hilbert25

So I've got myself into a situation with no possible graceful exit strategy.

Here's the deal:
About 8 months ago my father (80 years old) was diagnosed with metastatic cancer and a life expectency of 3 months. As it happened, in the same week, the house I was renting was sold, so I lost my lease and was rightly fucked. My father's house was not in driving distance from my current employer, so I took a leave of absence for 3 months to be with my father to take care of him.

Well long story short, it's 8 months or so later and he's still doing pretty well. Every time he asks the doctors he gets the same answer "3 months" and every time he gives them shit when he surpasses their expectations. Currently, I am still employed by my previous employer, in a part time work at home capacity. This has resulted in significantly less pay, a bit of stagnation in terms of learning, and absolutely no benefits. They did this as a favor to me, on a temporary basis, but right now, there is no end in sight, which is a great thing, but it has made a graceful exit rather difficult.

So right about the time went on my leave of absence I posted my resume on monster and dice, since I did not know if I would still have a job when everything settled.

I've been getting calls from recruiters and courteously answering their questions, staying open to the possibilities, but now a recruiter has just hooked me up with a company where I am living now that has just made me an offer in the space of about 3 days. An offer of 20% more than my previous salary with benefits (which I am sorely lacking at the moment).

Here's where it's difficult, my current boss has been really good to me and is probably the only reason I'm currently employed, but he does not know about any of this yet. The new company wants me to report promptly in 2 weeks if I were to take the offer. So if I were to leave my current company, my supervisor probably wouldn't look especially good for keeping me employed if I were to just up and leave. So the question is, do I go from a great supervisor and a great working environment to something unknown, simply for financial benefit? I don't want to burn bridges at my current employer because I've been pretty close to all of my coworkers and my supervisor, and it feels like I'm betraying the trust of my current boss to just get out of dodge for money. I have pressure from the rest of my family to make my move permanent, but when I first moved, I had not especially thought what would happen, but now I don't know what I would really want.

Jimellow

You seem to be on talking terms with your boss/supervisor, and if you are concerned about how you leaving will affect them, why not talk to them about it?

I'm sure they would much rather have a discussion about your future, even if it means leaving, than having you call them up one day and informing them that you promptly quit.

They are human and likely realize life happens. If you talk to them and they aren't total ogres, I'm sure a resolution can be achieved on good terms.

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ubertuber

I don't think your current employer will be as upset as you think.

If you've been a productive employee for the last 8 months, then they got what they wanted out of the deal. If you haven't, they'll likely be glad to see you leave gracefully. So your boss already looks good or bad - you leaving shouldn't really change that.

In terms of your relationship with that boss, this is one of those situations where real life has to come first. I'm sure he'll understand. Besides, this isn't entirely about money - benefits are important, as you should be realizing with your father's situation. Secondly, it's not like you changed your status for more money - you did it to take care of your family. Who wouldn't respect that?

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Ustwo

An offer of 20% more than my previous salary with benefits (which I am sorely lacking at the moment).

Be honest with your old employer, but be honest with yourself.

If YOU want to take the job, then take it, if you really want to stick with your old employer than stay.

20% is a lot.

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dksuddeth

'no graceful exit strategy'?????

You've been given your extremely graceful exit strategy. Your current company is doing you a favor, yes, but I don't think they are going to mind as long as you give them that 2 week notice, which you've been handed on a silver platter by the other company.

Most people would be thanking their lucky stars for lining up so perfectly.

Accept the new job, live with your dad and enjoy what time you guys have left, remain on good professional terms with the old company, and move forward.

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"no amount of force can control a free man, a man whose mind is free. No, not the rack, not fission bombs, not anything. You cannot conquer a free man; the most you can do is kill him."

The_Jazz

I think if you explain everything to your boss, you'll find him more compassionate than you expect. They've already gone out of their way to demonstrate that they care, and if this change means that you're going to be able to spend more time with your father in his last days, I'll bet they will be sorry to see you go but happy that you'll do well under the circumstances.

All companies are not out to be dehumanizing. Just don't burn the bridge and stay in touch if it seems appropriate.

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Topper

You've gotten a lot of really good advice already.

Speaking as a manager myself, I wouldn't hold the decision you're weighing against you at all. And I don't believe any good manager would. I'd definitely appreciate you being forthcoming with what you're considering though to help me plan/anticipate accordingly.

Good luck with whichever path you decide to take.

Rodney

Man, you have the best reason in the world: you need to take care of your dad, and somebody offered you a full-time job right near his place, so you can support yourself _and_ take care of him indefinitely.

Managers come in about four grades, from 1 (mensch) to 4 (right bastard). Even a grade 3 (untrustworthy corporate toady) would accept the news with moderately good grace. And your boss seems like a 1.5 at the very least.

Be sure, of course, to thank him profusely for the consideration he's given you; without his help, you'd have had no income at all in a difficult situation. But make sure it's understood that this is a move you really have to make, to normalize your life around being your dad's care-giver.

hilbert25

Thanks so much for all of the advice. I spoke to my manager and he was extremely supportive, having faced a similar situation at one point in his life. I still haven't finalized anything, but he would be cool with whatever is best.

Topper

That's great news, I'm really glad to hear it's worked out smoothly.

Good luck with everything.