The Extemporaneous Story - Page 12 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

ring · 10-15-2009, 08:01 AM

Rhodes looked under the seat for a manual - any manual.

Desiree executed a perfect 3 point turn around, and slid underneath #3
as he positioned himself in the driver's seat.

Rhodes began to read aloud from the manual.

"Everyone's seatbelts should be fastened before putting it in gear."

Ourcrazymodern? · 10-15-2009, 08:36 AM

"You've always been too traditional, Rhodes! Hasn't #3 given US good service?"

#3 flushed again: "It's all part of the job, miss!"

"Sweetheart!" Desiree couldn't help kerself: "Should I turn up the airflow?"

Rhodes said, "Don't you dare, unless you do."

"But my babies are gasping!" she explained, "I think they need some things."

"You could try milk - they're @ least part mammal, miss," suggested #3, his eyes firmly fixed on the road.

Rhodes' estimations boiled over. Lunging past his sister & all the life support equipment, he took a firm hold on #3's neck.

#3, strangely enough, was able to pull the vehicle to a smooth stop. There was nothing to look at.

"He's insane," gasped #3.
"I know," said Desiree, "but he's my brother."

Rhodes loosened his grip. "Any sense is like a breath of fresh air," he breathed.

ring · 10-15-2009, 09:11 AM

Rhodes spotted a corner grocery store.

"Screech to a halt please, Sir Driver # 3." he snarked a tad.
"My sister's spewing offspring need milk, and I need an Almond Joy bar."

Ourcrazymodern? · 10-15-2009, 09:21 AM

#3 screeched a perfect 360.
"Sometimes you feel like a nut," he said.
"Get me a Klondike bar," Desiree requested, "I've got the milk under control."

ring · 10-15-2009, 01:01 PM

Rhodes couldn't read the fine print of the ingrediants.
He rummaged beneath the car seat and found a pair of bifocals.

"Colustrum is listed first. Is that akin to BHT or MSG?, I dunno."

Ourcrazymodern? · 10-15-2009, 08:05 PM

"For Stallion's sake, bro! Try to get a grip!"
"I'm pretty good at that, sis. Just ask #3, when he comes back with our snacks. What the heck are you doing?"
"What comes naturally. Will you make yourself useful & check the ones in my hair?"

ring · 10-18-2009, 06:20 AM

"What could be taking him so long?" Desiree began to fidget.

Rhodes tried using the bifocals to peer inside the convenience store.

"Hey, I see him."

"What's he doing?"

"He's scratching off a large stack of tickets, sis."

Desiree eyes narrowed.

Rhodes needed to calm his sister down.
He wasn't sure how.
He began to French braid her hair.

Ourcrazymodern? · 10-18-2009, 03:41 PM

"Rhodes!" she exclaimed, "Where did you learn hairdressing?"
Rhodes was noncommital.
Desiree sighed. "Just mind your nieces & nephews."

Ourcrazymodern? · 10-19-2009, 10:39 AM

#3 returned, looking a little sheepish. "Here're your snacks," was all he said.

"Where's our change?" asked Rhodes.

#3 slammed the vehicle into gear, intentionally disregarding his knowledge that Rhodes wasn't belted.

Accelerating downhill, he glanced in the rear-view mirror.

"You've changed your hair," he said.

ring · 10-19-2009, 11:00 AM

Desiree glanced over the backseat to check on Rhodes.
He was in an uncomfortable position,
but it provided him an excellent opportunity for further seat spelunking.

"My brother provided this framework for my little climbers. You like?"

Ourcrazymodern? · 10-19-2009, 12:28 PM

"It's pretty," #3 replied, "I'm yours."

"I'll take care of the kids," he added.

His driving had caused Rhodes no small distress.

Ourcrazymodern? · 10-19-2009, 06:28 PM

"Jim Cantshore his rear end!" came a pirate's demand.
"Leave him alone-you couldn't stand his girth."
"Aye, lass, but don't get personal!"
She chuckled. "He's a lot taller than you are, laying down."

ring · 10-20-2009, 08:14 AM

Silenus and TACO were hiding behind the outhouse, listening and waiting
for....
"What are we waiting for, again?" Silenus bent over and whispered to his cousin.

"I'm trying to remember how to reanimate a weatherman who has stiffened all
sleepy Ent-like, dammit!" TACO spluttered as quietly as he could.

Meanwhile, the pirate and his willing captive wench kept making noise mostly.
So far they hadn't brandished anything more harmful looking than a flask.

