Miss Mango

I was talking with one of my friends today and we got on the topic of emotional affairs. She said that an emotional affair was when you shared intimate stuff with a guy that you dont share with your husband or boyfriend. I have a few guys that I have worked with many years ago and we are still friends. One of them takes me out for dinner a few times a year and my boyfriend doesnt mind (this guy is 20 years older than me, almost like a dad) and there are other guys that I just enjoy talking to, getting their male point of view, etc.

So what constitutes an emotional affair and what is just being friends with a person of the opposite sex?

Push-Pull

I would think that having the other person boost your ego in a personal way would be part of an emotional affair. That is to say, if this person tells you things that you'd love to hear from your S.O. and you keep going back for more, than that is an emotional affair.

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Jinn

An "emotional" affair?

If I am physical with a woman: kissing, touching, sex, etc.. that's an affair.

If I just talk to them (even if I tell them things I haven't told my SO), it's not an affair. It's conversation.

I don't understand the concept of an "emotional affair." People (male OR female) are going to affect you emotionally, even when you're in a relationship.

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ratbastid

An "emotional affair" is what the "emotionally cheated-on" person calls their partner's close friendships when they want to use those friendships as a weapon in a fight, and yet come out of it looking like the victim.

Plan9

Perhaps you can have an "emotional affair" without the other party being involved.

Infatuation?

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tecoyah

I see an "emotional affair" as extremely easy to define to ones self...but very difficult to define externally. Do you find yourself physically attracted to this friend? Is there un underlying desire for intimacy within the relationship the two of you share?

Regardless of actually acting on the inpulses created by the interaction, if I feel a "Want", to taste a friends love, then it can be considered an emotional affair in my own mind. The label is somewhat misleading however, as affair carries negative connotations that I dont feel match such a natural reaction to attraction.
Likely everyone feels something of desire in a dual sex friendship...If they dont there is probably something wrong.

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Sultana

Eh, I disagree.

I feel I was emotionally cheated on when my husband was for all intents and purposes dating another woman while still living with me (during a weird "Separation but I'm not leaving yet (his position)" phase). I'm fairly certain he didn't physically cheat, but yeah, there was heat going on there, and obviously he didn't wait until the corpse was cold before jumping onto (not literally) another relationship.

I'd say that if you're keeping your interaction with them a secret from your SO, even if you're not physically involved, that's an emotional affair.

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Jinn

After further thought, I think the difference between "an emotional affair" and "being friends" is based on the jealousy of the speaker. If they have no reason to be jealous of your friends, then, well.. they're just friends. But if they're jealous of the other person (for any reason)? An emotional affair.

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"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

Sultana

Again, I disagree. If my ex was jealous of all my male friends (and he was, at one point), that does not mean I was having an emotional affair with any or all of them.

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"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

Plan9

Why do we think we own somebody more after we split up? Gah. Silly humans.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

ehh19

i think, and it may have already been said in one form or another, that if you are doing or saying something to someone that you would NOT say in front of your S.O, thats some kind of (emotional or physical, depending) affair. i think that you should be comfortable with what you say to other people.... because if you are then you will have no problem repeating it to your S.O. For example, if i'm gonna go to a party with some friends, some of them are women, and i told a friend "Wow, you're looking hot in that dress!" That would be fine. Because I would say the exact same thing in the exact same way if my girlfriend was standing right next to me.

If you find that this theory constricts your outside convo's then i would say that a conversation is needed with your S.O. Sometimes two people aren't that communicative and it leads to problems with stuff like that.

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Racnad

Here's the emotional affair test....

Part 1:
If your single friend tells you they've started dating a great person with whom they really connect with, have hours of wild exciting sex with and may be their soul mate, what would be your emotional reaction?

Part 2:
If your married friend tells you they've spent a great weekend with with their spouse and have regained intimacy and communication to a degree they haven't experinced since early in their relationship, what is your emotional reaction?

Scoring: If you honestly feel happy for your friend, they are just a freind. If there are any feelings of loss, betrayal or sadness, then to that degree it is an emotional affair.

hunnychile

I thought I knew but realize that I haven't a clue. I guess it's all about trust and reality.

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MSD

Why do we think we own anyone, period?

Ourcrazymodern?

I've always thought that being friends was an emotional affair...maybe I don't understand the question.

Of course, I don't understand jealousy, either.

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ngdawg

I think this covers it pretty closely.
I also think Tec's take has some truth to it, in that you can want someone to the exclusion of others, not act upon it and thusly, at least to the one doing the wanting, be having an 'emotional affair'. It's when one crosses the border from loving a friend to being 'in love' with them. Once that desire is realized, another line has been crossed and it's no longer an 'emotional affair', it's an affair.

Ustwo

I take it 'emotional affairs' must have been on Opra lately as they keep popping up as a topic of conversation.

I guess its a new way to feel guilty or cheated on, it also sounds like a 'chick thing'.

Its bad enough that Western society has decided you need to lock up your genitals once married, never to be seen by other eyes again, but now we need to control unspoken feelings that are never acted on as well?

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dirtyrascal7

Obviously there is a significant amount of gray area here.

A physical affair is easier to define and identify because most people don't have sex with people they are merely friends with. However, in every friendship, each party is emotionally attached and invested to some degree. The question here is, to what degree is it crossing some invisible, subjective line in our heads?

Everyone has friends they turn to for support and advice, so I don't believe that merely confiding in someone constitutes an emotional affair. I think there has to be some kind of non-physical intimacy and personal sharing involved, but more importantly a shift in the primary emotional support in that person's life from their spouse to this other person.

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Fast Forward

Define the difference between "emotional" and "intimate" and you'll have the answer you seek.

Friends can share emotions, but if you're having sex with them or passionate kissing, etc. then you're not "only friends".

I know several women whose "best friends" are homosexual men. They compare notes and share a lot of emotions but ........ that's as far as it goes.