Regziever

(Compiled from a thread on Internet Infidels (not sure if I should include a link, might be conciderd site-pluging))

*WARNING*
These stunts are performed at your own risk because:
1) It makes atheists as a whole look bad. (even if you are not technically an atheist, they will assume you are.)
2) You may get yourself reported to the theater's Mgt who would have you removed and or arrested.
3) You could be introduced to some of that old fashioned christian love. (translation: get your butt kicked after the show)
/*WARNING*


1. Walk around in the theatre asking if this seat is *Saved*.
2. Whistle/Sing "Always look on the bright side of life" when Jebus is on the cross.
3. Rub the thighs of the person sitting next to you during the crucifiction scene (it works even better if they're of the same sex) And say "This is getting me so fu*king horny"
4. At the crucifixion scene, whisper sotto voice to the person next to you: Peter! I can see your house from here!
5. Every time Jebus comes on screen yell in your best Abe Simpson voice, "Get a haircut, you damn hippy."
6. Tell everyone that the guy dies in the end.
7. When jesus is carrying his cross, sing you "you lucky bastards!"
8. When jesus is being lifted onto the cross, "for he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow, and so say all of us"
9. When Jesus is getting beaten (which is most of the movie), yell "Where's your god now, huh?"
10. When you first see Jesus yell "Its Bwian!"
11. Right before they spread his arms out on the cross, yell "I remember this one time Peter caught this fish, it was like.... THIS FRICKIN BIG!"
12. When they strip Jesus to his loincloth, whistle and yell "Take it off!!!"
13. Wear a big fuzzy wig and hold up a large John 3:16 sign. If anyone tells you to take it down, attempt to 'witness' to them.
14. Discuss with your friends, not loud enough to be obviously directed at the audience but just loud enough to be understood by them: "he's a carpenter, and he got nailed to two pieces of wood? i got to admit, this movie has the whole irony thing nailed down pretty well."
15. Go dressed as Jesus from the Big Lebowski.
16. Hold up a Revelation 7:1 sign. http://home.netcom.com/~rogermw/square_earth.html
17. Say you came because you heard that he got his own movie.
18. In fitting with this theme, during the movie say "Why is he letting this happen? NOBODY fucks with Jesus!"
19. When people start getting upset, say ""C'MON! IT'S JUST A MOVIE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!"
20. When Jesus rises from the dead, say to someone, "So does that mean that Jesus is a zombie now?"
21. Or how about when Jesus rises from the dead (I love saying that!), yell out loud, "Frodo Lives!!!!"
22. What about after the movie is over, walk outside with a huge sign that says, "Still an Atheist!"
23. Print leaflets with: "He poured out his blood for your sins. Now he's back, and he's looking for payback! Passion II: The Risen Bloodsucker, coming next summer to a theater or drive-in near you!" and spread them all over the place.
24. Go to the movie in obvious Dom/sub garb. Have the Dom loudly discipline the sub while Jesus is tortured.
25. When Jesus is in obvious pain, yell at the screen, "The safe word is 'Apples', Jesus! The safe word is 'Apples'!"
26. Whenever the androgynous Satan character shows up on screen, do a Gollum impression. "Smaegol couldn't hurt a fly!"
27. When Jesus draw his last breath, Shout " Yes, die for Allah".
28. Yell out: "that blood is SOO fake!"
29. Yell out exactly what happens next as if you are spoiling the film. Everyone knows what is going to happen, but it will still annoy the hell out of them.
30. Sit in the front row and during one of the most brutal scenes, stand up, kneel in front of your girlfriend, take out a ring and ask her to marry you.
31. Said out loud when Jebus comes out of the tomb : "Damn Hollywood Ending!"
32. Loudly ask a friend just before it starts : "This movie is the PASSION of Christ, right? So there's lots of fu*king?"

__________________
Life is shit,
Death is even worse,
So what's the point of killing yourself?
/Ignatius Camryn Paladine

KellyC

How delightful that people can poke fun at everything. Even a sensitive subject such as this...or is it?

