Ourcrazymodern?

The Ghost of Igor snuggled up to Desiree's former hairnet, fascinated. He was finding being a ghost strangely fulfilling.

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ring

Meanwhile:
Silenus continued lecturing his easily confused crop of verdant students on the difference between Psoriasis & Satyriasis.

Ourcrazymodern?

saying:

"My instincts are wrong,
while I still smell edible?
Why are you afraid?"

Desiree raised her hand, a little shakily. "I know, I know!" she cried.
Rhodes stepped up beside her. "I think I know, too," he said.

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ring

The Cousin of Silenus took three steps back and widened his eyes three times.

"What's the matter with you,TACO?" Desiree asked

Rhodes offered the use of his telescope.

One particularly bright, eager verdant student, raised one hand & pointed with the other:

"Silenus is a Leo, isn't he? & that's his driver's license."

Ourcrazymodern?

"This doesn't bode well," whispered the Ghost through the hairnet, "Our real-time connection seems to be slipping!"
He was immediately bombarded with an overwhelming series of random images & sensations. "Please slow it down!" he begged.
"This is our nature," they murmured, but tried to comply.
Almost as quickly dissatisfied with less input as with more, he reconsidered his motives.
The hairnet considered his mind.
"WOULD...YOU...MAKE...IT...UP?" they asked, as if speaking to an idiot.
"Give me a break," he said, "I haven't had it very long."
They briefly considered how easy it would be to dissipate the ghost of a storm, but instead gathered around him supportively.
"This, too, is our nature," they told him.
The Ghost of Igor relaxed into their embrace, no longer wondering why he had stiffened in the first place.

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ring

Rhodes offered: " First Symphony Syndrome."

Desiree allowed a hint of a smile & didn't need to speak.

Ourcrazymodern?

Stallion snorted. S2 noticed. Off they cantered.
One unplastic moved closer to cousin, & squeezed his hand.
#3 came running, manual in hand, & offered to make it up to Desiree.
Rhodes & the puppies frolicked about with abandon.
"Am I the only one who doesn't get it?" moaned their lecturer.
"No, mi amigo, you are not," said Manuel.

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ring

The canine Newfoundland brothers conversed on the back porch.

It was Louden's turn to pick first.

"I prefer the marrow of phalanges, but I'm having a difficult time deciding."

Merrick announced: "I'll humour your hesitation for half a minute & then the humerus is mine.

Ourcrazymodern?

For quite some time, the only sounds were of cracking bones & slaps and tickles, to the gentle accompaniment of background radiation.

* * *

In France, Runni suddenly paused in the middle of what she was doing.
"What are you doing?" asked Snoddi.
"I need to paint!" she exclaimed, leaping out of the saddle. "Have you got any beige left?"

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Ourcrazymodern?

"No guarantees, Runni; our diet's been different for the past few weeks."
Runni did her magic while Snoddi looked the other way, & managed to paint them into the woods near the cabin. "Check this out!" she blurted.
Snoddi already had noticed the overwhelming coalescence & found himself incapable of averting his eyes.
"Stallion," knickered S2, "we've got company."

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ring

Startled by the sudden appearances: Cabin Boy dropped his load of wood.

"Oh Chuck! I thought you would be used to our droppings by, by now," Runni chided.

Ourcrazymodern?

"Yes, ma'am!" he blurted, blushing, "Your sauna will be ready in twenty minutes."

"How did he know what I needed?" Runni asked Snoddi, as Chuck moved away with his regathered wood, "Did you phone ahead or something?"
"Do I ever know in advance where we're going?" he countered.

The brief interruption had allowed the Stallions time to regain some semblance of composure. "We think the hairnet had something to do with it," said S2.

"We'll have something to do with everything from now on," the background stated, "Fear not!"

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ring

Stallions 2 & 1 waved them cheerily on, & said: "Go fuck yourselves! We enjoy it. It's fun!"

"That's coarse," Snoddi chokingly whispered to Runni.

"Your voice is all of a sudden hoarse." she replied.

Ourcrazymodern?

Desiree looked down at #3, her body burning.
"I'm so glad you found your book!" she gasped.
"I'm improvising, now," he admitted, & resumed his ministration.