"Try to retrieve your memory by looking at it sideways, TACO." Silenus encouraged.

TACO whispered back:

"We need to find his slicker and rain hat, and redress him, that will work."

"You remembered finally. Good." Silenus relaxed.

"I just made that up" Taco replied, "But why not give it a try?"

Ourcrazymodern? · 10-20-2009, 08:33 AM

"Noise is good thing," whispered the pirate beside Silenus' ear, "Haven't you heard?"
Silenus flinched, but only slightly.

"Haven't we been here before?" He breathed.

"Yes, but not in this language," the pirate allowed, "You should listen to her!"

"When my measure shrinks, perhaps," said Silenus.

"Fools!" she cried, "What I have going on here is not for the likes of such undomesticatable beast as y'all."

"Heh," said TACO, "she said undomesticatable."

"Buddy," said the pirate, "She said y'all!"

Silenus disarranged his skirts.

ring · 10-20-2009, 10:14 AM

...and quickly spied the purple toothbrush he was looking for.

He smiled and tauntingly held the tool above his head.

"It's the same shade as your sash, Handsome-Pirate-With-Bad-Breath...sir."

Pirate made a grab for it.

Silenus lept backward and cried out:

"Well buckle my swash!"

Ourcrazymodern? · 10-21-2009, 01:02 PM

Of course, he didn't mean it. Display was his thing, & he could tell that the pirate was itching for it.
"En garde!"
"Guard your damn self!"
"I will not!"
"Nor shall I!"
(Needless to say) the entire exchange took mere moments.

ring · 10-21-2009, 01:35 PM

Runni and Snoddi tried to paint by the numbers.
They soon found it tedious and constrictive.
Snoddi was the first to color outside of the lines.

"Thats much better." Runni quickly agreed.
She dropped a dollop of yellow paint from her brush onto his blue filled one.

He kissed her and returned the favor.

Ourcrazymodern? · 10-21-2009, 05:14 PM

"Oh no!" squealed Desiree, unlike herself: "Their goings-on become us!"

As if not realizing becomes what it might, the others turned aside.

ring · 10-22-2009, 10:02 AM

..and looked for Desiree's stash.

Ourcrazymodern? · 10-22-2009, 10:06 AM

"I wasn't squealing just for effect, you know," said Desiree, as her braids continued to tighten.

"We know, miss," said #3.
"I know, sis," said Rhodes, almost in unison.

The little ones trapped in her hair continued searching for an outlet, but their sense of direction was inhibited by their...environment.

ring · 10-22-2009, 03:35 PM

Rhodes read aloud from the third manual he'd found while his face was
plastered beneath the seat during #3's previous exhilarating accelerations.

Ourcrazymodern? · 10-23-2009, 12:33 PM

"I feel your pain: Can you feel mine?" he intoned.
"Feel your sister's," #3 intoned, "Your skills in french-braiding could use a little work!"
Rhodes was offended, but he didn't know what to say.

Tentatively, he began: "I've been the very model of a modern major general..."

"Fucking-A!" said #3, "even my training's gone farther."

Ourcrazymodern? · 10-23-2009, 07:32 PM

Too much intonation?

Too little construction?

Damn, damn, damn.

Rhodes couldn't decide what to do to correct the do he'd attempted.

It was his sister's hair & his nieces & nephews @ stake, for goodness' sake!

ring · 10-24-2009, 06:53 AM

Desiree calmly explained to everyone that the offspring were no longer in her hair.

"What?," #3 & Rhodes gasped, "Were did they go?, are they alright?"

"Relax; they are safe and secure in the zipper compartment of my handbag." she said.

Ourcrazymodern? · 10-24-2009, 08:48 AM

#3 nudged Rhodes. "She said handbag!"

Rhodes nudged #3 a little harder.
"@ least she didn't say "purse"," he said.

Desiree wanted more, but couldn't determine that was not the result of her offsprings' infiltration.

ring · 10-24-2009, 09:25 AM

33 of the spores wormed themselves inside her brain via both earholes.

Ourcrazymodern? · 10-24-2009, 10:09 AM

"Desiree!" exclaimed Rhodes, "we've been trying to help you!"

"At least I've been trained to do so, miss," said #3.

"Go in the back," said Desiree, "I have a way-distant call from our Mom coming in."

ring · 10-24-2009, 02:01 PM

Stallion landed on the roof with his galoshes on. He didn't want to scratch the paint-job.

