Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > Interests > Tilted Humor


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 10-21-2003, 06:04 PM   #1 (permalink)
Amazed
 
tropicdiver's Avatar
 
Location: Austin, Texas
Goat Porn

My wife and I move to the country from NYC 7 years ago. We bought a farm, a tractor (for mowing the lawn) and a thoroughbred race horse we had rescued at auction.

One horse alone is not a good idea though. Being herd animals they need company. After the expense of the farm and our impending marriage we also did not think it prudent to buy another horse.

We bought a baby billy-goat from a nearby farm for 20 bucks to keep the horse company. Because we had a farm we also bought 2 dogs a cat, and a bunch of chickens. The place started to feel like home and we were very happy.

Then the goat hit puberty.

Pirate was its name. Pirate's little nubbins became long wicked horns. He filled out with muscle. His testicles swelled to the size of twin softballs AND HIS SCROTUM DANGLED TO HIS KNEES!

He eyed the dogs, my wife, the chickens, the cats, and even me with clear evil intent.

Let me give you an example.

As I would go out into the field to feed the horse, I would carefully search out the presence of Pirate. Seeing him occupied, I would make a run for it with a few flakes of hay and a bucket of grain. Pirate would amble over to about ten yards away or so. He would eye me, give a lecherous twist of his head, and his enormous pink phallus would protrude from between his legs. As if suddenly discovering this for the first time, he would bend his head between his legs, and shoot an enormous load of goo all over his face. The foreplay being over, he would raise his dripp9ing head, eye me again and charge.

When he looked down at himself, I usually used this as an opportunity to run like hell.

He got wise to this tactic though, and he would be waiting by the gate every time I came out of the house.

In order to preserve my virginity I was forced into direct contact with Pirate on a daily basis. His strategy was to charge, knock you over, and have his way with you. You must stay on your feet no matter what!

I would hold a big bail of hay in front of me, and when pirate charged I would brace myself for the collision. As soon as we connected I would try to hook the baling wire over his horns. With the 80 pound attached to his head he wasn't much of a threat, and I could go about my business.

When Pirate wised up this could become a drawn out and exhausting battle. I have to confess that sometimes on these occasions when I had finally "baled the goat" I would kick him in the nuts in retribution.

We came to an uneasy truce, but I knew he was only biding his time waiting to catch me unawares bending over the feeder.

I was not his sole target. Two chickens were found mysteriously dead one day, dirty and crushed. Later I witnessed Pirate pursue a terrified chicken (my wife's favorite, named Peep,) into a corner, kneel down on its wings and rape it to death, crushing it in his orgasmic frenzy while I watched in horror.

One quiet Saturday evening I was startled by a canine cry of outrage and pain "Owoooooooooo!" as my Irish Wolfhound Corwin tried desperately to escape the clutches of the perverted Pirate who had attacked and mounted him in cowardly fashion from behind. I didn't get down there in time to help him. The intrusion was complete. Despite counseling Corwin had a haunted look in his eye for years to come.

Once Pirate hit puberty my wife never ventured into the horse field again. Like her, the cats were equally prudent.

I asked my neighbor what to do. He still lived on the working farm he had been born on, had a mullet haircut, and a shotgun in his pickup truck. These were all the credentials he needed.

"Here," he said, handing me a rubber band.

"What do I do with this?"

"Wrap it around his balls three or four times. Real tight. After a week or two they'll turn black and fall off, and that will be that."

"No... really. What do I do?"

"Just like I told you," he replied with irritation. "That's what we do to bulls to make steers."

"If you say so."

I took the rubber band home, and later I did battle with Pirate. Once I had him baled I went to examine his nether regions, and fixed my gaze on the twin pomegranates hanging from his backside. I reached into my pocket to get the rubber band.

It was then that pity stayed my hand.

"It's a pity I lost the rubber band," I thought. "Oh well, I'll just go up to house and get another"

As I started to walk away I looked back at Pirate standing there with a bale of hay on his head, shaking in a fury of sexual frustration. It was in that instant that I sympathized with him for the first time.

I remembered what it had been like when I was fifteen years old and hormones raged through my body. I was so horny I would become aroused if the wind blew. I would have done anything to have sex. Who am I to say that I would have been any different back then if I had seen a chicken strutting her stuff?

The next day I called the people we'd bought Pirate from and asked if they would take him back. They were delighted to.

When they came to pick him up "I asked him what they were gonna do with him.

"Well, he's looking really good!" The man said enthusiastically. I of course eyed him warily and looked around for a nearby bale.

"We'll probably breed him some," he continued. "I'll bet he'll make a great stud."

"I don't doubt it," said I.
__________________
Bob
Life is short. Break some rules.
tropicdiver is offline  
Old 10-21-2003, 07:04 PM   #2 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: The capital of the free world??
Ha, thats funny, in a way. I'm involved with the farm at my school and we have ewes and rams there, actually right now is the breeding season so all the rams are crazy mounting the ewes whenever they can. I've had horses for many years and it's not a good idea to have a horse alone, the goats I've seen used with horses (that are in barns with others) are usually castrated.
I'm so glad you didn't go through with the rubber band, castrating an animal too late in life (after puberty) can cause the animal to be very confused and think that they are still masculine and they will still try to mount things.
It's a touching story, I'm glad you didn't do something horrible to the ram, and think about getting another horse, there are some places where you can adopt horses for free. You can get an old horse that won't eat much and if you don't ride it if probably won't need supplements, this is a good idea for a companion to your thouroughbred.
__________________
Go Kool Aid. OH YEAAHH

http://www.retrocrush.com/archive2003/koolaid/
gabshu is offline  
 

Tags
goat, porn


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 06:36 PM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360