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Old 04-25-2004, 10:06 PM   #1 (permalink)
can't help but laugh
 
irateplatypus's Avatar
 
Location: dar al-harb
The All-Star list of away msgs.

I wanna hear your funniest, wittiest, most clever IM away messages. I take great pride in my away messages... though they aren't always humorous. What are some of the best ones you've seen?
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If you will not fight when your victory will be sure and not too costly, you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all the odds against you and only a precarious chance for survival. There may even be a worse case. You may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than to live as slaves.

~ Winston Churchill
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Old 04-25-2004, 10:33 PM   #2 (permalink)
Crazy
 
haikus are the best.

As I count the days,
I lay here and ponder my
future deep fryer.

Beautiful day,
and I have something to say:
Fry some potatoes.

oh, and my fav:

Replacing food with coffee is like fueling your car with 151.. it'll work for a while but...

and of course random jokes from this forum
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Old 04-26-2004, 04:35 AM   #3 (permalink)
Tilted
 
gone. not back, avenge death
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Old 04-26-2004, 04:39 AM   #4 (permalink)
She's Actual Size
 
CinnamonGirl's Avatar
 
Location: Central Republic of Where-in-the-Hell
"Not here...if you want to reach me on my cell phone...then buy me a cell phone."

Well, it made ME laugh, anyway
__________________
"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
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Old 04-26-2004, 05:25 AM   #5 (permalink)
Insane
 
like the cell phone one, might even use it?
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Old 04-26-2004, 06:02 AM   #6 (permalink)
Walking is Still Honest
 
FoolThemAll's Avatar
 
Location: Seattle, WA
My current away message:

"So there is no point in anyone trying to learn from me what I know I do not know-unless, perhaps, he wants to know how not to know what, as he ought to know, no one can know." - St. Augustine

My brother's:

Top Ten Reasons to Procrastinate
1.


And my lazy one:

Leave me a message. It's fun.
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I wonder if we're stuck in Rome.
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Old 04-26-2004, 07:05 AM   #7 (permalink)
!?!No hay pantalones!?!
 
saltfish's Avatar
 
Location: Indian-no-place
...Sleeping...

Give me one reason why I shouldn't be asleep... ...then give me a reason why I shouldn't beat you with a stick.

-SF
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Old 04-26-2004, 08:01 AM   #8 (permalink)
Détente
 
Bossnass's Avatar
 
Location: AWOL in Edmonton
"I'm away from the computer but I left it on because I'm downloading porn vids. I mean mp3s. Alright fine, porn."
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Old 04-26-2004, 11:41 AM   #9 (permalink)
Misanthropic
 
Crack's Avatar
 
Location: Ohio! yay!
" I actually am here, but I am avoiding you..."
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Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx
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Old 04-26-2004, 06:48 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
MexicanOnABike's Avatar
 
Location: up north
"believe it or not george isnt at home. please leave a message at the beep. I must be out or i'd pick up the phone... where could i be? believe it or not I'm not home"... -from seinfeld
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Old 04-26-2004, 07:33 PM   #11 (permalink)
lonely rolling star
 
sadistikdreams's Avatar
 
Location: Seattle.
"They never, they never stay small.
And the Populars don't like 'em at all.
But they don't care, life is sweet,
They the Offbeats."

"Whee Whee Whee
I like to Pee"

"Hey Scooby Doo.
Let's get FUCKED UP!"
__________________
"Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone.
The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials.
"
-Lin Yutang

hearts, by d.a.
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Old 04-27-2004, 01:36 PM   #12 (permalink)
She's Actual Size
 
CinnamonGirl's Avatar
 
Location: Central Republic of Where-in-the-Hell
A friend of mine is curruntly using: "Work blows like a $5 hooker with fangs."

Youch.
__________________
"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
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Old 04-27-2004, 04:21 PM   #13 (permalink)
Registered User
 
saut's Avatar
 
Location: Pittsburgh
Here's mine:

I'm asdfjkl; sweet asdfjkl;

Get it?

Kids, don't be like tiny. Go outside or something.

Link goes to a screenshot of my friend leaving me 100+ messages.
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Old 04-27-2004, 11:24 PM   #14 (permalink)
back from sabbatical
 
hawkeye's Avatar
 
Location: Mosptopia
Quote:
I am the thing that goes
bump...
OW!!-WHO LEFT THAT FUCKING WALL THERE??
in the dark....
is my current pick.
__________________
You're not fat,
You're just a giant ball
of love, covered in anger.
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Old 04-28-2004, 12:16 AM   #15 (permalink)
Insane
 
I improvised on the generic, "I am away from my computer right now." and instead turned it into the following:

"I ran away from my computer right now."

I know, it's not that great, but when people look at it it makes them think about it for a while since they're expecting the "boring" generic one.
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Old 04-28-2004, 05:50 PM   #16 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Sydney, Australia
Mine used to be: "Hello [insert long pause], hello, hello? There must be something wrong with your phone because I cant hear you right now....leave a message and I'll call you back once you've got it fixed."

