Confused with feelings - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

TouchAndGo · 05-06-2008, 08:47 AM

Okay so, I was the poster of a thread a few months ago about how to deal with my girlfriend with whom I've been for 4 years and broke up with her but she wouldn't let go.

Now life is screwing me over as she started to move on after the break up 4 months or so and a friend of mine was flirting with her. I thought I was over her too, even though deep inside of me I missed her but I suppressed this feeling. Then out of nowhere jealousy overwhelmed me as things became more explicit between them, and I went back to her for a talk and confessed my feelings. Before going further, I am confused if is it really love, or just ego - somebody taking over my role of being by her side. I really thought about it, I'm pretty sure it's not the latter, but I dunno if it's what I'm trying to make myself believe. Those feelings are really fucking with my mind.

Then the hard part - she's kinda relieved that it turned out like that, but is scared of coming back as she said that the pain I inflicted her with the breakup was inhumane and she wouldn't live through another one. This sprouted doubts in my mind as I sure as hell don't want to make her suffer anymore. I'm pretty confident that I love her now, I even did those things I never did before to prove her that. But what if it's just for a fleeting moment? What if the whole scenario repeats itself? How the hell am I supposed to know all of that, if she's the one, for better or for worse, till death do us part? My head's pretty effed up with all of this bullcrap right now and I don't know how to see clear through all of it =(

jewels · 05-06-2008, 09:26 AM

Quote:

She was completely devastated, pleading and begging for me to give her another chance, but I tried explaining her that I've tried my best so many times to make it work, and it just didn't. Being with her for 4 years has created some kind of bond and I'm feeling really REALLY bad for what she's going through, but I just can't stay chained to this unrequited love forever. It keeps me awake and makes my heart ache thinking about her throwing away her life because of me. She comes crying to me sometimes, telling me how she can't eat, can't study and cries herself to sleep and starts begging again. I really care for her as a good friend, but sadly not as a partner..

I think you just missed having someone care for you that much. Of course she's relieved; she's wanted you back and is exploiting your weakness. I'm guessing there's no one special in your life right now?

Do not fall for it. It'll only be more pain for you both. I've seen this scenario and it will only repeat. Please. Go re-read that thread.

Lasereth · 05-06-2008, 09:53 AM

Stay away from that shit man. Like I said in the other thread, it will only lead to more sadness if you keep it going. You miss having someone love you, not her in particular. You're not meant to be together based on what you said in that other thread.

Giant Hamburger · 05-06-2008, 10:41 AM

Over time your compulsion for drama will wane.

soma · 05-06-2008, 11:47 AM

^ Agreed. And props. I'm a fan of charts and data.

match000 · 05-06-2008, 12:35 PM

You've made a decision and you had good reasons for that decision. Stick to it and don't let ego get to yourself.

TouchAndGo · 05-06-2008, 06:46 PM

Mmm so has this never happened between you and your actual loved ones? I'm not trying to prove all of you wrong, I'm just curious of the different outcomes of this situation.

snowy · 05-06-2008, 07:08 PM

I've been in a similar situation in my first relationship, and it turned out badly. It's better to just cut your losses, cut off contact, and take up new hobbies. You'll spare yourself a lot of heartache and pain. I wish I had taken this advice back then--it would have saved me several months of wasted time.

I think most of us here are giving you this advice because we have been through it too. I've said here before and I'll say it again--the long, drawn-out break-up seems to be one of those rites of passage we must all go through ourselves, and it is a lesson people seem to like to learn the hard way. If to be wise is to learn from the mistakes from others--take our advice.

*Nikki* · 05-06-2008, 07:38 PM

Been there, done that.

My ex broke it off with me after six years then a couple months down the road when he saw I did indeed move on and had other pursuits, he tried to get me back. Thing was, like YOUR EX I couldn't see feeling the pain of losing him more then one time. One time almost killed me. Do you both a favor and MOVE ON.

TouchAndGo · 05-07-2008, 08:56 AM

There are times when you're blinded by what you think what you want to do is the right thing even though everybody else thinks otherwise. There's still the possibility of it working, but bigger possibility of it failing. WHAT IF it does work out... =/ *shoots self*

snowy · 05-07-2008, 09:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TouchAndGo

There are times when you're blinded by what you think what you want to do is the right thing even though everybody else thinks otherwise. There's still the possibility of it working, but bigger possibility of it failing. WHAT IF it does work out... =/ *shoots self*

You need to remember that there are good reasons you broke up in the first place.

