John_Gault

When I was younger a wise old Chinese man taught me the seven immutable truths of life and they have proved invaluable (O.K. he wasn't old and he wasn't chinese but he was wise). They are:

1. Don’t fuck with someone whose better at it than you are
2. Always leave yourself an out
3. You do NOT want to go to jail
4. Assholes were born that way and will never change
5. Revenge is a dish best served cold
6. It’s always better after you puke
7. Chances are you are smarter than the guy at the front of the line


What can you add to this list?

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chodarama

The most famous of all?

8. If anything can go wrong, it will.

meanSpleen

9. Because anything can go wrong, always have someone else to blame.

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WhoaitsZ

10. Always expect the worse so you will never be let down.

ariekitten

11. never criticize someone till you've walked a mile in their shoes....that way, when you criticize, you're a mile away and you have their shoes

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John_Gault

Hey MeanSpleen, I think that's number 2.

I like the other additions too.

__________________
The battle against abject stupidity cannot be fought with reason.

I am Head inquisitor in qpid's liberation army so we can take over the world before Microsoft does... Join the Revolution!

MikeyChalupa

12. If she has a tattoo, she fucks. If she smokes, she fucks. If she only smokes when she drinks, she takes it up the ass.
13. No matter how beautiful she is, someone somewhere is sick of her shit.
14. For every "hottie" there is an equal and opposite "nottie".

-Mikey

uncle phil

don't draw to an inside straight...

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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
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"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

John_Gault

That has been written on the batroom door of a bar called Duddley's Draw in College Station, TX for at least the last 10 years. About every 8 months or so they scrub down the bathroom and paint the walls, but they always leave that saying on the door. Dudds is a great place to drink beer.

__________________
The battle against abject stupidity cannot be fought with reason.

I am Head inquisitor in qpid's liberation army so we can take over the world before Microsoft does... Join the Revolution!

vermin

16. If you scratch it, it will get infected.
17. Don't pick at it.
18. If you're ever caught jerkin' it, use the excuse "I was cleaning it and it just went off!"

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If puns were sausages, this would be the wurst.