My mum got totally confused and called and left about 5 messages
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People who have no faults are terrible!
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Old 04-28-2004, 09:49 PM   #17 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: that place with the thing
Quote:
She told him to give her 12 inches and make it hurt, so he fucked her four times and punched her in the mouth.
Quote:
A true snob would never waste his time with something like that, but I am able to see the charm of my inferiors' sad little diversions.
Quote:
"What do atheists scream when they cum?"
- Bill Hicks
Quote:
Listen, I know you're a feminist and I think thats adorable, but this is grown-up time and I'm the man.
- Peter Griffin
an anorgram (or whatever it's called when the letters in a word are the first letters in another word that make a sentence...). i dont know how to switch font size, but this is my message for Finals time here at Roanoke College.
Quote:
Fuck
I
Never
Actually
Leared
Shit
Quote:
self improvement is masturbation. now self destruction...
__________________
I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons.
I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and voice of reason.
I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices, son.
They're one and the same I must isolate you, isolate and save you from yourself."
- A Perfect Circle
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Old 04-29-2004, 07:02 PM   #18 (permalink)
Everything's better with bacon
 
SaltPork's Avatar
 
Location: In your local grocer's freezer.
shortly after one of my friends got laid off he changed his away message to:

"Will work for food."

A couple of weeks later it was:

"I'll be back later, I went to the soup kitchen."

I haven't seen him since, but I still have his chainsaw so I think we're all safe.
__________________
It was like that when I got here....I swear.
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Old 04-30-2004, 12:08 PM   #19 (permalink)
Psycho
 
soopafreek's Avatar
 
Location: ask your mom
me drink beer now. leave mesage.
__________________
aaarrrrrgggghhhh!!!!
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Old 04-30-2004, 01:56 PM   #20 (permalink)
Sky Piercer
 
CSflim's Avatar
 
Location: Ireland
Quote:
Originally posted by saut
Here's mine:

I'm asdfjkl; sweet asdfjkl;

Get it?
That was painful!
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Old 04-30-2004, 03:23 PM   #21 (permalink)
Beware the Mad Irish
 
Blackthorn's Avatar
 
Location: Wish I was on the N17...
I have off and on used this:

......................./´Ż/)
....................,/Ż../
.................../..../
............./´Ż/'...'/´ŻŻ`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨Ż\
........('(...´...´.... Ż~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........'\'...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
..............\.............\
__________________
What are you willing to give up in order to get what you want?
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Old 05-03-2004, 07:20 AM   #22 (permalink)
Loser
 
Location: About 50,000 feet in the air... oh shit.
All Stolen from some web site a long time ago:

"I've fallen out of my chair... This could take a while."

"I've gone to find myself. If I return before I come back, please tell myself to wait."

"Ahhh I'm running after the bad guy who took my pack of Skittles..... I worked hard for that pack..... Ahhh he's eating them!!! Now he's throwing them at me.... Call 911!!!"

"Figuring out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop."
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Old 05-03-2004, 11:22 AM   #23 (permalink)
Upright
 
"if im not here right now im probably having sex with your girlfriend"
-sleepers-
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rodawg
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Old 05-03-2004, 11:26 AM   #24 (permalink)
Upright
 
All
Day
I
Dream
About
Sex
......unless i'm masterbating
__________________
rodawg
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Old 05-03-2004, 02:36 PM   #25 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Just tell Nemo you couldn't find him becasue you were getting stoned. He'll understand
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Old 05-03-2004, 03:02 PM   #26 (permalink)
Newlywed
 
sillygirl's Avatar
 
Location: at home
Quote:
Originally posted by Tester123
Just tell Nemo you couldn't find him becasue you were getting stoned. He'll understand

OMG ROFLMAO
__________________

Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken
....absence makes me miss him more...
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Old 05-03-2004, 09:45 PM   #27 (permalink)
Walking is Still Honest
 
FoolThemAll's Avatar
 
Location: Seattle, WA
Wow. I concur, that's ROFLMAO-worthy.
__________________
I wonder if we're stuck in Rome.
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Old 05-19-2004, 05:42 PM   #28 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Pennsylvania
Hold tight, baby. I'll be right back because I want you in the worst way...hard and fast....standing up in a hammock.

1|= j00 (4|\| R34|) 7h!$ j00 |\|33|) 6|4$$3$
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Old 05-21-2004, 09:31 AM   #29 (permalink)
Junkie
 
cameroncrazy822's Avatar
 
Location: MD
Quote:
Originally posted by rsleepers
"if im not here right now im probably having sex with your girlfriend"
-sleepers-
Funny
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Old 05-27-2004, 11:36 PM   #30 (permalink)
<3 Peetster
 
Location: Peetster's house.
My away message....

If by utility,you mean salsa... count me in.
__________________
Honey,We're home.
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Old 05-28-2004, 03:08 AM   #31 (permalink)
Delicious
 
Reese's Avatar
 
"Leave me a message if you really want to know what I'm doing"

"Nothing kills a boner like a message from your grandma."

"Away, Doing something with my pretend real life friends"

"Not away, Just don't want anything thinking I actually sit at the computer all day"
__________________
“It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick” - Dave Barry
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