f6twister

This is a plain and simple question for the TFP members:

Should a woman have a baby shower for every pregnancy or just for their first?

My wife is pregnant with our 2nd child. She feels as though women should get a shower for every child because it isn't about the gifts, but to celebrate the coming of a new life. Her mother thinks that it should only be for the first child (mainly because she only got one baby shower for two kids). She also feels that it comes across as simply begging for more gifts. I'm siding more with my wife. I would like to see our family and friends get together for a celebration, gifts or not. I would like to see what the members think.

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Grancey

I see nothing wrong with having a celebration for the second child. If this is seen as begging for gifts, you could always include "no gifts please" on the invitation.

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maleficent

You can have a party to welcome the new life into the world but a shower is generally given for the first baby only. I've never been to a shower for a second kid.

I'm agreeing with your mother in law, that it does come across as begging for more gifts... (showers make me crazy for that reason... It's all about the begging

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maleficent

According to the world of etiquette (which differs from my world)

Can a shower be given to celebrate a second baby -- or one even further down in the birth order?

Every pregnancy deserves to be toasted and cheered. But, since the true purpose of a baby shower is to help new parents acquire the gear and supplies they'll need, it's probably not necessary to give a traditional baby shower for parents who have a basement full of baby clothes and equipment. Instead, consider throwing a shower designed to make their lives easier when they've got a newborn and another child or two to juggle: a "stock the freezer" shower, for example, or a "Mom and Dad" shower, with gifts like their favorite movies on video or DVD or promises for baby-sitting services.

But -- under no circumstance are you to throw the shower- that's gift begging- -showers should be given by friends, not the parents -to- be.

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Sweetpea

Every birth deserves a shower . . . maybe not as extravagant as the first baby's shower . . . but certainly a shower.

It's a celebration, not about gifts. If people want to give a gift they can, but it's really about being joyous and joining together to welcome the new baby.

Sweet Pea

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MsNobody

I guess all these people that get married for the second time, shouldn't be having weddings, either.
Every child is a new and wonderful life, and should be treated as such. I don't think any mother is having a child, just to see what she can "rake in" from a baby shower.

Grasshopper Green

I chose other because sometimes parents have children many years apart...if my hubby and I ever have any more kids we won't have anything again, because we've handed a lot of our things down to family and friends who have had kids. I can see where people are coming from when they think of it as gift begging. If the babies are close together...I think a party is more appropriate. A party is great though, because I think a celebration of the new life is definitely appropriate.

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ngdawg

A shower is for getting ready for the family-to-be, so a second 'shower' is just a 'we can't use hand-me-downs, we're too snooty for that' show. Celebrate the new life in a unique, meaningful way that you can share with him/her as they grow.

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akito

I'm in the belief that it's acceptable (not required) to have a shower for each child that is born. To me it kinda seems like the first child is thus better than any other child to be born into the family. Each birth is a magical and wonderful thing, not just the first one.

No I dont have any kids of my own, again this is just a belief of mine.

Meditrina

I think there should be a shower, even if just a small one, for all pregnancies. It should be a celebration of a new life. and every baby needs new things when they come home, you know something that is theirs, not all should be hand-me-downs.

edited to add: not that hand me downs are bad, but a few new things is nice to have.

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Meditrina

I just wanted to add that my children are 5 1/2 years apart, and while not expecting another shower, my husbands loving family wanted to celebrate the coming a new baby and had a small party for me. Not a full blown shower with all the usual boring games and all that. It was just added on to the July 4th party they always have. It really meant alot to me, since everything was thrown out from my first child.

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Meditrina

I just wanted to add that my children are 5 1/2 years apart, and while not expecting another shower, my husbands loving family wanted to celebrate the coming a new baby and had a small party for me. Not a full blown shower with all the usual boring games and all that. It was just added on to the July 4th party they always have. It really meant alot to me, since everything was thrown out from my first child.

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ColonelSpecial

Maybe the word shower is wrong for the celebration of a second child. "Shower" denotes gift giving. Celebrating a birth, sans presents, can and should happen. If the people hosting/the mother to be aren't expecting presents, there shouldn't be any hurt feelings. At the very least, it gives people a chance to get together and have a fun time. We need more of that in the world.

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OFKU0

I think showers are stupid. I'm guessing 50% of women think so too, at least, unless you're the benefactor.

Weddings don't place that much higher. There is only so many ' me me me' days I can take in a lifetime. Funny how those days almost seem like a lifetime.

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quadro2000

I see no problem in having a shower for each child. My sister-in-law recently had one for her second baby. Having a child is a celebratory event; if you had a shower for the first, I don't see why there shouldn't be one for a second.

Initially, I also thought, "what more could she possibly need?" And then it was pointed out to me that since this baby is being born in a different month than the first one, she doesn't have seasonal clothes from the first that will fit the second. Plus, she can always use things like diapers, Pull-Ups, etc, or gift certificates to baby stores that she can use when the need arises.

I'm not one for making a HUGE deal out of these things, but I think the mom should feel as special as she did the first time. If having a shower accomplishes that, then so be it. I think your wife should have the shower. If she doesn't want gifts, she can simply say so.

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Cynthetiq

hmmm.. interesting responses.

Showers, only been to one of them, was a work thing...

