need female encouragement! - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

annie1 · 07-21-2003, 02:33 PM

alright girls... i posted a thread a little while back about him lying. I thought things had worked out since then but it turns out that he is actually starting to date someone again (which this person was the same reason that we had previously broke up)... Not sure if that made sense but basically the point is that i told him that i couldnt be with him anymore and that i couldnt even have any contact with him anymore, that it was too hard. Its just unfair for me to even be friends if i have to wonder what hes doing when he doesnt answer the phone and such. So i ended the whole relationship with him. It was really all of a sudden, happened pretty fast, but i had to do it, as much as i hated to let it go.
Its SO hard though! I loved him very much, we were together for about 2 years. I know i did the right thing for me and my heart in the long run, but i think i just need some words of encouragement from the ladies! help me out with getting through this. please help me stay strong! thanks in advance!
oh and are there any guys out there that can be happy with just one person??? where do you find them?

yoshi · 07-21-2003, 03:42 PM

You're right Annie1, you did the right thing. If you couldn't trust him while dating, there's no need to go any further. I'm sorry you have to go through this, but the hurt and pain will make you stronger in the long run. Try to do some things for just you--take care of you--then worry about being happy with someone else. And when you least expect it, the right one will come along--mine did!

annie1 · 07-22-2003, 03:16 AM

thanks yoshi. thats a great idea to do stuff for me! every day is getting easier but its so hard not to think about him all the time! i think its gonna take a while. please keep the kind words coming!

cheerios · 07-22-2003, 03:37 AM

w00t!! go annie! way to be strong! remember that you don't DESERVE shit like that. no one deserves that much disrespect. have faith, not all men are scum

Minx · 07-22-2003, 07:08 AM

Even though it hurts like hell right now, you did the right thing. He only would have hurt you even more in the long run if you had stayed. I am sorry for your hurt but it will pass. It will take time though so be patient. You can't just turn your feelings for someone you have loved for that long off overnight.
Hang in there and remember, if you need support...you can always come here!

SiN · 07-22-2003, 07:19 AM

you totally did the right thing, w00tw00t for you

i'm proud of you, it takes some good strength and self-respect to walk away from such a situation.

my best advise for now, is just totally throw yourself into yourself...do some digging, exploring, growing, learning. that's what i've done when times were rough, and it helps, it really does.

good luck, and remember, we're here for you

lurkette · 07-22-2003, 08:20 AM

You absolutely did the right thing, and good for you for doing it!

Remember he's just one man, who displayed remarkably bad behavior. Don't let this sour you on all men.

Go out and do something to celebrate your new found freedom from this lout - buy yourself some sexy boots, take a nice little road trip solo, go have your favorite dessert. Something that says "I am free and I am fabulous!"

annie1 · 07-22-2003, 11:03 AM

yay, thanks yall! this is helping me so much, really! im so thankful for all the support, i really need it! its getting easier and easier day by day, but its really hard not calling him at night when it gets a little lonlier. i havent given in and i hope i dont. just keep the good thoughts commin!

Minx · 07-22-2003, 11:54 AM

Don't give in!

Don't call!
Girl.....you are so strong for doing what you are doing. Take the advice given to you - go treat yourself, have fun and be happy. Don't give in to the "night demons" when you are lonely. When that happens just come to TFP and pm one of us....we'll talk you out of your doldrums in no time!

annie1 · 07-22-2003, 04:19 PM

thanks minx, i appreciate it!

yoshi · 07-25-2003, 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Minx
Don't give in! Don't call!
Girl.....you are so strong for doing what you are doing. Take the advice given to you - go treat yourself, have fun and be happy. Don't give in to the "night demons" when you are lonely. When that happens just come to TFP and pm one of us....we'll talk you out of your doldrums in no time!

definitely don't give in-----I have before and it gets you no where--trust me. Stay strong and please yourself

annie1 · 07-28-2003, 08:08 PM

ok an update of sorts... I havent given in, im still standing my ground, largly b/c ive been keeping super busy. Its still really hard though. the days are getting a little easier, but the nights are still pretty lonely, its been over a week already. I have to admit though that i have briefly spoken to him (online for like 2 minutes) which is exactly what i didnt want to do but it kinda did make me feel a little better that i know hes ok and that i know hes still thinking about me. Is it bad that i even chatted with him like that? should i COMPLETELY be "separated" from him? Ive never been in a situation like this and could use a little advice. Oh and btw, i could still use any encouragement our female population has to offer!

cheerios · 07-28-2003, 10:43 PM

Annie: you know he's no good for you, but that doesn't mean you have to hate him, if you don't want to. friendship is not out of the question. If, however, you feel you'll go back to him, maybe some complete seperation for awhile would be good. only you could really say, but... as everyones said before, stay strong, remember this is for YOUR happiness.

sexymama · 07-29-2003, 10:47 AM

Annie, you are a hero! Good for you for doing what is right for you. It isn't always easy and can be downright painful, but we need more woman in the world like you willing to stick up for their rights!

