la petite moi

Okay, so nwlinkvxd and I got engaged over the weekend, and we told his parents about it. They are glad we are waiting until he graduates to get married, but they are also happy for us and his mom is already helping us plan a little bit. Heheh.

Now, the hard part: Telling my parents. No, nwlinkvxd didn't ask for my father's permission, even though I still live with my parents and I'm 18 and all. This is because my parents are...a little...strange about marriage. My parents were in their early thirties when they got married, they had no ceremony (only signing of papers), and went to Barstow ( practically a ghost town in California) for dinner- they had no honeymoon. They always grumble when we go to elaborate beautiful weddings, pointing out how expensive and stupid weddings are. My parents are already upset that I'm not going to a University of California and I'm going to a California State University instead, in order to go to school with nwlinkvxd. (I'm also going to a CSU because the UC I want to go to says that I have to take Pre-Calc and Calc before I transfer, as well as some other dumb general education classes...which I don't want to do.) My parents think doing things young is stupid and they dont really like my seriousness with nwlinkvxd already.

So now, I'm struggling to tell them about my engagement- yeah we're waiting a year before I move in with him, and two years before we're married...but still. I'm afraid they won't be able to understand how much I love him. He is probably the only thing in my life that makes me laugh as hard as I do, make me as happy as I am, or understand me.

Any advice at all? (I should mention that nwlinkvxd isn't home for winter break for another two weeks, and his mom is pushing for me to tell my parents so that she can print a newspaper announcement )

Livia Regina

I'd say tell your parents that this is what you are going to do and they should accept it. They love you (I assume) and you are 18 and it's your life. You are probably going to get some criticism from them because you are doing it differently but they should be willing and able to accept that.

__________________
Rule 37: There is no 'overkill.' There is only 'open fire' and 'I need to reload.'

maleficent

If you are grown enough to be engaged and get married, then you are grown enough to tell them that you are engaged and be prepared for the consequences.

Just remember they are not obligated to pay for your wedding, or your education.

(oh, and opting to not go to a better educational institution because you don't want to take some pretty easy courses is a silly reason. The rest of your life is going to be based on the education you get now, take the better school system if you can.

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SparklingDot

Congrats! If you can handle the potential consequences (because parents do weird things when their children do things they don't like) then go for it. I would say that there is nothing wrong with waiting to talk to them until the time is right. Otherwise, tell them, have him there with you, and be ready to handle their reaction, whatever it might be. Good Luck!

__________________

17 seconds is all you really need
- Smashing Pumpkins

*Nikki*

It is basically the same with my parents. Because I have been engaged before and it did not end in marriage, they are so skeptical about my new relationship. His parents are way more supportive about us then mine are.

There is no easy way to tell them other then to just do it. Unfortuntely in your lifetime you will do a lot of things that your parents will not support fully. The best thing you can do is just tell them how much it would mean to you for them to be supportive and to let you live your life like you need to. Tell them you will finish school and that is your top priority. They probably worry you will give up your own hopes and dreams and get married and pregnant. Let them know your priorities.

Oh, and Congratualtions!! I am very happy for you both.

indigochild111

I can empathize with your situation. Although I am not engaged, I already know that if I was my mother would be very upset. She got married when she was 19, and 8 years later she got divorced. She thinks that I am way too young to think about marriage (which in a sense I agree with). I wouldn't plan on marriage until after college anyways, but that all depends on the other person. Good luck, and my advice is that it's your life, but just remember they are probably only *trying* to think of your best interests

la petite moi

Mal, I will be taking pre-calc and calc when I get to SJSU (the CSU); however, if I wanted to go to the UC, I would have to do those classes my first two years at a community college in order to transfer. I would rather transfer to SJSU, take those classes for my BS, and then after some experience maybe get an MBA at a UC.

la petite moi

PS: I told my parents everyone! They were completely fine with it- they had pretty much been expecting it.

amonkie

Glad it went well ! Congratulations again

__________________
Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

Brooke

Lucky you! sometimes it doesnt go all that well
<---speaking from expirence.
congradulations

__________________
And so its over
Your fantasy life is finally at an end
And the world above is still a brutal place
And the story will start again

Averett

Sometimes our parents can shock us

Congrats

__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

Livia Regina

Congratulations
I wish you many fat children.

__________________
Rule 37: There is no 'overkill.' There is only 'open fire' and 'I need to reload.'

la petite moi

Haha, no kids for me. And fat?

Nancy

Umm I think she means fat as in healthy..

__________________
I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

Lucky Girl

Congrats! My mother was married young so I too understand that reason for waiting until after college. They are still happily married after 32 years! I was engaged once but it didn't make it to marriage. But my parents are happy for me and my decision.

I agree with Nikki, talk to your parents and make sure that they understand that you are waiting a couple of years and do need their support. Good Luck!

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Lucky Girl

Janey

I was in the first term of my fourth year, when we drove to Toronto, and announced our engagement to my parents. It was not a great experience. Basically my mom looked at my dad, and said, 'Now what are we going to do?'.

We got married the following August, and now 3 yrs later, they love him dearly, and we all get along.

BTW, I agree with your folks wrt the wedding. We spent 4K on an open bar, and a reception at the Holiday Inn. thats all we needed. I did not want anything more expensive, as I could not have lived with myself , seeing all that dough going out on one party. Our Honey moon was a long weekend in Quebec City, then it was back to work/school for us.

Don't get worked up about making the right appearance. nobody will remember your reception 10 yrs from now, but that money will make a good nest egg.

Livia Regina

Yeah I did. I always thought the fatter the baby, the healthier it was.

__________________
Rule 37: There is no 'overkill.' There is only 'open fire' and 'I need to reload.'

Brooke

well - to fat of a baby and you either die trying to push it out or need a C section.

I would rather have a regular sized wrinkly little monkey thing.....that is what my brothers looked like when they came out.

__________________
And so its over
Your fantasy life is finally at an end
And the world above is still a brutal place
And the story will start again

Redgirl

Congratulations you two! I suggest Vegas for a fun filled, stress free wedding. And I'm glad your parents didn't freak on you. My parents didn't like how serious I was about Primal when we were just 16 y/o kids. Now 12 years later, they're bugging me to have kids! So they do change their minds!

__________________
Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Sweetpea

[QUOTE=la petite moi]
Now, the hard part: Telling my parents. No, nwlinkvxd didn't ask for my father's permission, even though I still live with my parents and I'm 18 and all. This is because my parents are...a little...strange about marriage. My parents were in their early thirties when they got married, they had no ceremony (only signing of papers), and went to Barstow ( practically a ghost town in California) for dinner- they had no honeymoon. They always grumble when we go to elaborate beautiful weddings, pointing out how expensive and stupid weddings are. My parents are already upset that I'm not going to a University of California and I'm going to a California State University instead, in order to go to school with nwlinkvxd. My parents think doing things young is stupid and they dont really like my seriousness with nwlinkvxd already.

First of all, congratulations girl!!!!

Okay, i had this almost exact situation . . . and i am 23 and have been married for 3 years, very happily, getting married young does turn out really well sometimes, although SOOOOO many people, my family included thought we were crazy to get married at age 20, but now all those people have each told me how happy they are for us, that we listened to our hearts and didn't let others decide what was best for OUR lives . . . i got engaged when i was 18 too. My parents were not thrilled at all . . . they thought we were just too young . . . but the thing is . . . when you know you've found that special person . . . you've got to hold on and just go with it . . . sometimes, it's not about age. You could wait 10 years and he would still be the one. As for your parents . . . you need to tell them gently that you're the one making choices for your life, that you appreciate their advice and support, but you are going to make the decisions about what is best for yourself. There comes a point in each person's life, where they need to start taking responsibility and making their own choices. Although, just make sure you get an education, both my hubby and i stuck to college and got our degrees and now own our first home and have stable jobs . . . just cause you're getting married, don't loose sight of growing as an individual too. Being married is really great, being a wife is lovely . . . but you are also an individual, so don't forget that you may be part of a "we", but that you are also an "I" with your own growing and exploring to do as a person. Your marriage will be alot stronger if you remember to keep your own indentity

congrats again!
harmony,
sweetpea