Whether or not to move out.

[Stiltzkin]

Their house, their rules.
Don't like it? Get a job, get an apartment and get out.

They do things that I don't agree with.
Don't like it? Get a job, get an apartment and get out. See above rule

I'm in this situation, and I read the entire thread, and I agree. The only solution I can see is moving out. I've already tried talking to my dad, but like Cynthetiq mentions in that thread, he doesn't budge.

So my question is, how? I only need a year and a half more to graduate from college, so I really don't want to quit college now, which means that getting a full-time job is something I want to avoid (because 18+hr of school plus a full time job just doesn't seem possible, or nearly impossible). I know I will have to get a job, but how can I support myself off of a part time job? Also my girlfriend and I are considering getting married, because we know that the government gives married couples Independent status, and more money (given that both partners are going to college, and she is going to college so that's covered).

I don't know what to do.

[abaya]

Originally Posted by Stiltzkin

Also my girlfriend and I are considering getting married, because we know that the government gives married couples Independent status, and more money (given that both partners are going to college, and she is going to college so that's covered).

First of all, this is NOT a good reason to get married. How old are you? How long have you and your girlfriend been together? And is this REALLY the only reason you are considering marriage?

Secondly, have you considered taking out a loan, maybe in addition to working part time (perhaps in a work-study job on campus, where you could study while you manned a desk in the library or something... something a lot of my friends did)?

Otherwise, learn how to budget, and live off of your part-time job. Eat ramen, don't waste money on alcohol and going out, get as many roommates as you can in as small of a house as you can (to lower rent), and get it done in a year and a half. It's entirely possible.

[Stiltzkin]

I've already tried applying for work-study, but they refuse to give it to me because of my dad's income, and even if I move out, they will still not give me Independent status. I could be living on the opposite side of the country from where my dad is and I would still not be considered Independent, because you have to meet at least one of seven criteria, and I don't meet any of them. My financial aid (work-study is considered financial aid) would still be dependent on my dad's income tax statement, and as a result I still can not get work-study.

Oh and I don't drink, much less party.
Also, we've been going out for about four months, but I've known her since highschool (almost four years ago, well more like three and a half). She's 20 and I'm 21, ripe age for moving out I think. To answer your last question, no, it is not the only reason we are considering getting married; we really do love eachother a lot.

[The_Jazz]

There's always the option of private loans - banks will sometimes give student loans. Abaya's suggestion of a small house and lots of roommates is key. I once lived on the second floor of a house with 7 other people and paid $80/month. Granted that was the early 90's and that "apartment" now rents for about $900 instead of the $650 we paid. We all had our own rooms, BTW, but it was still tight.

If your dad is willing to pay for school, why don't you tell him that you'll pay for housing, etc. As long as you keep your expense as low as possible by living in a dump, eat rice and beans and ramen all year and don't have a car, a part time job will probably keep you very close to solvent at the very least. Figure out what your costs are going to be and how much you'll need to earn (factor in taxes and payroll deductions too). That will at least give you a starting point to figure out if it's feasible with your schedule. You can also try pointing out to you dad that living off campus can be cheaper than on campus.

Good luck!

[Martian]

Personally, I'd say just don't. Not yet, anyway. As intolerable as your parents may be (and granted I didn't read the other thread referenced here; a link would be a good idea for those of us that missed it) they're still willing to put a roof over your head and food in your belly. As a man who is facing the prospect of supporting myself through school, I sorely wish I had the option.

A year and a half really isn't all that long. You've got your entire life to stress over food and bills and getting the laundry done. For now, I say just enjoy not having to worry about all that shit and think of your parents being sometimes hard to swallow as the price you pay.

...But having said that, I will make some suggestions, if you're hell-bent on moving out. You'd do well to sit down and figure out everything you're going to have to spend. If you're not sure what something's going to cost, estimate higher rather than lower. Factor in all of the expenses that you'll need and then you'll know how much living on your own is going to cost. Once you know that, you'll have a better idea of what it's going to take to make that kind of bread. You'll definitely have to have some sort of job. You won't be seeing very much of your girlfriend for the next year and a half (or anyone else, for that matter) and you're not going to have much down-time. But it is doable.

As a sample, here is a rough budget of mine.

Martian's expenses:

Food - $150 /month (based on spending about $120 every three weeks or so)
Internet - $50/month
Rent - $375/month (an unbelievably low number - don't expect rent this good unless you've got some serious connections or, like me, are very lucky)
Gym Membership - $50/month
Hydro - $50/month
Phone - $60/month (my cell phone, which is my only line at the moment; a landline may be cheaper, but not by as much as you'd think)
Insurance - $210/month
Misc expenses - $200/month (cigarettes, gas, eating out, junk food, etc)

Total - $1145/month

That's about what I expect to pay on a monthly basis to maintain my current standard of living which, if I'm going to be frank about it, isn't really all that hot. Next to that, I set my income. I make $9/hour and have the luxury in my line of work of flexible hours; I can work as few as 30 or as many as 60 hours per week. In an average week, I put in about 40-45, which means my income is about $1200 after taxes. That means I tend to break even for the most part; some months I come in a bit under budget, others I'm a bit over.

