Minx

Like many others I refrained from posting here as I felt any words I wrote would just seem so empty. My heart aches for you right now and I am amazed at how well you are dealing with it all. I think I would just be a puddle of mush by this time. You are a very strong person, as your Mother was. I hope she finds the peace she is seeking.

__________________
You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

quadro2000

JustJess and I had a long drive last night, and we talked about you, and james t kirk's post, and why things happen the way they do. We didn't come up with any good answers, just theories, but your posts have made both of us think a lot. I'm glad it's been cathartic for you. You're an excellent writer, by the way. And your hiccup comment gave me quite the chuckle. I am also someone who uses humor to lighten up very difficult situations. (Probably a bit too much at times.) It's good to be able to laugh in the face of the grief that you're experiencing.

Thank you for sharing this with the TFP. It's one of those threads I will always remember.

__________________
You have to laugh at yourself...because you'd cry your eyes out if you didn't. - Emily Saliers

maleficent

Damn is that why my people have wakes... All these years I thought it was just a good excuse for people to get rip-roarin' drunk

/me has been to entirely too many wakes and funerals...

I really do hope that the memorial service is one of laughter rather than sadness... When the memorial service was held for my best friend, his parents asked a few of his closest friends to speak...

The question was how do you sum up 30 + years of friendship in 10 minutes... I am not good at public speaking, I had some notes prepared the day of the service... Had never consulted wiht any of the other guys speaking... and just kinda ad-libbed the whole thing.. and started telling stories... Some of which his family never knew (ooops - umm -- sorry dad, he's dead you can't ground him now)... Then I finished with the Little Prince quotes...the other speakers did the same thing...

What started as a day that I know I was dreading because I didn't want to deal with having to cry, was a day that ended up full of laughter and really good memories.. His father said that the laughter helped the family immensely... and brought them some joy...

__________________

pocon1

My stepfather is gong to adlib it, but I will prepare some notes to speak from. And yes, I will be crying up there, but that is ok.
BTW, mal, I am Irish, but I don't drink. But the sentiments are there.
And Tecoyah, your words at the beginning of the thread were very nice. Thank you for the pm as well.

Lucky Girl

Cherish the memories that you have. My thoughts and prayers are out to you and your family.

__________________
Lucky Girl

raeanna74

My grandmother went while at home in a hospital bed. I am picturing her as you describe things. My heart goes out to you and your family.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

cyrnel

Sorry pocon. It's been hard reading your thoughts. Takes me back a few weeks. Thought I'd share something we used for my Mother's service:

<i>God saw you getting tired,
When a cure was not to be,
So He closed His arms around you,
And He whispered "Come to Me".
You do not deserve what you went through,
And so He gave you rest,
God's garden must be beautiful,
For He only takes from the best.
In time we saw you sinking,
We watched you fade away,
Our hearts were almost broken,
You fought so hard to stay.
But when we saw you sleeping,
So peacefully from pain,
We could not wish you back,
To suffer that again.
You had spoken before you died,
These are the words you had replied,
"Weep not for me, but courage take,
And love one another for my sake.</i>

We couldn't find the author.

Crap, here I go again.

Stay together. Stay strong.

__________________
There are a vast number of people who are uninformed and heavily propagandized, but fundamentally decent. The propaganda that inundates them is effective when unchallenged, but much of it goes only skin deep. If they can be brought to raise questions and apply their decent instincts and basic intelligence, many people quickly escape the confines of the doctrinal system and are willing to do something to help others who are really suffering and oppressed." -Manufacturing Consent: Noam Chomsky and the Media, p. 195

Sweetpea

I'm very sorry to hear that!

My heart goes out to you. (( BIG HUG ))

sweetpea

__________________
Having a Pet Will Change Your Life!
Looking for a great pet?! Click Here!
"I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself"

diddagirl

Popcon- I cannot even begin to tell you how much your words have moved me throughout this entire thread. I began crying with your first post.
First of all, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I choke up at the mere thought of losing my mom.....I cannot believe how brave and strong you are.
And thank you for sharing your memories of her, it is a nice thing for us to hear and I am sure good for you to talk about.
I wish you and your family peace, and I wish for you mother to me home, in gods arms soon.

