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Elphaba,
Thanks for sharing something so personal. I hope you'll give this some thought so that you'll be able to act with wisdom.
I will say that I appreciate this principle. I have found that if I have gone through an experience, I can better relate / empathize with others who have. And I can offer some comfort from understanding and experience. When I can only sympathize, I'm not as effective in trying to help the other person.
So responding "from a distance" through a note might be appropriate. However, a listening ear is often appreciated greatly by someone in grief, and maybe Marie could just use another heart and soul to listen and care.
It's great when we can help another by letting them "vent" even if all we can say after is, "I'm really sorry for your loss."
When my mom died, I received the greatest comfort from a deaf friend. Though we could communicate with sign language, he communicated in the universal language of love. He had tears in his eyes, and a long, loving hug for me.
That spoke more to me than anything else anyone else said or tried to say.
Of course, you might not feel you can be that "open" with Marie, and as others have pointed out, perhaps it's not even appropriate. But I have often found when I try to bless and comfort someone else, I end up being blessed in the process.
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And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up: That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. ~ Jesus Christ, Son of God, Saviour
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