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MSD · 05-27-2003, 08:26 PM

Well, I'll give one of each category.

One girl at school, I'd go into a room with her, a bucket o' fun, some leather restraints, and a whole lot of time. You can probably imagine the rest. I suppose some of the stuff we'd do could be considered violence, but not the malicious kind.

As for the other version of unspeakable things, I'd take my fromer district manager (John,) tie him to one of the satellite dishses that he yelled at me for not selling enough of with barbed wire. Then, I'd put bars under his elbows with his arms outstretched, and hang buckets from his fingertips. I'd slowly load thos buckets with cell phones that I didn't sell enough of, and take bets on whether his fingers would snap or his shoulders would dislocate first. After I collected the bet money, I'd get it changed to nickels, and set those aside.

I'd tape cell phones to each of his ears, set each one to the most obnoxious ringtone I could find, and set an autodialer to call each one every 30 seconds.

This next one requires some explaining. He once called my store manager, and instead of hanging up and making another call, told my manager to call another store manager and have him call John. I'd call another employee, who I'll call Steve, and have him call John, and tell John to kiss my ass.

A bit of PC board etching solution would take care of any further lectures on sales performance.

For the finale, I'd slice open his nutsack, tie a bucket to his testicles, and give him a little speech. "So, you got rid of me because my performance wasn't good enough? Well, In the time I worked here, I averaged $13 an hour. At 5.5% commission, that means I sold an average of $236.36 of merchandise per hour. It may not have seemed like much when you got rid of me, but it seems like a lot more when it's measured out in nickels and hanging from your nuts. Let's even it all out and put three nickels into the bucket per second for the next hour. You keep whatever goes into the bucket, and tell me when I've made the company enough money."

::Clink Clink Clink::

::Clink Clink Clink::

::Clink Clink Clink::

::Clink Clink Clink::

::Clink Clink Clink::

::Clink Clink Clink::

and so on ...

I feel much better now.

05-27-2003, 08:26 PM	#21 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	Well, I'll give one of each category. One girl at school, I'd go into a room with her, a bucket o' fun, some leather restraints, and a whole lot of time. You can probably imagine the rest. I suppose some of the stuff we'd do could be considered violence, but not the malicious kind. As for the other version of unspeakable things, I'd take my fromer district manager (John,) tie him to one of the satellite dishses that he yelled at me for not selling enough of with barbed wire. Then, I'd put bars under his elbows with his arms outstretched, and hang buckets from his fingertips. I'd slowly load thos buckets with cell phones that I didn't sell enough of, and take bets on whether his fingers would snap or his shoulders would dislocate first. After I collected the bet money, I'd get it changed to nickels, and set those aside. I'd tape cell phones to each of his ears, set each one to the most obnoxious ringtone I could find, and set an autodialer to call each one every 30 seconds. This next one requires some explaining. He once called my store manager, and instead of hanging up and making another call, told my manager to call another store manager and have him call John. I'd call another employee, who I'll call Steve, and have him call John, and tell John to kiss my ass. A bit of PC board etching solution would take care of any further lectures on sales performance. For the finale, I'd slice open his nutsack, tie a bucket to his testicles, and give him a little speech. "So, you got rid of me because my performance wasn't good enough? Well, In the time I worked here, I averaged $13 an hour. At 5.5% commission, that means I sold an average of $236.36 of merchandise per hour. It may not have seemed like much when you got rid of me, but it seems like a lot more when it's measured out in nickels and hanging from your nuts. Let's even it all out and put three nickels into the bucket per second for the next hour. You keep whatever goes into the bucket, and tell me when I've made the company enough money." ::Clink Clink Clink:: ::Clink Clink Clink:: ::Clink Clink Clink:: ::Clink Clink Clink:: ::Clink Clink Clink:: ::Clink Clink Clink:: and so on ... I feel much better now.