LiBan

I am in my final semester of college. After going through high school without any kind of independence or privacy I have held tight to both since starting college. This has made my mother furious. I have done my best to tip-toe around her for as long as I can and to be the best daughter that I can, but I've reached my limits (please forgive me if I sound like another whiny youngster).

My mother and I cannot even seem to communicate anymore. The insults and refusal to consider my position and personal desires for the direction of my life are not being fairly considered. She claims that my memories of verbal abuse from her are all made up. In short, it's a bad situation which has been growing steadily worse. Essentially, beyond a little help from my sympathetic stepfather, I am facing complete financial independence by the end of December.

This is not being forced on me (yet), it is a choice. I do not feel that I can live the life she wants me to live and we have gone beyond the point of civil discussion on the matter. Considering the situation and both our temperaments, the only solution I feel that I have left is to be financially independent as soon as possible.

This means that I will need to be able to pay for car insurance myself as the state I live in mandates that drivers have insurance. I have no idea where to begin looking for this. I do not know which companies are more trustworthy; which have the better services for their cost. Legally, I am only required to have liability coverage, but I am not even sure how much that basic insurance plan would cost. I know that I will also need my own cell phone plan, among other more basic needs which I hope to be able to split with my boyfriend.

I make very little money at a university paid position. It is barely enough to cover the cost of my groceries and gas for the car. I hope to begin searching for a job elsewhere and will consider any job that pays enough to cover my living expenses, even if it is not in my field of study.

I have a small support net (my boyfriend wants to find an apartment with me after graduation) which makes all of this a little easier, but that net is mostly made of other college grads who are barely making it by while they find their footing as young adults.

To sum up this needlessly long post, I am hoping for guidance and advice on matters like car insurance, cell phone plans, and expenses that I am not considering but should. I am hoping that some of you can give me some direction or tips that will help me make the best of a strained, but not yet desperate, situation.

Thank you.

Siege

There's an awesome thread buried somewhere about how to save money. While this in no way helps you get a new job, it'll help you save what money you do earn.


Edit: Here we go:
http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=82891

__________________
"Your name's Geek? Do you know the origin of the term? A geek is someone who bites the heads off chickens at a circus. I would never let you suck my dick with a name like Geek"

--Kevin Smith

This part just makes my posts easier to find

snowy

I recently had to purchase car insurance, and found it to be a fairly painless process. I chose to go with Progressive, but there are plenty of choices out there, like Allstate or State Farm or Liberty Mutual. Progressive, like their commercial says, allows you to look at quotes from other insurers side-by-side with their quote. I double-checked the quotes Progressive gave me from other insurers against the insurers themselves and found Progressive's numbers to be in the ballpark--meaning they're not trying to rip you off or mislead you, they're telling the truth. I chose them for that and for having the cheapest rates and the best online customer service program. I was able to pay my premium over the Internet and print out temporary cards. Six months of basic liability coverage cost me $175, but there is also a month-by-month option.

I was really impressed by how easy and painless they made it. It totally sounds like I'm plugging them, haha, but you have to make your own decisions and do your homework by checking other insurer's sites.

Job-wise, have you looked into doing childcare? Is that something that interests you at all? I make good money at it, and I can schedule my work times around my schooling. Qualifications you will need in order to charge more include your First Aid and CPR certifications, as well as a child development/child psychology class (not required, but it helps tremendously).

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

LiBan

Thank you so much for responding.

I'll take a look at that thread, Siege.

Thank you for the pointers on insurance, Onesnowyowl. I had not considered childcare. One of my majors is in psychology. I did take one child development course. I'll look into that as well.

If anyone else has helpful tips and suggestions, I would be very grateful.

Push-Pull

You probably already have realized this, but most likely, you'll have to forgo some of the "luxuries" that you may have taken for granted. I'm not just saying that to you, but for the others that are your "net". (As an example, it can be VERY frustrating to come home and find a roommate has just purchased the latest X-Box game having forgotten that it was HIS turn to buy the month's groceries.) Things like internet, cable, phone, etc may have to be moved into "luxury" status as you get to your feet. Essentially, if it were me, I'd start out being absolutely the biggest tightwad possible and live like a monk for a couple of months and then see what else you can add into your finances. Make these moves small and deliberate and always allow some time to see how it works out before making another financial commitment. Eventually you'll be able to live comfortably, but for now, absolute control over the finances is a must.

Good luck to you.

__________________
"No laws, no matter how rigidly enforced, can protect a person from their own stupidity." -Me-

"Some people are like Slinkies..... They are not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." -Unknown-

DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-

tecoyah

You might try a Top Off cell phone plan. I have found it forced me to limit my calls, and costs less than half what a contract does per month (if done wisely). Mine is 6.99 a month, and you can add whatever amount you want to whenever you want. If you decide to let it drop it costs you nothing, And you can usually start the whole thing for $40...20 for the phone, and 20 for the card.

__________________
Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

abaya

Great advice from everyone here. I just have a question about your mother... is she Asian? I have a Thai mother and struggled (still do) with many of the things you talk about in your post... and you are much bolder and braver than I am for establishing financial independence from your mother. It's a very good move on your part. (For the record, I have been making my own money for some time now, but my mother started some bank accounts for me when I was young... and she requires that they remain joint, as they always have been, even though I am now 28 and married. Just one example.)

