Elphaba

A long time customer that we last served a little over a year ago send us a handmade card. A photograph of a thistle is on the front, followed by a poem she wrote for her husband. She then quotes Isaiah 55:12 and writes this personal message to us:

Her poem to her husband and her scripture reference pretty much blew me away in how she chooses to accept her loss. I need to call her to offer my support, but I feel overwhelmed by the same possibility of loss in my life.

The advice I am giving myself is to suck it up, put aside my personal fears, and just call her with whatever support I have to offer. I have talked to her many times on the phone over the last several years but we have never met. How do "rug-suckers" come to get a card such as this?

Does someone have additional advice here in tfp land?

alpha phi

Wow that is pretty heavy.(and kinda cool)
I've never been great at talking on the phone,
when it comes to personal things.
I would much rather meet someone in person
maybe take her out lunch.
When you can see someones face
it is easer to read their emotions,
to know what to say,
to know when to pull back.
at least that's what I would do
you must have had a strong impact on her.

maybe call her first when your in a hurry and can't talk

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Martian

I'm not sure I would call her.

Unless I'm misunderstanding, she's a client of yours, no? That makes it a business relationship. She really appreciated your service and probably Amy's company in a time when she really needed someone around. That's all there is to it.

Send her a nice thank you note. Let her know how much the card meant to you, show it to Amy if it's feasible and leave it at that.

It's generally a bad idea to mix business and personal life.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

SaltPork

Martian, I think Elphaba might actually be Amy. In any case, that's freaky. I agree with Martian, send a note.

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It was like that when I got here....I swear.

maleficent

From all you've said about Amy - she's a neat lady and must have made a heck of an impression on this woman... While this isn't really a friendship, but a business relationship, amy may have touched this woman's life in a way she wanted her acknowledged.

she's asked you to call her, so call her... you really don't need to say anything more than i'm sorry for your loss...

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PastorTim

Elphaba,

Thanks for sharing something so personal. I hope you'll give this some thought so that you'll be able to act with wisdom.

I will say that I appreciate this principle. I have found that if I have gone through an experience, I can better relate / empathize with others who have. And I can offer some comfort from understanding and experience. When I can only sympathize, I'm not as effective in trying to help the other person.

So responding "from a distance" through a note might be appropriate. However, a listening ear is often appreciated greatly by someone in grief, and maybe Marie could just use another heart and soul to listen and care.

It's great when we can help another by letting them "vent" even if all we can say after is, "I'm really sorry for your loss."

When my mom died, I received the greatest comfort from a deaf friend. Though we could communicate with sign language, he communicated in the universal language of love. He had tears in his eyes, and a long, loving hug for me.

That spoke more to me than anything else anyone else said or tried to say.

Of course, you might not feel you can be that "open" with Marie, and as others have pointed out, perhaps it's not even appropriate. But I have often found when I try to bless and comfort someone else, I end up being blessed in the process.

__________________
And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up: That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. ~ Jesus Christ, Son of God, Saviour

Elphaba

Thank you for your suggestions.

I talked to Amy (no, Saltpork, I wasn't talking to myself ), and she told me that they were an elderly couple on a fixed income. He was quite ill and ultimately needed to go into a nursing home. Amy chose to provide services well over what would be covered by our minimum charge (our techs are authorized to use their own judgement). which might partially explain Marie's special feelings for her. And, Mal, you are correct that Amy is indeed a very neat lady.

Following Mal's advice, I just picked up the phone and called Marie. We had a very heartfelt exchange and it is my impression that she was sharing her loss with all those who had meant something special to her and her husband.

A Christmas card...the best gift I could have received.