Baraka_Guru

A good question, and you are right. In a sense.

Let me explain.

There exists a similar session to this one. There are a few differences, however. First, it is called "Ask me, not Baraka_Guru." Second, it is run by an entity known only as Garaka_Buru. I will spare you the details, but this Garaka_Buru exists on an alternative plane similar to our own but with a few variances. For example, instead of "Tilted Forum Project," they have "Slanted Symposium Scheme." And instead of it being owned by Halx, it is a partnership headed by android replications of Crompsin and Giant Hamburger. There are quite a few more differences (including the annual general orgy, or AGO) but, as I said, I'll spare you the details.

Anyway, the wisdom and knowledge you will gain here I guarantee you is of higher quality than over there at the SSS.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

girldetective

It occurred to me to wonder this morning how it is that someone might come by the name of "Hutch". Whatcha think?

__________________
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata

-deathboy-

joy.

if left is the right answer, would that make right the only answer left?

__________________

thespian86

Dearest Baraka!

Your son is gay. Do you send him to a fundamentalist christian camp to convert him to heterosexuality?

__________________
EX: Whats new?
ME: I officially love coffee more then you now.
EX: uh...
ME: So, not much.

Baraka_Guru

"Hutch" is the name of the Norse god known as "the keeper of rabbits." It is a strong name that figuratively refers to keeping delicious vittles within one's belly. I can see why parents would want to bestow such a blessing on their children.

Sometimes parents simply name their children "Hutch" after their favourite mahogany cabinets. This, too, I can understand.

---------- Post added at 12:37 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:34 PM ----------

The right answer is the one that's left, but only when you're left being right.

The only way to truly convert a homosexual to a heterosexual is by changing the details of his character and his interactions before you submit the story to the publisher. You may want to practice before making such an attempt. I suggest converting a heterosexual into a homosexual first, and then reverse the process.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

dlish

thespian....guru's dont have children..they abstain from sex for their entire lives..can you not tell from the stress on barakas face?


dearest baraka...the pink g-string with the white fluff on the front, or the black lace G-string with the fritters on the sides?

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Baraka_Guru

Go with the black. It will help bring out the intensity in your eyes.

Yes, definitely the black.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

thespian86

He does have intense and dreamy eyes; they practically dance. (I'm attempting conversion on myself). Really, really dreamy.

__________________
EX: Whats new?
ME: I officially love coffee more then you now.
EX: uh...
ME: So, not much.

Daniel_

Are you my mummy?

__________________

╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

kramus

Dear Baraka_Guru

Given that the alien watchers are Hive-Mind creatures, and that humans - though very social animals - are individual entities each within their physical envelopes:

What is the most appropriate guest gift for an alien? They are Hive-Minds, and therefore probably not interested in items which would be of use to the individual (best selling novels, say, or a nice framed landscape). The en-masse gifting of matching slippers and housecoat (as an example) would cripple the combined textile industries of our planet trying to supply the alien hordes in their teeming billions upon trillions of like-minded entities.

I really would appreciate some ideas before next Friday.

__________________
And now to disengage the clutch of the forebrain ...
I'm going with this - if you like artwork visit http://markfineart.ca

dlish

if a deaf person goes to court, is it still called a hearing?

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Jetée

Only you can make that justification.

__________________
As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves.

—Mohandas K. Gandhi

Glory's Sun

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Baraka_Guru

No.

I highly recommend gift accounts to the World of Warcraft. They'd make a kick-ass guild.

Yes, unless the entire jury is deaf, in which case it's called a signing.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

carrot glace

can a dog look up?

__________________
"blaine is a pain and that is the truth"

Baraka_Guru

The answer depends on how much wood the woodchuck would chuck if the woodchuck's wood needed chucking. Would this woodchuck chuck wood if wood was chucked by a woodchuck who could chuck wood? Why would a woodchuck chuck wood chucked even if he could chuck wood?

