Spartanx9

While this doesn't necessarily pertain to me, its more of my sister's situation.

A bit of backstory if you don't know.

My sister at the age of 16 decides to move out of my mom's house (divorced parents). She moves in with her boyfriend (which I think is a very stupid idea at this age, maybe in a few years, but not now). Now she expects my parents to support her even though she doesn't live with them.

Am I wrong in thinking that she's crazy to think that way, granted she's 16? If you are going to be living with your parents until 18-19, then they should support you, but if you aren't, they shouldn't in my humble opinion.

kurty[B]

I have a few questions about this scenario.

Where is the father in all of this? Does he have any involvement?

What are your mom's rules about moving out?

Your sister needs rules and your mom needs to stand by them. If your sister doesn't want to follow your mom's rules, than she can move out, but if she's moving out, she's on her own. Now, the story is different if your mom kicked your sister out.

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Cynthetiq

life is pay for play. if she's adult enough to decide to move out, she's adult enough to pay her own way.

you can read more of my opinion and other's here:
http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/tilted-...r-parents.html

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Grasshopper Green

I moved out when I was 17 (I was a young high school graduate). I paid my own way. It was a decision I made - I could have stayed at home and my parents would have helped me, but I wanted to "leave the roost", so to speak. If you are mature enough to move out (regardless of the level of maturity), then you are mature enough to support yourself.

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Formerly Medusa

Willravel

Unless she's emancipated, your parents do have some legal responsibilities and rights. If they don't like her decision, they can force her to move back home, but regardless they're responsible for her well-being. If she steals, your parents are responsible. If she starves, your parents could be held responsible.

Still, she's acting like a child imho. I'd make her move home until she could afford to live on her own.

Cynthetiq

Technically, she's a runaway.

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Ayashe

If I was footing the bill it is going to be under my rules, just as it would be under my roof. Unless my daughter has gained entrance into some boarding school she is going to live under my roof, end of story.

Spartanx9

He's the one that is getting asked by my sister to support her. While he does get some of the basic needs, like cash for food and stuff for the week, he isn't going to support her full time if she isn't in the house. My sister doesn't like living with my dad, so she's not going to do it and still expects either him or my mom to help support her.

My mom? .. well, lets just say that she really just into her own interests rather than worrying about her kids that much.

Yeah, you probably get the notion that my family is fucked up. It pretty much is. They both brought up my sister wrong and let her run rampant with allowing her to be able to do shit and get away with it so easily.

@willravel, she's a stubborn jackass that won't do anything she doesn't want to unless you held her at gunpoint. My parents aren't going to be doing much at all I'm afraid.

Reese

I sure as hell wouldn't support her in any way other than supplying her a bed in my house and food in my fridge. No money, no car, not paying your damn insurance or your parking tickets. Fuck you, loser kids, get some fuckin smarts. Your parents house is the best living you'll ever have.

That's what I'd tell her

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ironman

Hell yeah, and they should spank the hell out of her as well and bring her back home.

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cj2112

First let me give you some background...I moved out the first time when I was 15. I thought knew better than my parents. I came back home for a few weeks, and by the time I was 16 I was on my own completely. My mom told me I was always welcome to come to her home for a meal, but that she would not support me financially. My Dad and I were not on speaking terms at the time ( I was immature and not speaking to him, he had no real issue w/ me). I think I took her up on the meal one time. One of the best things my parents ever did for me was make me responsible for my choices. I now have a 14 y.o. daughter(she turns 15 this month) and a 12 y.o. son. So I've been down this road, and given this some thought.

She chose to move out, she can figure out how to survive. If your parents have half of a brain, they'll have her emancipated. I'm guessing that your sister is doing a fair amount of partying, and probably some other pretty dumb stuff that may have serious financial repercussions for your parents. She thinks she is adult enough to move out, she can act adult enough to figure out how to survive.

It sounds like your family certainly has it's fair share of problems, but what family doesn't? Your sister is going through a very difficult time in her life, if you two are at all close, NOW is the time she needs you most. If she is anything like I was at that age, she'll never tell you how scared she is, how hurt she is, how much she needs to know that somebody in her family actually gives a rats ass about her, but she NEEDS to know somebody has her back. That she can call you when she is freaking the hell out @ 3:00 in the morning and you'll answer. She also needs to know that you will tell her she's a mess when she's a mess. She needs you to be her big brother. If you don't, somebody else will, and that person will not be good for her.

jewels

No. If she thinks she's ready to live on her own, she's got to provide for herself. There are consequences for every action and, as parents, we need to jump on those opportunities to get this across to our kids.

It's obvious your mom has no control as she allowed it to happen in the first place. Or as you say, she's self-involved, which could be the reason your sister left in the first place?

What about the boyfriend... Is he older? Are they living with his parents or does he have his own place? Does he work and/or provide for her?

In any case, since your sister wanted out, she should be willing to get a job after school and on weekends to fund the lifestyle she chose. Your family may or may not be screwier than another, but your sister still made a choice.

If your mom allows her to come back home, that would be a different story.

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thingstodo

I did the same thing. I expected nothing from my parents.

My kids were welcome in my home as long as they were going to school full time. They had to cover their own vehicle expenses but I helped in the beginning. I agreed to reimburse their college expenses at the end of each semester provided they made a B in their classes - and that was for ANY college they were able to get into regardless of how much I had to morgage to pay for it. That meant they didn't need to work so they could focus on school.

If you decide to leave you are saying you can handle things financially. If you want financial support you can come live at home where I'm already paying for a roof. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

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snowy

This is how it worked in my family--my brother got some slack because of extenuating circumstances, but even with him there was the expectation that he had to be going to community college, even part-time.

To the OP: if you sister is a healthy, functioning 16-year-old, she has no right to expect your parents to support her if she took it upon herself to leave their house.

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Spartanx9

Yes.. he's 18. They live in his parents house and neither are working from what I remember.

jewels

Wow! I can't believe his parents allow that.

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Cynthetiq

yeah, my dad would have said,"Well then, his parents can pay for whatever she needs."

I can't say I'd disagree.

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Spartanx9

While we were never really close (she jumped on the bandwagon that my older brother was running with making my life as miserable as possible while he was living with us), I don't mind watching out for her from time to time, especially if she needs it, but I don't have the ability to always be there for her since I have my own life to run.

kurty[B]

To me, this is the problem. Your dad is supporting her (even if it's just basic needs, and isn't as much as your sister thinks she needs). She's getting some money, and feels entitled to more. She probably thinks that what your Dad would owe in Child Support (if he pays Child Support) should go to her since she isn't living with her mom.

This is where I'll speak about legal matters. If your Dad pays Child Support, even if she's runaway from home, he would still be obligated to pay child support to your mother until he files a motion to deal with this. The courts would then expect some resolution be offered (if mom is allowing daughter to runaway without any retaliation then Dad could opt for custody, if dad got it, he could then receive child support from mother, and force his daughter to move back in with him (call the police). If your family is too lazy to do anything about it, and your dad is willing to subsidize her (even if it's only money for food) then she's going to continue to feel entitled. It will take REALLY learning to survive on her own without help for her to respect what living on your own really means. She may hold it against your parents, and be angry at them, but right now, your dad is inadvertantly supporting her actions, and your mom is justifying them.

Its tough to see family make stupid decisions. Sometimes, all you can do is be there for them. Stay in touch, listen to them, give advice if they're willing to listen (if they're not willing to listen don't give advice). Show them you love them, but don't find yourself being their financial support if you don't want this behaviour to continue. Good luck.

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