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Old 05-09-2004, 01:38 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Location: Ireland
Weapons of math instruction

I appolgise in advance for this one!

Weapons Found at Kennedy Airport
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement.

He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra is a fearsome cult", Ashcroft said, "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like "x" and "y" and refer to
themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said, adding: "Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line." President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex."

Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of: though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks.
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Old 05-09-2004, 01:43 PM   #2 (permalink)
is KING!
 
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That was great!
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Old 05-09-2004, 01:56 PM   #3 (permalink)
Comment or else!!
 
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Location: Home sweet home
*groan*
I hate math but damn..do I enjoy reading that.
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Old 05-09-2004, 08:22 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Location: Lubbock, TX
that is great I am going to have to print it out and show my calculus teacher tommorrow. Maybe I will even get extra credit on my final.
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Old 05-12-2004, 10:36 PM   #5 (permalink)
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hilarious
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Old 05-12-2004, 10:48 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Oh geeze, I found that a lot funnier than I should have. I've got to get out of engineering...
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Old 05-13-2004, 04:15 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Location: Charlotte, NC
oh that was funny
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Old 05-13-2004, 12:03 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Good stuff!
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Old 05-14-2004, 12:19 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Location: Canada
crap - I found that kinda funny...

... and then realized that yes, I am in fact, a geek.

. o O (at least it's good money eh?)
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Old 05-18-2004, 10:59 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Nooo! But I like math! ... Oops.
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Old 05-19-2004, 01:51 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Location: nebraska
kinda reminds of the this one

the old lady who was prohibited from getting on a plane with her knitting needles becuse tehy where afraid she was goig to knit an afgan
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Old 05-19-2004, 03:57 AM   #12 (permalink)
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'given us a sine'

oh that's a good one
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Old 05-19-2004, 02:19 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Location: too far from Texas
Axis of Medieval??? don't know 'em...

Axis another question!
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Old 05-19-2004, 05:49 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Now there is something I have to print and take to work. My LPO is probably going to tell me to take it down within 5 minutes. hehehe
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Old 05-19-2004, 11:35 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I abhorred algebra.

Great joke.
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