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05-27-2004, 01:31 AM
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#1 (permalink) |
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She's Actual Size
Location: Central Republic of Where-in-the-Hell
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A scary, scary virus
WARNING, VIRUS ALERT:
If you receive an e-mail message with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous virus yet developed. It will rewrite your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any computer disks and cassette tapes that are even close to your computer (up to 20 feet). It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother's number. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous virus to be taken very seriously. It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer. It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only 1940's hits and static while stuck in traffic. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Regaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card. It will seduce your grandmother. It does not even matter if she is dead, such is the power of "Badtimes;" it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear. It will overwrite your word documents, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretation of key sentences. Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, and refill your skimmed milk carton with whole. Badtimes is an evil virus conceived by evil people. It is your duty to help alert the world!
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"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world." "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" |
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05-27-2004, 09:55 PM
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#6 (permalink) | |
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Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?
Location: right here of course
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Quote:
a better intended equivalent in my opinion - 'interfere with your car radio so it will only play evil empire AKA clear channel stations.'
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Started talking to yourself I see. Yes, it's the only way I can be certain of an intelligent conversation. Black Adder |
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| Tags |
| scary, virus |
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