I was married for 11 years to a lier. The lies started fairly small then got bigger and bigger. Believe me, there is no changing a person. It is painful for you now, but much better in the long run.

With time, and self care and love, you will be ready for a better, stronger, healthier relationship. You know what you want and are willing to give. That is such a great piece of knowledge. Don't ever settle -- you are worth more than that!

Keep hanging in there -- time does heal. You go girl!!!!!!

HaloLauren · 07-29-2003, 10:50 AM

I've never actually been cheated on or had to go through it, but i know that if a guy cheated on me, it would have to be over. The old proverb "once a cheater, always a cheater" is absolutely true in most cases. Just know that as a guy, he's not cheating on you because the other girl is better or because he is upset with you, and move on to a guy who treats you like he should.

(to clarify, when women cheat, it is almost always because the man has done something wrong, or she thinks he has, and she's pissed. she may also come back and never cheat again. Men can never be trusted once they've cheated.)

annie1 · 07-29-2003, 05:46 PM

thanks gals, thanks so much! this is so helpful! all this stuff i already know in my heart but just hearing it from other people makes it mean more to me!

iona · 08-03-2003, 02:17 PM

Yes there are men who are happy with just one woman,I have been with my partner for 8 years and I have never been happier.

I met Mike when I was still married to my ex-husband,he is a serving police officer and my neighbours were drunks and every time I phoned the local police station it was always Mike that came out,by this time my marriage was on the rocks and Mike just happened to be there.Anyway I left my ex-husband,got together with Mike and 8 years down the line we are still together,so the moral of the story is there is someone out there for you,so stick in there girl and Mr Right will turn up.

07-21-2003, 02:33 PM	#1 (permalink)
annie1 Insane	need female encouragement! alright girls... i posted a thread a little while back about him lying. I thought things had worked out since then but it turns out that he is actually starting to date someone again (which this person was the same reason that we had previously broke up)... Not sure if that made sense but basically the point is that i told him that i couldnt be with him anymore and that i couldnt even have any contact with him anymore, that it was too hard. Its just unfair for me to even be friends if i have to wonder what hes doing when he doesnt answer the phone and such. So i ended the whole relationship with him. It was really all of a sudden, happened pretty fast, but i had to do it, as much as i hated to let it go. Its SO hard though! I loved him very much, we were together for about 2 years. I know i did the right thing for me and my heart in the long run, but i think i just need some words of encouragement from the ladies! help me out with getting through this. please help me stay strong! thanks in advance! oh and are there any guys out there that can be happy with just one person??? where do you find them?

07-22-2003, 07:08 AM	#5 (permalink)
Minx Junkie Location: Up yonder	Even though it hurts like hell right now, you did the right thing. He only would have hurt you even more in the long run if you had stayed. I am sorry for your hurt but it will pass. It will take time though so be patient. You can't just turn your feelings for someone you have loved for that long off overnight. Hang in there and remember, if you need support...you can always come here! __________________ You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

07-22-2003, 07:19 AM	#6 (permalink)
SiN strangelove Location: ...more here than there...	you totally did the right thing, w00tw00t for you i'm proud of you, it takes some good strength and self-respect to walk away from such a situation. my best advise for now, is just totally throw yourself into yourself...do some digging, exploring, growing, learning. that's what i've done when times were rough, and it helps, it really does. good luck, and remember, we're here for you __________________ - + - ° GiRLie GeeK ° - + - ° 01110010011011110110111101110100001000000110110101100101 Therell be days/When Ill stray/I may appear to be/Constantly out of reach/I give in to sin/Because I like to practise what I preach

07-22-2003, 08:20 AM	#7 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	You absolutely did the right thing, and good for you for doing it! Remember he's just one man, who displayed remarkably bad behavior. Don't let this sour you on all men. Go out and do something to celebrate your new found freedom from this lout - buy yourself some sexy boots, take a nice little road trip solo, go have your favorite dessert. Something that says "I am free and I am fabulous!" __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

07-22-2003, 11:54 AM	#9 (permalink)
Minx Junkie Location: Up yonder	Don't give in! Don't call! Girl.....you are so strong for doing what you are doing. Take the advice given to you - go treat yourself, have fun and be happy. Don't give in to the "night demons" when you are lonely. When that happens just come to TFP and pm one of us....we'll talk you out of your doldrums in no time! __________________ You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

07-21-2003, 03:42 PM	#2 (permalink)
yoshi Crazy Location: Jersey	You're right Annie1, you did the right thing. If you couldn't trust him while dating, there's no need to go any further. I'm sorry you have to go through this, but the hurt and pain will make you stronger in the long run. Try to do some things for just you--take care of you--then worry about being happy with someone else. And when you least expect it, the right one will come along--mine did!

