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Old 05-08-2003, 03:03 AM   #1 (permalink)
Crazy
 
A perfect example of "why not to cyber" ;) (a MUST see)

chatlog 1:

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?



chatlog 2:

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.


chatlog 3:

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something





these are supposably real, btw makes them even funnier
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Old 05-08-2003, 05:11 AM   #2 (permalink)
Oracle & Apollyon
 
Prophecy's Avatar
 
Location: Limbus Patrum
real or not thats some funny stuff
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La Fede È Il Mio Schermo,
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Old 05-08-2003, 10:25 AM   #3 (permalink)
Psycho
 
zaiaz's Avatar
 
Location: State of confusion...wait that's medication.
ROTFLMAO that last part really got me.
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Old 05-08-2003, 10:29 AM   #4 (permalink)
Poo-tee-weet?
 
JStrider's Avatar
 
Location: The Woodlands, TX
hahaha its always funny when people mess around when "cybering"
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Old 05-08-2003, 11:31 AM   #5 (permalink)
Oracle & Apollyon
 
Prophecy's Avatar
 
Location: Limbus Patrum
Here's 2 others I found

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
Katie_007: Sure, you into vegetables?
bloodninja: What like gardening an shit?
Katie_007: Yeah, something like that.
bloodninja: Nothing turns me on more, check this out:
bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes. (pause)
Katie_007: is that it?
bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
Katie_007: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?(pause)
bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... sexily.
bloodninja: I ride your buttocks like they were amber waves of grains.
Katie_007: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
bloodninja: Damn baby you're right, this shit is HOTT.
Katie_007: ...
bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
Katie_007: What the f*ck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
bloodninja: Yeah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your
olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
Katie_007: whatever.
-------------------------------------------

J-dogg: Hey Kate, I saw you on the hs chatroom
J-dogg: Your pretty funny
DirtyKate: I don't remember you.. but thanx
J-dogg: Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate: K, but don't tell anybody
DirtyKate: Who are you?
J-dogg: I graduated two years ago. I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot. Right now I'm going to Auburn
J-dogg: And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my new Sebring
DirtyKate: You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
J-dogg: Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate: Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
J-dogg: Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate: I want everything, baby!
J-dogg: Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate: Umm...Yes
DirtyKate: So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
J-dogg: Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
DirtyKate: Jdogg, I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
J-dogg: You can't hurry good pizza.(pause.)
J-dogg: I'm on my way now though
DirtyKate: So you're at my front door now.
J-dogg: How did you know?
J-dogg: I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
J-dogg: Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate: ooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
J-dogg: So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate: Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
J-dogg: I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom,I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate: What the f*ck?
DirtyKate: You perverted piece of sh*t
DirtyKate: F*ck
__________________
La Disciplina È La Mia Spada,
La Fede È Il Mio Schermo,
Non salti Ciecamente In Incertezza,
E Potete Raccogliere Le Ricompense.

Last edited by Prophecy; 05-08-2003 at 01:04 PM..
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Old 05-08-2003, 11:48 AM   #6 (permalink)
spurt king
 
Location: Out of my mind
Fuckin hilarious... where does one cyber now-a-days?

Why back in my cycber days we had to go from chat room to chat room. And had to turn off the computer screens when pops came into the room... turn off the comp billy... ok pops.
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Old 05-08-2003, 12:12 PM   #7 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: SWLA
I really gotta stop reading shit like this at work.
Guffaws are not kosher in a library...
good shit homie.
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Old 05-08-2003, 01:25 PM   #8 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Canada
These are awesome. LOL
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Old 05-08-2003, 02:00 PM   #9 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: unfortunately not ireland
That was some of the funniest cybers gone wrong i have read.
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Old 05-08-2003, 02:38 PM   #10 (permalink)
Go faster!
 
DEI37's Avatar
 
Location: Wisconsin
Those are just funny...there are some whacked people out there, though. I can see these being actual!
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Old 05-08-2003, 05:10 PM   #11 (permalink)
Psycho
 
hilbert25's Avatar
 
Location: nOvA
That's some great stuff. I gotta remember to put on my robe and wizard hat....
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Old 05-08-2003, 06:47 PM   #12 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: In a van, down by the river
hahaha those are great. i love the wizard hat one
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Old 05-08-2003, 07:38 PM   #13 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: California
hahaha that's good stuff
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Old 05-08-2003, 07:39 PM   #14 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Baltimore
There's more...

