The_Jazz

Many of you new folks may not remember Ustwo. He still haunts the internet somewhere, but he finally tired of our shenanigans a few years ago and ventured off into the void, armed only with a cockring and his dental tools. I, for one, miss his antics, even though they caused the staff many, many headaches.

In his honor, I'll start this thread by channelling his spirit to answer questions with one-liners, put-downs and vaguely relevant pictures. But I'm not carrying the torch. Answer the question ahead of yours before answering your own, please. One line only, with a severe lack of respect for authority. Pictures trump words every time, and there are no winners in this thread.

And Ustwo, if you ever come back to find this, I expect you to have a field-day with it.

Here's my question, a softball if you will:

Why do I suck so much?

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Plan9

UsTwo, why are women either great-in-bed psychos or boring-as-hell but stable?

/going-to-hell

Isn't there a flowchart available for UsTwo answers?

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Baraka_Guru

Ustwo, why do you refuse to answer any of my questions? It's like you're ignoring me.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

The_Jazz

follow directions.jpg

Talk about a glamourous thread...

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

uncle phil

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Bill O'Rights

__________________
"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

LoganSnake

Fuck you all. My shit is more important.

Why am I so great?

__________________
Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

dlish

what the freaks going on here??

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Crack

__________________
Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx

ring

Dear Ustwo,
The last I heard, you were in debt, trying to launch another financial venture
off the ground.

The economy's recent rapid implosion, I imagine has left you scrambling
and very stressed.

I hope you and your beloved wife and family, are weathering this storm,
the best you can.

My question regards dental work.
I need about 20,000 dollars of work done, and I have no money or insurance.

Would you consider some kind of barter system?

Love,
Grace. (your indentured servant.)

Ourcrazymodern?

Wow.

Not knowing, it's hard to wonder.

How can I preserve the attention of the intelligence I rely on?

__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

uncle phil

ain't easy...

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

sapiens

Are you and John Galt on a first name basis yet? I figure that he must have called you and the other atlases up . It certainly explains your disappearance.

dlish

i had a dream last night that he came back for this thread. no joke

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Baraka_Guru

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Shauk

"new pussy" nuff said.

Plan9

Dear UsTwo,

What is the key to happiness in a relationship and does it involve tough love?

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."