07-22-2003, 03:16 AM	#3 (permalink)
annie1 Insane	thanks yoshi. thats a great idea to do stuff for me! every day is getting easier but its so hard not to think about him all the time! i think its gonna take a while. please keep the kind words coming!

07-22-2003, 03:37 AM	#4 (permalink)
cheerios Banned Location: 'bout 2 feet from my iMac	w00t!! go annie! way to be strong! remember that you don't DESERVE shit like that. no one deserves that much disrespect. have faith, not all men are scum

07-22-2003, 11:03 AM	#8 (permalink)
annie1 Insane	yay, thanks yall! this is helping me so much, really! im so thankful for all the support, i really need it! its getting easier and easier day by day, but its really hard not calling him at night when it gets a little lonlier. i havent given in and i hope i dont. just keep the good thoughts commin!

07-22-2003, 04:19 PM	#10 (permalink)
annie1 Insane	thanks minx, i appreciate it!

07-28-2003, 08:08 PM	#12 (permalink)
annie1 Insane	ok an update of sorts... I havent given in, im still standing my ground, largly b/c ive been keeping super busy. Its still really hard though. the days are getting a little easier, but the nights are still pretty lonely, its been over a week already. I have to admit though that i have briefly spoken to him (online for like 2 minutes) which is exactly what i didnt want to do but it kinda did make me feel a little better that i know hes ok and that i know hes still thinking about me. Is it bad that i even chatted with him like that? should i COMPLETELY be "separated" from him? Ive never been in a situation like this and could use a little advice. Oh and btw, i could still use any encouragement our female population has to offer!

07-28-2003, 10:43 PM	#13 (permalink)
cheerios Banned Location: 'bout 2 feet from my iMac	Annie: you know he's no good for you, but that doesn't mean you have to hate him, if you don't want to. friendship is not out of the question. If, however, you feel you'll go back to him, maybe some complete seperation for awhile would be good. only you could really say, but... as everyones said before, stay strong, remember this is for YOUR happiness.

07-29-2003, 10:47 AM	#14 (permalink)
sexymama My own person -- his by choice Location: Lebell's arms	Annie, you are a hero! Good for you for doing what is right for you. It isn't always easy and can be downright painful, but we need more woman in the world like you willing to stick up for their rights! I was married for 11 years to a lier. The lies started fairly small then got bigger and bigger. Believe me, there is no changing a person. It is painful for you now, but much better in the long run. With time, and self care and love, you will be ready for a better, stronger, healthier relationship. You know what you want and are willing to give. That is such a great piece of knowledge. Don't ever settle -- you are worth more than that! Keep hanging in there -- time does heal. You go girl!!!!!! __________________ If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

07-29-2003, 10:50 AM	#15 (permalink)
HaloLauren Banned	I've never actually been cheated on or had to go through it, but i know that if a guy cheated on me, it would have to be over. The old proverb "once a cheater, always a cheater" is absolutely true in most cases. Just know that as a guy, he's not cheating on you because the other girl is better or because he is upset with you, and move on to a guy who treats you like he should. (to clarify, when women cheat, it is almost always because the man has done something wrong, or she thinks he has, and she's pissed. she may also come back and never cheat again. Men can never be trusted once they've cheated.)

07-29-2003, 05:46 PM	#16 (permalink)
annie1 Insane	thanks gals, thanks so much! this is so helpful! all this stuff i already know in my heart but just hearing it from other people makes it mean more to me!

08-03-2003, 02:17 PM	#17 (permalink)
iona Upright Location: Scotland	Yes there are men who are happy with just one woman,I have been with my partner for 8 years and I have never been happier. I met Mike when I was still married to my ex-husband,he is a serving police officer and my neighbours were drunks and every time I phoned the local police station it was always Mike that came out,by this time my marriage was on the rocks and Mike just happened to be there.Anyway I left my ex-husband,got together with Mike and 8 years down the line we are still together,so the moral of the story is there is someone out there for you,so stick in there girl and Mr Right will turn up. __________________ For sale, 9" Demi-Baguettes... Satisfaction guarenteed!!!