You can cut your expenses to under a thousand if you get a roommate and do without a car; you'll be able to split the utilities by half and food will be cheaper (the more people you buy for, the less you end up spending per person). If you can do without internet at home and just use it on campus instead, that'll reduce your budget even more. You may be able to get by on $600-$700 per month, although that'll be tight living.

[beedubaya]

I'm in the same situation as far as wanting to move out, except I don't have a girlfriend. My problem is conditions with my parents have made it difficult to have a social life.

I too have a year and a half left before I complete college. I've learned that living with parents during school, while its the cheap way out, is not the best. You are by far better off taking out student loans and going to school away from home rather than living with parents and attending a local commuter school.

Of course, if you had your girlfriend as far back as senior year, the fact she was staying probably helped decide your decision to stay as well. What exactly are your parents doing that makes you want to move out so bad? How is your social life, etc?

Without a link to that other thread, I can't reference it to get an idea.

[Jimellow]

I'd recommend living at home as long as possible, if only because it's cheap and allows you to save/invest instead of spend all your earnings on the various costs of living alone.

I wouldn't stop going to college, and I wouldn't get married yet. If you consider a full time job and an 18 hour schedule to be taxing, how do anticipate having time for marriage? If anything, I'd try to take less off your plate, live at home as long as possible, get your degree, and then pursue other, more expensive practices, like moving out, and maybe, marriage.

There seems to be a vibe in society that living home is something that is looked down on, perhaps to the point of being embarassing, but I personally find it fantastic. Instead of spending $1k+ a month on living expenses, I am able to earn money and invest/save for the future when I do move out on my own. I get along very well with my parents, and thus my situation might differ, but ultimately, I'd recommend spending as little as possible, saving where you can, and finishing school.

[beedubaya]

Originally Posted by Jimellow

There seems to be a vibe in society that living home is something that is looked down on, perhaps to the point of being embarassing, but I personally find it fantastic. Instead of spending $1k+ a month on living expenses, I am able to earn money and invest/save for the future when I do move out on my own. I get along very well with my parents, and thus my situation might differ, but ultimately, I'd recommend spending as little as possible, saving where you can, and finishing school.

Its looked down upon to the point that some people don't want to me just for the fact I live at home. It has something to do with the fact that a MASS majority of college students live in dorms and on-campus apartments and those who live at home and go to a commuter school are just considered sub-par.

[cj2112]

If you really want to move out, figure out what it's really going to cost, then save that much money every month for the next 3 months. Then save another $2000 for the things you're going to need immediately. If you can continuously put away your projected monthly budget for 3 months, then you MIGHT be able to survive out on your own.

[kurty[B]]

If you can stand another year and a half with your parents, and deal with their rules I'd say stick around. The fact that you think 18 credit hours and a full time job is near impossible tells me that you might not be ready to accept such a load.

But, this is coming from someone who has lived on his own since I graduated high school, and has not graduated college. But, I also consider college expensive entertainment, because I enjoy learning, and don't consider it my means to a career path.

There are means to an end in your situation if you do want to move out. Financial Aid, Loans, and so on. Yeah, your parents tax bracket might take you out of a lot of options because you haven't hit that magic 23 number (who came up with that number?), but if you can formulate a solid written reasoning as to why some scholarship should fund your college then you can talk yourself into a job that would help you pay for a place to live and continue taking classes. Or, find out who runs the work-study program at your school. Sure, on paper you are excluded from being offered a position because of your parents income, but find someone who makes decisions, see if you can pencil in a time to discuss your options face to face with them. If it's a decent college they will try and work with you, but you have to go through the effort of finding the right people to talk to.

Kind of comes back to that "it's not what you know, but who you know" statement.

[passthru]

If you're really set on getting out, you can get a part time job and find ways to cut down on things that take up time and money, which you'll need to use to work and pay bills. If you can get 2 roommates, that will push your rent down a lot. There will still be bills though, so expect to pay at least another few hundred a month on those, transportation, food, etc.

An alternative to the loan idea would be to get a job now but stay at home for another 6 months or so. If you can get $600-$800 a month and put it away (all of it!) you will have a good buffer after 6 months. Then you can move out, and your job should let you just about break even each month. Keep the buffer, and even add to it if you think you can; you never know when you'll need it. Building up a buffer like that will also let you gauge how you will do once you're out and on your own.

[Philangicality]

Ya, I agree with the general consensus.

I am twenty-three years old. I currently live with my parents.

I mean I have the "loser" factor that some people may see of me, but fuck 'em.

I mean it is not like I am not getting along with my parents. Sure I fight with them sometimes, but I have a SUV, which I can drive to somewhere if I really do not want to deal with my parents.

I mean I always have the option to walk or something. I just gotta recognize when to steer clear of them to avoid a fight.

It is their house. I am lucky they are kind enough to let me stay.

I go to school and have about a year left to graduate.