----------------

sweet17: Hi
bloodninja: hello
bloodninja: who is this?
sweet17: just a someone?
bloodninja: A someone I know?
sweet17: nope
bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17: well sorrrrrry
sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
bloodninja: why?
sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
sweet17: yes?
bloodninja: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
sweet17: paranoid?
bloodninja: yes
sweet17: of what?
sweet17: me?
bloodninja: No. I'm in hiding.
sweet17: LOL
bloodninja: Don't ******* laugh at me!
bloodninja: This **** is serious!
sweet17: What are you hiding from?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: gimme a ******* break
bloodninja: I'm serious.
sweet17: I don't get it
bloodninja: The cops are after me.
sweet17: For what?
bloodninja: I'm wanted in three states
sweet17: For???
bloodninja: It's kindof embarrasing.
bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You are ******* sick.
bloodninja: Send me your picture.
sweet17: why?
bloodninja: so I know you aren't one of them.
sweet17: One of what?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: I'm not a cop i told you
bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
sweet17: hold on
bloodninja: Hurry up.
bloodninja: Are you there?
bloodninja: **** you, cop!
sweet17: Hey sorry
sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
bloodninja: Weren't you!?
sweet17: thats not it
bloodninja: Then what?
sweet17: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
bloodninja: Most cops aren't
sweet17: IM NOT A ******* COP YOU ********!
bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
sweet17: fine. What's your e-mail?
bloodninja: Just send it through here.
sweet17: alright *PIC*
sweet17: Did you get it?
bloodninja: Hold on. I'm looking.
sweet17: That was me back in may
sweet17: I've lost weight since then.
bloodninja: I hope so
sweet17: what?!?
sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
bloodninja: Did it?
sweet17: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
sweet17: yes
bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
sweet17: kks
bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17: this isn't you.
bloodninja: I'll be damned if it ain't!
sweet17: You don't look like that.
bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17: Go **** yourself
bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
bloodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week.
sweet17: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
sweet17: You've done nothing but slam me.
sweet17: you hurt me.
bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
bloodninja: Why would I do that?
sweet17: I can't believe that cops are after you
bloodninja: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17: **** YOU!!!
bloodninja: You'd break both of his legs.
sweet17: You're a ******* *******!
sweet17: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
bloodninja: Ok. I'm sorry.
sweet17: No you aren't
bloodninja: You're right. I'm not.
bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
sweet17: I'm done with you
bloodninja: Aww. I'm sorry.
sweet17: I'm putting you on ignore
bloodninja: Wait a sec
bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
bloodninja: Wanna start over?
sweet17: No
bloodninja: I'll eat your kitty
sweet17: You'll what?
bloodninja: You heard me.
bloodninja: I said I'd eat your kitty.
sweet17: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
bloodninja: Well I'm not like most men.
bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
sweet17: Like what?
bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
sweet17: I don't know
bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17: I'm afraid to
bloodninja: Why?
sweet17: cause
bloodninja: cause why?
sweet17: well lets see
sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
sweet17: doesn't that seem strange to you?
bloodninja: Nope
sweet17: well its strange to me
bloodninja: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
sweet17: I didn't say that
bloodninja: So is that a yes?
sweet17: I guess so.
bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17: What do you need me to do?
bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17: ???
bloodninja: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
bloodninja: ok?
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You can't be serious
bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
bloodninja: It's my fantasy.
sweet17: this is retarded
bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17: Yes I want it.
bloodninja: Then you'll do it for me?
sweet17: sure
bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth ****.
sweet17: mmmm yeah
bloodninja: uh oh ...going limp.
sweet17: Har
bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.
bloodninja: I softly suck on your **** bringing it in and out of my mouth.
bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I **** harder
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: HARRRRRRR
bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: this is stupid
bloodninja: ...still limp
bloodninja: Do it!
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your *******.
bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17: WTF?!?!?
bloodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
sweet17: YOURE A ******* PYSCHO!!
bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
bloodninja: And turn you into a ******* candy apple...
bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
sweet17: **** YOU *******!!
bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
bloodninja: ...going limp again.
bloodninja: Hello?
bloodninja: Say it!
bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!
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Last edited by JadziaDax; 10-22-2003 at 02:04 AM..
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Old 05-08-2003, 08:51 PM   #15 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: CA
Knee-slappin' funny. I want to mess with some people now.
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Old 05-09-2003, 01:22 AM   #16 (permalink)
Psycho
 
