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04-23-2003, 09:54 AM
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#1 (permalink) |
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Crazy
Location: Scapponia
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Why did the chicken cross the road? (with apologies to JadziaDax)
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
GEORGE W. BUSH We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here. COLIN POWELL Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road. HANS BLIX We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road. MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq ambassador) The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken. SADDAM HUSSEIN This crossing of the road was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on the chicken. RALPH NADER The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV. PAT BUCHANAN To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American. RUSH LIMBAUGH I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking bout your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross. MARTHA STEWART No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information. JERRY FALWELL Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it-the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." DR. SEUSS Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, The chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told! ERNEST HEMINGWAY To die In the rain. Alone. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. GRANDPA In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. BARBARA WALTERS Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road. JOHN LENNON Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace. ARISTOTLE It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. KARL MARX It was an historical inevitability. VOLTAIRE I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it. RONALD REAGAN What chicken? CAPTAIN KIRK To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. FOX MULDER You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it? SIGMUND FREUD The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. BILL GATES I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken. ALBERT EINSTEIN Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? BILL CLINTON I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please? COLONEL SANDERS I missed one?
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What awful irony is this? We are as gods, but know it not. http://www.pbase.com/procyon_groot&view=recent/ |
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04-23-2003, 10:44 AM
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#2 (permalink) |
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Crazy
Location: Belgium
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lol. good one!
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Amerika by Franz Kafka “As Karl Rossman, a poor boy of sixteen who had been packed off to America by his parents because a servant girl had seduced him and got herself a child by him, stood on the liner slowly entering the harbour of New York, a sudden burst of sunshine seemed to illumine the Statue of Liberty, so that he saw it in a new light, although he had sighted it long before. The arm with the sword rose up as if newly stretched aloft, and round the figure blew the free winds of heaven.” |
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04-23-2003, 03:25 PM
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#7 (permalink) |
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Minion of the scaléd ones
Location: Northeast Jesusland
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actually:
BILL CLINTON To get to the middle WERNER HEISENBERG Vell, ve can zay zat zee chikun crozzed ze road or vee kun tell you how fasst it vas goink, but not both.
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Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life. |
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04-23-2003, 03:34 PM
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#8 (permalink) |
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Minion of the scaléd ones
Location: Northeast Jesusland
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ERWIN SCHROEDINGER
It didn't. First it was on one side, then on the other. <b>or</b> To escape from a spooky, undead cat. ADOLPH HITLER To obtain <i>Lebensraum</i> from the inferior chickens on the other side. CHRISTOPHER WALKEN So he could bring this watch, your father's watch, to you. ARI FLEISCHER The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken. <b>or</b> That's not the issue. The issue is why the Democrat Leadership in congress is obstructing the president's plans to contract with Haliburton to build a road athwart each chicken crossing place.
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Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life. |
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04-24-2003, 06:44 AM
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#13 (permalink) |
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Insane
Location: Up my ass
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Oh man, (recovering from intense laughter), those are awesome!
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Alice, that dog has been licking his own asshole for three hours. I would venture to say that there is nothing there that requires more than an hour's attention. So I would suggest that whatever he's attempting to dislodge is either gone for good....or there to stay. -The Long Kiss Goodnight_ |
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04-24-2003, 09:35 AM
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#14 (permalink) |
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Delicious
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AL GORE
I invented the Chicken! DENNIS MILLER Now, I don't want to go off on a rant here, but these chickens are fucking insane. Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong. I tried to make a like miller-like rant but screwed it up so kept it short.
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“It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick” - Dave Barry |
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11-08-2003, 05:36 PM
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#33 (permalink) |
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Tilted
Location: Australia
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Celebrity reasons as to why the chicken crossed the road
Every year the Chicken seems to come up with new reasons to cross the road....here's the latest....
ROBERT DE NIRO: Are you telling me the chicken crossed that road? Is that what you're telling me? MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR: I envision a world where all chickens, be they black or white or brown or red or speckled, will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed and that was good enough for us. CAPTAIN JAMES T KIRK: to boldly go where no chicken has gone before. FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it's true? FREUD: the fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. How do you feel about your mother? THE C.I.A: Who told you about the chicken? Did you see the chicken? There was no chicken. Please step into the car. EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define the word 'chicken'. COLONEL SANDERS: That's an easy one I say. And the reason to that is to go and get my 11 secret herbs and spices. HOMER J SIMPSON: MMMMMMM Chicken. |
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| Tags |
| apologies, chicken, cross, jadziadax, road |
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