I decided though I may not want to graduate and am attending community college next semester to take some fun classes. Ya, I guess I could be considered spoiled/immature to some of you. Bite me.

I was doing the rent thing with roomates for a while, but I didn't like that. I could not juggle school fulltime, fulltime job, rent, social relationships with strangers/friends in my living quarters.

The way things were going was for me was was like this:

living with parents -> living in dorms with roomates -> living with parents -> Living with roomates in apartment

The next step was for me to get a girlfriend, move out and get married.

Now, I believe that there was no where in there for me to live by myself and figure myself out there.

Now that I live with my parents again, my next step is to get a place that I pay rent myself. I want to be completely financially independant of my parents when I move out.

I want a bachelor pad. The batchelor pad is serriously in jeapordy of getting phased out of society and people's lives in my opinion, which gives me a business idea to start services for batchelors moving out getting a place that they live in themselves without roomates to please. DON'T STEAL MY IDEA FUCKERS.

Anyways, do not get married to some girl you have been dating for four months unless you want to be miserable untill you get a divorce. The fact you have already discussed that already is scaring me. You are twenty one years old right now. You are JUST NOW reaching the prime of your life, assuming you live for another 40+ years. It may be a bad idea to commit so early in life. I am not saying do not be her boyfriend, just wait a bit.

So ya, I am in the same situation, although I am not as happy as I know I can possibly be at the moment, it is better than me jumping into a fucked up situation where I am living off of debt and not owning a damn thing, not even myself, owing everyone for everything that I have.

I at least can see where I need to go in the near future, but right now I am sitting pretty, the moment that I cannot hang in the present anymore, I will move on. Homelessness is not out of the picture.

It is better to have nothing than to have shit that belongs to other people.

[Carno]

See if your parents will co-sign an education loan for you. If you dad has a large income you should not have any problem getting approved for one.

If you are committed to moving out of your parents' house though, it is not impossible to work full time and go to school full time. It's just really hard.

[Sultana]

Is the OP the guy who wrote that his Dad beats his mom and expects the OP to help them get back together and all that because the dad pays for the OP's college?

I remember a thread like that, but like Martian said, we need the old thread link for your personal history in order to offer the best advice.

[shesus]

Oh to be back under my parents roof. I hated living with them at the time...don't get me wrong. But the real world is an unforgiving place. Martian supplied a budget and that is an awesome amount. He has it a lot easier than I did my first year out and I didn't have to worry about work, I had a teaching job.

Unless you're life is in danger, stay a lot at the college, at your girlfriend's place, and in your room. Things could be worse. Also, as Abaya said...don't get married just for money benefits. Wrong answer! Money is the main rift causer in a relationship, why start one on the issue?

It's your life, do what you want, but free rent and free food and no utilities...think about it. Oh and if you aren't working now...you're even luckier. I worked full-time while taking full-loads in college..that wasn't fun at all.

[Ourcrazymodern?]

Originally Posted by beedubaya

Its looked down upon to the point that some people don't want to me just for the fact I live at home. It has something to do with the fact that a MASS majority of college students live in dorms and on-campus apartments and those who live at home and go to a commuter school are just considered sub-par.

Townies!
Why is under par a good thing and sub-par is not? hah.
Prejudice cuts from all sides. Kids unwilling to leave their childhood cost themselves more than they cost others.

[thingstodo]

Either way you have to make sacrifices. I did it the hard way on my own and I'm not certain to this day which would have been better. Fortunately, I didn't rack up a bunch of loan payments.

Consider:

- the $1,100 plus monthly expense mentioned here previously was the bare minimum, didn't include the cost of operating a vehicle and didn't consider the cost of unexpected expenses and things like clothing, illness, etc.
- student loans sound great now, just like the "buy now with no payments or interest for two years." Sooner or later you have to pay and you jknow you'll have other expenses by then. And forget about credit card debt. that's like being into the mob; you'll never get out!
- Students loans are killing former students these days and all you read about are students now out of college that can't afford to live on their own due to student loans; and the irony is that they move back in with their parents!!!!
- make a list of the downsides of living at home as well as the benefits. Be honest with yourself. That's an objective way to look at things. Perhaps even get someone rational to help you develop the list.
- if your parents drive you crazy make sure you're either in class, studying or working a PT job. That will limit the amount of time you have to be around them. And if they give you crap about coming in late just go back and look at your list.

When you live under someone else's roof you do have to live by their rules. It's just a fact of life. If you want to live under your own rules you have to pay the price and make the sacrifices to do that. Sometimes the sacrifice is to think long-term, gut it out and deal with the present. That's much better than paying the price after the good times!!

One thing for sure: making a decision about something like this from an emotional place is not a good thing. Having to eat crow later and beg your way back in would make the living at home thing even worse.

[Ourcrazymodern?]

Would it happen to confuse it if we ran away more? -Monty Python

[Stiltzkin]

I decided to stay at home... in case anyone is interested to know. I'm pretty much guaranteed a job once I graduate, and making pretty decent money too.