forgotten_dream's Avatar
 
*LOL* God... every time some idiot IM's me wanting to cyber, I just read that and regain a little hope for humanity.
Bloodninja, wherever you are, thank you!
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Old 05-09-2003, 03:17 PM   #17 (permalink)
Crazy
 
haha the other ones are great too
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Old 05-09-2003, 04:20 PM   #18 (permalink)
Banned
 
hahha that is fucking funny
im gonna submit it to fazed
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Old 05-09-2003, 04:47 PM   #19 (permalink)
Upright
 
Best post evar!
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Old 05-10-2003, 03:35 AM   #20 (permalink)
Sky Piercer
 
CSflim's Avatar
 
Location: Ireland
Quote:
I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom,I exit through the front door....
Bwahahahah!! That was a classic!
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Old 05-10-2003, 11:36 AM   #21 (permalink)
Upright
 
CSflim you said it for all of us
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Bacon and Cheese!
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Old 05-11-2003, 12:30 AM   #22 (permalink)
Upright
 
Genius beyong imagination,
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Bacon and Cheese!
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Old 05-11-2003, 10:08 AM   #23 (permalink)
Hello, good evening, and bollocks.
 
Fearless_Hyena's Avatar
 
Location: near DC
pure comedy! thats utterly ridiculous.....
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Old 05-11-2003, 12:48 PM   #24 (permalink)
Dopefish
 
wraithhibn's Avatar
 
Location: the 'Ville
i didntk now people still cybered these days, cause that is some funny shit.
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Old 05-11-2003, 03:43 PM   #25 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Oh man that stuff is great...nice additions too
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Dante: She thought it was me.
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Old 05-11-2003, 03:57 PM   #26 (permalink)
Insane
 
nefarious's Avatar
 
Location: Tucson, AZ
haha .. someone has a little too much time on their hands!
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Old 05-11-2003, 05:45 PM   #27 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: Canada
Lol yep always funny to read those sh*t lol!!!
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Old 05-12-2003, 04:38 AM   #28 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: California
that's hilarious! LOL! I gotta try that wizard one, one of these days.
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Old 05-12-2003, 05:11 AM   #29 (permalink)
High Honorary Junkie
 
Location: Tri-state.
LOL! I can't get over this...this is hilarious!
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Old 05-12-2003, 09:19 AM   #30 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: SWLA
aaah, nerds are so funny.
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Old 05-12-2003, 09:23 AM   #31 (permalink)
Upright
 
lol, cyberin is 1337!
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Old 05-12-2003, 12:53 PM   #32 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Broken Arrow, OK
poo nuggets...thats it.....thats all I can type...laughing...too...hard...oh sh*t
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Old 05-12-2003, 03:33 PM   #33 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: British Columbia
I put on my robe and wizard hat. Thats funny stuff.
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Old 05-12-2003, 05:55 PM   #34 (permalink)
The Cheshire Grin...
 
Location: An Aussie Outback
lol
Gotta love it


I got something like that around.. gotta find it..
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Old 05-12-2003, 06:43 PM   #35 (permalink)
Upright
 
I laughed so hard i sprayed saliva on my monitor.
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Old 05-12-2003, 07:47 PM   #36 (permalink)
Junkie
 
He turned her into a candy apple that is great. That's some funny shit I can't stop laughing.
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I'll Throw You!
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Old 05-12-2003, 09:58 PM   #37 (permalink)
Loser
 
Location: Dayton
funniest thing i've read all in awhile!
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Old 05-12-2003, 10:36 PM   #38 (permalink)
We're having potato pancakes!
 
hotzot's Avatar
 
Location: stalag 13
VERY FUNNY.
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Old 05-12-2003, 11:05 PM   #39 (permalink)
Upright
 
ha
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Old 05-13-2003, 04:44 AM   #40 (permalink)
Transfer Agent
 
troit's Avatar
 
Location: NYC
Maybe that's why I have never takin' part in a cyber -- you just never know who your going to meet...
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