Rhodes suddenly imagined they were playing hide-and-seek, & led the puppies on a random search. Louden & Merrick watched them gallop past, favored each other with a mutually satisfied sigh, and dozed off again, digesting bones.

The hairnet instructed Chuck to use herbal medley 5 in the water for the sauna.

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Ourcrazymodern?

Cousin came to when he heard the herd of puppies yapping past. He looked around for one unplastic, but she'd disappeared. "It seems she's even more flexible than she felt," he thought, & got up to begin his own search.

Silenus & Manuel were up in the loft, sharing a cigarette.
"You're even handier than I thought," said Silenus.
"I didn't know you smoked," said Manuel.
They shared a chuckle & then discussed lunch.

Rhodes & the puppies bounded up to where Chuck was tending the bonfire.
"Hello!" he said cheerily.
Chuck eyed him, up and down. "Hello?" he returned, with an extra inflection.
"Whatcha doing?" asked Rhodes, as if innocent.
"I'm heating up rocks for the sauna," said Chuck, "Would you bring me that wheelbarrow?"
Eager to please, Rhodes trotted to it, but a whisper from the bushes distracted him.

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Ourcrazymodern?

"Don't look for me," it gossipped. It sounded like one unplastic, but peer as Rhodes might, he could see nothing in the shadows.
"What are you doing hiding in the bushes?"
"I'm hiding nothing," the whisper insisted, "I'm hiding my nothingness, more properly. I seem to have disappeared."
"I can smell you," he said, "Will you join us in the sauna when it's ready?"
"I don't think I should. I might dissipate completely in the steam."
"I'll hold your hand," Rhodes promised, not yet having verified that he could actually touch the owner of the strangely familiar whisper from the bushes.

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Ourcrazymodern?

Their touch started as the lightest caress, but intensified into a full-body embrace that was breathtaking, before relaxing back into what felt like a warm hand in his own. He still couldn't see anything, but he smiled to the air & announced, "I had the feeling you had substance."
"I'm not sure, myself," the whisper tickled his ear, "Let me push the wheelbarrow & see."
"Giddy up, Rhodes!" called Chuck, "These rocks are glowing."
Imagine his thoughts as the wheelbarrow came towards him, apparently propelling itself.

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Ourcrazymodern?

Rarely one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Chuck picked up his shovel & started loading.
Trying to make himself useful, Rhodes stirred the steeping herbs.

+++

"Let's see just how handy you can be, Manuel," said Silenus.

"Thanks for your input. I'm glad I came," said Manuel.

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Ourcrazymodern?

He laid his lips to the pipes and a rapturous melody filled the environment.
"Good!" crooned Silenus, "VERY, very good!"
Manuel fairly glowed with pleasure at the praise, but faltered in his fluting when he glanced out the window, where the hillside itself appeared to be moving.

=+=

"Runni," said Snoddi, from not far away, "Do you see what I'm seeing?"
"Yes," she said, worried, "What's Desiree doing approaching it?"

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Ourcrazymodern?

As the music from the loft faded, the hillside resumed its stillness, but Desiree spoke to it firmly. "I can feel you in there," she said to it, "You should come kiss your mother hello."
The hillside gave an earthy moan & shivered.
The hairnet sparkled & hummed.

"Sauna's ready!" called Chuck from out back. When nobody came 'round, he told Rhodes, "We might as well enjoy it while it's hot."
"Are you ready?" Rhodes asked one unplastic, & felt her hand grip his as she said, "Yes."
As they stepped into the scented steam, she gripped him tighter...

"Manuel!" called Desiree, imperiously, "Play it again!"
Mystified but complacent, Manuel licked his lips & blew.

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Ourcrazymodern?

The music resumed, & the hillside its motion.
"Darlings!" cried Desiree, "I thought you were lost."

"That explains why you didn't search for us," said their spokesman.

"Not exactly," said Desiree, "I've been worried about my brother."

"As if one who shares half your genes is superior," opined the spokesman, "you would hold us inferior?"
"I would hold you in any case," she said.
"How can we trust you?" the hillside asked.

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Ourcrazymodern?

