how to cheer someone up? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

InTransition951 · 06-15-2008, 10:09 PM

on my end, it is easy for people to cheer me up when i am feeling down. but when i am on the other end, i really do not know what to say due to the moment and atmosphere.

well, my cousin has been feeling really down since his gf broke up with him for a bit. but now that he is older (20 yrs), he is taking this differently since high school. instead of being depressed, he is being being very angry at the little things that happen in his other relationships with family and friends.

my question is here, how can i approach this? i just played CoD4 (call of duty 4) and beat him and now he is very pissed that he lost (hes been playing a lot longer than i have). hes also bringing in some other issues such as me not paying for my ps3 and him buying his own.

what i did in the past with people is just give them some time to cool off and talk to them after a good amount of time has passed which works some of the times. any advice on approaching this?

it would also be great if any other advice was given. because as i said earlier in the post, i am horrible at cheering people up hehe. so it would really benefit my self help too.

thanks

thespian86 · 06-16-2008, 12:31 PM

Hey Trans; first, let me say that the difference between dealing with things in highschool, and a couple years out of it, are gianormous. That said, the way he is dealing with it is very similar to how I would of taken it at the start of high school.

I just ended a relationship with a girl that I was with for so long that I can't remember before it. I hurt so much inside but the only way to deal with it, like an adult, is pick yourself up, appreciate what everyone is willing to do with you, and throw yourself back into life. Now that THAT is said you have two options:

1) Give him time. He is obviously still hurting and probably needs to be left the hell alone. Sometimes support can be distance (ie: "You do your own thing but if you need me I'm here"). I know you're concerned but he probably needs some space.

2) If he is just being a dick then you shouldn't have to put up with it. Yes, he's hurting, and yes everyone deals with it in different ways, but that isn't an excuse to berate and degrade someone who is obviously trying to take care of you. Walk away.

Both are you walking away. Tell him you're there, he'll probably say something rude and late teens like "yeah, whatever" and then walk the fuck away and let him cry or punch things or play CoD4. He'll either eventually come to you, or work it out himself.

A lesson that needs to learned by you, here, is that you can't save everyone from themselves. Some people need to self-destruct. C'est La Vie.

MSD · 06-16-2008, 04:23 PM

He's taking it out on everyone else by being a petty dickhead. Let him wallow in his misery for a few weeks.

InTransition951 · 06-16-2008, 08:48 PM

thanks for that first bit of info. ill take that into consideration.

but on the second part i think i worded it pretty vaguely. i was just wondering any ways to cheer someone up like, if you are not part of the problem and they go to you for help or something. im always that type of person that doesnt know what to say at the moment but knows what to say 10 mins later. its not a big problem really but its just something i was wondering for self help for the future since it happened somewhat in the past. anyways, i appreciate the advice.

-thanks

Willravel · 06-16-2008, 08:56 PM

First off, don't get him a hooker. It might make him happy in the short term, but trust me that it won't last.

But seriously, talk with him when and if he wants to talk. Be there for him. That's really all you can and should do.

thespian86 · 06-17-2008, 06:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Willravel

First off, don't get him a hooker. It might make him happy in the short term, but trust me that it won't last.

But seriously, talk with him when and if he wants to talk. Be there for him. That's really all you can and should do.

Agreed. "Cheering someone up" in these situations, in my experience, is nothing but short term until this is resolved. And it sounds like his way of dealing is throwing fits.

If your looking for other situations, I know people saying "I'm taking you out" or taking me under their wing made the past two weeks completely bearable in a completely unbearable situation. Sometimes just kind of being in the same room, or even talking about anything other then the problem. Mostly its support. Read the type of person they are and gauge your response based on that.

snowy · 06-17-2008, 08:39 AM

My friends and I comfort each other with conversation and good food. With my girlfriends, we buy a few pints of our best buddies--Ben and Jerry--and just talk. With the guys, it's more likely to be fried chicken and other comfort foods. Mostly, though, it's about being there for the person.

