bender

We all know one person or more that we have to work with, whom we would like to do unspeakable things to.
If you had one day to live the dream with zero cons' what would you say or do ?

SecretMethod70

How about my roommate? Frankly, I won't mention what I would like to do to him - many of the things would probably be terrorist keywords the government is searching for

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Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

bullgoose

I belive that the best philosophy towards that type of individual goes something like this: "If that asshole burst into flames, I wouldn't piss on him to put him out!"

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"If I had it to do all over,
I'd do it all over you."

tricks

heheh

My "who would you do" thread reply had two out of three co-workers on it.

#1. My supervisor. She's 12 years younger than me. We got in a waterfight at a Memorial Day cookout and she was my "human shield." She has a boyfriend.

#2. Not applicable as she doesn't work with me anymore. She wanted to get into somthing different and I found her a school.
I possibly had a shot but she had issues I didn't want to contribute to.

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People Are Stupid. People can be made to believe any lie, either
because they want it to be true or because they fear that it is.

Mango

Oh the unspeakable things I'd like to do with that cute CADD draftsperson chick we hired last year. She is about 5 feet tall, petite with nice big boobies. I'd like to bend her over and stuf every orifice she has.

bender

Okay so far we have two that think about violence and two that think about sex.

nowthen

Im confused....

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"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them."

George Bernard Shaw

BBtB

I am firmly in the unspeakable sex acts myself. I could name a dozen coworkers (and friends lol) who I would like a round or two with. But wont. Whats the point? (And btw my definition of a dozen is about 300)

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Meridae'n once played "death" at a game of chess that lasted for over two years. He finally beat death in a best 34 out of 67 match. At that time he could ask for any one thing and he could wish for the hope of all mankind... he looked death right in the eye and said ...

"I would like about three fiddy"

krwlz

I would say "Dave, SHut the Fuck Up You annoying fuck!! And by the fucking way...You are NOT MY BOSS, SO NEVER EVER TELL ME WHAT TO DO AGAIN!!!!!"

phredgreen

there is this one guy in the shop, i'll just call him ron, who needs to die. we're not talking a quick death, i want to see some suffering. i want to remove his vocal cords with a grapefruit spoon first and foremost so i never have to listen to his annoying nasal-ass voice tell another stupid, mindless, racist, bigoted, or otherwise offensive joke again. after that i'd put each of his fingers, one by one, into a hydraulic press and destroy them, followed by his feet. after that, i think i'd probably just dump him out into the desert and let him fend for himself... don't let anyone say i killed him... he just didn't fend for himself that well. what a shame, no?

and considering my ex isn't actually a co-worker, i'll leave her alone on this thread, but i've got even better plans for her...


none of this would ever happen, of course, but never let it be said that i don't have a vivid imagination.

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My country is the world, and my religion is to do good.
- Thomas Paine

lafemmefatale

there are some people...JUST piss the hell outta me...i'd like to sodomize them with a spikey dildo and then make them eat it...but more realistically [although it's still not probable]...it'd be great to just confront them with the fact that they're assholes...and perhaps make them cry...that'd be nice...

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-poor is the man whose pleasure depends on the permission of another-

snowace56

Theres this kid at my school. and i want to fuckin shoot him. he hit my car on purpose. and the only reason i didn't report it, is because my insurance would have gone up and there was no damage to my car. but his pos civic got dented. so instead ill be nice and just completely ceran wrap his car.

Meridae'n

I want to get a run-up and punch the 71 year old receptionist at work right in her ear. Fuck that would be funny...

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What's easier to believe: that a guy was born without sex in the manner of several Greek demigods and grew up to be able to transmute liquids and alter his body density yet couldn't escape government execution, or that three freemasons in a vehicle made with aluminum foil in an era before digital technology escaped our atmosphere, landing on the moon, broadcasted from there, and then flew back without burning up?

BBtB

Man everyone is thinking violence. Anger is cage man. Sex sets you free

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Meridae'n once played "death" at a game of chess that lasted for over two years. He finally beat death in a best 34 out of 67 match. At that time he could ask for any one thing and he could wish for the hope of all mankind... he looked death right in the eye and said ...

"I would like about three fiddy"

Lebell

A person's character is not measured by what they do when other's are watching, but rather, what they do when no one is watching.

