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07-31-2003, 10:57 PM
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#130 (permalink) |
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Psycho
Location: Atlanta, GA
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Damn that shit is great. That wizard hat line really got me going, that's genius.
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"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds" -- Albert Einstein "A clear indication of women's superiority over man is their refusal to play air guitar." --Frank Zappa |
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07-31-2003, 11:00 PM
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#131 (permalink) |
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Eccentric insomniac
Location: North Carolina
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I think we need to make new tfp shirts w/ the logo on one side and a wizard hat on the other.
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"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill "All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence |
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08-02-2003, 01:57 AM
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#135 (permalink) |
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Tilted
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Wally Tries Cybersex
An Instant Message appears across the screen of Wally's computer: Angel4: Hi. How R U? Wally: Huh? Who is this? Angel4: My name's Angel....how r u? Wally: HEY! I know who this is..one of those hackers trying to get my credit card. Stop Thief! Help! Angel4: For heaven's sake, I'm not a hacker... Wally: Oh, sorry. Anyway, I was smart enough after the last time I was ripped off to change my Visa Card number from 6278178965781117 to 6382900986228211 Angel4: Ummmm, okay.................I'm just a girl looking 4 a good time. My name is Angel. Wally: Angle, that's a pretty name. Angel4: Thank you..but it's Angel. I like your profile. Wally: Hey, how can you see my profile. I'm not even turning sideways..HEY! can you see me with one of those sex cams??? Angel4: No, Wally. Not if you don't own one. Um..is Wally your real name, and.. are you over 18? Wally: I'm 31 (mmpft) but I won't tell you my real name. Angel4: Why? Wally: The last woman I chatted with was a psycho and started sending me death threats in the mail. Angel4: Oh my, that's awful. Is she still stalking you? Wally: No. Luckily she found someone else with a better credit card rating. Angel4: Haven't seen u here before. Do u want to get to know me better? I'm 5'5, 120 lbs, 34/24/34. Wally: What are all those numbers, your phone number??? I'm in Canada - we just have seven digits. Angel4: Um, no. Those are my measurements. I'm a dancer/actress/model and I work out 4 hours a day. Wally: You work out? I mostly work inside. I'm a heart surgeon. (mmpft) Don't you sometimes get too cold working outside so much? Angel4: No, silly! I mean I EXERCISE MY BODY. Wally: Why don't you get a job loading trucks? It's exercise, and they give you money. Angel4: Uh... Forget it...So, what do you look like? Wally: I've been told I look like a cross between Jim Nabors and the guy who lives across the street from my aunt's house. Angel4: Just a minute, it's very hot in here. Do you mind if I slip off these panties and get more comfortable? Wally: Ok. I have to go feed my dog while you do that. Angel4: Sheesh. Wally: OK I'm back. Sorry I took so long. Hey, what's this file in my computer. HEY, ARE YOU SENDING ME A VIRUS, ANGLE? Angel4: Calm down, Wally. That's a picture of me. Open it up. It's safe. And my name's Angel. Wally: No, I better go ask my wife first. I'm not allowed to download anything without her permission..be right back- Angel4: NO, WALLY! Um..there's no need to show your wife this picture...Just calm down and open it. Wally: WOW!! WOW!! WOW!!! You look EXACTLY like an old poster I had for years!!!! I swear you look just like Farah Facet Majors without the wrinkles. Did you pose for a poster too??? Angel4: Um.. no, that's just a photo I had taken last week. That's really me, honest... Now will you tell me your real name? Wally: Well.. um.. I-I- Angel4: Fine. I'll just start chatting with InTooDeep then.. Wally: WAIT! As long as you are not a stalker. I'm Wally Eastwood and I live at 56 Crown St. in Toronto Canada, Postal Code K6V IV4. But maybe I shouldn't tell you that. Angel4: Oh, don't worry...you can trust me. I'm taking my silk blouse off, Wally.. Wally: Aren't you worried you'll catch a cold? Angel4. Well, if you saw me topless right now you would know it's a bit chilly here.. Wally: It gets cold here too at night. My wife won't turn the heater up past 62 degrees and- Angel4: I'm getting really hot, Wally. Wally: Make up your mind, you just said you were cold. Angel4: Tell me what you are wearing. Wally: I'm wearing blue boxer shorts and a Bart Simpson Tee Shirt. Angel4: Why don't you take off your shirt for me, Wally.. Wally: WHY? It's a really funny one with Bart and this really fat woman and it says "Purple Crack Kills".. Have you seen it? (long, long, pause from Angel4) Angel4: You know, to tell you the truth I'm a bit busy right now and- Wally: Did I mention I'm 6' 3" 200 lbs and can bench press 300 pounds? (mmpft) Angel4: *Perking* Wally: What.. you're having coffee at this hour???? Angel4: No.. I mean..