Ourcrazymodern? · 10-25-2009, 10:22 AM

He whickered softly.
"You've always been the most responsible," he said.

Ourcrazymodern? · 10-26-2009, 06:04 AM

"Yeah, but I know he wants to be helpful."

"Who, Rhodes?"

"No, beloved Surrogate. #3!"

ring · 10-26-2009, 07:09 AM

#3 shook hands with Stallion and winked.

"Desiree is a fine lass and I want to do right by her, sir," #3 professed,

"I also keep my uniform clean. She loves my uniform."

Ourcrazymodern? · 10-26-2009, 02:45 PM

Desiree blushed a bit.
Stallion understood.

Ourcrazymodern? · 10-26-2009, 06:15 PM

"I've the sneaking suspicion you haven't understood. I love you. Take care of yourself."

ring · 10-29-2009, 10:34 AM

...meanwhile

Taco was able to locate Jim Canticle's slicker and matching rain hat,
while Silenus kept the Pirate and his Willing Captive Wench,
Thoroughly entertained.

He wrapped the slicker around the weatherman's shoulders.
Taco jumped as high as he could, trying to place his hat back on.
His third attempt, was a success.

Jim opened his eyes and said...

Ourcrazymodern? · 10-29-2009, 01:34 PM

"You know how I want to do this, & have never failed to respond in kind?"

Grudgungly, TACO said "Yeah, I guess I just don't understand why the wench intrigues you."

"Stay up until the 27th & you might," said Gym. (His slicker flapped a little, again.)

ring · 10-30-2009, 09:40 AM

Silenus walked over to see if Jim was fully animated.
He looked him up and down.

"He's going to need a fresh pair of pants." Silenus proclaimed.

"Why?" The Wench asked.

Louden and Merrick gave each other knowing looks, and then confessed.

"He was a tree for a spell, can't damn us for that, can ya'?"

Ourcrazymodern? · 10-30-2009, 05:39 PM

Nobody said yes.

The dogs, contented, laid down.

Silenus & the wench snuck off to the bushes.

Nobody gainsaid that.

"Who is this nobody?" asked TACO.

ring · 10-30-2009, 09:34 PM

"Nobody asked you, did they?" Nobody asked.

TACO swung as hard as he could, but
Nobody ended up being hurt.

"Who are you talking to?" said Silenus.

"Isn't it obvious I'm talking to Nobody, most exhalted bogart master?" TACO sneered.

Ourcrazymodern? · 10-31-2009, 07:57 AM

Silenus said, "I don't know that I like your tone," (though I do, (to himself) why would he choose Nobody over me?)
TACO said, "I know you do - you wouldn't appear so stimulated otherwise."

ring · 10-31-2009, 11:04 AM

Jim Cantore, grateful for the clean pair of trousers,
turned towards Silenus and said:

"Oh my, he's a mouthy little female canine, isn't he?"

10-15-2009, 08:36 AM	#442 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	"You've always been too traditional, Rhodes! Hasn't #3 given US good service?" #3 flushed again: "It's all part of the job, miss!" "Sweetheart!" Desiree couldn't help kerself: "Should I turn up the airflow?" Rhodes said, "Don't you dare, unless you do." "But my babies are gasping!" she explained, "I think they need some things." "You could try milk - they're @ least part mammal, miss," suggested #3, his eyes firmly fixed on the road. Rhodes' estimations boiled over. Lunging past his sister & all the life support equipment, he took a firm hold on #3's neck. #3, strangely enough, was able to pull the vehicle to a smooth stop. There was nothing to look at. "He's insane," gasped #3. "I know," said Desiree, "but he's my brother." Rhodes loosened his grip. "Any sense is like a breath of fresh air," he breathed. __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

10-15-2009, 09:21 AM	#444 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	#3 screeched a perfect 360. "Sometimes you feel like a nut," he said. "Get me a Klondike bar," Desiree requested, "I've got the milk under control." __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

10-15-2009, 08:05 PM	#446 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	"For Stallion's sake, bro! Try to get a grip!" "I'm pretty good at that, sis. Just ask #3, when he comes back with our snacks. What the heck are you doing?" "What comes naturally. Will you make yourself useful & check the ones in my hair?" __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

10-18-2009, 03:41 PM	#448 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	"Rhodes!" she exclaimed, "Where did you learn hairdressing?" Rhodes was noncommital. Desiree sighed. "Just mind your nieces & nephews." __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

10-19-2009, 10:39 AM	#449 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	#3 returned, looking a little sheepish. "Here're your snacks," was all he said. "Where's our change?" asked Rhodes. #3 slammed the vehicle into gear, intentionally disregarding his knowledge that Rhodes wasn't belted. Accelerating downhill, he glanced in the rear-view mirror. "You've changed your hair," he said. __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

10-15-2009, 08:01 AM	#441 (permalink)
ring ░ Location: ❤	Rhodes looked under the seat for a manual - any manual. Desiree executed a perfect 3 point turn around, and slid underneath #3 as he positioned himself in the driver's seat. Rhodes began to read aloud from the manual. "Everyone's seatbelts should be fastened before putting it in gear."