I've never seen a young couple recover from a break-up. Never. They tease themselves by thinking it will get better, that they can fix things. But it never works out that way. Invariably, someone is reminded of why they broke up with the other person in the first place, and it unravels once more. I've watched friends do this to themselves repeatedly, as if they could not learn the lesson.

Don't be that person. Otherwise, you might as well go start slamming your head against the wall right now, and get a head start on the heartache and headache.

05-06-2008, 08:47 AM	#1 (permalink)
TouchAndGo Upright	Confused with feelings Okay so, I was the poster of a thread a few months ago about how to deal with my girlfriend with whom I've been for 4 years and broke up with her but she wouldn't let go. Now life is screwing me over as she started to move on after the break up 4 months or so and a friend of mine was flirting with her. I thought I was over her too, even though deep inside of me I missed her but I suppressed this feeling. Then out of nowhere jealousy overwhelmed me as things became more explicit between them, and I went back to her for a talk and confessed my feelings. Before going further, I am confused if is it really love, or just ego - somebody taking over my role of being by her side. I really thought about it, I'm pretty sure it's not the latter, but I dunno if it's what I'm trying to make myself believe. Those feelings are really fucking with my mind. Then the hard part - she's kinda relieved that it turned out like that, but is scared of coming back as she said that the pain I inflicted her with the breakup was inhumane and she wouldn't live through another one. This sprouted doubts in my mind as I sure as hell don't want to make her suffer anymore. I'm pretty confident that I love her now, I even did those things I never did before to prove her that. But what if it's just for a fleeting moment? What if the whole scenario repeats itself? How the hell am I supposed to know all of that, if she's the one, for better or for worse, till death do us part? My head's pretty effed up with all of this bullcrap right now and I don't know how to see clear through all of it =(

05-06-2008, 11:47 AM	#5 (permalink)
soma Addict Location: USA	^ Agreed. And props. I'm a fan of charts and data. __________________ Having Girl Problems?

05-06-2008, 07:08 PM	#8 (permalink)
snowy Kick Ass Kunoichi Location: Oregon	I've been in a similar situation in my first relationship, and it turned out badly. It's better to just cut your losses, cut off contact, and take up new hobbies. You'll spare yourself a lot of heartache and pain. I wish I had taken this advice back then--it would have saved me several months of wasted time. I think most of us here are giving you this advice because we have been through it too. I've said here before and I'll say it again--the long, drawn-out break-up seems to be one of those rites of passage we must all go through ourselves, and it is a lesson people seem to like to learn the hard way. If to be wise is to learn from the mistakes from others--take our advice. __________________ If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

05-06-2008, 09:53 AM	#3 (permalink)
Lasereth Knight of the Old Republic Location: Winston-Salem, NC	Stay away from that shit man. Like I said in the other thread, it will only lead to more sadness if you keep it going. You miss having someone love you, not her in particular. You're not meant to be together based on what you said in that other thread.

05-06-2008, 10:41 AM	#4 (permalink)
Giant Hamburger Gastrolithuanian Location: low-velocity Earth orbit	Over time your compulsion for drama will wane.

05-06-2008, 12:35 PM	#6 (permalink)
match000 Psycho	You've made a decision and you had good reasons for that decision. Stick to it and don't let ego get to yourself.

05-06-2008, 06:46 PM	#7 (permalink)
TouchAndGo Upright	Mmm so has this never happened between you and your actual loved ones? I'm not trying to prove all of you wrong, I'm just curious of the different outcomes of this situation.

05-06-2008, 07:38 PM	#9 (permalink)
Nikki ~~~~~~~ Location: Charleston, SC	Been there, done that. My ex broke it off with me after six years then a couple months down the road when he saw I did indeed move on and had other pursuits, he tried to get me back. Thing was, like YOUR EX I couldn't see feeling the pain of losing him more then one time. One time almost killed me. Do you both a favor and MOVE ON.

05-07-2008, 08:56 AM	#10 (permalink)
TouchAndGo Upright	There are times when you're blinded by what you think what you want to do is the right thing even though everybody else thinks otherwise. There's still the possibility of it working, but bigger possibility of it failing. WHAT IF it does work out... =/ shoots self