But the same tokens, it's the same as when a friend moves from one house to another, there's some sort of housewarming, be it one of gifting or just one of having a keg of beer and trying to kill it.

I think that the gifting is whatever is appropriate for the time, meaning that if it's a second or third child and that child has different needs, then get what's appropriate to assist.

Personally, I don't like the whole gifting traditions as they are constructed, so I participate within them whenever I feel like it, much to the frustration of family and friends.

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jwoody

I've no idea what a baby shower is but I assumed it was a women only thing. Enlighten me, please.

Is it normal for men to attend?

Over here the men go out and get drunk (wetting the bairn's head) and the women... well, I don't know what women do, take turns holding the baby and talk in high pitched voices, I guess.

raeanna74

Maleficient had some good suggestions.

My sister-in-law had her own shower. She has more things that she ever uses. She has toys and baby supplies stacked in laundry baskets on top of laundry baskets in her livingroom and never uses half of them. In her case it was simply a desire for most stuff and was resented by the rest of the family (including her husband) as well as many friends.

I think it all depends on your attitude about it. Encourage your guests not to bring gifts but to bring casserole dishes and things you can stock your freezer with. Things to help you both after mom gets home from the hospital and is recovering. OR suggest that they donate to some cause that you both support. Or that they come for a "potluck" type of party. Dont' call it a shower and it won't seem so presumptuous.

Traditionally parents didn't receive showers for more than one child. Older folk and traditionalists would find it almost selfish to ask for a second one. But if you design your invitations to say something such as "We would like you to join in our celebration of the coming of our new baby and invite you to a potluck/party/grillout/etc. at our home. (no gifts necessary but we would like to stock up on casseroles and such for after the birth.)" Making the party seem like just that, a gathering of friends to celebrate, will soften it for the traditional folk.

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SaltPork

My wife's friends threw a shower for our second child. It was stated that gifts were optional and definitely not necessary. Even so, just about everyone brought a small gift. It was nice for everyone to show their support and friendship, it was not at all about gifts.

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Lead543

When I was born a baby shower was thrown for me and I'm the third child. But, my mom had also moved about 10 times by then, had no baby gear and was new in town. If you have a lot of "stuff" from the first child still just have a meet the baby event. Everyone wants to see a new baby and a lot of people don't get a chance to.

Oh and congratulations!

maleficent

Generally showers occur 1 -3 months before the baby is born... so it's not really about meeting the baby.

Personal Rant:
In the past month, I have received 3 bridal shower invitations, 2 baby shower invitations, and 2 wedding invites. All from people I may have said hello to i the workplace once. The baby showers are all second babies, I was not invited to the first baby shower. I barely know these people, in fact one of the wedding invites I had to ask someone else who this person was because I didn't know them. Showers -- called showers - and an excuse to get stuff from people. I have no intention of attending any of these events, but etiquette tells me I still should send a small gift with my regrets.

Wetting the babies head at the local pub is a nice tradition... getting crap from every woman you have ever met in your life is a tradition that needs to stop.

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Charlatan

Babies get all stinky if you don't shower them... I see no reason why the second baby should have get all smelly just because the first one used all the water...

What?

Oh... nevermind.

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akito

ROFL!

I know I already posted in this thread, but I'm making another response :P

I can agree with celebrating the child's life.. a shower (gift giving), I BELIEVE, is still a good thing. I know I would want a second child of mine growing up saying "You had a shower for him but not me?!"

/shrug

maleficent

it's not the parents who have the shower.. It's friends of the parents who have the shower for the mother. So the kid can take it's resentment to the family friends...

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feelgood

I'm only 21, I may not have a wife, girlfriend, or a kid.

From my experience with other family members, it seems that the ever evolving world of etiquette stated that the first child should have a baby shower, and that's it.

But nowaday, it looks like most women throw baby shower for every child.

I say go for it, have a baby shower. You should celebrate the coming of your child (My dad calls it the second coming of the devil) with your friends and family.

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f6twister

The age difference is something my wife was hoping someone would bring up. With the 2nd, our kids will be a little more than 1 1/2 years apart. We still have all of the toys and clothes that are no longer used in anticipation of additional children. What we don't have are clothes for a girl. We don't know for sure but are leaning towards that this one is a girl. Yeah, some of the clothes for our son will work for both genders but not very many. Is it wrong to hope for help with the stuff we could use like clothes, diapers (the 1st kid is obviously not wearing the same size), etc?

I like the idea of a stock the freezer party or something like that. That is one thing we really could have used with the first kid. I'll have to remember that one to use for our friends and family when they have kids.

As a side note, my wife and I are totally against throwing our own shower. That will never happen.

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Meditrina

I do not think it is wrong to hope for some help with stuff. Not only are my children 5 1/2 years apart, but first was a girl and second was a boy. We needed clothes in a bad way. I do not think the mother should throw her own shower either, but if someone wants to do it, why not? My 2nd shower was more like just a gathering, none of that typical shower stuff, and my husband's family planned it. They love to have a get together for any reason and celebrate family. Good luck to you!

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Tbird

I was always under the impression that as shower should be given for the first baby. I did not have a shower thrown for me for either of my pregnancies. My youngest is 5 and i am hoping to have a third one day, if someone throws me a shower then I sure wont complain! hehehe