thinker75

thanks

Fast Forward

You and your friend both have psycological complexes.

Your friend feels inferior and wants to prove (to herself actually) that she is better than you. She remains your friend because you're an easy target and others will tell her to piss off.

You, on the other hand, feel unloved and unappreciated and you think you can gain acceptance from your friend who will NEVER give you any. You continue to be her friend because she's always there and you mistakenly assume it's because she likes you.

My advice is to get brave, change your telephone number, and get some new friends based upon mutual kindness and intersts "in common".

guthmund

Personally, I don't get to riled up about stuff like that. I am responsible for my own feelings and all that jazz, but bottom line is if you want be friends with her, be friends with her.

Talk to her and tell her how you feel. If she listens...great, maybe your friendship will be the better. If she doesn't and dismisses you, lose her number. Either way not dealing with it directly isn't going to get anyone anywhere.

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Jinn

She's a trifling bitch.

Lay down the law and call her on her shit. Tell her you're tired of the jealously and she really needs to cut it the fuck out.

Men are typically more blunt about this sort of thing, and it's the reason that vindictive jealousy is more often manifested by women. You can get the same effect by just laying down the law and making it clear the next time she tries to pull it that it just DOESN'T FLY.

You'd be amazed how many problems can be solved by (a) deciding that you aren't going to be treated a certain way, (b) standing up and (c) while using a loud and firm voice letting the other person that you won't abide their behavior.

In short, it keeps happening because you let it happen. Stand up for yourself next time.

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Racnad

She is insecure and tries to make herself feel better by being one-step better than everyone else.

The best thing to do is tell her you can't be her friend unless she discovers why she needs to one-up others and learns to base her self-esteem on her own accomplishments and how she can make the word a better place.

The likely result of this is that she'll get pissed off, not hang around you any more and tell other people you're a bitch. But there is a small chance she may take your advice, alter her style of thinking and become a good friend to you.

warrrreagl

This brings to mind comedian Brian Regan, who does a bit on people who always feel compelled to top someone else. He says that would be the ultimate time to be one of the 12 Apollo astronauts who walked on the moon. Top that!

Grancey and I have a sister-in-law who is the same way. She has a serious inferiority complex and always feels compelled to compensate by competing with whatever we do or say. When we try to ignore it or just let it go, she views it as a sign of weakness. She is also a bully on top of that, so yeah, we're VERY thrilled whenever she comes visiting.

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The_Jazz

Or you could just act like an adult and tell her that her behavior bothers you. Dropping your friends with no explanation without communicating why there is a problem is childish. Just sit her down, tell her that you need her to listen and explain. If she doesn't change or want to hear your issues, then the above advice is appropriate. If the results are positive, you've saved a friendship.

__________________
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"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

thinker75

tu

Racnad

And THAT brings to mind a series of Dilbert strips from about a year ago featuring a character called "Topper." When a group of coworkers discuss what the did over the weekend, he says things like "That's nothing! I killed a tyranasourus with my bare hands!"

de nova

Ok. Your relationship with her will never be the way it was. NEVER.

This woman is a vampire and she is feeding on your life force. Do not call her, email her, go to her apt, or talk to her if you see her in public. Drastic? Maybe...but clean cuts heal fast and leave the smallest scars.

You are starting a new phase in your life and it will be scary. It's a tough time to give up a familiar relationship but there must be someone else from your past that won't take your money, time and energy.

Question: Is this woman a... bed friend? I don't need to know but it would help explain the relationship.

thinker75

tu2

Fast Forward

Normally I'd agree with you ..... BUT!

This "friend" of hers' knows how to pull all the strings. It's a bit like having a "discussion" with a Bible Basher, if you know what I mean: you can throw up all the logic in the world and give a life-time of reasoning why you don't believe that Jesus was God's son. But when you've paused that millisecond to draw a breath of air you realize that the Bible Basher wasn't listening to anything you said. The very best tactique is, "Thanks, but I'm not interested" and close the door before they can get a word out.

This "friend" doesn't deserve an explanation either. She's not listening. Thinker75 has already made that perfectly clear.

thinker75

Thanks everybody for all of your input. I think I just needed to rant. I have felt this way for a while but then would always feel guilty and think maybe its me or just feel sorry for her when she acts like that bc her life is bad sometimes, and some days she can be cool about what I am doing. I also know that there are things in my life that she is glad she did not go through and some things she would not feel jealous of and so I always felt conflicted on the matter. I also notice that I am the only one I think she really does this with and I think its bc out of many of her close friends we have gone into similar fields and we talk the most and I am an easy target bc I let her do this. She knows better than to talk to her colleagues at work like that so she knows better than to give me a hard time. Some people in my family and various friends have said she is just jealous and bitter about the direction of her life. Either way I needed an objective opinion from people that do not know me, I guess to help me convince myself that it is not all in my head. I think that since she is the only friend I have that does this, I knew all along something was just not right. I havent talked to her in a while and I think that she knows to leave me alone bc she is more than aware when she is just plain being a bitch and I dont want to deal with her stupid attitude. I am going throgh a major change in my life, I dont think that I am better than anyone so that is why it is sometimes hard for me to let old friendships go even when they are not the best ones. I guess its already starting and will eventually happen over time especially since I am about to move far away. Sometimes people just drift off I guess.....thanks again you all are great! I am glad that I came here

Fast Forward

"Roll with the punches", as they say, and you'll be fine.