girldetective

So lately Ive been wanting to mother again, sort of. But not really. I dont really want to take on more children do I? I mean if I became a foster mom wouldnt I need to quit my job and take them as my full-time wards? Ensure they got to school, MD appts, parental visitations? Would I end up in the midst of bad family feelings because I was the middle man? Would I need to attend school meetings for my ward and would their birth parents and case workers be there? Do you think there could be anything familial about foster parenting?

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As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata

inBOIL

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And you believe Bush and the liberals and divorced parents and gays and blacks and the Christian right and fossil fuels and Xbox are all to blame, meanwhile you yourselves create an ad where your kid hits you in the head with a baseball and you don't understand the message that the problem is you.

jewels

I think I know what you mean. Mine will be gone in less than four years and I often think about possibly adopting some kids later on.

I don't know the answer, but I know I still have lots of thinking to do. As inBoil said, you have to figure out what you're looking for. Is it mentoring, loving, or just having something to occupy time? How much time and effort are you willing to give? Will you be willing to give them up, if and when that might be required?

It ain't easy. That's the only thing I know for sure.

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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

snowy

It depends on the age of the children. Foster kids end up in alternative care situations just like ordinary children do, such as daycare and after-school care. I speak from experience of having been a care provider for foster children; it's actually how I got started in nannying. I was a nanny for two foster children, and have babysat many more.

As for parental visitations, usually the caseworker arranges transportation for the child for those. The child is picked up at your home and returned to your home by the caseworker. As for school meetings--you would most likely be responsible for meeting with your child's teacher at conferences, but you're no more or less obligated to join the PTA and volunteer than a regular parent is (and many pass on these). Depending on the relationship with the child's parent, and the situation, they may or may not take an interest in their child's education, but it's unlikely that they would be involved.

And yes, there is something familial about foster parenting, especially if they're young and it's a long-term situation. The foster parents I worked for ended up adopting one of their foster children. A foster family is what the parents make of it, for the children follow what is modeled for them by their foster parents. Obviously, it's harder to model good family dynamics and behavior to an older child, and these things take time.

I still think fondly of a particular toddler I cared for. I gave her my childhood bedroom set when I moved out of my parents' house. She was lucky in that she had a mother who was willing to do anything to correct the mistakes she had made and get her daughter back. Other children are not so fortunate; the child adopted by his foster family was adopted because his mother had had her parental rights terminated by the state.

But it would be impossible for you to quit your job and be a foster parent full-time, as the State of Oregon will not pay you enough to do so. They provide enough money for the material needs of the child to be met, but not much more.

Personally, I look forward to the possibility of being a foster parent after I have my own family. The foster system needs more good parents.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

savmesom11

I agree with onesnowyowl: As a social worker I believe there is no greater gift you can give a child than to accept the responsibility as their primary care giver. But it isn't something you want to go into lightly. Think of a foster parenting as a PARENT, do everything for that child you would have done for your own. Teacher conferences, after school sports, bake sales....if you did those things with your own, do them for a foster child. There are soooooo many children in need of good homes, and many have been shuffled from foster home to foster home. Giving them a home with a promise that this is long-term allows them the ability to break down barriers and work on long term goals that promote positive life styles and you can be part of that!! It won't be easy, foster kids come with baggage, trust issues, abusive pasts, they will question your authenticity but in the end I think you will find it worth it. Just be sure your ready.

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* I do not believe that struggles are a sign of life falling apart, but rather a step of life falling into place. *