Brewmaniac

Calif. couple leaves kids home alone


After reading about the couple that left their kids home alone while they went to Vegas, I wanted to get your thoughts. I was outraged! I think they need to receive the maximum penalty for being so wreckless! A national example needs to be made, this isn't the first time this shit has been in the news, it's got to stop! When I read they took the puppies somewhere to be cared for I went nuts! Castorate the bastard!

How young is a kid to be left home alone. 5-10-12-15-18?

I kniow MSNBC is doing a poll but I wondered what you thought?

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maleficent

for the clicking challenged
In NJ, it's against the law to leave a child under the age of 18 home alone overnight... (i think it's x number of hours, but it's interpreted to be overnight)

I think my parents left me home alone -- overnights - at about age 16 on.. (younger with neighbor supervision - but 16 I could drive so it seemed Ok to them) I was a fairly responsible teenager and never caused trouble...

9 is too young --especially leaving him to care for a younger sibling who needs extra care...

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Bill O'Rights

Somebody needs a little time to get his priorities straight.

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maleficent

The statement of the kid in charge though is disturbing... At age 9, a child that age should know if there's an emergency call 911... Unless darling daddy said don't call the cops.

I would hope that every kid would know who to call in the event of an emergency...

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Brewmaniac

What do you think?

5-ok to run next door to borrow something?

10-ok to go to the store 15-20 minutes?

12- a few hours 1-3? No friends, calling to check up.

15- several hours? No friends, falling to check up, having neignbor's surprise?

18- There old enough to trust their judgment? Just not in my bed!

I have a 16 year old daughter and I'm scared shitless! Trying to trust her a litte more but she still does really stupid immature things.

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Rodney

I'm local to this story, and the local stories quote the older child, through a cop, as saying that he and has brother had been left alone for long periods numerous times before. The neighbors head the autistic kid screaming at one point and came over to help -- but didn't call the cops.

The adults in question did call the grandmother and ask her to sit for the kids, but she said she was busy. So they took off without arranging child care.

A weird situation all around.

maleficent

I think it completely depends on the kid... I know some 18 year olds that I wouldn't trust alone for a few hours, and I have a colleauges 7 year old who's an incredibly responsible and intelligent little girl - her i would trust to leave alone for a bit.

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highthief

I think that is generally correct, based on the average kid.

Sterilize the partying parents.

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Eweser

I too think it depends on the kids. My parents didn't let me stay alone, and look after my brother, until I was like 12, I think. And then for only a few hours. At 15, I was staying home all day in the summer while my parents worked, but not until I was 17 did I stay home alone all night, again with my brother who is 5 years younger. It might have all been done sooner had it been needed, as we were both pretty responsible at an early age. With all this said though, my parents were old fashioned. My sister is 9, and very smart and responsible, and she's only stayed by herself for an hour at the longest. I guess my mom is still old fashioned.

But in this case, a nine year old caring for a younger child with special needs is just wrong. And not answering the cell phone when called (I'm assuming the cops called from the house, but even if it was the police department, wouldn't that say to you that there was something wrong?) is just scary. I definitely don't think these parents, as Bill O'Rights said, have their priorities straight.

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Brewmaniac

Mal, I agree with you, a sneaky little boy, I don't know? I just remember what I did as a teen and it scares me!

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maleficent

While the older i get, I swear the less responsible I get... Late Onset Teenage Rebellion? Who knows...

In order to get a teenager to be responsible, I think they have to be given some responsiblity... starting at a young age... I don't agree with leaving a 9 year old alone and trotting off for a long weekend... but I'm also not sure that you can give a kid absolutely no freedom and then expect them at age 18 - to be ready to be left alone...

I know it's a different timed -- crap it's been 30 years - but at age 11 - I babysat - in the evenings for other people's kids and did this for several years til I could get a job that actually paid more than one dollar an hour. Both my parents worked when I was a kid -- so from 1st grade on-- we'd let ourselves into the house (my sister was a year older) and watch tv - make a snack - do homework until mom came home from work - Never burned down the house...

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JustJess

Yeah, I was a latchkey kid from an early age - Mom worked all day and took classes at night (needed the Master's degree for her teaching job), and my older siblings watched me until they went to college - which was when I was 9. So I spent LOTS of time by myself - visiting neighboring friends' houses, watching TV, whatever. But I never was alone overnight until I was 16, and my mom had to be out of town with my sick grandfather regularly. I took care of myself - but at 9, that would have been too young. Could I have managed? Yeah, I was making myself lunch and all at that point. But not with an autistic younger sibling to deal with too. It's just too young.

What fucktards his parents are.

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Poppinjay

I would bet there's some priors there somewhere.

I hope they rot in a supervised setting and child care classes.

I was left to my own overnight supervision as a 17 year old. I was fine. I liked the couple of days of quiet.

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BadNick

It seems to me that this kind of parental irresponsibility is a troubling development, maybe due to many homes with both parents working, in school, etc. and no extended family in the same home or nearby. I can sympathize with the problems, but I can't accept how some parents handle it. In the moderately to well-off affluent suburb where I live, I know of several parents who leave their children alone at home for many hours, where the kids are all under 12 or even much younger. If not outrightly illegal, it sure is irresponsible and dangerous. In my home we've had to deal with the child care issues since we both work full time but we had to choose another more costly way to solve our problem and deal with it.

Meditrina

I cannot even imagine leaving those 2 kids alone for a weekend. Without a doubt, these parents have the wrong priorities. Regarding the question about what age is appropriate to do so, I believe it depends on the child. I have a 9 year old daughter who does not like to be left alone. We just recently started letting her walk home from the bus stop (3 houses, over a small hill) when my son is napping. We look for her out the window, but we are always home for her. I would never leave her alone with my 3 year old son, not yet. They are not ready for that yet.