__________________
"Is it so small a thing to have enjoyed the sun, to have lived long in the spring, to have loved, to have thought, to have done."
-Matthew Arnold

fulltiltgonzo

Pocon1, my heart goes out to you and your family. My 82-year old mother had a severe stroke on May 27, 2005 and it has changed her life and my family's life to a point I never could have imagined.

She lies in a nursing home being tube-fed, incontinent, and without the use of her entire right side. She is unable to speak and appears to be for the most part unable to think rationaly. The only joy she seems to get is from a teddy bear that she cuddles and coos over. She is virtually an infant.

I had seen her two weeks before and she was alert, cheerful, and loving. In a flash she was gone and my family and I are left with this shell of a very strong, independent, woman. Her heart and lungs are strong and she may very well live like this for a number of years, according to her physician.

One of the sayings I've used throughout my adult life has always been "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." Seeing someone you love suffer a stroke certainly takes any validity out of that saying...

Pocon1, my prayers and thoughts are with you, your mother, and your family.

__________________
I venture to suggest that patriotism is not a short and frenzied outburst of emotion but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime.
- Adlai Stevenson

440sixpack

What an awful thing to go through. I shudder to think of the day I'll have to watch one of my parents go.

__________________
Be a victor, or be a victim - David Vincent

My Toys:
1970 Dodge Challenger R/T 440SIXPACK
2003 Dodge Ram 1500 SLT QuadCab 4x4 5.7L Hemi Magnum

MSD

It's close to three years since my father died (like you, I was 18.) Your description of your mother lying in the hospital bed at home with no hope left is bringing back some painful memories, and I know that nothing I can say will make this any easier for you. All I can do is to keep your family in my thoughts (since I'm not the type for praying,) and tell you that it will be easier to accept and cope with as time passes. If you believe in an afterlife, just think that as soon as it's over she'll be able to be back to the way she was before she was sick and her suffering will be over.

punx1325

Terribly sorry man, My grandmother died the same way. Losing someone very close to you will change your life forever. But things will get better. Good luck to you and your family. I hope everything works out.

__________________
If something seems too good to be true, then it probably is....

Elphaba

The last time Pocon wrote is 7/08, and I'm concerned about him. Has anyone had personal contact with him?

james t kirk

No, I have been checking the thread for updates from him, but nothing.

bobophil

pocon1,i dont think i can say anything other than: you have deeply moved me.
Although I cannot say i know how you feel, because i dont, I cant.

But my grandfather just recently died about a month ago. He was diagnosed with prostate cancer. He was given 3 months. Tops. That was June 2001. He almost lived 4 years longer than expected. He looked perfectly normal. Then, all of a sudden, he started to deteriorate. That is the only word i can think of. A week before, he was functioning like any person would. He suddenly was so weak, he couldn't even get up by himself. I then found out that the cancer had spread to his lungs. Noone told me this... We had to switch off monitoring and helping him go to the bathroom, etc..maybe 4 days later, he was in a hospital bed, death date determined several days from then. I only saw him once, b/c i had to babysit my two sisters while my parents went. The one time i saw him, I didn't recognise him. He had gone through such muscle atrophy he was literally skin and bone. Not to mention the more than 4 liters of fluid in his mid-section. His death was predicted to the hour. It was wednsday of my final exams. 9:00 AM.

So i cant say i know how you feel, but i sure got a taste of it.

__________________
Check and mate, now king me.
-Homer

pocon1

Well I am gratified to see that some of you are following this thread. I hope it has been some help to you all as well as to me. The last time I posted was Saturday night. My mom passed away on Sunday morning at 10:30. she was surrounded by me, my sister, my wife and my stepfather. I was in the other room reading when my wife came in to tell me that mom was dying. I came into the room and we held hands and watched her go. Her breathing was very fast but shallow. She was not getting much air. Then she stopped breathing, took one more breath after 30 seconds, and then she died. After that, we started calling people and the funeral home. We had a couple people over when the funeral home arrived, so Gail the nurse stayed with them while we went into the backyard. Some things just don't need to be seen. After that, friends of the family stopped by and offered their condolences. When I would go in to just sit alone with my mom's body, I would kiss her on the forehead and tell her goodbye. Her body just got colder, and was very pale. That image will always be with me, but also the other images of my mom at the beach, or canoeing, or in her karate uniform. My wife and I went home in the afternoon. I took Monday and Tuesday off from work. Monday was a me day. I rode my mountain bike in the early afternoon, then later washed, polished, and waxed one of my cars. Tuesday we went to King's Dominion which is a big amusement park that is only a couple of hours away. It was hot as hell, with temps in the 90's and oppressive humidity, but the park was empty and there were some kickass new rides. I went with my stepmother, stepsister, sister, brother-in-law, nephew, and my stepbrother's daughter. We had a good time, and my nephew had a real breakthrough in his fear of roller coasters. At the end of the night he tore up the park with the biggest rides they had. The coolest new one is the hypersonic xlc. It launches you from 0-80 mph in 1.8 seconds, and then hurls you straight up and over a hump with vertical track on each side. You have never accelerated this fast unless you have driven a top fuel dragster or been launched off a Navy carrier. My mom's death has not hit me very hard. It has mostly made me sad. I think it is because I have known she was going to die, so I had already spent some emotion before she died. I have mostly been sad and quiet the past week, but not overly so. I went to the company picnic on wednesday. I have been with the company for 3 months, and they seem to be a good group of people. Today, Friday, it did hit me a little. My family was over to celebrate my birthday which is Sunday, the day after my mom's memorial service. I am going to be 32 years old. It was a good get together, but everything was tinged by a mild grief. Afterwards, I talked with my sister about what she wanted my to talk about mom during the memorial. Now I sit here dwelling on what I want to talk about.

amonkie

I'm so glad you were able to surround her with love in her last moments - you seem at peace with her passing, and have support of those who love you

__________________
Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

Marvelous Marv

If you're like most people, you will have moments where your loss will catch up with you. Those fade away with time.

I don't want to say anything trite, so I'll just say we feel for you.

maleficent

Keep those images of your mom, in her karate uniform and canoeing, with you in your heart, that's the woman you'll remember forever...

I'm so glad that you spent some days on you... and it sounds like you had a lot of fun... which your mom woudl have wanted for you... Laughter and good times are a good thing...

Good thoughts and prayers with you and your family in the days and weeks ahead...

__________________

Gabbyness

Hey Pocon, we all appreciate the tremendous amount of heart you've put into these writings.

I hope everything is going as well as it possibly can in such a tough situation.

divagrrrl

Pocon, I have just read this thread after a long absence. I am so sorry for your loss. How you didn't fall apart is beyond me. How strong and loving you are.

You will be in my thoughts. {{HUG}}

lurkette

One of the things that occurred to me after my brother's death was how many other people have gone through a loss. How life goes on, and it's a blessing and a curse. Sometimes you can't understand how the world can keep turning without that person in it, and sometimes you need to know that everything keeps going and it'll all be okay.

The best advice I have to offer is to know that no matter what you are feeling, it is the right thing for you to be feeling. There's no such thing as "getting over it" but there's no timeline and no checklist for how to grieve. Take care of yourself the way your mom would want you to, and do the things you need to do for yourself and your family.

__________________
"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

quadro2000

I can't say anything that hasn't already been said. Only that if you need to talk about anything...we're here for you. Thanks so much for your posts.

__________________
You have to laugh at yourself...because you'd cry your eyes out if you didn't. - Emily Saliers

james t kirk

I am sorry for your loss.

As to what to say, I think you have already figured that out - the karate, the beach, canoeing....

james t kirk

Yes.

I think it's because you are exhausted in every sense of the word. So much to handle, so much to cope with. It's a long and protracted way to die. Not an easy death at all, if there is such a thing.

A couple of weeks after the fact, it hits you like a hammer. All the hoopla has gone, the friends and family are back to their routine, and you are left in the quietest moments by yourself with nothing but your thoughts. The memories flood your thoughts, the images of the past, the nightly dreams. The silence is the worst because inside your head, your thoughts are screaming.

All this and no-one around you even knows.

RMMsGirl

I am truly sorry that you and your family have to go through this. My heart goes out to you.

RCAlyra2004

Wow What am amazing thread. I have been there... where you are now. I cannot thank you enough for sharing. Your reaction was very similar to my own.

My condolences on your loss. You have an amazing ability to put into words the things that I could not bring my self to say.

Thanks again.

RCALYRA

__________________
Living on the edge of sanity

Johnny Pyro

This is the only thread that made me teary eyed. I can't help but think of my own mother. She and my two brothers are all the family I have. I'm truly sorry for your loss.

__________________
"From delusion lead me to truth, from darkness lead me to light, from death lead me to eternal life. - Sheriff John Wydell