why do I get mad? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

sara2104 · 10-08-2004, 12:44 AM

ok heres the thing, my and my b/f have been together a little bit more then four months, we both usto live in the same town then he moved about 3 hours away for school. Before he left we NEVER got in one argument or fight. Now it seems like everyother day we do. He says that i get mad over "little stuff" and i thought about it and i realized that i do. i just dont know how to make the little things not bug me. i know that this is something that will eventually pull us apart if i keep doing, so does anyone have any ideas that i can do so that i dont get mad about the little things? or things i can do when i do get mad? Also, if you are the kind of person that does get mad about the "little stuff", what do you do to try to make it not bug you?
Thanks!

maleficent · 10-08-2004, 03:53 AM

Four months is barely a relationship... you're still in the "honeymoon" stage, or maybe just coming out of the honeymoon stage where the rose-colored glasses come off and you start seeing people as they really are.

A few different scenarios
1. He does annoy you. Why try to make something out of nothing, it just makes it worse in the long run.
2. You are trying to push him away. Distance can be a relationship killer, unless you can appreciate the time you have together (and not spend part of that time bitching about something) then it won't work -- and you probably realize that -- so you are trying to push him away/
3. You are testing him, to see if he really cares about you. That if he comes back after your outbursts that he really must care.

Only you can answer that question, really, why do you get mad. The little things about a person will always bug you, if you let them, you can accept them as part of his person and like them because you like him. Remember his good points and if his good points outweigh the bad points...

Do you find yourself getting mad at other little things, or is it all directed at him?

la petite moi · 10-08-2004, 06:09 AM

Well, I gave you my two cents. It's okay to fight, but make sure you apologise very soon afterwards. If you get mad at the little stuff, you're like practically every person out there. There is always a little pet peeve that can get to you, and really, you'll just have to smile and shrug it off, or tell him "Hey knock that off!"

StickODynomite · 10-08-2004, 07:56 PM

Are you a high stress person, or are you under a lot of stress recently?

I know that when I'm under a lot of stress (and I'm a high stress person) I start getting ticked off about all the little things. Sometimes they're directed at my SO, sometimes not. But if its always directed at him, you may want to step back and ask yourself if you're testing him or pushing him away (like maleficent said).

KinkyKiwi · 10-20-2004, 03:11 PM

i havent been in many relationships longer then 3 weeks and the 2 longer ones -one guy died teh other i'm still with..but when i would break up with my boyfriends and realized it was over it would start with like i just didnt feel like spending as much time talking to them..little things like the sound of their voice and like them eating or drinking while talking to me would just annoy me...is it like that kind of getting mad or like when me and my current fight..like he really does something annoying...because theres normal getting ticked off and like not wanting to admit its over...

Kyp's Girl · 10-20-2004, 04:34 PM

I know exactly how you feel. In fact I came to this sight today because I have the exact same problem and I want it to stop. Me and my husband have been together a little over a year and we fight a lot. I had a very bad past growing up being abused by my mother and I know that I have some of her traits, which I hate. I see myself doing and saying things to my husband that my mother did and said to me. I have tried many different things to try and stop getting mad over the little things but I failed so much that if I make one more mistake my husband will leave me. I have tried everything but I do not want to lose him over this. I love him so much and I hate hurting him but some things I just can't control.

whats worse is now he hurts me back. He has threatend me, hit me, done a lot of yelling, and walk out the front door. Its become a big mess but he still believes in me by saying that if I really care about him and really want to stop acting like I do I will just stop and never do it again. But now its to the point where he has one foot out the door and I just don't want to lose him.

This is what I am going to do. I will keep telling him how much I love him. I will keep telling myself to stop getting mad about the little things. I have to make myself believe that I am strong and can control myself. I never wanted to be like my mother but it happend anyways. I have to keep telling myself that I want to be better than her and be a better person. If I can make a believer out of myself and get more control things will go back to how they should be.

KinkyKiwi · 10-20-2004, 04:44 PM

OMG kyps! sounds like you need to get serious help not come to a forum! no man has the right to hit a woman..EVER..its soo not the same problem..you need to realize whats going on isnt right and isnt your fault...

Kyp's Girl · 10-20-2004, 04:49 PM

He says everything is my fault and I have to stop.

maleficent · 10-20-2004, 04:51 PM

What Kinky said...

There is nothing at all you could say, that would deserve getting hit by him. NOTHING. That's abuse, and that's wrong. You are not to blame, so don't blame yourself.

KinkyKiwi · 10-21-2004, 10:33 AM

try these sites
http://www.rensco.com/social_dviolence.asp
http://www.ndvh.org/index.html

get help for this kyps..seriously..theres nothing that you could be doing to deserve getting hit. thats not love thats abuse and control. if your intent on staying with him at least get free counseling for the 2 of you in your area...theres anger and domestic abuse lectures for men and couples in almost every state. this isnt something to over look or blame yourself. seek help.

10-08-2004, 12:44 AM	#1 (permalink)
sara2104 Upright	why do I get mad? ok heres the thing, my and my b/f have been together a little bit more then four months, we both usto live in the same town then he moved about 3 hours away for school. Before he left we NEVER got in one argument or fight. Now it seems like everyother day we do. He says that i get mad over "little stuff" and i thought about it and i realized that i do. i just dont know how to make the little things not bug me. i know that this is something that will eventually pull us apart if i keep doing, so does anyone have any ideas that i can do so that i dont get mad about the little things? or things i can do when i do get mad? Also, if you are the kind of person that does get mad about the "little stuff", what do you do to try to make it not bug you? Thanks!

10-08-2004, 03:53 AM	#2 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Four months is barely a relationship... you're still in the "honeymoon" stage, or maybe just coming out of the honeymoon stage where the rose-colored glasses come off and you start seeing people as they really are. A few different scenarios 1. He does annoy you. Why try to make something out of nothing, it just makes it worse in the long run. 2. You are trying to push him away. Distance can be a relationship killer, unless you can appreciate the time you have together (and not spend part of that time bitching about something) then it won't work -- and you probably realize that -- so you are trying to push him away/ 3. You are testing him, to see if he really cares about you. That if he comes back after your outbursts that he really must care. Only you can answer that question, really, why do you get mad. The little things about a person will always bug you, if you let them, you can accept them as part of his person and like them because you like him. Remember his good points and if his good points outweigh the bad points... Do you find yourself getting mad at other little things, or is it all directed at him? __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

10-08-2004, 07:56 PM	#4 (permalink)
StickODynomite Insane Location: Arizona :\|	Are you a high stress person, or are you under a lot of stress recently? I know that when I'm under a lot of stress (and I'm a high stress person) I start getting ticked off about all the little things. Sometimes they're directed at my SO, sometimes not. But if its always directed at him, you may want to step back and ask yourself if you're testing him or pushing him away (like maleficent said). __________________ "The human mind is like a parachute, it works best when open."

10-20-2004, 03:11 PM	#5 (permalink)
KinkyKiwi "Without the fuzz" Location: ..too close for comfort..	i havent been in many relationships longer then 3 weeks and the 2 longer ones -one guy died teh other i'm still with..but when i would break up with my boyfriends and realized it was over it would start with like i just didnt feel like spending as much time talking to them..little things like the sound of their voice and like them eating or drinking while talking to me would just annoy me...is it like that kind of getting mad or like when me and my current fight..like he really does something annoying...because theres normal getting ticked off and like not wanting to admit its over... __________________ Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite.

10-20-2004, 04:34 PM	#6 (permalink)
Kyp's Girl Upright Location: Oregon	I know exactly how you feel. In fact I came to this sight today because I have the exact same problem and I want it to stop. Me and my husband have been together a little over a year and we fight a lot. I had a very bad past growing up being abused by my mother and I know that I have some of her traits, which I hate. I see myself doing and saying things to my husband that my mother did and said to me. I have tried many different things to try and stop getting mad over the little things but I failed so much that if I make one more mistake my husband will leave me. I have tried everything but I do not want to lose him over this. I love him so much and I hate hurting him but some things I just can't control. whats worse is now he hurts me back. He has threatend me, hit me, done a lot of yelling, and walk out the front door. Its become a big mess but he still believes in me by saying that if I really care about him and really want to stop acting like I do I will just stop and never do it again. But now its to the point where he has one foot out the door and I just don't want to lose him. This is what I am going to do. I will keep telling him how much I love him. I will keep telling myself to stop getting mad about the little things. I have to make myself believe that I am strong and can control myself. I never wanted to be like my mother but it happend anyways. I have to keep telling myself that I want to be better than her and be a better person. If I can make a believer out of myself and get more control things will go back to how they should be. Last edited by Kyp's Girl; 10-20-2004 at 04:36 PM..

10-08-2004, 06:09 AM	#3 (permalink)
la petite moi Filling the Void. Location: California	Well, I gave you my two cents. It's okay to fight, but make sure you apologise very soon afterwards. If you get mad at the little stuff, you're like practically every person out there. There is always a little pet peeve that can get to you, and really, you'll just have to smile and shrug it off, or tell him "Hey knock that off!"

10-20-2004, 04:44 PM	#7 (permalink)
KinkyKiwi "Without the fuzz" Location: ..too close for comfort..	OMG kyps! sounds like you need to get serious help not come to a forum! no man has the right to hit a woman..EVER..its soo not the same problem..you need to realize whats going on isnt right and isnt your fault... __________________ Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite.

10-20-2004, 04:49 PM	#8 (permalink)
Kyp's Girl Upright Location: Oregon	He says everything is my fault and I have to stop.

10-20-2004, 04:51 PM	#9 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	What Kinky said... There is nothing at all you could say, that would deserve getting hit by him. NOTHING. That's abuse, and that's wrong. You are not to blame, so don't blame yourself. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

10-21-2004, 10:33 AM	#10 (permalink)
KinkyKiwi "Without the fuzz" Location: ..too close for comfort..	try these sites http://www.rensco.com/social_dviolence.asp http://www.ndvh.org/index.html get help for this kyps..seriously..theres nothing that you could be doing to deserve getting hit. thats not love thats abuse and control. if your intent on staying with him at least get free counseling for the 2 of you in your area...theres anger and domestic abuse lectures for men and couples in almost every state. this isnt something to over look or blame yourself. seek help. __________________ Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite.