World's King

Okay... I'm not really sure how to put this...


I seem to be the guy that drops everything to help out a friend. I'll be the first one to show up at a party and I always bring a gift. I make sure to always call people back or return emails. If I'm invited to something and I can't attend I let the person know instead of just not showing up.


And I've found that I'm the only one I know like this.


So, I'm having a party at my house on Saturday to celebrate the positive changes in my life. Just a few friends drinking cocktails, listening to good music and talking. Nothing fancy. I've been in my house for almost two years and have yet to have anyone over.

I invited all the people I wanted to come using MySpace. So after three days... No one has responded. And I'm talking almost 50 people. And it's not like that haven't seen the invitation. They just aren't responding. And I'm a little hurt. I see that these people are online, I see that they've read the invitation... And nothing.

If a friend is DJing some club, I show up. If a friend is having a party, I show up. And like I said, if I can't, I at least give notice.


So, what do I do? Keep reminding these people? Ask why they haven't responded? Just ignore them and find new friends?

__________________
heavy is the head that wears the crown

Glory's Sun

just make another invite or bulletin saying you need to get some sort of idea how many are coming so you know how much booze to buy.. if nobody replies.. then fuck em.. find different people.

abaya

Does your invitation state that you need an RSVP for planning purposes? That might be the source of the confusion. I'm not a MySpacer, so I don't know how it works there, but I've used eVite for stuff (including our wedding, no joke) and it has a very clear response section... so does Facebook's "Events" system... it's "Attending," "Not attending," or "Maybe," which is at least more info than you're getting right now. You might want to just try re-sending the invite with a specific request for info, because people tend to be stupid.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

MSD

Make a private event and send it out to people, then message them about it so they know to check and RSVP.

Glory's Sun

myspace's events have a "maybe", "will attend", "will not attend" form when you view the event iirc.

jewels

Sounds like you do things the right way. Not everyone has your fine breeding, though.

Is it possible they haven't been online, assume it's open and not an RSVP kinda thing, or maybe they get so many bulletins and things they don't read them? Just stabbing in the dark, since I don't know anything about myspace etiquette.

Hell, wouldn't it be simpler to pick up the phone?

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

allaboutmusic

I don't know about Myspace - but on Facebook, I get so inundated with applications requests that I often don't check invitations for weeks.

World's King

It's a private event. And yes, you have to RSVP.



So I'm guessing my friends are just losers...

__________________
heavy is the head that wears the crown

Jinn

I'm the kind of asshole who doesn't reply until the very last minute.

Most times, I just click the "back" button and try to remember when it's happening. Unless its invitation addressed specifically to me (by first name, for example), I tend to think it's a blanket invitation and my specific response isn't really necessary. Most things I get invited to are just "hey, I want to have some people over and hey, you're one of those people."

If they actually take the effort to specifically message me, even if it's like:

"Hey {My First Name}:

You comin' on Saturday? I think you should.

Thanks,
{My friend}"

I'll respond. Otherwise I just hit "Maybe Attending" or nothing at all.

So in answer to your question, I think individually addressed messages are the way to elicit the type of response you want.

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*Nikki*

I'm sorry King most people are not like you. I had friends do the exact same thing for my baby shower. I had said on the invite "regrets only" meaning we assume you are coming unless you tell us otherwise. So my mom buys a ton of food for like 20+ people b/c only a couple people called and said they weren't coming.

Guess what? Only like 12 showed. HOW FUCKING RUDE IS THAT!!

Rude fuckers.

levite

Yeah, for some reason, people suck about stuff like this. I have no idea why, or how it has become so widespread.

I usually have a party rule: I invite well in advance (a couple of weeks or more) and tell people to RSVP; I send out a reminder with request to RSVP a week or so in advance; if I have less than a quorum (a minimum number I decide on based on total invited) of responses by the middle of the week of the party, I cancel.