And beating someone at a game when they're already down is obviously not recommended. It's just adding fuel to the fire. I would choose activities that don't put you into competition with him right now.

MSD · 06-17-2008, 05:38 PM

Honestly, if you want to cheer him up, surround him with friends and don't give him too long to think about the problems. If you're drinking types, take him to the dive bar with girls dancing on the bar and on a trapeze over it. If not, uh, I'm out of ideas.

Martian · 06-17-2008, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Willravel

First off, don't get him a hooker. It might make him happy in the short term, but trust me that it won't last.

Plus then you have to figure out where to dump the body. That shit is not as easy as movies make you think.

Being there for people is important. Sometimes it's about forgiving bad behaviour. It should never be about putting up with someone's shit. That's not something I would do.

Often just being there (as in, physical presence) is a good way to show you care.

InTransition951 · 06-18-2008, 10:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by onesnowyowl

And beating someone at a game when they're already down is obviously not recommended. It's just adding fuel to the fire. I would choose activities that don't put you into competition with him right now.

theres a little story to this that gave me the impression that hes depressed through anger.

he invited me to play and im guessing he just wanted some easy wins from me (since i started playing). then he calls me up afterwards saying how good ive gotten in the short amount of time then brings up some unrelated issues about how i did not pay for the ps3 that i was playing on (its actually the families due to the blue ray/DVD) and how he worked hard for his. im guessing its some jealously and issues hes been holding up from me. and he never said it but he has some type of vendetta of being better at me at video games since i used to be a hardcore gamer and it is easy for me to understand and be good at games in a short amount of time.

but it kinda hurt me hearing this from someone that i looked up to and that i knew for 3/4ths of my life. but i just knew that hes all depressed about things and not let his anger get to me. i know this because i did it when i was depressed.

but on his point of view, he agreed with his g/f that they would take a break from each other for a bit. every one of his friends along with me is telling him that its just a break and not a break up. but he still treats it like that.

back on topic, im planning on talking to him after some time passes. but ill be harder to talk after some things were thrown out there. kinda discouraging imo. *sigh, oh well

MSD · 06-19-2008, 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by InTransition951

but on his point of view, he agreed with his g/f that they would take a break from each other for a bit. every one of his friends along with me is telling him that its just a break and not a break up. but he still treats it like that.

"A break" is a breakup in 99% of cases. Sorry for him, but that's how it goes. His friends need to keep distracting him and stop him from thinking about it too much.

Alta · 06-24-2008, 08:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by InTransition951

... that gave me the impression that hes depressed through anger......
.........
back on topic, im planning on talking to him after some time passes. but ill be harder to talk after some things were thrown out there. kinda discouraging imo. *sigh, oh well

I can believe that he is expressing his depression through anger. And pointing this out to him is unlikely to be helpful.
And, as you say, you are feeling a bit bruised yourself.

I suggest giving him some space. I have an uneasy feeling that if he keeps up like this he is going to do it to some fellow who really doesn't care about his (your friend's) feelings and will let him have it.

If the relationship ended because another fellow took his girl, then anything smacking of competition or defeat is going to be something he can't swallow well. However, wallowing will eventually bite him in rear end. Try to not be in the room.

InTransition951 · 06-24-2008, 11:50 PM

thanks for the advice.

i think hes cooled down a bit. i heard he went to hawaii with his family so it should give him a change of environment.

ive been focusing more on my life tho rather worrying about his (which took me awhile to see this since my last reply).

but as they say,
"time heals all wounds"

06-15-2008, 10:09 PM	#1 (permalink)
InTransition951 Upright Location: Northern CA	how to cheer someone up? on my end, it is easy for people to cheer me up when i am feeling down. but when i am on the other end, i really do not know what to say due to the moment and atmosphere. well, my cousin has been feeling really down since his gf broke up with him for a bit. but now that he is older (20 yrs), he is taking this differently since high school. instead of being depressed, he is being being very angry at the little things that happen in his other relationships with family and friends. my question is here, how can i approach this? i just played CoD4 (call of duty 4) and beat him and now he is very pissed that he lost (hes been playing a lot longer than i have). hes also bringing in some other issues such as me not paying for my ps3 and him buying his own. what i did in the past with people is just give them some time to cool off and talk to them after a good amount of time has passed which works some of the times. any advice on approaching this? it would also be great if any other advice was given. because as i said earlier in the post, i am horrible at cheering people up hehe. so it would really benefit my self help too. thanks __________________ looking young can be fun at times in some situations. but many older people do not take you so seriously.

