Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Knowledge and How-To


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 01-04-2006, 12:27 PM   #1 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: MD
How do i respond to this

I have a freind whose a girl who sometimes brings up awkward moments by exposing part of her life to me
(IE My Dads a violent drunk)


so exactly how do u respond to that kind of statment?
__________________
Check my blog out. Basically me talking about video games

http://gginsights.blogspot.com/
pacaveli is offline  
Old 01-04-2006, 12:41 PM   #2 (permalink)
will always be an Alyson Hanniganite
 
Bill O'Rights's Avatar
 
Location: In the dust of the archives
"Wow...I didn't realize that. Do you need to talk about it?"

By your use of the word friend, I assume that she really is, and not just an "aquaintance". My guess is that she feels the need to openly talk about this aspect of her life, to try to sort it all out, and to try to make some sense of it. She's opening up to you, probably because she feels that she can trust you, respects your judegment, needs a sympathetic ear...whatever.

In short, if she is truly your friend...then be her friend. Having friends doesn't always mean that it's always going to be a bunch of laughs and good times.
__________________
"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.
Bill O'Rights is offline  
Old 01-04-2006, 12:57 PM   #3 (permalink)
Searching for the perfect brew!
 
Brewmaniac's Avatar
 
Good advice Bill, just offer to listen and be supportive. That's what friends do.
__________________
"That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son"
Brewmaniac is offline  
Old 01-04-2006, 08:29 PM   #4 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: MD
thanx i'll see what i can do next time

edit: actually the more i think about this advice the more i question it. She's the kind of girl that doesn't like negitive attention, actually for that matter she doesn't like attention at all. So I'm sure that that option u lsited was possible, but don't think its that after closer evaluation
__________________
Check my blog out. Basically me talking about video games

http://gginsights.blogspot.com/

Last edited by pacaveli; 01-04-2006 at 08:39 PM..
pacaveli is offline  
Old 01-04-2006, 08:46 PM   #5 (permalink)
...is a comical chap
 
Grasshopper Green's Avatar
 
Location: Where morons reign supreme
Actually, that could be right on the money. I tend to be a shy, quiet person who doesn't like to attract attention, and I was moreso when I was younger. I had things like this to get out, and talking about them with a trusted friend helped. She could just be needing to get something out that is eating her up.
__________________
"They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings; steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king"

Formerly Medusa
Grasshopper Green is offline  
Old 01-31-2006, 11:42 AM   #6 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Winnetka, Californica
I know this is an old thread, but others might stumble onto it as I did... so I'm putting in my tuppence worth.

I agree that it is important to be able to talk with a friend. Most of the time that works very well, and it helps put the situation talked about into perspective.

I would add, however, that it is a good idea to have the number of a Free Clinic or a school counsellor or a mental health helpline number available. There is only so much that we as friends can do, and often we need someone with a bit more expertise than we have, or more detatchment or objectivity, or just a different perspective.

The bottom line of what I'm suggesting is to be helpful, but remember to also take care of your own self. You are your own first priority. Take care of yourself first, then take care of others. There is no gain in destroying yourself.

Along with being a friend and being caring, be careful.
Craftsman is offline  
Old 01-31-2006, 04:45 PM   #7 (permalink)
Rawr!
 
skier's Avatar
 
Location: Edmontania
I'd just like to add that there is a possibility she doesn't have a "mental filter", meaning she says whatever is on her mind when she's talking.
__________________
"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim
skier is offline  
Old 01-31-2006, 10:05 PM   #8 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Hektore's Avatar
 
Location: Greater Harrisburg Area
Also, since you said she doesn't ever like to have much attention drawn to her it could be she's a person like me, one of those extreme introverts. I know the last thing I want is people paying any attention to the drama in my life. Something that goes with this is a general lack of friendships. Not that I don't like people or I'm an unfriendly person, I just don't feel the need to have other people around me all the time and so I don't. At any given moment I have maybe one or two people in my life I would classify as 'friend', real friends, people I would talk to about anything at all.

I could be that she thinks you are one of those people she can talk to about anything. To echo Bill's statement, she trusts you and thinks you're a good person to talk to about her problems. The best thing you can do is listen, try not to be judgmental and just see if there is any way to help. Make sure you're ready for it though, a friendship like this one is something with some serious emotional involvement and if that's where she wants to go with it there are going to be times it's going to take a heavy toll on you as well. Like Craftsman said make sure you take care of yourself too.
__________________
The advantage law is the best law in rugby, because it lets you ignore all the others for the good of the game.
Hektore is offline  
Old 02-05-2006, 06:37 PM   #9 (permalink)
Observant Ruminant
 
Location: Rich Wannabe Hippie Town
All good advice above. I concur with Bill, with my own twist. When she makes a bald statement of some secret matter out of the blue, just ask, "Do you need to talk about that?" Be encouraging. If she has things to say, listen.

And if she says no, I don't want to, say "Well, if you ever need to, I'm here." _And then immediately move on to something else, however mundane._

Eventually she'll either come clean and talk, or she won't. If she doesn't, she's either one of those people who just has things pop out of their head sometimes, as somebody said, or she just likes the shock value. If she's just doing it on impuluse, she'll keep doing it, and you'll keep doing your reality check (Are you okay? Want to talk?) and then move on to the next subject. That's just a fact of life with her. If she's just doing it for attention, though, she'll eventually stop. Because you won't be giving her enough of a reaction to be satisfying to her.
Rodney is offline  
Old 02-05-2006, 11:34 PM   #10 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Cali
But if she says that she doesn't want to talk about it, I'd be a little suspicious. If you are having a normal conversation and something like that slips out then it must mean it's on her mind, and she's worried about it. Why she'd make a comment like that and then not want to discuss it further I don't know, other than she wants to talk about it but doesn't know how. But the subject shouldn't be pushed.
damnpoor is offline  
Old 02-24-2006, 01:15 PM   #11 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Machesney Park, IL
Just be a friend and listen. Maybe you could take her to a movie,dinner,anything to keep her away from that situation. Always remember you can only help those who want it,and for the ones that do you have to be able to help yourself before helping anyone else. Just be a good friend, and or a good ear.
$$J$G$$ is offline  
 

Tags
respond

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 08:51 PM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360