10-15-2009, 09:11 AM	#443 (permalink)
ring ░ Location: ❤	Rhodes spotted a corner grocery store. "Screech to a halt please, Sir Driver # 3." he snarked a tad. "My sister's spewing offspring need milk, and I need an Almond Joy bar."

10-15-2009, 01:01 PM	#445 (permalink)
ring ░ Location: ❤	Rhodes couldn't read the fine print of the ingrediants. He rummaged beneath the car seat and found a pair of bifocals. "Colustrum is listed first. Is that akin to BHT or MSG?, I dunno."

10-18-2009, 06:20 AM	#447 (permalink)
ring ░ Location: ❤	"What could be taking him so long?" Desiree began to fidget. Rhodes tried using the bifocals to peer inside the convenience store. "Hey, I see him." "What's he doing?" "He's scratching off a large stack of tickets, sis." Desiree eyes narrowed. Rhodes needed to calm his sister down. He wasn't sure how. He began to French braid her hair.

10-19-2009, 11:00 AM	#450 (permalink)
ring ░ Location: ❤	Desiree glanced over the backseat to check on Rhodes. He was in an uncomfortable position, but it provided him an excellent opportunity for further seat spelunking. "My brother provided this framework for my little climbers. You like?"

10-19-2009, 12:28 PM	#451 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	"It's pretty," #3 replied, "I'm yours." "I'll take care of the kids," he added. His driving had caused Rhodes no small distress. __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

10-19-2009, 06:28 PM	#452 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	"Jim Cantshore his rear end!" came a pirate's demand. "Leave him alone-you couldn't stand his girth." "Aye, lass, but don't get personal!" She chuckled. "He's a lot taller than you are, laying down." __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

10-20-2009, 08:14 AM	#453 (permalink)
ring ░ Location: ❤	Silenus and TACO were hiding behind the outhouse, listening and waiting for.... "What are we waiting for, again?" Silenus bent over and whispered to his cousin. "I'm trying to remember how to reanimate a weatherman who has stiffened all sleepy Ent-like, dammit!" TACO spluttered as quietly as he could. Meanwhile, the pirate and his willing captive wench kept making noise mostly. So far they hadn't brandished anything more harmful looking than a flask. "Try to retrieve your memory by looking at it sideways, TACO." Silenus encouraged. TACO whispered back: "We need to find his slicker and rain hat, and redress him, that will work." "You remembered finally. Good." Silenus relaxed. "I just made that up" Taco replied, "But why not give it a try?"

10-20-2009, 08:33 AM	#454 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	"Noise is good thing," whispered the pirate beside Silenus' ear, "Haven't you heard?" Silenus flinched, but only slightly. "Haven't we been here before?" He breathed. "Yes, but not in this language," the pirate allowed, "You should listen to her!" "When my measure shrinks, perhaps," said Silenus. "Fools!" she cried, "What I have going on here is not for the likes of such undomesticatable beast as y'all." "Heh," said TACO, "she said undomesticatable." "Buddy," said the pirate, "She said y'all!" Silenus disarranged his skirts. __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

10-20-2009, 10:14 AM	#455 (permalink)
ring ░ Location: ❤	...and quickly spied the purple toothbrush he was looking for. He smiled and tauntingly held the tool above his head. "It's the same shade as your sash, Handsome-Pirate-With-Bad-Breath...sir." Pirate made a grab for it. Silenus lept backward and cried out: "Well buckle my swash!"

10-21-2009, 01:02 PM	#456 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	Of course, he didn't mean it. Display was his thing, & he could tell that the pirate was itching for it. "En garde!" "Guard your damn self!" "I will not!" "Nor shall I!" (Needless to say) the entire exchange took mere moments. __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

10-21-2009, 01:35 PM	#457 (permalink)
ring ░ Location: ❤	Runni and Snoddi tried to paint by the numbers. They soon found it tedious and constrictive. Snoddi was the first to color outside of the lines. "Thats much better." Runni quickly agreed. She dropped a dollop of yellow paint from her brush onto his blue filled one. He kissed her and returned the favor.

