RyeZingSon

I was so poor growing up...If I wasn't born a boy, I'd have had nothing to play with.

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."

It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle fell off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I was such an ugly baby, my mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

I'm so ugly my father carries around the picture of the kid that came with his wallet.

When I was born .... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry.We did everything we could. But he pulled through."

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness after I was born.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted >more proof.

Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid ... there are so many places they can hide."

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

I'm so ugly. I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get.

I went to see my doctor and told him, "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.


RIP Rodney

__________________
Everyone should have beliefs. I believe I will have another beer!!

Glad-I-Ate-Her

These are great. He will be surely missed.

Glad

__________________
I'm "Glad I Ate Her" because the payback was worth it!!

Mephisto2

That's a shame.

Funny guy in a strange Rodney Dangerfield way, if you know what I mean.


Mr Mephisto

Homey_V

I shall shed a single tear for him... He made me laugh and many others.

__________________
You did what with a duck?

Delvid

Rodney will be missed. RIP.

feelgood

Damn, it sucks that Rodney's gone...

You finally have respect old friend...

__________________
Looking out the window, that's an act of war. Staring at my shoes, that's an act of war. Committing an act of war? Oh you better believe that's an act of war

CityOfAngels

And to think the last movie I saw him in was "Little Nicky." What a shame.

Beagle

Too bad he's gone...We'll miss him terribly.

StickODynomite

Awwwh, such a funny guy, what a shame that he's gone.
RIP

__________________
"The human mind is like a parachute, it works best when open."

Shpoop

"I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up."

that is hilarious

RIP Rodney

PayUp

Salute Mr. Dangerfield!

__________________
Born to Lose.

stax

Rodney is the man!!!

RIP

jester

He finally gets some respect. Posthumously.

__________________
Like my diamonds? The Devil himself gave them to me...

Rodney

"Back to School" is my favorite college comedy ever. Rodney deserves all the respect we can give him.

Poyzun_Ivy

Hats off to another great comic who's had to leave us...

__________________
She's pretty as a daisy
But look out man she's crazy
She'll really do you in
If you let her get under your skin

runtuff

The master of the self depricatring one liner.

RIP Rodney

WarriorBuddha

I'm very sorry to hear he's gone. He will be sorely missed. Respect for the man who gets none. RIP

__________________
Thockmorton knew if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it.

prb

Appreciate the tribute to Rodney. He had one of the best deliveries and his material is timeless.

toilet_duck

It ruined my day to hear that Rodney Dangerfield had died. I will always love his comedy, and repsect him. I salute you, sir.

__________________
Student Extraordinaire[/FONT]

"The only difference between God and Adolf Hitler
is that God is more proficient at genocide."

loganmule

thanks for sharing some great one liners from one hell of a funny guy, who wasn't afraid to get a laugh at his own expense...I think I'll go watch Caddyshack now in memory of him (I don't own Back to School).

pmkuon

Loved Rodney. He will be missed. Thanks for the recap.

__________________
wea willis

neo_spoon

I seem to remember him making some kind of comment right before he went to the hospital for the surgery. He said something to the effect that if everything goes ok he'll be out in a few days. If things don't, then it'll be a lot longer.

Famous last words.

LeviticusMky

Jeez, too bad he's gone. Pure classic comedy gold.

Puts most new comedians to shame.

"Why are you running like that?" "cause you came home early..."


HAHAAAAHAAAAAA!!!!!

Ilow

"...afraid to go to the bathroom." baaahhaaaa
RIP R.D.

__________________
"Religion is the one area of our discourse in which it is considered noble to pretend to be certain about things no human being could possibly be certain about"
--Sam Harris

Smimpinj

Its a shame the way he went. Any one can tell a Rodney Dangerfield joke, but no one can tell it right. He will be missed. My respect goes out to him.

yoyoyobro

A great comic and a man who opened doors to many others in comedy

ravenradiodj

Talk about opening doors....I remember an HBO special he did in the mid 80s....introducing a bunch of new comics....I remember seeing Jerry Seinfeld, Robert Townsend, Roseanne, and Sam Kinison........RIP Rodney

wecantstop

Yes, a true leader in comedians. He will be deeply missed.

someguy42

Sigh....

"So I had this blind date the other day. I knock on her door and say "Are you Louise?" Girl says, "Are you Rodney?" I said, "Yeah." She said, "I'm not Louise."

__________________
The probability that someone is watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions.

p0thead

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

haha i cant stop laughing at this one....

MikeyChalupa

Some of my favorites...

I saw a sign above a strip club. It said "Topless, bottomless." I went in... there was nobody there.

I get so confused with women. Once girl called me and said "I have mirrors all over the bedroom. Come over and bring a bottle." I brought Windex.

My wife and I made a deal to only smoke after sex. I got the same pack since 1975. She's up to 3 packs a day.

I know she's cheating on me. Everytime I come home the parrot says "Quick, out the window."

Remember his "Rappin' Rodney" song? I gotta find the mp3 someday.

-Mikey

Speed_Gibson

That was 'If all goes well I'll be out in a few days, if things don't go well I'll be out in an hour or two' - or something very close to it.

__________________
Started talking to yourself I see.
Yes, it's the only way I can be certain of an intelligent conversation.

Black Adder

Lefty04

One of a kind. I don't think I'll ever walk into a hospital without thinking of his " last joke".

Tarl Cabot

Hard to tell which is better between that and "Caddyshack."