a couple of folks that share that and we go out with no mention of work.

Iliftrocks

Yeah, I'm almost done with a divorce of a woman who spent all of her time outside of the home, chasing dreams, or whatever, but ignoring me and my daughter. AND.... Now I'm dating another woman who spends great amounts of time away from me, ignoring me, and chasing those damned dreams.

I'm getting better though, my wife didn't want to have sex, but this girl doesn't even understand that people even have sex drives. She doesn't have one at all..... She's been molested/raped, in her past. I seem to attract these types of women...

I guess I haven't grown at all, come to think of it.

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bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."

jewels

That's really nice, Lindy I really like.

Growth is often that way, and I think it helps when we know we're not the only ones dealing with changing our own nature.

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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain