Drider_it

A little background..

my family both sides have been touched by this evil entity. I call it this cuz good people die from this as well as others.

My uncles 3 of them now died from it. I watched as they literally wasted away in a years time. I remember of it all the hate i had in my heart. That these great men in my life had to die with out dignity. Thier once great minds reduced to infancy due to the cancer and drugs.

My last uncle that died.. I was there that night. I wont go into details about what happened but the fact that just touching him .. brought him back to us for the briefest of moments.. I saw the eyes i saw all my life fill with life once more. My reward was a smile that began this universe. The next day that light was gone.

I lost the woman i respected most in my life. No one.. not even my wife comes close to the respect i have to my grandmother. I was in michigan when she passed away. I remember tearing apart a car in a fit of rage. The one time in my life i was happy for myself was she would have a great grand son from me and see him. about a month later my 1st son was born.

I swear i wish cancer was a corporal being. I would get life for what i would do to it. how much i hate it.

My dad fought throat cancer for 2 years.. He won but a small victory. It could come back at any time.

I turned 34 dec 10 and this feb im gonna go get checked for cancer. I guess ill go get checked every 6 months. Im that paranoid of it. True, it dosent matter in a way.. I should live my life to the fullest and not dwell on something that might not even happen.. but honestly it scares me.

Im afraid of it. Granted I dont stay up at night in a cold sweat but still.

I dont know.. I tend to rant alot.. but untill recently in the past 4 or so years.. i guess mortality has finally sneaked into my being and my thoughts.

God i hate cancer

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It means only one thing, and everything: Cut. Once committed to fight, Cut. Everything else is secondary. Cut. That is your duty, your purpose, your hunger. There is no rule more important, no commitment that overrides that one. Cut. The lines are a portrayal of the dance. Cut from the void, not from bewilderment. Cut the enemy as quickly and directly as possible. Cut with certainty. Cut decisively, resoultely. Cut into his strength. Flow through the gaps in his guard. Cut him. Cut him down utterly. Don't allow him a breath. Crush him. Cut him without mercy to the depth of his spirit. It is the balance to life: death. It is the dance with death. It is the law a war wizard lives by, or he dies.

maleficent

The best you can really do, is be proactive with your health, especially given your family history. When you go to the doctor, tell him/her your fears and concerns and especially the history that's there - getting checked every 6 months might be excessive, but getting checked yearly is probably in order. Somethings you can do self checks on because we tend to know our bodies and how they change a little better than the doctor does.

Sometimes you just can't fight it - cancer might just happen happen, but it doesn't mean a death sentence, early detection improves your chances considerably.

I had a false scare mid year last year - that really woke me up to the importance of being proactive with health care - Cancer has gotten every single female relative in my family (that I know of - my father was adopted and I know nothing of his biological parents) but given my father's medical history - 2 heart attacks and 3 bouts of cancer (he's 73 and still kicking) I figured a heart attack would get m e and I'm working on fighting that diagnosis...

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Drider_it

yeah funny thing that.. Heart attacks run high also in my family. For some reason i dont worry about those. probally what will get me in the end.

Yeah, what will help i guess would be a change of diet and to finally quit smokeing.. even though ive only smoked for about 7 years or so.

Thanks for the advice.

on a side note this is what i was feeling the night my uncle died.. i finally found it lurking in a folder on my computer

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=112135

__________________
It means only one thing, and everything: Cut. Once committed to fight, Cut. Everything else is secondary. Cut. That is your duty, your purpose, your hunger. There is no rule more important, no commitment that overrides that one. Cut. The lines are a portrayal of the dance. Cut from the void, not from bewilderment. Cut the enemy as quickly and directly as possible. Cut with certainty. Cut decisively, resoultely. Cut into his strength. Flow through the gaps in his guard. Cut him. Cut him down utterly. Don't allow him a breath. Crush him. Cut him without mercy to the depth of his spirit. It is the balance to life: death. It is the dance with death. It is the law a war wizard lives by, or he dies.

soccerchamp76

I am 20 and my mom has been finished with her breast cancer treatments for about 6 months. She had to have a double mastectomy but is doing fine now. She walked frequently for exercise, and ate very healthy. Granted, breast cancer is prevalent in her family (her mom had it and one sister). My father, likewise, has a family history of heart disease. He had a quadruple-bypass about 6-8 years ago. I am on Lipitor to reduce my high cholesterol as it was caught early, so I will most likely not have atherosclerosis b/c I have been taking the medication from an early age. My uncle knows he will have to have the surgery eventually (bypass) and he plays handball everyday, is of a healthy weight, and eats healthy.

Aside from my family history, there are some things you can take from this:
1) Some diseases can be prevented. Eat healthy, exercise daily, take a multivitamin. Be content with that.
2) Some diseases are genetic and it won't matter what you do.
3) Some diseases will get you no matter what you do (heart disease in a 50-year old healthy male, cancer in ANYBODY, etc.)

What you should do is know that IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Just know that you WILL get through it (unless it is terminal, in which case, well, you won't). Be prepared for the worst, and think about the positive. Accept help from your relatives even if you do not want it.

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Brian Griffin: Ah, if my memory serves me, this is the physics department.
Chris Griffin: That would explain all the gravity.

Ourcrazymodern?

An errant thought, perhaps:

if cancer doesn't get you. it doesnt scare you.

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BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

Poloboy

Drider_it I'm really sorry for your terrible experiences with lost family members. I understand it can feel good to be angry at something, but I think it's really important not to let it dominate your thoughts. I also think it's important to separate what you're angry at, and what you're afraid of. What is it about cancer that frightens you the most - the pain you saw your family members go through? the treatment side effects? deformity from surgery? change in personality/mental clarity? death itself?

You're absolutely right that cancer takes away some wonderful people. If you're still feeling a lot of grief about these close people's deaths, then by all means stay angry at cancer. I don't want to tell you how to grieve. But I think you're hurting yourself by being afraid of it to the point of paranoia. If you want advice on how to be healthier and maybe lower the chances of cancer, ask your doctor. If you want reassurance about some of the specific aspects of the disease course that are frightening, then it's important to remember that your experience won't necessarily be like your uncles' or your grandmother's. If you don't want fatigue and nausea you don't have to have chemotherapy. If you don't want muddled thoughts you can ask for different pain medications. Just remember that if you ever do get a disease like cancer, you're in charge of the treatments you get, and have a lot of choice about the quality of life you have, even if you don't have a lot of control over the length of time you have. Hopefully the confidence that you would be in charge of any disease you might get will lessen your worries a little bit, and help you figure out exactly what it is that you're most anxious about.

analog

I'm sorry to hear about that, Drider_it. Losing loved ones, especially multiple loved ones, to a disease is never easy.

One of my grandfathers was diagnosed with lung cancer- never smoked a day in his life or worked where lung damage could have taken place. He fought it but lost a lot of weight from the chemotherapy and generally looked bad for a while. He also felt sick all the time and was barely active- he used to maintain a fairly large garden behind his house, that went away for a while. The shock his body went through because of the chemo pushed him over the edge and now he's mildly diabetic, though if he watches closely what he eats, he doesn't take insulin.

Cancer is just a terrible, terrible thing, and it weakens people so much that their final days, weeks, even months are spent in a bed. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. You're right to be pissed off at the disease, just don't let it's specter haunt you too much, or you won't enjoy life anyway.