"You shouldn't," she answered.
"You mustn't" said Runni.
"You will," reckoned Snoddi. "although I'm confused. It's not like my business created you, is it?"

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Ourcrazymodern?

"Do you think we care, "Mother"?" asked the hillside.
"Do you think I don't?" she asked in return.
"Yes, we don't," & they went back the way they had come, so she knew the ground might betray her.
"Sis," said Rhodes, "What you think isn't serving you."
"Bro," said his sister, "Shut the fuck up."

The sauna was warm, but its heat not overcoming, as Rhodes led his sister within.
"Welcome, Fair Lady," said Chuck, ladling another splash of water onto the rocks.
"Thank you," she said, & relaxed for a moment..."You're not gonna fuck with me, are you?"
"Only if you ask for it," said Chuck, as he shared a not-all-that-mysterious chuckle with Rhodes, "but first let me see how you handle this spruce."
Runni rushed in, Snoddi hot on her tail. "Desiree, don't! You'll only inflame them."
"Are you thinking, Mom, I don't know what you haven't?"
"I'm thinking, my dear, that we share some some lusts."
"Cousin," said Snoddi, "Now might be good."
one unplastic released her hold on Rhodes' hand. "I didn't see you come in!"
"I keep some things to myself," he said, ignoring her invisible blush.
"So," he asked Runni, "How are your kids?"

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Ourcrazymodern?

"Does anybody else feel a little light-headed?" asked Rhodes.
"It could be the fumes," opined Cousin, "we know of your weakness."
"I feel a little light-headed," whispered one unplastic, "but I'd like to know more about his weakness."
"All I smell is herbs & musk," said Chuck.
"I think all I smell is musk," said Rhodes.
"Take my hand, quickly!" said one unplastic, " I admitted to having a plastic basis, not to being artificial. - SAVE ME!" Her cry dissipated into the steam.
"Where are you?" asked Rhodes..."Does anyone else feel her?"
Cousin gave him a one-armed hug. "How's your head?"
"Not better than it was a minute ago," answered Rhodes, "Just different..."

Runni became alarmed. "Snoddi! Can you still smell me?"
Snoddi sighed & answered calmly, "I can do whatever yoou want. Where are we going this time?"
"Wherever you want, my Amaze-man," she said, "I only know that I want to be away, & to think about what I've been doing."
"Runni," said Cousin, "in spite of your abilities, it's not all about you."

Desiree, oddly, was trying to comfort Rhodes.
"What did you do with #3?" he asked her.
"None of your bizness!" she snapped. "He's safe with Silenus."

The hillside surrounded the sweat-lodge, still writhing.
The hairnet hovered serenely.
Manuel's pan-pipes played counterpoint.
There were dogs outside, & the horses, exhausted, but raring to go.

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Ourcrazymodern?

"You know why that doesn't work," saidasked Stallion.
"It's because they can't really smell us?" answered a wondering S2.
"That's my boy!" said Stallion, "Let's extricate ourselves for the time being. Even Runni can't paint herself into our corner, not knowing our colors."
"I might have pooped a little," admitted S2.
"That's okay," assured Stallion, "as long as you don't have hemorrhoids."

The dogs set up a ruckus as the horses departed. One puppy was quick enough to grab a tail.

***

"What's all that outside noise?" asked Chuck, unused to too many things too unnatural.
"Chuck," answered Cousin, "I've been watching your neophyte utility, so I know that's a ridiculous question, coming from you."
"Don't give him too hard a time, Cousin," said Runni, "if you don't know how to trail the horses, we could be stuck here in steamy brown for a very long time."
"Runni," said Snoddi, "let's go back to France-without-Hamsters."
"That was a fantasy," said Runni, "How about Lebanon? They still have some cedars."

Silenus & #3 were already on the roof, nailing shingles.

"You think we know the right thing?" asked #3.
"You don't think protecting them from the elements isn't," returned Silenus, "I'll disappear if they forget about woodchucking."
"You're thousands of years old, you half-goat!"
"You just met me a few months ago. What do you do for a living?"
"I'm an emt. What happened to Manuel?"
"Desiree & I did a hand-off."
"You wood chuck!"

Manuel played. The ground net hummed. The hair net smiled.
"Should I work up another incarnation?" asked the ghost of Igor, "I could do it.
"Can you cool off?" asked the hair net, a little miffed.
"I can blow snowstorms," said Igor.

Cousin said, "It's not as if I didn't warn you, Desiree."
Desiree allowed, "New shoes aren't part of the answer? How beautiful will life be without them?"
"I don't speak to beauty. I speak to the practicality that was abandoned, way too long ago."
"My mom was on a cruise," said Desiree.
"My point exactly," said Cousin.

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Ourcrazymodern?

"Whatever you think of me," snapped Desiree, "my derivation's none of your business."
"I beg to back up a little," said Cousin.
"Talk to me through MY hairnet!" she screamed.
"Settle down, "mother"," hummed the hairnet, "Our siblings pronounce you in danger."
Desiree blanched. Cousin recessed. one unplastic was...gone.
Rhodes manned up. "Chuck!" he exclaimed, "Switch to #1!"
"I don't think the rocks are still hot enough," said Chuck.
"So turn on the gas," came the Rhodes.

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Ourcrazymodern?

Chuck looked at Rhodes, slack-jawed.
"Why in hell was I required to build the fire?" he asked.
"I don't know," answered Rhodes, "Where did one unplastic go?"
"I don't know," said Chuck, "I never saw her."
"Do you have the #1?" asked Rhodes.
" 'ere," said Chuck, exhaling.

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Ourcrazymodern?

"I can't keep up with what I think!" cried Desiree.
"I wouldn't recommend turning off your hairnet," said her Mom.
"Grandma!" howled the hillside, "She already did that."
"Baby," Runni said to Desiree, "I didn't no."
"Hey, mom," Rhodes presented, "there's not a child psychologist that can effectively damn you."
"Son," said Snoddi, "effort isn't everything."

Cousin had to mumble, but still connected to the sky, found himself talking backwards: "The horns behind the bull."

Chuck, suffering his own personal epiphany, said, "What KIND-OF people are you?"

#3 said to Silenus, "Did the light suddenly get brighter in there?"
"You're hallucinating," said Silenus.

Manuel's playing got louder.

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Ourcrazymodern?

"Son," sighed Snoddi, "when I told you to keep your crying inside, I overstepped my bounds. Do you hear that music?"
"I know, "dad," & yes," returned Rhodes.
"I don't expect, but hope," said Snoddi, "you'll forgive my ignorance."
" 'Dad'?" came Desiree, "I have a question."
"Let's take a FAMILY vacation!" inserted Runni, brightly.
"What is it, Desiree?" asked Snoddi, giving Runni a meaningful glance.
"Why did you stop talking to me?" asked Desiree.
"I figured out, eventually, that you were handling my mom's X to your satisfaction," answered Snoddi, "& that philosophy wouldn't disturb the course of nature."
"Ah," said Desiree.
"You mean Stallion was only a surrogate?" asked Rhodes. "Then where'd I get THIS?"
"Heh," said Snoddi, "use your eyes, son."
"I've painted us reservations through Brazil," said Runni, "with a nice layover in Rio."
"Can I come?" asked Chuck.
"You'll need to wash off first," answered Runni, "since it appears that you can."

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Ourcrazymodern?

"Kids, we can go now," announced Runni somewhat later.
"Do you think that latch will hold?" asked Snoddi.
She just looked at him.
They all stepped into the painting...
"This can't be Rio," begged Rhodes, but subsided at the music.
The beach began to writhe. "You're outside Stockholm, stranded. We...wanted to talk to you & you left us alone!"
"You weren't alone," asserted Desiree, "You had each other."
"Right," encouraged the groundnet, "we'll go the long way around."
Darkness approached, & Desiree's former hairnet appeared to be sparkling quizzically. Desiree could sense air-to-ground communications from which she was excluded, & prepared to react.
"So, South America?" interrupted Runni.
"Don't hurt me any more than you need to," said Snoddi.

+ + +

Meanwhile, the stallions were unlost in space, regarding their hitch-hiker.
"What do you think we should call him?" asked S2.
"He's your issue," said Stallion, "if you can't decide you should ask him.