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"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis

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Lebell

Philosophy and what I strive for being said,

I would take rusty needles and stick them in the eyes of the creep I have living above me and then I would take a turkey baster, fill it with sulfuric acid and inject it up his rectum while I used a nut cracker on his nuts.




Ok, I wouldn't really do all that but I like to think about it.

__________________
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis

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GoldenOuroboros

Note to self.. don't get on the bad side of Phred

Or Lebel for that matter!!!

Edit - Added the lebel bit

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Can you see me grin grin grrriiiiinnnning?!

Troublebot

As far as the anger goes, my boss is pretty stupid, but I'd leave him alone. I find it hard to penalize genuine stupidity.

Our bookeeper however, is another story altogether. I'm not a man of violence, but I'd like to drop this bigoted moron off in the inner city and kick him out of the car yelling, "Watch out for those negroes you're always talking about. You know what they're like!" Then watch him try and make his way home while crying and fearing for his little oh-so-white body.

As for the sex, we've had quite a few college girls in our office I'd like to do unspeakable things to. Sigh. Guess I'll just think on that the rest of the day.

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Howard Moon: The wind is my only friend.
Wind: [whistling] I hate you.

rockogre

I would ship my supervisor to Abidabi.

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Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,
Jesus Christ and the American G. I.
One died for your soul, the other for your freedom

Frowning Budah

I would think gloriously evil things to do and then do nothing cause my better side always wins out, damn it. Course isn't that the kind of person that goes beserk one day and kills every one? Maybe there is hope for me yet.

MSD

Well, I'll give one of each category.

One girl at school, I'd go into a room with her, a bucket o' fun, some leather restraints, and a whole lot of time. You can probably imagine the rest. I suppose some of the stuff we'd do could be considered violence, but not the malicious kind.

As for the other version of unspeakable things, I'd take my fromer district manager (John,) tie him to one of the satellite dishses that he yelled at me for not selling enough of with barbed wire. Then, I'd put bars under his elbows with his arms outstretched, and hang buckets from his fingertips. I'd slowly load thos buckets with cell phones that I didn't sell enough of, and take bets on whether his fingers would snap or his shoulders would dislocate first. After I collected the bet money, I'd get it changed to nickels, and set those aside.

I'd tape cell phones to each of his ears, set each one to the most obnoxious ringtone I could find, and set an autodialer to call each one every 30 seconds.

This next one requires some explaining. He once called my store manager, and instead of hanging up and making another call, told my manager to call another store manager and have him call John. I'd call another employee, who I'll call Steve, and have him call John, and tell John to kiss my ass.

A bit of PC board etching solution would take care of any further lectures on sales performance.

For the finale, I'd slice open his nutsack, tie a bucket to his testicles, and give him a little speech. "So, you got rid of me because my performance wasn't good enough? Well, In the time I worked here, I averaged $13 an hour. At 5.5% commission, that means I sold an average of $236.36 of merchandise per hour. It may not have seemed like much when you got rid of me, but it seems like a lot more when it's measured out in nickels and hanging from your nuts. Let's even it all out and put three nickels into the bucket per second for the next hour. You keep whatever goes into the bucket, and tell me when I've made the company enough money."

::Clink Clink Clink::

::Clink Clink Clink::

::Clink Clink Clink::

::Clink Clink Clink::

::Clink Clink Clink::

::Clink Clink Clink::

and so on ...

I feel much better now.

impirius7

.50 hollow points in the skull of every motherfucker i hate. hollow points for hollow minds. then i'd fuck my ex rotten.

LewisCouch

I would have loved to walk into my ex-bosses office while she was seated at her desk, climb on her desk, drop my pants, and leave a shit as nasty as a shit on a burning pile of tires.

Oh well, I had my chance...

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"The gift of liberty is like that of a horse, handsome, strong, and high-spirited. In some it arouses a wish to ride; in many others, on the contrary, it increases the desire to walk."

-- Massimo d'Azeglio

oneofmanymen

Yikes...I dont have anything violent that I would want to do to anyone at work currently...I do like it at my job quite alot....
but there are a few ladies that i wouldnt mind enjoying a bit...

hehehehe

oomm

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Everything works if you let it....

Charlatan

There was one particular boss I had that I used to visualize blowing her head off with a shotgun... always a fine red mist.

There was one woman in my office a few years ago that I would have loved to shag silly... She was saucy and hot. She moved to NYC to become an actress.

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"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

MacGnG

as mango stated: "I'd like to bend her over..." i'm sure most of us would enjoy that day