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08-25-2003, 11:04 AM
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#5 (permalink) | |
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Banned
Location: Cape Cod
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Quote:
I guess I'm getting off topic a little. It all started when I was a child of seven. On my first day of going to Blankety Blank Elementary School I had art class after recess. Now I was never one of thoser arts crazed children, I always savored the taste of glue and most sparkles where used to blind my foes in combat. With all this behind me one could say I walked into that art room with a faint feeling of anxiety. Then I saw the scissors. Slender lengths of pointed steel with sturdy orange plastic handles. Scenes of blood and mayhem flashed through my head. I could rule the world with those scissors. (and one day I would, different story) Half an hour into Mrs. Greensmokinghippies class it became apparent that I would not be able to gain access to these 'scissors' as freely as I had hoped. I plotted in the back of the classroom, perched on my wooden stool which I was forbidden to lean from. Deep below the table my hands worked furiously, mixing the perfect amounts of my old friends glitter and glue. This stuff was the finest on the market, white elmers and bluish tinged Party! brand. I shook my head at the bottle of glitter. There would be no party today. The teacher came to inspect my macaroni art and I sprung into action. She was blinded instantly by my horrible concotion. In hindsight blinding her for a month may have been a little harsh, but she was probally perscribed medicinal wacky tabaccy. I sprinted for the scissors, dodging teachers aids. SMASH! I dived through the nearby picture window, grabbing the scissors from Mrs. Greensmokinghippies desk mid flight. Once free I fled to the woods. That would be the last time any civilized person saw me until my teenage years. I reached the edge of the woods before I noticed my wounds, the window had been real glass rather than the sugar compound I had practiced on in my child stunt double days. Still, I fled onward. Deeper and deeper into the dark woods I ran, like a twisted Snow White. In exaustion I collapsed on a mossey rock, making peace with death. That night the Nestea tribe found my body. They nursed me back to health and raised me as one of their own, giving me my Indian name 'Runs With Scissors'. I shall always remeber my carefree days in the wilderness of Cape Cod withe the Nesteas. I have equated running with scissors with freedom ever since. My final response is the following: Stay free, stay running, and never trust umbrellas.  |
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08-25-2003, 11:15 AM
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#7 (permalink) | |
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Banned
Location: Cape Cod
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Quote:
Easter eggs are everywhere. They have a shell in every detail of our proud modern world. I fear they wish to rule us crackpot. Make us their yoke fueled slaves. They control us from they're hidden nooks. In fact its a little known fact that 'easter egg hunts' as we know them today were once known as Divine Aquisition of the Hellions and was celebrated by most ancient religions. The 'Easter Bunny's proper name is in fact, Lucifer. I lead a small group of friends who follow the ancient rights of DAH. We hold back the flood as best we can. If I were to faill, only the Queen Spider knows what would become of this world. Here's the bottom line. It is ESSENTIAL that I investigate that DVD, please contact me. |
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08-25-2003, 11:22 AM
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#9 (permalink) |
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::::::::::::::::::::::::: :.
Location: this ain't kansas, toto
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ok. that was quite the insightful exposé regarding your advocation of running with scissors.
and now i must ask you, what's the dealio with the umbrella distrust?
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08-25-2003, 11:25 AM
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#10 (permalink) | |
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Banned
Location: Cape Cod
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08-25-2003, 11:26 AM
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#11 (permalink) | |
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Banned
Location: Cape Cod
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08-25-2003, 12:19 PM
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#13 (permalink) | ||
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Banned
Location: Cape Cod
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Quote:
Quote:
You and me ShtE, we're special, and no matter how many times he beats us with the plunger, he can't take that away. Take this message to heart wherever you go, only you and I can possibley comprehend it: Snizzle Nerdlihc Snackle Eht Do Evas (A Ballchinian goose feather to whoever decodes that.) Goodbye My Loved ShtE, ShtE |
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08-25-2003, 12:40 PM
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#14 (permalink) |
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The Cover Doesn't Match The Book
Location: in a van down by the river
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ok, buddy!
what the hell works for getting off sticker goo? you know that shit that stays on after you pull off a sticker. ( don't say peanut-butter, it scratches paint...WD40 doesn't work either) so, please help oh wise one!
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SWM, tattooed, seeks meaningful tits and beer. Enjoys biker mags, pornography, and Sunday morning walks to the liquor store. Winners of erotic hot dog eating contests given priority. |
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08-25-2003, 12:49 PM
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#16 (permalink) | |
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Banned
Location: Cape Cod
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Quote:
Heres what you will need: The Heart Of An Emu Partially Eaten Apple Top Hat Broom Stick Dung Beetle Bottle Of Sweat Sqweeged From The Set of Springer 3 Unspoiled Virgins (For that cliche taste) Combine apple, emu's heart, and sweat in the top hat. Now ride the broomstick like a horse while smacking your bottom. Make three orbits of the top hat on your broom, on the second picking up the dung beetle and placing it on the ridge of your ear. Then have the virgins make a human pyramid. Spread the new solution over said goo, making sure the pyramid stays alligned with mecca. Or just use acetone, either works. |
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08-25-2003, 12:51 PM
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#17 (permalink) | |
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Banned
Location: Cape Cod
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Utility truely has met waste (of gas). Thankyou Ford. Thankyou. |
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BASTARD