I hate reading about these kinds of things. When you become a parent, whether by choice or not, you are given the responsibility to take care of the children. That poor boy who now thinks the parents care more for the dogs than for him and his brother. and shame on the parents for making them feel that way.

I am going to go home and hug my children, and my mother in law for being there for my kids when I cannot.

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Rodney

Of course it's all going to depend on the kid; some are more mature, or less, for their ages. But as a general rule, I disagree with a few of these.

5 - don't leave the house for even five minutes, unless they're napping. I've worked with kinders. Five minutes is an eternity. If there's a responsible seven or eight-year-old around, okay.

7 - okay to duck next door for a few minutes.

10 - Okay to leave them at home alone for 15-20 minutes? Iffy. I'd park them with a neighbor. 11, maybe. There can be a huge difference between 10 and 11 mentally, and I'm not just talking puberty. There's a point in there where the brain just goes "ding" and starts operating on a higher level.

11-12 - latchkey safe; okay to stay home alone after school, to stay home alone from church, etc. Not okay for longer periods than 1-2 hours, and definitely not in the evening. You can say, "no friends," but the only thing you can do to really stop it is to limit their home-alone times to times where friends aren't likely to want to/be free to come over.

15 - Leave them alone for the afternoon and evening. I'd still call at least once, though. And maybe a time or two plan to come home earlier than you told them. It's always good to reassess their responsibility from time to time. Of course, if you think they're doping, or have been, they don't get this freedom.

18 -- Old enough to have opinions, responsibility, and personal freedom. But not old enough to challenge house rules. This is where they have to realize that if they want things different that the way you allow them, they have to go out and make their own way instead of living rent-free and having meals cooked for them. Amazing how some of them calm down when they make the connection. I knew a guy who helped his rebellious 19-year-old "make the connection" by throwing all his possessions out onto the front lawn. Of course he was welcome to come back -- and did -- if he kept the rules (which amounted to keeping his room clean and picking up his clothes).

xepherys

I was left home alone for the evening starting around 11 or so, and usually was allowed to have a friend over. I walked home from school (about 8 blocks) from around 7, but it was with friends of the same age, and we lived within a few houses of each other. We also had "safety guards" at each corner on the way home, so even though they were kids too (5th grade minimum), there was never a child-snatching issue in my neighborhood.

I agree that 5 is a bit young for even a few minutes unless they are VERY well grounded (down to Earth, no in trouble), and then maybe for 5 minutes.

I think if the kid is okay at 7 for you to go next door, they should be fine at 10 for you to go to the store.

I think Rodney's assessment of 11-12 is perfect. AS well as 15.

Here's what I don't get about the 18 category. I agree about not challenging house rules and the such, but at this point, if they don't have their shit together anyhow, college is going to be a rude awakening for you as a parent.

And this comes full circle back to 5 and 7 and 10 year olds. It's only a little bit "dependant on the kid". It's WAY more dependant on how good of a parent you are. I think I'm a good father. My 10-year-old is generally well-behaved, does his schoolwork very well and is fairly responsible. From this and other forums on the TFP, it would seem the same can be said about the parenting abilities of most fellow TFPers. But with the grotesque number of idiots kids (of all ages) running around in America today, I'd have to say that statistically, some of you have to be shitty parents, even if you don't know it. Not trying to be a dick. Maybe it's me that's the shitty parent, and I just won't know until my kids are 16 and useless or 18 and in jail. Kids are roughly 50% a product of their environment. I used to think that was bullshit. My parents smoked and drank, my dad was a serious alcoholic, in-and-out of jail. Both are under-educated machine shop worker types. I grew up to be a non-smoker (with the exception of my hookah after this last Christmas). I drink now and then but am by no means an alcoholic. I'm a white collar professional with some college (still have to nail down my degree). In essence I am the opposite of my parents in many ways. But I've recently realized that that is DUE ot my environment as a kid. Instead of falling into that pattern, I purposefully and venehemntly bucked it.

So that's my rant. Chalk this up to stupid/bad parents that have no business having children. Ever! Period!

Cynthetiq

nothing new here... people all will chime in on how to raise other people's kids (and to quote Yul Brenner's character in the King and I...) et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

I was left alone like JustJess as a latchkey kid at age 9. My sister however was not ever allowed to stay home alone.

I don't recall any particular overnights but I do recall times when we'd drive up to San Francisco and we'd meet up with other cousins and stay with them, oldest 12 IIRC. Parents then drove to Reno for about 12 hours.

Never saw anything wrong with it, and ALL the kids were very responsible in knowing what to do for emergencies because we were all taught at a young age how to deal with them and what to do during them.

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Strange Famous

hopefully a long prison sentence will remedy this situation.

As for ages you can leave kids alone, I guess it depends on the kid - but I'd say no one should be left alone until their like 10, and most people at 16 are old enough to be alone at home any amount of time.

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Lead543

In Alberta a child can't be left alone at all before age 12. When I was 9 I stayed home sick alone, but my mom's place of work is literally a one minute walk from my house and she came home to check on me every 2 hours. I don't think I'd ever leave my teenager alone overnight, simply because whenever that happened while I was in high school word would get out and people would show up expecting a party. Maybe have an older friend stay with them or have the neighbours checking in every so often.

It's really sad that they got care for their dogs but not their children, I hope they get some help for that.

rhaevyn

Damn, now that I think about it, I'll be 20 next month and I've never been left home alone overnight. But that's just because my parents never go anywhere overnight unless we're going on family vacations.

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rlynnm

That's just upsetting...

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