Techsupport Nightmares - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

d4in · 09-09-2003, 11:02 AM

A man purchased a laptop from me. He called about a week later and said that it would no longer boot-up. I tried to troubleshoot with him about what went wrong but he said it wouldn't even start. I had him bring it in and I couldn't get it to work either. I was making preparations to remove the hard drive so I could put it into a new laptop for him. When I turned it over, I saw 16 nicely drilled holes in the bottom of the case. I asked him how this had happened and he said that it was getting hot sitting on his lap all the time, so he drilled some air holes in it. "Could that be the problem?" he asked.

Customer: "Do I hit 'F' and '8' at the same time?"

LIFE ON THE ETCH-A-SKETCH HELP DESK
a day in the life at the etch-a-sketch help desk...

1 Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

2 Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

3 Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

4 Q: How do I create a New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

5 Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

6 Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

7 Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

8 Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Don't shake it.

Root_Beer_Man · 09-09-2003, 02:42 PM

Haha...to funny. My sister is one of the "Do i hit 'F' and '8' at the same time?" person

slant eyes · 09-09-2003, 08:26 PM

haha, reminds me of homer simpson, 'oh no! where's the 'any' key?'

Nitro · 09-10-2003, 11:23 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by slant eyes
haha, reminds me of homer simpson, 'oh no! where's the 'any' key?'

Acctually some older versions of MS Office were shipped with a template for a document that turned into a manual how to make an "any key" key.
It printed a page with instructions and an "Any Key" to cut out and glue to your space bar.
I glued it on my brothers keyboard.

Also this thread reminds me of my favourite Computer hotline conversation:
Q: OK, so what do you see on your computer monitor right now?
A: A picture of my wife.

-sorry for the typos

Elessar · 09-11-2003, 03:42 PM

Okay, this really happened to me, because I couldn't possibly have made it up.

I'm walking a customer through the process of setting up his email. In the middle of his email address, I get to the dreaded "AT-SIGN" (@)

ME: Okay, now type the AT-SIGN.
CU: The what?
ME: The little thing above the two, that looks like an a with a circle...?
CU: The two?
ME: No, no ... the thing ABOVE the two. The AT-SIGN.
CU: It just keeps typing a "2".
ME: Well, you have to hit the "shift" key
CU: (pausing a minute) Nope, it's still just typing 2's.
ME: (patiently) You have to hold down the shift key AND hit the number two at the SAME TIME.

CU: (light coming on) OOOHH! You mean like a CAPITAL TWO?!?!

ME: (momentarily dumbfounded) Uh, yes. That's it. The Capital Two.

CU: (annoyed at my stupidity) Well, why didn't you just say that??!!

ratbastid · 09-11-2003, 03:51 PM

One time when I was about twelve, my mom hollered up to me from the basement where the trusty Apple IIe dwelled: "Where's the 'any' key?"

I said, "Is your document freshly saved?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay, reach around the back of the computer, on the righthand side. The any key is a toggle switch back there. Switch it downward."

Later on the neighbors commented on the screaming.

Flesh · 09-11-2003, 04:28 PM

haha, capital 2! it must sometimes be hilarious to work for tech support. but annoying at the same time

krd913 · 09-11-2003, 05:54 PM

The systems I work on try to help thr user by telling them the problem sometimes, got called for notable to give a receipt user said receipt key does not work and I get this message receipt printer door open I closed door on printer it worked you just can't hepl some people

GremlinDelirium · 09-11-2003, 07:40 PM

lol... even better than the "cup-holder" that comes with all desktop computers

thanks

clydestinkybeef · 09-11-2003, 09:26 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by krd913
The systems I work on try to help thr user by telling them the problem sometimes, got called for notable to give a receipt user said receipt key does not work and I get this message receipt printer door open I closed door on printer it worked you just can't hepl some people

what...?

bravo49 · 09-12-2003, 12:56 AM

Good new ones

krazykemist · 09-12-2003, 04:05 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by clydestinkybeef
what...?

After about 5 minutes I think I have figured it out.

He closed a door.

Bill O'Rights · 09-12-2003, 08:20 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by clydestinkybeef
what...?

O.K....I'm glad that I wasn't the only one.

ratbastid · 09-12-2003, 11:23 AM

This exchange happens in my office at least once a day:

"The website won't let me do X"
"What happens when you try it?"
"It gives me an error message!"
"And what does the error message say?"
"I DON'T KNOW!"

