The weather looks shitty. :\

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

Crap, I forgot the number.

we will weather the weather, wether we can or wether we not.

ADULTERY - The wrong people doing the right thing.
ALIMONY - The screwing you get for the screwing you got.
BABY - A hollow tube with a loud voice at one end and a complete lack of responsibility at the other end.
CHIVALRY - A mans inclination to defend a woman against every man but himself.
CONSTIPATION - To have and to hold.
COOKIE - A virgin doughnut.
DECOY - A flashlight in the pants pocket.
DIARY - Book of revelations.
DOCTOR - A lucky fellow who is privileged to undress women and go all over them without getting his face slapped.
FATHER'S DAY - Nine months before labor day.
GENTLEMAN - One who is always careful to rest at least half his weight on his elbows.
HORSE SHOW - A lot of horses showing their asses to a lot of horses' asses showing their horses.
HUSBAND - What is left after the nerve has been killed.
KEPT WOMAN - One who wears mink all day and fox all night.
A KISS - Upper persuasion for lower invasion; upstairs shopping for downstairs merchandise.

He nose we're scared, but let snot run.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding over the high plains, suddenly Tonto stops, gets off his horse kneels down and puts his ear to the ground. After several seconds he looks up at the Lone Ranger and says, "buffalo come". to which the Lone Ranger asks, "How do you know". Tonto get back up on his horse wiping his ear and replies, "Ground all sticky"

I had a few of those jokes scribbled somewhere, but I decided to throw them out for whatever dumb reason. :(

1 is the loneliest number.

Australian vs Kiwi vs a Blonde

In a train carriage there was a Kiwi guy, an Australian guy, a spectacular looking blonde and a frightfully awful looking fat lady. After several minutes of the trip the train happens to pass through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, the Australian had a big slap mark on his cheek.
(1) The blonde thought - "That Australian son of a bitch wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face"
(2) The fat lady thought - "The dirty old Australian laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him".
(3) The Kiwithought - "That fucking Aussie put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me".
(4) The Aussiethought - "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack that stupid Kiwi again".

Actually upon intense mathematical logistics, the loniest number is actually 0.59...

A KIWI is hoping to immigrate to Australia, and arrives at Kingsford Smith Airport on a sunny Wednesday morning full of optimism for the future.

Still, things do not go quite as planned ...

"What is your business in Australia?" the customs officer asks him politely.
" I wish to immigrate," the Kiwi replies.

"Do you have a criminal record?" the officer inquires.

Stunned, the crestfallen Kiwi replies: "Geez, bro, I didn't think you still needed one".

History is outlandish.

just a bunch of hot chicks.... nuthin' to see here

We're dragging our feet here.

just a hot bikini girl giving another bikini girl, a wedgie....

These pictures would be hot, if whatever site you're pulling them from would allow you to hot-link them. :D

bugger.... sorry bout dat....

I'll stop

How about more jokes? :D

Nice ass!

slows you down, reading them... hehehehehe

The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

Bono is at a U2 concert in Dublin when he asks the audience for some quiet. Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands. Holding the audience in total silence, he says in to the microphone... "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies." A voice from near the front pierces the silence... "Well, fucking stop clapping then!!"

I had to copy and paste the address to see them, so I only saw the 50-woman one. Darn.

Here is my addition:

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/158/4...f0bf80c6_o.jpg

That one right there had me LOLing pretty hard for some reason.

A very loud, unattractive, hard-faced Port Adelaide supporter walks into Big W with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The door greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Big W – nice children you've got there - are they twins?" The fat ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl: "Of course they bloody aren't! The oldest, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Do you really think they look alike, ya dickead?" "Absolutely not," replies the greeter, "I just can't believe anyone would fuck you twice!"

I hope that she isn't a butterface.

I would really reckon this would have been a good addition in any slap-stick comic:

'We've lost too much to the Indian princess at that card game,' declared Capt. John Smith, 'but don't let poker haunt us.'.

http://www.orsm.net/php/showmemore.p...update20071025

previous/next

That's Molly Sims.

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take any leave. I thought that maybe if I acted 'CRAZY' then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing? I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was 'CRAZY' and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days". I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her "...and where do you think you're going?" She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark.

:D

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both. As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!" At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!" "Come on God, give me a break!!" the man pleaded. "Two minutes ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."

They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year." The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said, "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one."

The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow."

NOTE: The husband's condition is stable and he should eventually make a full recovery.

I think we have properly succeeded in accumulating the 100 posts we needed so desperately. :thumbsup:

Hmm...

8695 is the goal.....

How did we do that? :orly:

thats the hundred since I got here

Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

click link: http://flickr.com/photos/haggischick/1473100786/

Some of those pics are pretty funny.