amonkie

It's amazing how a person's feeling on this subject can change as soon as the possiblity may have been taken away.

Some background: I had spinal meningitis when I was a year old, and was in the hospital for six months. Immediately noticeable effects of the disease was a 75% hearing loss (which also brought along balance issues), dizziness, numb fingers/toes, and stiff neck, as well as relearning how to walk/talk, and all the essential functions.

Now, almost 21 years later, I'm doing research on the disease for my class and finding out that quite a few ladies who had the disease at such a young age are finding themselves infertile, with causes being pointed at the meningitis.

At the moment, I'm not married or in a position to have kids, so running to the doctor and doing fertility tests is not exactly something I can afford as a nearly broke college student. However, I know this is going to bug me, since one of my big goals in life is to be able to experience pregnancy and having a family. On the side, having to put up with the monthly period seems pointless if there won't ever actually be a possible point of conception.

Thanks for reading this long post, I was just a little upset to find out that after all I've already dealt with in aftereffects, this could also be an issue.

Are there any others of you who feel that being able to have a baby is just as important to you? I know there's adoption if it really comes to that, but it just won't be the same.

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Untitled

I'm right with you: being able to have a baby is very important to me. I'm also not in a position to do this right now, but it is in my plans for the future. And I am selfish enough to want a biological child, even with adoption available.

Luki

I'm not truely sure if I want children, but I thought about it and had the choice been taken away from me due to illness or just being infertile I would probably have a breakdown. Because at this point I feel I am too young to truely consider having a child, but I want to leave my options open in case one day my spouse(whom I haven't met yet) and I feel that we want children.

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annie1

hmmm, I have never heard this... I should follow up on it. I am 23 years old, in your position, poor college student and not in any situation at the moment to have children... I had meningitis when i was 7 days old... I'd love to see where your information is coming from... I want to have kids someday!

diddagirl

I agree with you- to me being able to have a baby is an important thing. But when I think of would would happen should I not be able to concieve... I begin to look at the big picture. Raising a child is what it is truly about. Loving them and taking care of them is whats important- not just the fact of giving birth to them. I am sorry to hear what you had to go through as a kid. Good luck and i hope this works out the way you want it to.

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lurkette

Even if you can't afford fertility tests at this point, it might be worth talking to your gynecologist. S/he might be able to help you find some resources that will give you more information. I also wouldn't panic too much - it's likely that there's a pretty complex correlation between meningitis and infertility. It could depend on when you had it, how severe it was, what kind of meningitis you had, whether you have certain genetic factors that might make you susceptible to infertility caused by meningitis, etc. It's certainly something to think about for the long term, but until you know there's a problem, there's probably not much point in getting tested or seeking treatment.

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fallenangel

Children are such a huge part of my life as is family, i don't know what i'd do if i wasn't able to have children of my own. It's at the point now where i don't do a lot of things (drugs blah blah) because it risks soooo much with ovaries and infertility problems. It's not worth it to me, especially with so many other things that could go wrong beyond my control.

However, i do know some women who just don't want children at all,... or would just rather adopt, want to avoid the whole process. I guess it depends on the person, however options are ALWAYS nice... i'm sorry if things turn out badly for you hun! *hugs*

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maleficent

for my college graduation present, as a result of being hit by a drunk driver, I ended up having a hysterectomy - -seemed better than the alternative.

Can I have children? Nope. Can I adopt? Absolutely. Do I want to? I'm not sure I am responsible enough to be a parent.

You do not need to give birth to a child, or to carry a child in your womb to be a parent to that child, foster parenting, adoptive parenting are still parenting. You don't love that child any less, that child becomes part of you.

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kittenpie

although i have been blessed with three children, i hope to remain childless in my next life. they're all teenagers, you see...and they wear my ass out.

good luck to all of you hoping to experience motherhood...it's an amazing experience!

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ngdawg

I went through 10 years of fertility treatments and 3 surgeries
before my twins finally came to be. During that time, we applied for adoption at 2 different agencies. It took science those 10 years to figure out a way for some of us to have our children-now mine are 12. While it's daunting to find out this may be an issue for you down the line, remember that science is ever changing and when the time comes, it may not be a big deal. I agree, talk to your doctor and do some research, but don't sweat it til then.
You dont know what you may feel years from now, let alone what may be offered.

StickODynomite

Im pregnant now and its amazing to know there's a life inside of you <3

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Frenchie

Someday in the future I want to be pregant.. but not right now. I have too many friends who are pregnant (I'm a senior in HS)
I was toiling with the fact if I was unable to have kids because I had had so many blatter infections. But everytime I go to the doctors (for 4 years now) she tells me that I am fine.. but I don't think she is checking that deep... But if I weren't able to carry a child I don't know what I would do... I would adopt... but I don't think my life would ever be the same. There would be something missing... something very big.

Crusader

Reproduction is a basic necessity for the survival of any species. I don't want kids, but only because I don't want to suffer the pain of childbirth. I wouldn't want to adopt though, because they don't contain my genetic material. If I were a man, I would want lots of kids.

Hurry up and develop an artificial womb! Surrogates are dicey, you don't know what they are putting (or have put) in their bodies!

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ally

If I were you I would ask the doc, find the info you can, and then not sweat it until you see where science is in a few years.
I understand wanting to have your own child. A child who will be a part of you.
Good luck; I hope with all my heart that you find out that there are no problems!

infodesign

I had meningitis when I was 1-1/2 years old in 1964. I had to re-learn how to do all the things previously known to me.

My entire adult married life from age 23 to 39 I have mentioned the illness to at least 10 doctors. Always questioning if this were why I couldn't get pregnant. All said NO! They also told me nothing was wrong and I should be able to get pregnant. Well, I didn't and 2 years ago I ended up at a fertility doctor for invitro, but instead I developed 5 fibroid tumors weighing about 7lbs and a wonderful hysterectomy was performed.

Now I'm left with no children, (I don't want to adopt) I wanted to whole pregnancy experience with my own children. But I have always felt the my infertility must have stemmed from the meningitis.

You are the first person in my 41 years, who has ever in the least way confirmed this. Do you have any info I can look further into? I need to have closure to my disappointment and heartbreak. I have wanted to have a child since I was around twelve. And this has left me devastated in ways that most people don't understand.

Thanks,
Christina

Sweetpea

I am sorry for what you are going through Amonkie, that is tough!

I would like to point out that if you do turn out to have fertility problems, you are not alone . . . 1 in 3 women have problems getting pregnant or cannot concieve at all . .

My hubby and i cannot have kids together and we knew that before we got married . . . we don't know if we want kids yet, we are only 23 . . . but we know of several couples who have adopted and loved the child even though it was not "their own flesh and blood" Once that adopted child is in your arms . . . all that stuff about DNA and having a carbon copy of yourselves fades away and that child is yours . . . I just wanted to point out that even though you might not be able to have your "own" children . . . it would not keep you from being a wonderful and fullfilled and happy mother . . .
I understand wanting to have a child of your own that is a reflection of yourself and your family . . . that makes sense to me totally . . . But if you cannot . . . it's equally as beautiful to be a mother if you do choose to adopt one day!

hang in there . . .

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Sweetpea

If you don't think your GYNO or doc is checking deep enough . . . find one that will address your concerns . . . My sister in law had the same issue you desribed . . . Not that you have what she has . . . but Turns out she has PCOS . . . something that affected her fertility and that she takes hormones for to help calm her system down and alleviate her symptoms . . . have it checked out Frenchie if you feel that may be a deeper issue . . . it's your body!

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nickynicole

Since I was 16 or so, I have hoped that I was infertile. Ethically, there are enough kids out there that need parents that I certaintly don't NEED to make my own.

There's a difference between having a baby and being a parent.

minyn

the feeling of being fertile and being able to reproduce can be traced back to our primal need to continue the species and losing that capability often leads women to think they are useless. is that what your feeling? your purpose is compormised? its often what happens to women with breast cancer when they lose a breast, they feel that they lost part of the womanhood and their identity in a sense.

i fear i'd feel the same despite the fact i dont want children. i just like knowing everything still works and im here for a purpose... not to sound chauvenistic or anything.

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la petite moi

Being unable to have a child is like having a choice involuntarily taken away from you. You have reason to be upset, but unless your doctor has told you you are infertile, don't get too upset yet.

I'll tell you a little story. nwlinkvxd's (my fiance if you didn't know) mother was expected to be infertile due to endometriosis (sic). It didn't help that nwlinkvxd's dad has a low sperm count as well. The doctors were 99.9% sure she could never have children. She and nwlinkvxd's father tried and tried and tried to get pregnant for several years (they married at age 16 and 18 respectively). Then, finally, his mother was starting to feel ill (as I remember the story) so she got tested for pregnancy...and sure enough! Despite all the odds, she was able to have a girl. And then four years later, she had nwlinkvxd!!! Thank god, because I get to spend the rest of my life with him!

So don't give up hope. And you know, like nickynicole says, you can always adopt (even if it's not the same to you) because you are helping one child understand what the meaning of love and true parents are.