irateplatypus

I wanna hear your funniest, wittiest, most clever IM away messages. I take great pride in my away messages... though they aren't always humorous. What are some of the best ones you've seen?

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If you will not fight when your victory will be sure and not too costly, you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all the odds against you and only a precarious chance for survival. There may even be a worse case. You may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than to live as slaves.

~ Winston Churchill

lyxo

haikus are the best.

As I count the days,
I lay here and ponder my
future deep fryer.

Beautiful day,
and I have something to say:
Fry some potatoes.

oh, and my fav:

Replacing food with coffee is like fueling your car with 151.. it'll work for a while but...

and of course random jokes from this forum

Lotronex

gone. not back, avenge death

CinnamonGirl

"Not here...if you want to reach me on my cell phone...then buy me a cell phone."

Well, it made ME laugh, anyway

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"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

fizzledorf

like the cell phone one, might even use it?

FoolThemAll

My current away message:

"So there is no point in anyone trying to learn from me what I know I do not know-unless, perhaps, he wants to know how not to know what, as he ought to know, no one can know." - St. Augustine

My brother's:

Top Ten Reasons to Procrastinate
1.

And my lazy one:

Leave me a message. It's fun.

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I wonder if we're stuck in Rome.

saltfish

...Sleeping...

Give me one reason why I shouldn't be asleep... ...then give me a reason why I shouldn't beat you with a stick.

-SF

Bossnass

"I'm away from the computer but I left it on because I'm downloading porn vids. I mean mp3s. Alright fine, porn."

Crack

" I actually am here, but I am avoiding you..."

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Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx

MexicanOnABike

"believe it or not george isnt at home. please leave a message at the beep. I must be out or i'd pick up the phone... where could i be? believe it or not I'm not home"... -from seinfeld

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- Movie Reviews - Ratings-

sadistikdreams

"They never, they never stay small.
And the Populars don't like 'em at all.
But they don't care, life is sweet,
They the Offbeats."

"Whee Whee Whee
I like to Pee"

"Hey Scooby Doo.
Let's get FUCKED UP!"

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"Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone.
The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials."
-Lin Yutang

hearts, by d.a.

CinnamonGirl

A friend of mine is curruntly using: "Work blows like a $5 hooker with fangs."

Youch.

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"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

saut

Here's mine:

I'm asdfjkl; sweet asdfjkl;

Get it?

Kids, don't be like tiny. Go outside or something.

Link goes to a screenshot of my friend leaving me 100+ messages.

hawkeye

is my current pick.

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You're not fat,
You're just a giant ball
of love, covered in anger.

boom29

I improvised on the generic, "I am away from my computer right now." and instead turned it into the following:

"I ran away from my computer right now."

I know, it's not that great, but when people look at it it makes them think about it for a while since they're expecting the "boring" generic one.

End User

Mine used to be: "Hello [insert long pause], hello, hello? There must be something wrong with your phone because I cant hear you right now....leave a message and I'll call you back once you've got it fixed."

My mum got totally confused and called and left about 5 messages

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People who have no faults are terrible!

twotimesadingo

an anorgram (or whatever it's called when the letters in a word are the first letters in another word that make a sentence...). i dont know how to switch font size, but this is my message for Finals time here at Roanoke College.

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I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons.
I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and voice of reason.
I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices, son.
They're one and the same I must isolate you, isolate and save you from yourself."
- A Perfect Circle

SaltPork

shortly after one of my friends got laid off he changed his away message to:

"Will work for food."

A couple of weeks later it was:

"I'll be back later, I went to the soup kitchen."

I haven't seen him since, but I still have his chainsaw so I think we're all safe.

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It was like that when I got here....I swear.

soopafreek

me drink beer now. leave mesage.

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aaarrrrrgggghhhh!!!!

CSflim

That was painful!

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Blackthorn

I have off and on used this:

......................./´¯/)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........'\'...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
..............\.............\

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What are you willing to give up in order to get what you want?

Amarth

All Stolen from some web site a long time ago:

"I've fallen out of my chair... This could take a while."

"I've gone to find myself. If I return before I come back, please tell myself to wait."

"Ahhh I'm running after the bad guy who took my pack of Skittles..... I worked hard for that pack..... Ahhh he's eating them!!! Now he's throwing them at me.... Call 911!!!"

"Figuring out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop."

rsleepers

"if im not here right now im probably having sex with your girlfriend"
-sleepers-

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rodawg

rsleepers

All
Day
I
Dream
About
Sex
......unless i'm masterbating

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rodawg

Tester123

Just tell Nemo you couldn't find him becasue you were getting stoned. He'll understand

sillygirl

OMG ROFLMAO

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Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken
....absence makes me miss him more...

FoolThemAll

Wow. I concur, that's ROFLMAO-worthy.

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I wonder if we're stuck in Rome.

Giltwist

Hold tight, baby. I'll be right back because I want you in the worst way...hard and fast....standing up in a hammock.

1|= j00 (4|\| R34|) 7h!$ j00 |\|33|) 6|4$$3$

cameroncrazy822

Funny

SixEdxMia

My away message....

If by utility,you mean salsa... count me in.

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Honey,We're home.

Reese

"Leave me a message if you really want to know what I'm doing"

"Nothing kills a boner like a message from your grandma."

"Away, Doing something with my pretend real life friends"

"Not away, Just don't want anything thinking I actually sit at the computer all day"

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“It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick” - Dave Barry