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Old 08-31-2009, 12:15 PM   #1 (permalink)
Asshole
 
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Ask Ustwo

Many of you new folks may not remember Ustwo. He still haunts the internet somewhere, but he finally tired of our shenanigans a few years ago and ventured off into the void, armed only with a cockring and his dental tools. I, for one, miss his antics, even though they caused the staff many, many headaches.

In his honor, I'll start this thread by channelling his spirit to answer questions with one-liners, put-downs and vaguely relevant pictures. But I'm not carrying the torch. Answer the question ahead of yours before answering your own, please. One line only, with a severe lack of respect for authority. Pictures trump words every time, and there are no winners in this thread.

And Ustwo, if you ever come back to find this, I expect you to have a field-day with it.

Here's my question, a softball if you will:

Why do I suck so much?
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Old 08-31-2009, 12:17 PM   #2 (permalink)
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UsTwo, why are women either great-in-bed psychos or boring-as-hell but stable?

/going-to-hell

Isn't there a flowchart available for UsTwo answers?
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Old 08-31-2009, 12:25 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Ustwo, why do you refuse to answer any of my questions? It's like you're ignoring me.
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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
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Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot
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Old 08-31-2009, 12:32 PM   #4 (permalink)
Asshole
 
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follow directions.jpg

Talk about a glamourous thread...
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"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo
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Old 08-31-2009, 01:20 PM   #5 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.
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Old 08-31-2009, 02:10 PM   #6 (permalink)
will always be an Alyson Hanniganite
 
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Old 08-31-2009, 02:50 PM   #7 (permalink)
We work alone
 
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Fuck you all. My shit is more important.

Why am I so great?
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Old 08-31-2009, 04:25 PM   #8 (permalink)
Currently sour but formerly Dlishs
 
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what the freaks going on here??
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Last edited by dlish; 08-31-2009 at 04:28 PM..
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Old 08-31-2009, 04:30 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Location: Ohio! yay!
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Old 08-31-2009, 05:05 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Location: ❤
Dear Ustwo,
The last I heard, you were in debt, trying to launch another financial venture
off the ground.

The economy's recent rapid implosion, I imagine has left you scrambling
and very stressed.

I hope you and your beloved wife and family, are weathering this storm,
the best you can.

My question regards dental work.
I need about 20,000 dollars of work done, and I have no money or insurance.

Would you consider some kind of barter system?

Love,
Grace. (your indentured servant.)
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Old 09-02-2009, 03:41 PM   #11 (permalink)
still, wondering.
 
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Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge
Wow.

Not knowing, it's hard to wonder.

How can I preserve the attention of the intelligence I rely on?
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Old 09-02-2009, 03:55 PM   #12 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
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Location: upstate
ain't easy...
__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.
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Old 09-02-2009, 04:17 PM   #13 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: Some place windy
Are you and John Galt on a first name basis yet? I figure that he must have called you and the other atlases up . It certainly explains your disappearance.
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Old 09-02-2009, 06:37 PM   #14 (permalink)
Currently sour but formerly Dlishs
 
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i had a dream last night that he came back for this thread. no joke
__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
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Old 09-02-2009, 06:50 PM   #15 (permalink)
warrior bodhisattva
 
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Location: East-central Canada
__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot
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Old 09-02-2009, 07:53 PM   #16 (permalink)
Confused Adult
 
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Location: Spokane, WA
"new pussy" nuff said.
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Old 09-02-2009, 08:24 PM   #17 (permalink)
I Confess a Shiver
 
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Dear UsTwo,

What is the key to happiness in a relationship and does it involve tough love?
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"You should not drink... and bake."
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