How do i respond to this - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

pacaveli · 01-04-2006, 12:27 PM

I have a freind whose a girl who sometimes brings up awkward moments by exposing part of her life to me
(IE My Dads a violent drunk)

so exactly how do u respond to that kind of statment?

Bill O'Rights · 01-04-2006, 12:41 PM

"Wow...I didn't realize that. Do you need to talk about it?"

By your use of the word friend, I assume that she really is, and not just an "aquaintance". My guess is that she feels the need to openly talk about this aspect of her life, to try to sort it all out, and to try to make some sense of it. She's opening up to you, probably because she feels that she can trust you, respects your judegment, needs a sympathetic ear...whatever.

In short, if she is truly your friend...then be her friend. Having friends doesn't always mean that it's always going to be a bunch of laughs and good times.

Brewmaniac · 01-04-2006, 12:57 PM

Good advice Bill, just offer to listen and be supportive. That's what friends do.

pacaveli · 01-04-2006, 08:29 PM

thanx i'll see what i can do next time

edit: actually the more i think about this advice the more i question it. She's the kind of girl that doesn't like negitive attention, actually for that matter she doesn't like attention at all. So I'm sure that that option u lsited was possible, but don't think its that after closer evaluation

Grasshopper Green · 01-04-2006, 08:46 PM

Actually, that could be right on the money. I tend to be a shy, quiet person who doesn't like to attract attention, and I was moreso when I was younger. I had things like this to get out, and talking about them with a trusted friend helped. She could just be needing to get something out that is eating her up.

Craftsman · 01-31-2006, 11:42 AM

I know this is an old thread, but others might stumble onto it as I did... so I'm putting in my tuppence worth.

I agree that it is important to be able to talk with a friend. Most of the time that works very well, and it helps put the situation talked about into perspective.

I would add, however, that it is a good idea to have the number of a Free Clinic or a school counsellor or a mental health helpline number available. There is only so much that we as friends can do, and often we need someone with a bit more expertise than we have, or more detatchment or objectivity, or just a different perspective.

The bottom line of what I'm suggesting is to be helpful, but remember to also take care of your own self. You are your own first priority. Take care of yourself first, then take care of others. There is no gain in destroying yourself.

Along with being a friend and being caring, be careful.

skier · 01-31-2006, 04:45 PM

I'd just like to add that there is a possibility she doesn't have a "mental filter", meaning she says whatever is on her mind when she's talking.

Hektore · 01-31-2006, 10:05 PM

Also, since you said she doesn't ever like to have much attention drawn to her it could be she's a person like me, one of those extreme introverts. I know the last thing I want is people paying any attention to the drama in my life. Something that goes with this is a general lack of friendships. Not that I don't like people or I'm an unfriendly person, I just don't feel the need to have other people around me all the time and so I don't. At any given moment I have maybe one or two people in my life I would classify as 'friend', real friends, people I would talk to about anything at all.

I could be that she thinks you are one of those people she can talk to about anything. To echo Bill's statement, she trusts you and thinks you're a good person to talk to about her problems. The best thing you can do is listen, try not to be judgmental and just see if there is any way to help. Make sure you're ready for it though, a friendship like this one is something with some serious emotional involvement and if that's where she wants to go with it there are going to be times it's going to take a heavy toll on you as well. Like Craftsman said make sure you take care of yourself too.

Rodney · 02-05-2006, 06:37 PM

All good advice above. I concur with Bill, with my own twist. When she makes a bald statement of some secret matter out of the blue, just ask, "Do you need to talk about that?" Be encouraging. If she has things to say, listen.

And if she says no, I don't want to, say "Well, if you ever need to, I'm here." _And then immediately move on to something else, however mundane._

Eventually she'll either come clean and talk, or she won't. If she doesn't, she's either one of those people who just has things pop out of their head sometimes, as somebody said, or she just likes the shock value. If she's just doing it on impuluse, she'll keep doing it, and you'll keep doing your reality check (Are you okay? Want to talk?) and then move on to the next subject. That's just a fact of life with her. If she's just doing it for attention, though, she'll eventually stop. Because you won't be giving her enough of a reaction to be satisfying to her.

damnpoor · 02-05-2006, 11:34 PM

But if she says that she doesn't want to talk about it, I'd be a little suspicious. If you are having a normal conversation and something like that slips out then it must mean it's on her mind, and she's worried about it. Why she'd make a comment like that and then not want to discuss it further I don't know, other than she wants to talk about it but doesn't know how. But the subject shouldn't be pushed.

$$J$G$$ · 02-24-2006, 01:15 PM

Just be a friend and listen. Maybe you could take her to a movie,dinner,anything to keep her away from that situation. Always remember you can only help those who want it,and for the ones that do you have to be able to help yourself before helping anyone else. Just be a good friend, and or a good ear.

