Kaliena

How many women find themselves as sexually active in a longterm relationship as they were in the beginning of it?

I'm just curious because I've noticed a decline but it doesn't seem to have anything to do with him, it just happened.

How do you avoid it?

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CaliLivChick

Don' t know how to avoid it, but our decline started with him pondering a relationship with a woman other than myself. But have been trying to keep things spicy for awhile... we try new positions, toys, people. Have you tried talking to him, to see what he thinks is the reason, and what he might like to try?

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Sage

My husband and I used to get it on three and four times a DAY when we started dating. Now, we've been married almost two years, and it's down to three or four times a week. I think that it's attribuited to getting to know each other better... finding intamacy in all sorts of activities other than having sex. Also, just settling into a relationship does that. It's by no means an indicator of a good or bad relationship if it just slows down a bit.

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snowy

The thing that slows us down is always timing...one of us is exhausted when the other is the mood, or one's just not in the mood, or one is busy doing something else, or I'm too anxious to do it. When I can't focus on my partner I'm not overly interested in it.

Life happens, and it often interferes with your sex drive.

But you can easily be intimate without sex, and as long as you feel you still have that, then everything is a-okay.

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JustJess

3 or 4 times a week is ... bad??
/goes off to shoot herself

Yeah, there's a decline. But I attribute that to the hormones I was on, and to life interference as Snowy said. We are spicy and enthusiastic when we do, we just don't as much as we want. Stupid classes.

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pornclerk

My boyfriend and I have been dating for seven years. When we first started having sex it was all the time and now it is much less frequent. I personally am not unhappy with the change, but I don't know about my boyfriend. I think when you date someone for a long time you share itimacy in other ways.
You have to realize too that women often have different sex drives than men. I'm sure if I were to say I wanted it three times a day, my boyfriend would be all for it, but I don't and that's fine with me.
If you are concerned with the decline in your sex life, try making it more of a priority. Don't think of it as "Oh, great. I'll just do him and get it over with." Try and use it as an opportunity to be intimate with the person and satisfy their needs. Sex isn't always about climaxing to an orgasm, it's very much about love too.

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randygurl

In my last relationship, I was the one with the much higher sex drive so more often than not I was feeling dissatisfied with our sex life (even though I'm sure he felt it was quite frequent in his opinion). Now that I'm in a different relationship, I'm feeling much more satisfied which oddly enough results in me not wanting it 'as much' as before. Its still really frequent (granted, we're still in the early stages of the relationship) so I'm sure we're both happy and satisfied. Once it starts to decline (which I know it will - its only normal) I can only hope that we'll be at the stage where our love is expressed through so many other avenues that we don't feel a loss of 'twice daily sex' but rather feel a much stronger commitment to one another and a greater closeness when we 'are' having sex.

raeanna74

Our relationship has been a rollercoaster ride as far as sex drive goes. Work, sexual frustration, being bored, stress, illness, fatigue, health, family, a new baby, so MANY things can slow things down.

Have you had any recent changes in your life?? Or has it been dull and boring? Have you been stressed out or crazy at work? Or has he?

In our marriage there was sexual frustration, stress, fatigue, poor health, relationship problems, injury, and hormonal fluctuations that have caused one or both of our sex drives to drop off.

The most recent for us was when I went off the birth control pills. I went through about a month of being completely uninterested in sex. That has begun to spike again and I think I'm peaking - considering I'm 32 it's about a woman's sexual prime as far as I've heard.

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*Nikki*

When my husband and I were first dating we could go several times a day or many times each session. I think a lot of that has to do with the newness of the person and "feeling them out" so to speak. Everything about a new relationship is like that. Now that we have three plus years behind us sex is no where near as frequent, and even less so now that I am six months pregnant. A lot of that has to do with me. I can't say I have felt extreamly sexy with this huge belly, not to mention how awkward pregnant sex is. I am sure though that sometime after the baby is born we will be back to our old selves

Gilda

Our frequency has stayed fairly consistent, three to four times a week, for the last few years. When we were dating it was every time we got together, and when we first moved in together probably five to six times a week. It slowed down to the current pace after about six to eight months and it's been very steady since.

I hate to sound the cliche, but I'm almost as satisfied with cuddling most nights as with actually making love, especially if one of us lacks the energy.

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Kaliena

I think the things I'm running into have been high stress levels for awhile now (due to joblessness and finishing college) and just a generally not hyper drive. I was just curious what the opinion was out there.

I don't entirely know what's defined as a healthy sex drive, especially if it's affected by the way you're raised, etc.

Does that effect it?

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Gilda

Stress can have a big effect. Your body produces stress hormones when you're stressed, which can have an effect, and the emotional energy used to deal with it can also lower things.

There is not one set level at which sex drive is "healthy". It's a relative term. If you need it so much more than you can get it that it intereferes with how you function, that's a problem. If it's very low and this interferes with being able to find emotional intimacy, that's a problem. If stress or physical problems are interfering, that's unhealthy.

There isn't, however, any set level or range that is healthy. If you're getting less than you want, or feeling pressured to do more than you're comfortable with, it's the discrepancy that's unhealthy, not the absolute amount.

Have you talked with your boyfriend about this? If you're not happy with your sex life, it's something that affects you both and it's a problem that you need to deal with together.

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abaya

Yes, well-said! Life happens. But intimacy does not have to go by the wayside just because of life. In fact, I think having a low sex drive increases the potential for developing non-sexual intimacy... which makes me very happy, too.

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*Nikki*

I agree 100% on this!!

Lady Sage

What they said!!!

Not only that but life happens man and sex takes a back seat to sleep some nights.

Sweetpea

Stress does have a huge affect on sex drive, so that's very understandable.

How one is raised in regaurds to sex can often affect one's sex drive.

Do you feel how you were raised is affecting your sex drive now and that is part of it?

In every new relationship, things are fresh and the sex is exciting and different as you explore this new person you're with.

My husband and I have actually increased our sex frequency over the past 7 years of being together. When we first got married, we only had sex about 2-3 times a week.Things are much hotter and the sex is more frequent now, mostly because I'm a lot more comfortable with myself sexually, I believe in keeping the spice in your sex life. We also watch porn together and I've gotten a couple sex toys, there is something to be said for being comfortable enough with each other to be able to explore new sexual positions and sex toys together. On a good week, we have sex 6, sometimes 7 times a week, on a really busy week or a week with work stress, it's about 4-5 times.

There is an ebb and flow to relationships and to one's sex life that's pretty normal, if there is a strong attraction towards each other, for every lull in your sex life there will be a surge of great sex.

As a side note, I'm sure your guy has noticed a change, have you talked with him about how you're feeling? Always a good thing to communicate, especially about sex.



sweetpea

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Oh, that's too cute!

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