Ask Ustwo
 

Many of you new folks may not remember Ustwo. He still haunts the internet somewhere, but he finally tired of our shenanigans a few years ago and ventured off into the void, armed only with a cockring and his dental tools. I, for one, miss his antics, even though they caused the staff many, many headaches.

In his honor, I'll start this thread by channelling his spirit to answer questions with one-liners, put-downs and vaguely relevant pictures. But I'm not carrying the torch. Answer the question ahead of yours before answering your own, please. One line only, with a severe lack of respect for authority. Pictures trump words every time, and there are no winners in this thread.

And Ustwo, if you ever come back to find this, I expect you to have a field-day with it.

Here's my question, a softball if you will:

Why do I suck so much?

UsTwo, why are women either great-in-bed psychos or boring-as-hell but stable?

/going-to-hell

Isn't there a flowchart available for UsTwo answers?

Ustwo, why do you refuse to answer any of my questions? It's like you're ignoring me.

Attachment 19854

Talk about a glamourous thread...

Fuck you all. My shit is more important.

Why am I so great?

http://img259.imageshack.us/img259/7...1d5cbd2cu5.jpg

what the freaks going on here??

Dear Ustwo,
The last I heard, you were in debt, trying to launch another financial venture
off the ground.

The economy's recent rapid implosion, I imagine has left you scrambling
and very stressed.

I hope you and your beloved wife and family, are weathering this storm,
the best you can.

My question regards dental work.
I need about 20,000 dollars of work done, and I have no money or insurance.

Would you consider some kind of barter system?

Love,
Grace. (your indentured servant.)

Wow.

Not knowing, it's hard to wonder.

How can I preserve the attention of the intelligence I rely on?

ain't easy...

Are you and John Galt on a first name basis yet? I figure that he must have called you and the other atlases up . It certainly explains your disappearance.

i had a dream last night that he came back for this thread. no joke

"new pussy" nuff said.

Dear UsTwo,

What is the key to happiness in a relationship and does it involve tough love?