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

The_Jazz

Perhaps this is the thread that will get me off my butt to start the "how to buy insurance" thread that's been bouncing around my head for a year. Its started but by no means complete.

For now, snowy's advice will pass. I may add more later.

Overall, I suggest that you start your budget now to help you plan for later.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

LiBan

Push-Pull, that is a good point. Internet might have to be relegated to coffee houses and watching cable restricted to hanging out at a friend's place.

Tecoyah, a Top-Off cell phone plan sounds about perfect for my needs. I'll look into that as well.

No, actually. Though she is an air force brat and, despite the fact that she has neither stepped foot in a church in the last 15 years nor practiced any part of the religion except the quote scripture at me, she considers herself a born again Christian and portrays everything that is wrong with the people who give themselves that label.

I actually shut down the joint account that I opened with my mother in high school, and started new checking and savings accounts with a completely different bank. I also have them send my statements to my school P.O. box.

And thank you for the compliment. Bold, I am faking...brave is happening in baby steps.

The_Jazz, I would love to read a thread about buying insurance. I feel a bit more hopeful about my chances of purchasing insurance after taking Onesnowyowl's advice about looking at Progressive. I still have a fair bit of research to go, but I feel better.

Also, Siege, the thread you linked me to was very helpful! After reading about buying store brand food, I asked around and learned that Birds Eye Foods provides many of the Publix store brand foods. I like to keep frozen veggies on hand so that was a great tip.

Thank you for your help, everyone. I would be very glad to hear any other suggestions anyone might have.

Toaster126

...are you serious? What has stopped you from cutting that off?

__________________
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

abaya

LiBan, well, you have my sympathy (for her being an annoyingly evangelical Christian) and my admiration. You ARE being bold, and brave... sometimes all we can do is fake it until it becomes real. I think you're on the right path. Yeah, I'm serious. You'd have to know my mom to really understand how the whole thing works (she has a few personality disorders, to say the least), but basically, that money is safe where it is, and it serves a kind of purpose between my mother and I. For the moment, it gives my mother the illusion that she has some "bond" with me (in her mind, financial = emotional, another hindrance to the whole thing)... which is not really true, but it's important to maintain that illusion for the sake of peace between us.

My main bank accounts are non-joint, and I've used those since high school (much to her discontent), and ktspktsp and I have a joint account of our own. I don't really need to deal with the joint w/my mom until ktspktsp and I buy a house or have kids or something else major (which will be in the next few years). And at that point, yeah, I'm gonna have to cut it off. So in summary, for the sake of my mother's sanity and a half-decent relationship with her, I'm not gonna cross that bridge until I have to. It's really that delicate of a situation, believe me... she's an incredibly volatile person, and this has to be done very carefully. Sort of like disarming a bomb.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

telekinetic

1. Do not rely on your boyfriend for financial support unless you are engaged, and even then be wary. If you break up and he's paying 80% of the bills, you are FUCKED. It is ok to have a shared living situation, as long as if push came to shove, you'd be able to afford your car insurance, car payment if you have one, gas, food, and rent on a small apartment or a room in a house.

2. If you need to get a small student loan this semester, do so. It would be better for you to quit your low-paying job and start aggressively pursuing a career than to continue to make $7 an hour and then finish the semester with nothing. What is your degree?

3. Even if you don't have any career options available (I've never understood going to college without a goal in mind, but that's another story...), still spend a couple months aggressively pursuing a good high paying job. There are many jobs at many companies (I can think of five, specifically, at the company I'm at that pay 40k+) that pay very well with any degree, regardless of whether or not it's related.

4. Don't spend too much time feeling sorry for yourself. You're a college graduate, it isn't the end of the world that you're not getting help from Mommy.


Sorry to be so blunt, other people more qualified have covered the emotional impact. I just don't understand why you feel like you're trapped in a 'low paying university job.' Change that before you jump through too many hoops to make your living situation match your meager income.

LiBan

Twisted, I did not say that I am trapped in my current job, it just happens to be the job I took. My living situation changed at the end of summer and I had to cut my hours in half, which is why I am not making any money at that position.

Now that you say it, I think you might be right about simply quitting that job and working harder at finding a real job. I'll take your advice and start looking for other work a bit sooner in the semester than I had planned.

You are absolutely right about not relying on my boyfriend to support me. I have actually been talking about that with him. Simply transferring my dependence from one person to another is not a solution. Really, it was never my intent. We've wanted an apartment together for a while, but considering the turn that things have taken we are now looking at it with greater intent.

I actually did have a goal in mind when I started college, however, my mother told me she would no longer help cover any of the costs of college if I did not alter my major and stay with the minor that she thought was best. At the time, I agreed. It has been a regret ever since.

I've been working on a double major. When I finish I will have a BA in psychology and public relations. Unfortunately, I've not had the chance to build a portfolio.

It is very good to know that there are companies who would hire me for fair paying jobs, regardless of my major.

Thank you for being blunt and not trying to spare feelings.