10-21-2009, 05:14 PM	#458 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	"Oh no!" squealed Desiree, unlike herself: "Their goings-on become us!" As if not realizing becomes what it might, the others turned aside. __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

10-22-2009, 10:02 AM	#459 (permalink)
ring ░ Location: ❤	..and looked for Desiree's stash.

10-22-2009, 10:06 AM	#460 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	"I wasn't squealing just for effect, you know," said Desiree, as her braids continued to tighten. "We know, miss," said #3. "I know, sis," said Rhodes, almost in unison. The little ones trapped in her hair continued searching for an outlet, but their sense of direction was inhibited by their...environment. __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

10-22-2009, 03:35 PM	#461 (permalink)
ring ░ Location: ❤	Rhodes read aloud from the third manual he'd found while his face was plastered beneath the seat during #3's previous exhilarating accelerations.

10-23-2009, 12:33 PM	#462 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	"I feel your pain: Can you feel mine?" he intoned. "Feel your sister's," #3 intoned, "Your skills in french-braiding could use a little work!" Rhodes was offended, but he didn't know what to say. Tentatively, he began: "I've been the very model of a modern major general..." "Fucking-A!" said #3, "even my training's gone farther." __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

10-23-2009, 07:32 PM	#463 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	Too much intonation? Too little construction? Damn, damn, damn. Rhodes couldn't decide what to do to correct the do he'd attempted. It was his sister's hair & his nieces & nephews @ stake, for goodness' sake! __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

10-24-2009, 06:53 AM	#464 (permalink)
ring ░ Location: ❤	Desiree calmly explained to everyone that the offspring were no longer in her hair. "What?," #3 & Rhodes gasped, "Were did they go?, are they alright?" "Relax; they are safe and secure in the zipper compartment of my handbag." she said.

10-24-2009, 08:48 AM	#465 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	#3 nudged Rhodes. "She said handbag!" Rhodes nudged #3 a little harder. "@ least she didn't say "purse"," he said. Desiree wanted more, but couldn't determine that was not the result of her offsprings' infiltration. __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

10-24-2009, 09:25 AM	#466 (permalink)
ring ░ Location: ❤	33 of the spores wormed themselves inside her brain via both earholes.

10-24-2009, 10:09 AM	#467 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	"Desiree!" exclaimed Rhodes, "we've been trying to help you!" "At least I've been trained to do so, miss," said #3. "Go in the back," said Desiree, "I have a way-distant call from our Mom coming in." __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

10-24-2009, 02:01 PM	#468 (permalink)
ring ░ Location: ❤	Stallion landed on the roof with his galoshes on. He didn't want to scratch the paint-job.

10-25-2009, 10:22 AM	#469 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	He whickered softly. "You've always been the most responsible," he said. __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

10-26-2009, 06:04 AM	#470 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	"Yeah, but I know he wants to be helpful." "Who, Rhodes?" "No, beloved Surrogate. #3!" __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

10-26-2009, 07:09 AM	#471 (permalink)
ring ░ Location: ❤	#3 shook hands with Stallion and winked. "Desiree is a fine lass and I want to do right by her, sir," #3 professed, "I also keep my uniform clean. She loves my uniform."

10-26-2009, 02:45 PM	#472 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	Desiree blushed a bit. Stallion understood. __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

10-26-2009, 06:15 PM	#473 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	"I've the sneaking suspicion you haven't understood. I love you. Take care of yourself." __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

10-29-2009, 10:34 AM	#474 (permalink)
ring ░ Location: ❤	...meanwhile Taco was able to locate Jim Canticle's slicker and matching rain hat, while Silenus kept the Pirate and his Willing Captive Wench, Thoroughly entertained. He wrapped the slicker around the weatherman's shoulders. Taco jumped as high as he could, trying to place his hat back on. His third attempt, was a success. Jim opened his eyes and said... Last edited by ring; 10-29-2009 at 10:43 AM..

10-29-2009, 01:34 PM	#475 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	"You know how I want to do this, & have never failed to respond in kind?" Grudgungly, TACO said "Yeah, I guess I just don't understand why the wench intrigues you." "Stay up until the 27th & you might," said Gym. (His slicker flapped a little, again.) __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT