Double days - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

SparklingDot · 12-15-2003, 11:40 PM

This is a rant in general, but if you know of anything that would help, post or PM me... I swear, my family could make some shrink rich.

I learned about the societal expectation of women to have what is called a double day from a sociology class last spring. Simply put, women are supposed to put in a full day at work, and run the house, cook, clean, deal with kids / family etc when they get home. OK, I'm a 19 year old college student, working two jobs, living with my parents, so I know that I've got it easier than some.

But the fact is, both my mother and I are expected to put in a double day and I am sick of it. The men in my family don't do jack, and I can't speak my mind without my father informing me that I am disrespectful and insulent or "mouthy" and then dismissing me anyways. How I came to be an independent minded modern young woman baffles me. But I do not think that I am being unreasonable here.

I'm tired all the time because I'm working and trying to make everyone happy here and I'm frustrated because my father doesn't have a clue. (He throws the biggest hissy fits that you have ever seen, then sulks. In short, he makes everyone more miserable than we normally are and it is just easier to appease him.) I hate myself for appeasing him, but its just easier.

I am in a financial stranglehold because I cannot afford to move out, but I am afraid that I am going to suffer a mental breakdown if I don't do something to make things better.

Can anyone help me? Or at least let me know how you deal? Words of encouragement would be nice... I'd really appreciate it because I'm afraid that I'll explode, or melt or something.

cheerios · 12-16-2003, 12:37 AM

Dot:
... sweety, stay tough. I hear ya. don't have anything to make it better other than to say that you should choose your battles. Give in on the small stuff, stand tall on the issues that matter. that way you'll be less obnoxious and win more of the battles you DO fight. Other than that, good luck.

raeanna74 · 12-16-2003, 12:10 PM

It sounds much like my parents home and I could not WAIT to move out. Cheerios gave good advice. In everything I've learned you have to choose your battles. You do things that you don't think are fair or right or your job daily because it's small stuff and needs to be done. The big stuff you make your voice heard. Then because you aren't making a fuss over everything you are heard better. There is an end in sight even though it seems a long ways away. I understand the financial problems as well. Don't give up. Talk to your creditors and see if they are willing to work with you. You might be surprised what some of them will be willing to do.

txlovely · 12-16-2003, 12:23 PM

From my perspective, you are on track. You recognize, from example, what you definitely don't want in life. This is good for a young lady of your age! Hang in there and as usual, raeanna and cheerios gave good advice. Mine is to try to find someone you're compatible with to have as a roommate. Move into a dorm and concentrate on your studies - if you're worried about dorm life, don't because working two jobs, you'll never be around! You'll get better grades, be less stressed and more focused on your future. Many schools are interested in encouraging students to live on campus by providing some types of financial incentives. Look into that and also into any grant possibilities. There are many out there and a school counselor might be able to help you explore some options.
Good luck! Hang on by your fingernails because once you finish college, your degree will help open some doors for you and you can live your life the way you want to. I'm rooting for you!

SparklingDot · 12-16-2003, 11:50 PM

Thanks ladies... it is good to have reassurance that I'm right to want the things I want and think the way I think. I've been telling myself "Just a little while longer" for four years. At least it is true now.

Averett · 12-17-2003, 06:44 AM

You're not the only one who's got those issues, we're right there with you.

I'm 25 and still at home (if I knew how to save rather than rack up credit card debt things may be different) and it is hard at times.

It seems like I'm the only who does laundry, I'm the only one who cares that the refridgerator is disgusting, my little sister can't seem to pick up after her and her child.

I mostly just retreat to my room. Sigh.

Things will get better, don't worry

12-15-2003, 11:40 PM	#1 (permalink)
SparklingDot Insane	Double days This is a rant in general, but if you know of anything that would help, post or PM me... I swear, my family could make some shrink rich. I learned about the societal expectation of women to have what is called a double day from a sociology class last spring. Simply put, women are supposed to put in a full day at work, and run the house, cook, clean, deal with kids / family etc when they get home. OK, I'm a 19 year old college student, working two jobs, living with my parents, so I know that I've got it easier than some. But the fact is, both my mother and I are expected to put in a double day and I am sick of it. The men in my family don't do jack, and I can't speak my mind without my father informing me that I am disrespectful and insulent or "mouthy" and then dismissing me anyways. How I came to be an independent minded modern young woman baffles me. But I do not think that I am being unreasonable here. I'm tired all the time because I'm working and trying to make everyone happy here and I'm frustrated because my father doesn't have a clue. (He throws the biggest hissy fits that you have ever seen, then sulks. In short, he makes everyone more miserable than we normally are and it is just easier to appease him.) I hate myself for appeasing him, but its just easier. I am in a financial stranglehold because I cannot afford to move out, but I am afraid that I am going to suffer a mental breakdown if I don't do something to make things better. Can anyone help me? Or at least let me know how you deal? Words of encouragement would be nice... I'd really appreciate it because I'm afraid that I'll explode, or melt or something. __________________ 17 seconds is all you really need - Smashing Pumpkins

12-16-2003, 12:10 PM	#3 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	It sounds much like my parents home and I could not WAIT to move out. Cheerios gave good advice. In everything I've learned you have to choose your battles. You do things that you don't think are fair or right or your job daily because it's small stuff and needs to be done. The big stuff you make your voice heard. Then because you aren't making a fuss over everything you are heard better. There is an end in sight even though it seems a long ways away. I understand the financial problems as well. Don't give up. Talk to your creditors and see if they are willing to work with you. You might be surprised what some of them will be willing to do. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

12-16-2003, 12:23 PM	#4 (permalink)
txlovely Insane Location: ...We have a problem.	From my perspective, you are on track. You recognize, from example, what you definitely don't want in life. This is good for a young lady of your age! Hang in there and as usual, raeanna and cheerios gave good advice. Mine is to try to find someone you're compatible with to have as a roommate. Move into a dorm and concentrate on your studies - if you're worried about dorm life, don't because working two jobs, you'll never be around! You'll get better grades, be less stressed and more focused on your future. Many schools are interested in encouraging students to live on campus by providing some types of financial incentives. Look into that and also into any grant possibilities. There are many out there and a school counselor might be able to help you explore some options. Good luck! Hang on by your fingernails because once you finish college, your degree will help open some doors for you and you can live your life the way you want to. I'm rooting for you! __________________ Cruel words erode self-esteem like the ocean eats away the shore.

12-16-2003, 11:50 PM	#5 (permalink)
SparklingDot Insane	Thanks ladies... it is good to have reassurance that I'm right to want the things I want and think the way I think. I've been telling myself "Just a little while longer" for four years. At least it is true now. __________________ 17 seconds is all you really need - Smashing Pumpkins

12-17-2003, 06:44 AM	#6 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	You're not the only one who's got those issues, we're right there with you. I'm 25 and still at home (if I knew how to save rather than rack up credit card debt things may be different) and it is hard at times. It seems like I'm the only who does laundry, I'm the only one who cares that the refridgerator is disgusting, my little sister can't seem to pick up after her and her child. I mostly just retreat to my room. Sigh. Things will get better, don't worry __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

12-16-2003, 12:37 AM	#2 (permalink)
cheerios Banned Location: 'bout 2 feet from my iMac	Dot: ... sweety, stay tough. I hear ya. don't have anything to make it better other than to say that you should choose your battles. Give in on the small stuff, stand tall on the issues that matter. that way you'll be less obnoxious and win more of the battles you DO fight. Other than that, good luck.