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Ourcrazymodern?

"I think I'll call him Bruce," said S2, looking at the pup. "Would you like that, Brucy?"
"Arf," said the pup & paused, "Arf, arf!"
"He'd rather you didn't use the diminutive," Stallion guessed.
"Then Bruce it is!" declared S2.
"Arf!" concurred the puppy.

* * *

"This can't be Rio, Runni," said Snoddi as they stepped into a place more green than brown.
"I don't have time to monitor your diet," she asserted, "It must have been the spinach quiche."
"I don't know how you'd know that if you didn't," said Snoddi.
"Indeed?" said Runni, but then realized & gave him a kiss.
"Kids!" he called to the ones who'd wandered off, "We're going to reconnoiter."
"Fancy word for it, dad!" the twins called back in unison, laughingly.
"I guess I'll set up camp," said Chuck, "until Runni gets her bearings."
"Okay, Manuel," said Desiree, chidingly.
Chuck was puzzled for a moment, then leaned over & kissed her.
Rhodes went looking for firewood.

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Ourcrazymodern?

The Ghost of Igor awoke from a comfortable snooze & started brooding about the disturbance. It had been a sensation unlike the tingly contentment provided by Desiree's former hairnet, at once more stimulating & less directional.
"Oh, wipe that frown off your face," said one unplastic, "As I dissipated, I had an idea. The sparkles implied that you might help me to think."
"More likely than vice-versa," grumbled the Ghost, "Part of my function is external stimulation."
One unplastic was delighted. "Mine too, before the sauna! Now it seems I can't touch anything."
"I'm calling Gymno correspondi," decided t'GoI.
"What good will that do?" asked one unplastic.
"He'll give a cohesive description of the circumstances, anyway," replied the Ghost.

* * *

Silenus was pensive. He nudged his Cousin with his toe. "Where's #3?" he asked.
"Manuel & the dogs are out looking for him," said his Cousin, "I expect them back before my next nap."
"Oh," said Silenus..."Do you have the merman's number?"
"The hairnet does," answered Cousin, "Why?"
"I'm not sure," said Silenus, "Variety?"
"Fair enough," said TACO, requesting the hairnet to put through the call, "What's for breakfast?"
"Toaster strudel & tangerines, until the boys get back."
"Merman on line one," buzzed the hairnet through Cousin's connection.

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Ourcrazymodern?

Bruce couldn't believe his eyes. The Stallions seemed to be merging. He wagged his tail & cocked his head. They seemed to be coalescing! "Arf!" he cheered, & whined in confusion.
S2 knickered, "What's the matter, boy?"
Bruce lacked the words to describe what he was feeling.

+ + +

Snoddi came up for air & decided to climb a little farther up the tree.
"Do you see anything?" asked Runni.
"I see a giant statue on a hill," answered her lover.
"My reckoning wasn't far off, then, was it?" she asked him, ever eager for ever more eager validation.
"Of course you weren't, Runni honey. I didn't doubt you for an instant."

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Ourcrazymodern?

"Hey, I haven't seen you since breakfast," said the merman.
"That's a relative term, isn't it?" asked the satyr.
"Without politics, we're all related, aren't we? ...even with them," rejoined the merman.
"So," said Silenus, "are you gonna come over?"
"Not right now," the merman answered, "I have another date."
"Can't you handle two things at once?"
"Can't you handle many? I'm busy with the kids."
"What are you doing?" assked Silenus.
"Mishandling them, no doubt," said the merman, "I'm the slowest fish in the sea."
"That's where you make your fateful error," opined Silenus.
"That's where I maake my least," said the merman, "I'll be over in fifteen minutes."
"We'll be waiting," said Silenus, broke the connection, & turned to his cousin, "What do you think he meant by that?"
"He meant he presupposes more than you do," said TACO, yawning.

+ + +

LITTLE CROSSES, ON THE HILLSIDE...
LITTLE CROSSES, MADE OF TICKY TACKY

+ + +

The stallions, still separated, regarded the puppy.
"Arf," he said, meaning, "Don't look at me, I'm only along for the ride."
As if they understood, they took off for Brazil...

+ + +

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Ourcrazymodern?

"Can we go somewhere else?" Rhodes was in no mood to brave the slums.
"What are you afraid of?" asked his sister.
"I'm afraid our parents don't know what they've wrought."
"May I say you're not to judge them?"
"You can say whatever you want. I think the ground-net will contradict you."
Desiree humphed & waited.
Rhodes considered, unusually smugly. "You can hear them even now," he told her.
"That you're right, my other, doesn't make me wrong, does it," flatly, as a statement. She knew she'd have to address them eventually. She also knew what Cousin was up to. Since her time sporting the hairnet, she'd had some memory enhancements. What she had had had been plenty.
"I never said you were wrong, sis," -I might have thought it, Rhodes admitted to himself.

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Ourcrazymodern?

"I wonder if she's gonna give me the read-through she-promised," thought Rhodes, "I have my notebook's back."
"Who's that weirdo?" asked Desiree, insensitive.
"Just a part of me," said Rhodes.

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Ourcrazymodern?

- - - -

Manuel & #3 strolled in as if nothing had happened. The chapter on resuscitation had been invigorating.
"Where's the dog food?" asked #3, "The puppies are hungry."
"It's under the sink," answered TACO, pointingly, "Give them a drink first."
Silenus looked on, his thumbs twiddling in his mind.

+ + +

At almost the same time, the stallions & Bruce arrived in Brazil.
Snoddi was overjoyed & embraced them both, enjoying the horsey smell.
Runni was more restrained. "What kept you?" she asked.
"Get your daughter to google it," said S2.
"Be polite!" Stallion demanded.
Runni scratched Bruce's head. He wagged his tail adoringly.
"How did he get here?" she asked of the Horses.
"At first as a cling-on," answered S2, "but I've named him my pet."
"What do you call him?" asked Desiree.
"We decided on Bruce."
"Hey, Brucy!" Desiree blurted.
"Arf!" said the up, signifying it was okay if she called him that.

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Ourcrazymodern?

G-Jangling Contagion took one look at the environment & realized it wasn't his.
"Look at him!" encouraged #3, "He's rarely speechless."
"You poke me like that again," Manuel responded, "& I'll pretend I don't speak English, again."
"Boys!" interjected Silenus, "This man is an honored witness. -You're not tracking very well, are you?" he added to his unexpected guest.
"I had an appointment," said his Glory, "but the trail turned vaporous."
"Man up," suggested Cousin, "IF you like your vapors as you say."
"I never said I liked them," backed the victim, "I said I respected them."
"They do their best work unnoticed," tried the Cousin.

+ + +

"Jeez, he won't even let me call him that," said S2, disappointed.
"Arf arf," said Bruce.
"You're all my puppies," said Desiree.
The sky net digested what she meant & sent an emergency shipment of cedar shavings to her last known address.

+ + +

"Where'd that come from?" asked Silenus.
"Where've you been?" ankh-steered 3-times.
"I should get a day job," inserted Jimbo C.
"Cornhuskers aren't for everyone," said Cousin.

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Ourcrazymodern?

Lazing around, but not too many days into their future, Rhodes suddenly asked, "Left or right?"
"Left," suggested S2, "We can follow the shore."
"Right," followed Snoddi, "It seems it's more level."
"I have an axe," said Chuck.

Runni pulled Desiree aside for a consult.

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Ourcrazymodern?

"My daughter, you look vibrant!" she began.
"Don't fuck with me, mother. You weren't much help when I gave them up, & no help at all with the others. You were in France or Belgium, weren't you?"
"I was in Luxembourg..."
"You think?" finished Desiree, "You weren't even at my birthing pond!"
"I held your hand!" cried Runni.
"My delivery didn't require it," Desiree'd it.
They embraced & Runni said, "Let's go straighten out the boys now, shall we?"
"Easier than pie," admitted Desiree, her mouth watering.

+ - +

"Are you ready?" asked Snoddi, as they stood to face the music.
"Dad," retorted Rhodes, "that it's a hymn doesn't matter."
Snoddi smiled, & they waited, side by side.

- +

"They look pretty, so arranged," said Runni.
"They don't look straight yet," agreed Desiree.

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