*wow* meaning.. that sounds just.. mmmmmmmmmmmmm. Wally: OH my God! You spilt your coffee on the keyboard, didn't you? Now your m key is sticking! Angel4: NO, Wally, for crissakes I'm not having any coffee! I mean MMMMMMMMMM..Like.."I'M EXCITED"..do you get it? Can you possibly freaking keep up here, you putz? Wally: OH! I GET IT! It's those EMOTICONS! I bought that book INTERNET for MORONS to learn those, but I forgot where I put it- Angel4: I think I'm getting a migraine. Wally:But I remember some of them...Let's see: I forget. Angel4: You have a great sense of humour... Now I'm really getting hot...can u call me, Wally? Wally: Why would I call you my own name? Angel4: No...u know.. CALL me..on the phone.. Wally: No, I can't, I'm trying to cut back on my phone bill..but..HEY..WAIT you mean call you for phonesex???? Angel4:: Yeah..It's only $3.99 a minute and I'll bet you have a sexy voice, Wally. Wally: I tried that phone sex once but I couldn't figure out what I was supposed to do with the receiver. Angel4: *Sigh* Wally, do you want to get off with me or not!? Wally: Get off? Angle, I just signed on and I have 5 more free hours!! I got this great deal through my phone company and a free phone card and- Angel4: I MEAN CYBERSEX!!!! Wally: Wow!!! My wife just left the house,too! I'd like to try that stuff out. Angel4: Finally!.. Here's a free sample. Now listen carefully.. when you start to get turned on, you type "oooooooooooooo", get it? I'm completely naked now, Wally, and I'm starting to- Wally: 00000000000000000000000000000000000000 Angel4: This isn't the time to be cracking jokes. Wally: I'm done. That was great. Angel4: Are you SERIOUS??? Wally: I get excited easily. I'm sorry, Angle. Angel4: Jesus, what schmuck. And it's ANGEL, you jerk!! USER ANGEL14 is no longer online Wally: Hello? ::clicking keyboard:: HELLO, ANGLE? It says you are no longer online. Tell me if this is true. Hello? |
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08-07-2003, 08:12 PM
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#148 (permalink) |
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Junkie
Location: San Antonio, TX
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Meh, the sweet17 one was just mean - the others were funny, though. Sounds like something lowtax would do... (www.somethingawful.com)
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04-23-2004, 01:26 PM
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#154 (permalink) | |
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No Avatar, No Sig.
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Quote:
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04-23-2004, 04:28 PM
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#155 (permalink) | |
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Tilted
Location: england
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Quote:
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Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. Catherine Zandonella |
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04-26-2004, 08:20 PM
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#157 (permalink) |
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Junkie
Location: Louisiana
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__________________
It means only one thing, and everything: Cut. Once committed to fight, Cut. Everything else is secondary. Cut. That is your duty, your purpose, your hunger. There is no rule more important, no commitment that overrides that one. Cut. The lines are a portrayal of the dance. Cut from the void, not from bewilderment. Cut the enemy as quickly and directly as possible. Cut with certainty. Cut decisively, resoultely. Cut into his strength. Flow through the gaps in his guard. Cut him. Cut him down utterly. Don't allow him a breath. Crush him. Cut him without mercy to the depth of his spirit. It is the balance to life: death. It is the dance with death. It is the law a war wizard lives by, or he dies. |
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| cyber, perfect |
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