__________________
Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.

(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

Corneo

Does your guest have a way to see whose planning on attending so far? I usually check out the guest list before I head to a gathering. I don't like showing up to a place where I know almost no one.

funydjane

If you're such a good friend why have you not had anyone over for two years? And if they really are your friends, why can't you ask them in person? Serious questions.

KellyC

Yeah, I'd pick up the phone and call them individually. It's a hassle to call so many people but it often works in my case.

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Me: Shit happens.

inBOIL

I'v heard of people sending out invitations with the date and time, and then "RSVP for location." That way you don't have to call each guest individually, and you don't risk not having enough food/drink for everyone.

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And you believe Bush and the liberals and divorced parents and gays and blacks and the Christian right and fossil fuels and Xbox are all to blame, meanwhile you yourselves create an ad where your kid hits you in the head with a baseball and you don't understand the message that the problem is you.

surferlove007

Well King, I totally understand your issue. It's totally poor manners.
I always respond as soon as I can because that's the proper thing to do. It's also very rude to the host/hostess to just show up without saying so beforehand.

King...another thing. I'm helping my girlfriend out with her wedding invitation list (I'm her Maid of Honor) and I told her to direct the RSVPs to my address so I could account for who's coming and who's not. Basically I'm putting email, phone number, AND an actual snail mail card to make sure people can get in touch with me. I'm also ensuring the cards say "Please RSVP By...."

So yea...nonRSVPing people are rude.
My children will know how to RSVP AND write thank you notes!

Martian

This strategy definitely works. There's a local musician in my town who occasionally throws parties/shows in his apartment. He literally picks up the phone and calls every single person he knows to come to these things. I've stopped going because his place is usually packed to the point where it's hard to move.

Lots of people are rude. This shouldn't be news to anyone. On the other hand, contacting people indivdually almost always results in individual responses.

Did you specify on the invite to RSVP? I don't know how Myspace handles these things. Perhaps people assumed if it wasn't specifically indicated that no response was necessary?

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

World's King

Well, seeing as how MySpace is run like a fourth grader wrote the code...



Not everyone got the invitation... And the ones that did and didn't respond are just assholes.

__________________
heavy is the head that wears the crown

Redlemon

Wired magazine was plugging Socializr - Share events with your friends! as a significant improvement over Evite. I haven't checked it out, but there it is.

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

World's King

So after repeatedly telling these people about the party and trying to get them to RSVP...



Nothing. I'm very close to canceling.

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

ShaniFaye

at least you dont have them deleting you and your s/o in mass and then proclaiming they "excorcised their demons"

who knew I was so truly evil.

Wish I had advice for you WK...I have learned that trying to do party's on myspace is a waste....I use evite

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

World's King

I can't use evite... I don't have the majority of their email addresses.

__________________
heavy is the head that wears the crown

little_tippler

Well, recently the same thing happened to me. I understand how you feel, I am also the friend who always shows up and is there for people and always RSVP's in plenty of time etc. And when I invite people, they always let me know last minute. I think it's rude but I tolerate it I guess. It sucks. In summer I organized a small dinner at my place with about 20 friends and in the end I cancelled it.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

ShaniFaye

There really is no excuse for it IMO, but then Im a person that still believes in thank you notes lol

I'd have rsvp'd if I'd been invited

As vocal as you are Im surprised you havent gone off on them

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

funydjane

World's King - If you're such a good friend why have you not had anyone over for two years? And if they really are your friends, why can't you ask them in person? Serious questions.

abaya

Is there an echo in here?

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

allaboutmusic

Is there an echo in here?

World's King

Because I wasn't in a place in my life to have people over. My ex girlfriend hated most of my friends. She's gone now.



I'm invited like 50 people... It's kind hard to see them all face to face. And most of them I only see once every month or so.


Serious answers.

__________________
heavy is the head that wears the crown

funydjane

I obviously don't know the details, but perhaps your friends thought it was a bit rude not to be invited round for two years?

As for the RSVPs, I think most of your problem is using the internet (especially MySpace). If you don't see your friends regularly (again, what kind of friends are they) then at least make the effort to call them.