Thats what I told my friend when he asks "did you change your mind?" In all seriousness of course....

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Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

fatboss

Very good

They had me chuckling!

must be an atheist too eh?

__________________
"never mind that shit........here comes Mongo!"

scansinboy

Is is just me, or do these "things to do while watching _____" lists just seem really stupid and completely unfunny?
Not that I wouldn't enjouy irritating some fundies, but these lists just scream out dork, and not in a good way.

__________________
Don't blame me... *I* voted for Kodos!

Sion

I think its just you scansinboy.

I find most of them pretty amusing.

__________________
He's the best, of course, of all the worst.
Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz

I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

CinnamonGirl

I laughed at most of those...I'm going to hell now.

__________________
"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

Gortexfogg

Hilarious stuff!

Redlemon

The LOTR:ROTK list was better, in my opinion, but there were a couple of good ones here.

__________________
I can't read your signature. Sorry.

Regziever

Hehe,, Howd'ya guess?

__________________
Life is shit,
Death is even worse,
So what's the point of killing yourself?
/Ignatius Camryn Paladine

bacon_masta

there hasn't been a decent jeebus flick since jesus christ superstar. i enjoyed the post, and, strangely enough, when i saw passion at the theater and jesus' arms were spread on the cross, i said "no seriously, my cock really is that long". i also got kicked out and had to sneak back in, but i suppose i deserved it. great post

soccerchamp76

These types of lists are downright hilarious, especially the Wal-Mart ones.

My fav: 14. Discuss with your friends, not loud enough to be obviously directed at the audience but just loud enough to be understood by them: "he's a carpenter, and he got nailed to two pieces of wood? i got to admit, this movie has the whole irony thing nailed down pretty well."

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Brian Griffin: Ah, if my memory serves me, this is the physics department.
Chris Griffin: That would explain all the gravity.

lucidity

That was pretty funny. I felt guilty laughing at it. *G*

14 was great... 25 too... rofl

__________________
Faith is the daring of the soul to go farther than it can see. -William Newton Clark

guthmund

The first one is incredibly clever....

15 is nice, but I think the joke would be lost on most of the movie goers

__________________
No signature. None. Seriously.

Keg-o-Grog

whats up with writing jebus and not jeSus ?

__________________
I stand alone without beliefs, the only truth i know is you.

micah67

I like the "Damn Hollywood Endings"

"Jebus" - read more here.

__________________
~micah

pinklily

these are really funny....but the only thing i could do when i watched it was cower.

scarebearjinx

thats fucking great!! i think a few friends and i are gonna try that sometime.

scarebearjinx

has anyone tried any of these yet? i'm curious as to wut happened.

HeAtHeN

Those are awesome.... not that I have any interest in the movie.

I hear its a good story though

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1398342003

The only problem with this one:

3. Rub the thighs of the person sitting next to you during the crucifiction scene (it works even better if they're of the same sex) And say "This is getting me so fu*king horny"

Is if they say "I know, wanna do something about it?"

CSflim

The passion has not yet arrived over here.
I'm seriously thinking about trying out a few of these....probably best not to do it in "my local"...don't want to get barred for life!

Favs:

2. Whistle/Sing "Always look on the bright side of life" when Jebus is on the cross
9. When Jesus is getting beaten (which is most of the movie), yell "Where's your god now, huh?"
12. When they strip Jesus to his loincloth, whistle and yell "Take it off!!!"
27. When Jesus draw his last breath, Shout " Yes, die for Allah".
31. Said out loud when Jebus comes out of the tomb : "Damn Hollywood Ending!"

ok...I'm probably not actually going to do any of these things....but I would REALLY love to annoy the shit out of people!

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SabrinaFair

Reading some of those call lines made me think of Rocky Horror Picture Show. God, wouldn't that be horrible if The Passion became a cult classic....

__________________
"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
-Desiderata

CinnamonGirl

I haven't (and won't) but a friend of mine walked into the theatre a little late and shouted "Goddamn, it's dark in here!" ...he got quite a few dirty looks.

__________________
"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"