In Honor of Rodney Dangerfield who passed today at 82
 

I was so poor growing up...If I wasn't born a boy, I'd have had nothing to play with.

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."

It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle fell off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I was such an ugly baby, my mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

I'm so ugly my father carries around the picture of the kid that came with his wallet.

When I was born .... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry.We did everything we could. But he pulled through."

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness after I was born.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted >more proof.

Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid ... there are so many places they can hide."

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

I'm so ugly. I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get.

I went to see my doctor and told him, "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.


RIP Rodney

These are great. He will be surely missed.

Glad

That's a shame.

Funny guy in a strange Rodney Dangerfield way, if you know what I mean.


Mr Mephisto

I shall shed a single tear for him... He made me laugh and many others.

Rodney will be missed. RIP.

Damn, it sucks that Rodney's gone...

You finally have respect old friend...

And to think the last movie I saw him in was "Little Nicky." What a shame.

Too bad he's gone...We'll miss him terribly.

Awwwh, such a funny guy, what a shame that he's gone.
RIP

"I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up."

that is hilarious

RIP Rodney

Salute Mr. Dangerfield!

Rodney is the man!!!

RIP

He finally gets some respect. Posthumously.

"Back to School" is my favorite college comedy ever. Rodney deserves all the respect we can give him.

Hats off to another great comic who's had to leave us...

The master of the self depricatring one liner.

RIP Rodney

I'm very sorry to hear he's gone. He will be sorely missed. Respect for the man who gets none. RIP

Appreciate the tribute to Rodney. He had one of the best deliveries and his material is timeless.

It ruined my day to hear that Rodney Dangerfield had died. I will always love his comedy, and repsect him. I salute you, sir.

thanks for sharing some great one liners from one hell of a funny guy, who wasn't afraid to get a laugh at his own expense...I think I'll go watch Caddyshack now in memory of him (I don't own Back to School).

Loved Rodney. He will be missed. Thanks for the recap.

I seem to remember him making some kind of comment right before he went to the hospital for the surgery. He said something to the effect that if everything goes ok he'll be out in a few days. If things don't, then it'll be a lot longer.

Famous last words.

Jeez, too bad he's gone. Pure classic comedy gold.

Puts most new comedians to shame.

"Why are you running like that?" "cause you came home early..."


HAHAAAAHAAAAAA!!!!!

"...afraid to go to the bathroom." baaahhaaaa
RIP R.D.

Its a shame the way he went. Any one can tell a Rodney Dangerfield joke, but no one can tell it right:(. He will be missed. My respect goes out to him.

A great comic and a man who opened doors to many others in comedy

Talk about opening doors....I remember an HBO special he did in the mid 80s....introducing a bunch of new comics....I remember seeing Jerry Seinfeld, Robert Townsend, Roseanne, and Sam Kinison........RIP Rodney

Yes, a true leader in comedians. He will be deeply missed.

Sigh....

"So I had this blind date the other day. I knock on her door and say "Are you Louise?" Girl says, "Are you Rodney?" I said, "Yeah." She said, "I'm not Louise."

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

haha i cant stop laughing at this one....

Some of my favorites...

I saw a sign above a strip club. It said "Topless, bottomless." I went in... there was nobody there.

I get so confused with women. Once girl called me and said "I have mirrors all over the bedroom. Come over and bring a bottle." I brought Windex.

My wife and I made a deal to only smoke after sex. I got the same pack since 1975. She's up to 3 packs a day.

I know she's cheating on me. Everytime I come home the parrot says "Quick, out the window."

Remember his "Rappin' Rodney" song? I gotta find the mp3 someday.

-Mikey

That was 'If all goes well I'll be out in a few days, if things don't go well I'll be out in an hour or two' - or something very close to it.

One of a kind. I don't think I'll ever walk into a hospital without thinking of his " last joke".

Hard to tell which is better between that and "Caddyshack."