Programmers don't write error messages for their health, you know! They're there so you can read them!

japzster · 09-13-2003, 09:12 PM

haha.. "dont shake it" Damn that's funny.
Reminds me of a Dilber strip i read once..
"....it must be overheating...fan it with a large binder"

09-09-2003, 11:02 AM	#1 (permalink)
d4in Computer Nerd Location: Bishop, TX	Techsupport Nightmares A man purchased a laptop from me. He called about a week later and said that it would no longer boot-up. I tried to troubleshoot with him about what went wrong but he said it wouldn't even start. I had him bring it in and I couldn't get it to work either. I was making preparations to remove the hard drive so I could put it into a new laptop for him. When I turned it over, I saw 16 nicely drilled holes in the bottom of the case. I asked him how this had happened and he said that it was getting hot sitting on his lap all the time, so he drilled some air holes in it. "Could that be the problem?" he asked. Customer: "Do I hit 'F' and '8' at the same time?" LIFE ON THE ETCH-A-SKETCH HELP DESK a day in the life at the etch-a-sketch help desk... 1 Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen. A: Pick it up and shake it. 2 Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off? A: Pick it up and shake it. 3 Q: What's the shortcut for Undo? A: Pick it up and shake it. 4 Q: How do I create a New Document window? A: Pick it up and shake it. 5 Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color? A: Pick it up and shake it. 6 Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch? A: Pick it up and shake it. 7 Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch? A: Pick it up and shake it. 8 Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document? A: Don't shake it. __________________ I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. -- A. Whitney Brown

09-09-2003, 02:42 PM	#2 (permalink)
Root_Beer_Man Crazy	Haha...to funny. My sister is one of the "Do i hit 'F' and '8' at the same time?" person __________________ >3 Cheers for boobies!!<

09-09-2003, 08:26 PM	#3 (permalink)
slant eyes Psycho Location: cali	haha, reminds me of homer simpson, 'oh no! where's the 'any' key?' __________________ no man or woman is worth your tears - and the one who is, won't make you cry question authority, don't ask why, just do it!

09-11-2003, 03:42 PM	#5 (permalink)
Elessar Upright Location: Atlanta	True Tech Okay, this really happened to me, because I couldn't possibly have made it up. I'm walking a customer through the process of setting up his email. In the middle of his email address, I get to the dreaded "AT-SIGN" (@) ME: Okay, now type the AT-SIGN. CU: The what? ME: The little thing above the two, that looks like an a with a circle...? CU: The two? ME: No, no ... the thing ABOVE the two. The AT-SIGN. CU: It just keeps typing a "2". ME: Well, you have to hit the "shift" key CU: (pausing a minute) Nope, it's still just typing 2's. ME: (patiently) You have to hold down the shift key AND hit the number two at the SAME TIME. CU: (light coming on) OOOHH! You mean like a *CAPITAL TWO?!?!* ME: (momentarily dumbfounded) Uh, yes. That's it. The Capital Two. CU: (annoyed at my stupidity) Well, why didn't you just say that??!! __________________ You! Out of the Gene Pool!

09-11-2003, 07:40 PM	#9 (permalink)
GremlinDelirium Insane Location: Pullman, WA	lol... even better than the "cup-holder" that comes with all desktop computers thanks __________________ Go Cougs! ~WSU~

09-11-2003, 03:51 PM	#6 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	One time when I was about twelve, my mom hollered up to me from the basement where the trusty Apple IIe dwelled: "Where's the 'any' key?" I said, "Is your document freshly saved?" "Yeah!" "Okay, reach around the back of the computer, on the righthand side. The any key is a toggle switch back there. Switch it downward." Later on the neighbors commented on the screaming.

09-11-2003, 04:28 PM	#7 (permalink)
Flesh Psycho	haha, capital 2! it must sometimes be hilarious to work for tech support. but annoying at the same time

09-11-2003, 05:54 PM	#8 (permalink)
krd913 Crazy	The systems I work on try to help thr user by telling them the problem sometimes, got called for notable to give a receipt user said receipt key does not work and I get this message receipt printer door open I closed door on printer it worked you just can't hepl some people

09-12-2003, 12:56 AM	#11 (permalink)
bravo49 Junkie Location: chocolate city	Good new ones

09-12-2003, 11:23 AM	#14 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	This exchange happens in my office at least once a day: "The website won't let me do X" "What happens when you try it?" "It gives me an error message!" "And what does the error message say?" "I DON'T KNOW!" Programmers don't write error messages <i>for their health</i>, you know! They're there so you can <i>read</i> them!

09-13-2003, 09:12 PM	#15 (permalink)
japzster Upright	haha.. "dont shake it" Damn that's funny. Reminds me of a Dilber strip i read once.. "....it must be overheating...fan it with a large binder"