06-16-2008, 12:31 PM	#2 (permalink)
thespian86 change is hard. Location: the green room.	Hey Trans; first, let me say that the difference between dealing with things in highschool, and a couple years out of it, are gianormous. That said, the way he is dealing with it is very similar to how I would of taken it at the start of high school. I just ended a relationship with a girl that I was with for so long that I can't remember before it. I hurt so much inside but the only way to deal with it, like an adult, is pick yourself up, appreciate what everyone is willing to do with you, and throw yourself back into life. Now that THAT is said you have two options: 1) Give him time. He is obviously still hurting and probably needs to be left the hell alone. Sometimes support can be distance (ie: "You do your own thing but if you need me I'm here"). I know you're concerned but he probably needs some space. 2) If he is just being a dick then you shouldn't have to put up with it. Yes, he's hurting, and yes everyone deals with it in different ways, but that isn't an excuse to berate and degrade someone who is obviously trying to take care of you. Walk away. Both are you walking away. Tell him you're there, he'll probably say something rude and late teens like "yeah, whatever" and then walk the fuck away and let him cry or punch things or play CoD4. He'll either eventually come to you, or work it out himself. A lesson that needs to learned by you, here, is that you can't save everyone from themselves. Some people need to self-destruct. C'est La Vie. __________________ EX: Whats new? ME: I officially love coffee more then you now. EX: uh... ME: So, not much.

06-16-2008, 08:48 PM	#4 (permalink)
InTransition951 Upright Location: Northern CA	thanks for that first bit of info. ill take that into consideration. but on the second part i think i worded it pretty vaguely. i was just wondering any ways to cheer someone up like, if you are not part of the problem and they go to you for help or something. im always that type of person that doesnt know what to say at the moment but knows what to say 10 mins later. its not a big problem really but its just something i was wondering for self help for the future since it happened somewhat in the past. anyways, i appreciate the advice. -thanks __________________ looking young can be fun at times in some situations. but many older people do not take you so seriously.

06-17-2008, 08:39 AM	#7 (permalink)
snowy Kick Ass Kunoichi Location: Oregon	My friends and I comfort each other with conversation and good food. With my girlfriends, we buy a few pints of our best buddies--Ben and Jerry--and just talk. With the guys, it's more likely to be fried chicken and other comfort foods. Mostly, though, it's about being there for the person. And beating someone at a game when they're already down is obviously not recommended. It's just adding fuel to the fire. I would choose activities that don't put you into competition with him right now. __________________ If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

06-24-2008, 11:50 PM	#13 (permalink)
InTransition951 Upright Location: Northern CA	thanks for the advice. i think hes cooled down a bit. i heard he went to hawaii with his family so it should give him a change of environment. ive been focusing more on my life tho rather worrying about his (which took me awhile to see this since my last reply). but as they say, "time heals all wounds" __________________ looking young can be fun at times in some situations. but many older people do not take you so seriously.

06-16-2008, 04:23 PM	#3 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	He's taking it out on everyone else by being a petty dickhead. Let him wallow in his misery for a few weeks.

06-16-2008, 08:56 PM	#5 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	First off, don't get him a hooker. It might make him happy in the short term, but trust me that it won't last. But seriously, talk with him when and if he wants to talk. Be there for him. That's really all you can and should do.

06-17-2008, 05:38 PM	#8 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	Honestly, if you want to cheer him up, surround him with friends and don't give him too long to think about the problems. If you're drinking types, take him to the dive bar with girls dancing on the bar and on a trapeze over it. If not, uh, I'm out of ideas.