01-04-2006, 12:27 PM	#1 (permalink)
pacaveli Psycho Location: MD	How do i respond to this I have a freind whose a girl who sometimes brings up awkward moments by exposing part of her life to me (IE My Dads a violent drunk) so exactly how do u respond to that kind of statment? __________________ Check my blog out. Basically me talking about video games http://gginsights.blogspot.com/

01-04-2006, 12:41 PM	#2 (permalink)
Bill O'Rights will always be an Alyson Hanniganite Location: In the dust of the archives	"Wow...I didn't realize that. Do you need to talk about it?" By your use of the word friend, I assume that she really is, and not just an "aquaintance". My guess is that she feels the need to openly talk about this aspect of her life, to try to sort it all out, and to try to make some sense of it. She's opening up to you, probably because she feels that she can trust you, respects your judegment, needs a sympathetic ear...whatever. In short, if she is truly your friend...then be her friend. Having friends doesn't always mean that it's always going to be a bunch of laughs and good times. __________________ "I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony "Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

01-04-2006, 12:57 PM	#3 (permalink)
Brewmaniac Searching for the perfect brew!	Good advice Bill, just offer to listen and be supportive. That's what friends do. __________________ "That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son"

01-04-2006, 08:29 PM	#4 (permalink)
pacaveli Psycho Location: MD	thanx i'll see what i can do next time edit: actually the more i think about this advice the more i question it. She's the kind of girl that doesn't like negitive attention, actually for that matter she doesn't like attention at all. So I'm sure that that option u lsited was possible, but don't think its that after closer evaluation __________________ Check my blog out. Basically me talking about video games http://gginsights.blogspot.com/ Last edited by pacaveli; 01-04-2006 at 08:39 PM..

01-04-2006, 08:46 PM	#5 (permalink)
Grasshopper Green ...is a comical chap Location: Where morons reign supreme	Actually, that could be right on the money. I tend to be a shy, quiet person who doesn't like to attract attention, and I was moreso when I was younger. I had things like this to get out, and talking about them with a trusted friend helped. She could just be needing to get something out that is eating her up. __________________ "They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings; steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king" Formerly Medusa

01-31-2006, 11:42 AM	#6 (permalink)
Craftsman Upright Location: Winnetka, Californica	I know this is an old thread, but others might stumble onto it as I did... so I'm putting in my tuppence worth. I agree that it is important to be able to talk with a friend. Most of the time that works very well, and it helps put the situation talked about into perspective. I would add, however, that it is a good idea to have the number of a Free Clinic or a school counsellor or a mental health helpline number available. There is only so much that we as friends can do, and often we need someone with a bit more expertise than we have, or more detatchment or objectivity, or just a different perspective. The bottom line of what I'm suggesting is to be helpful, but remember to also take care of your own self. You are your own first priority. Take care of yourself first, then take care of others. There is no gain in destroying yourself. Along with being a friend and being caring, be careful.

01-31-2006, 04:45 PM	#7 (permalink)
skier Rawr! Location: Edmontania	I'd just like to add that there is a possibility she doesn't have a "mental filter", meaning she says whatever is on her mind when she's talking. __________________ "Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim

01-31-2006, 10:05 PM	#8 (permalink)
Hektore Junkie Location: Greater Harrisburg Area	Also, since you said she doesn't ever like to have much attention drawn to her it could be she's a person like me, one of those extreme introverts. I know the last thing I want is people paying any attention to the drama in my life. Something that goes with this is a general lack of friendships. Not that I don't like people or I'm an unfriendly person, I just don't feel the need to have other people around me all the time and so I don't. At any given moment I have maybe one or two people in my life I would classify as 'friend', real friends, people I would talk to about anything at all. I could be that she thinks you are one of those people she can talk to about anything. To echo Bill's statement, she trusts you and thinks you're a good person to talk to about her problems. The best thing you can do is listen, try not to be judgmental and just see if there is any way to help. Make sure you're ready for it though, a friendship like this one is something with some serious emotional involvement and if that's where she wants to go with it there are going to be times it's going to take a heavy toll on you as well. Like Craftsman said make sure you take care of yourself too. __________________ The advantage law is the best law in rugby, because it lets you ignore all the others for the good of the game.

02-05-2006, 06:37 PM	#9 (permalink)
Rodney Observant Ruminant Location: Rich Wannabe Hippie Town	All good advice above. I concur with Bill, with my own twist. When she makes a bald statement of some secret matter out of the blue, just ask, "Do you need to talk about that?" Be encouraging. If she has things to say, listen. And if she says no, I don't want to, say "Well, if you ever need to, I'm here." _And then immediately move on to something else, however mundane._ Eventually she'll either come clean and talk, or she won't. If she doesn't, she's either one of those people who just has things pop out of their head sometimes, as somebody said, or she just likes the shock value. If she's just doing it on impuluse, she'll keep doing it, and you'll keep doing your reality check (Are you okay? Want to talk?) and then move on to the next subject. That's just a fact of life with her. If she's just doing it for attention, though, she'll eventually stop. Because you won't be giving her enough of a reaction to be satisfying to her.

02-05-2006, 11:34 PM	#10 (permalink)
damnpoor Upright Location: Cali	But if she says that she doesn't want to talk about it, I'd be a little suspicious. If you are having a normal conversation and something like that slips out then it must mean it's on her mind, and she's worried about it. Why she'd make a comment like that and then not want to discuss it further I don't know, other than she wants to talk about it but doesn't know how. But the subject shouldn't be pushed.

02-24-2006, 01:15 PM	#11 (permalink)
$$J$G$$ Upright Location: Machesney Park, IL	Just be a friend and listen. Maybe you could take her to a movie,dinner,anything to keep her away from that situation. Always remember you can only help those who want it,and for the ones that do you have to be able to help yourself before helping anyone else. Just be a good friend, and or a good ear.