---------- Post added at 02:48 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:47 PM ----------

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

-deathboy-

your answers are most profound.
thank you wise one.
and now, the most disturbing question of all...

why must life be so fucking complicated?

__________________

Punk.of.Ages

Oh, snap! Best. Answer. Ever.

__________________
"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

Baraka_Guru

It is because you ask why, instead of how.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

dlish

i can see the light..oh master, oh wise one, you are a man of higher knowledge than us lay men. teach us, so that we may bestow your wisdom on other so that the baraka-ness may continue for eternity.

do men cry? if so, can they cry under water?

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

-deathboy-

therein lies the answer to even deeper questions.
i thank you.


do snuggies have it right and robes were wrong in the first place?

__________________

Ourcrazymodern?

Hey, Big Guy!

Is it wrong for me to love ring & you, too?

__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

Baraka_Guru

Men do cry; yes they do. They may cry; this is true.

They may cry on a boat; they may cry in a moat.
They may cry under water; they may cry at the slaughter.
They may cry in a keep; they may cry, some may weep.
They may cry in a tower; they may cry, upon the hour.

So if you ask, I say, yes they do. Men do cry, and you may too!

Snuggie™, ftw! I might be blessed one day to be gifted such a wondrous garment!

Hey, chief!

Hells no!

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

BadNick

Oh supremely wise Guru, we manufacture the "GURU Plug" which has generated millions of dollars in profits over the past few years. Do we owe you a royalty?

Baraka_Guru

No, there are no royalties, though you do have an outstanding fee from our licensing agreement, which was issued two years ago. You owe me a sum of US$800,000 plus late fee (see below).

Make cheques payable to "Baraka_Guru Enterprises." All balances due in 30 days. A 2% late fee applies for overdue accounts (compounded daily).

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

BadNick

Thank you, Most Wise One. Check's in the mail.

Leto

You need to send Baraka_guru a cheque.

Baraka, why is a check no good for you?

__________________
You said you didn't give a fuck about hockey
And I never saw someone say that before
You held my hand and we walked home the long way
You were loosening my grip on Bobby Orr

http://dune.wikia.com/wiki/Leto_Atreides_I

Baraka_Guru

I am not afraid of the French heritage of what makes up a considerable part of our language.

That is why.

C'est considerable, non?

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Leto

Oui... d'accord!

Have you ever been to C'est What?

__________________
You said you didn't give a fuck about hockey
And I never saw someone say that before
You held my hand and we walked home the long way
You were loosening my grip on Bobby Orr

http://dune.wikia.com/wiki/Leto_Atreides_I

Baraka_Guru

Sadly, no. It's because each time I've tried to go, I was looking for a sign that read: "Say What?"

Incroyable, mais vrai.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Ourcrazymodern?

You've improved my craziness. Why?

__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

Baraka_Guru

You deserve to see your craziness to its maximum potential.

Crazy, ain't it?

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

jewels

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

dlish

oh mighty one,

how does one reach such a guru-ness status? what can mere mortals like us do to acend such spiritual heights?

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

allaboutmusic

Great one, I seek thy wisdom. An acquaintance said to me the other day:

I have thought about this for days, and cannot work out if it is or isn't true. If it's not true, then it would have to be true. But if it was true, then it could not be.

Help me. Is it true?

Ourcrazymodern?

I can't find my junk. Where the fuck did it go?

__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

Lucifer

Dearest Baraka_Guru,
Can you explain the "I before E, except after C" conundrum?

__________________
I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to owls.
- Job 30:29

1123, 6536, 5321

dlish

where the fuck did you go ?.. oh respected highest holy one

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

ring

He's procuring some mighty fine cigars for us in Cuba.

LordEden

When the typing the subject of a thread in the little box for this forum, how is capitulation handled with this? Is it like a book title or is it like a sentence even if it doesn't have punctuation?

__________________
Vice-President of the CinnamonGirl Fan Club - The Meat of the Zombiesquirrel and CinnamonGirl Sandwich