EleqTrizi'T

Ok, I need some help offering advice to someone important to me. I'll state what I think, but feel free to tell me I'm out of line, or wrong, if you don't agree.

My best friend is female (I'm male), we'll call her Toots. Nice girl, about 32 years old, **VERY** pretty, and very single. I decided to give her a hand and introduce her to one of my closest friends, we'll call him Mike.

Mike is as sweet a guy as you'll ever meet, yet has enough alpha-maleness to keep from being looked over by girls as "just a friend". Good looking guy, decent shape.

So Toots and Mike get along great. We went on a double, my wife and I along with Toots and Mike. We spent the whole night laughing, didn't stop until 4am. About noontime, we all wake up and go on a motorcycle ride (sportbikes) through the twisties of the Sierra Nevada mtns...rollercoaster type fun. Toots LOVED IT.

I think things go splendid. Toots gives Mike her #, and goes home (she lives about 2 hrs out of town, but she's always in town because her roots are here).

Mike calls Toots once a day since, Toots never calls back. Finally, I ask her WTF, I thought you liked him? She says she thought about it, decides he isn't exactly what she wants. That's all just fine with me.

What wasn't fine with me is I asked her what she looks for in a guy. She needed the night to think about it. Quick background, Toots works in the music industry as a booker's assistant, wants to be a Booking Agent herself someday. But only been there like a year...

Here this is the response I got...


(09:25:00) toots: morning sunshine
(09:25:32) Me: did you figure out what you want in a guy yet, or do you need another day?
(09:25:58) toots: i know what i want
(09:26:07) Me: ya?
(09:26:08) toots: i've actually been thinking about this for a while
(09:26:15) toots: i want to be a 'power couple'
(09:26:19) toots: do you know what i mean?
(09:26:36) toots: that would be my dream come true
(09:26:47) Me: So you want a man who's important?
(09:27:08) toots: NO - i want a man who is passionate about the industry we both work in
(09:27:18) toots: AND successful
(09:27:23) toots: AND understands working hard
(09:27:33) toots: (like 12-13 hours/day)
(09:27:54) toots: AND wants to hire someone to clean the house because we are both too busy
(09:28:00) toots: AND wants kids but later
(09:28:26) toots: AND does not expect me to be the only one to change the diapers or get up in the middle of the night or give baths or ... (should I go on???)
(09:28:48) Me: this is as entertaining as i thought it would be
(09:28:58) toots: k - give me a sec one of agents just buzzed
(09:29:01) Me: ok


Now I haven't responded to this because I had to leave before she came back. But am I would of line in thinking she's living in La-La Land?!? She sounds like some 5-year-old little girl to me, who dreams of marrying a Dr. or something.

And what do any of the qualities above have to do with love? Or even being a good partner? She drives me nuts. How does wanting to be part of a couple that doesn't have time for each other = good marriage?

Anyway, what are your thoughts?

pornclerk

I don't really think she sounds immature. It's not like she has a list of 100 stupid little things. The things she's mentioned are quite a big deal. I personally would want someone who understands my career and the amount of work I have to do.
I firmly believe that a marriage or any relationship can't survive on just love. If you two have totally different mind sets then it just wouldn't work. For example, I need a husband who doesn't see me as the traditional wife who stays home cooking and cleaning. No matter how much I loved him I just wouldn't be happy like that.
She may not find exactly what she is looking for, but I see no problem in her setting those standards.

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Siege

Ok, the the jist of what she is saying, is that she wants someone who works hard. Really hard.

I don't see how you can say she's living in la-la land. Lots of people in fact do work really hard. It appears that toots might be one of them.

The other thing is, different people look for different things in potential mates. What one person finds attractive, another might find repulsive.

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Sage

Yeah, I think that when women actually talk about what they want in a man, it can sound quite snootish. For example:

-Must have great grooming habits
-Must be finacially independent
-Must be suave, debonarre, masculine, and strong but have a depth and breadth of emotion that is unsurpassible
-Must like same things I do
-Must understand that there are some things I like to do that he won't
-Must be supportive
-Must be smart. Really, really smart.

Those are all the qualities I like in a man. When I list them, it makes me sound pretty darn snooty... but I'm not. Those are all the qualities that my husband has, and those are the qualities that we share that make our marriage so awesome. She's smart not to settle for Mr Right Now.

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thingstodo

Hey!! That's me!!! Just kidding, of course... oh, well.

Toots sounds like she has really figured out what she wants. It sounds like she wants to work hard and not need to take care of a home and have a spouse that works just as hard - in the same industry - and agrees on kids maybe later. I could have gone for her a few years ago!!

Most people never figure out what they want and are able to say it like that. Give her some credit and don't worry that your setup didn't pan out. And enjoy the fact that she can be honest and open with you.

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